38. Chapter 38

Chapter thirty-eight

"Chill and enjoy the ride."

G age was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Sydney put her hand on his back. "Are you okay?"

He glanced back at her. "Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

She yawned. "What time is it?"

"Six."

"Why are you up so early? We don't need to be at the office for three hours."

"I couldn't sleep. I'll go into the living room."

Sydney sat and laid her head against his back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"About whatever's bothering you."

He turned to her. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

"Gage. I'm awake now. What is it? If something is keeping you from sleeping, then I want to stay awake with you."

He smiled. "You do?"

"Yes. That's how these things work."

He reached for her hand. "I've never…I've never been in love. I'm a little foggy on the rules."

"Just tell me what's bothering you. Is it the mayor thing? Because I think you have that down. You were great last night."

"It's not the mayor thing."

"What then?"

"I'm feeling slightly terrified."

"About what?"

"You're going to think it's dumb."

"Gage. If it's a concern to you. Then it's not dumb."

He sighed. "I'm terrified of losing you."

Sydney put her arms around him. "Honey. You're not going to lose me. I'm the one who has been in love with you for three years, remember? Do you really think I'm going to walk away now that you finally feel the same way?"

"But what if…?"

"Not going to happen." She brushed some hair off his forehead. "Where's this coming from?"

"I've been slightly distracted by the whole mayor thing. But now that I've accepted my political fate, I realized how happy I've been with you. How happy you make me. How comfortable I am with you."

"Those are all good things. And I feel the same."

"I can't picture my life without you now."

She smiled. "Me either. Without you, that is."

He touched her face. "Doesn't that terrify you?"

"No." She cocked her head. "Okay. Maybe a little. But that's part of the deal. You have two choices in life. You love someone and are terrified and exhilarated at the same time. Or you go through life alone."

"So, Pax and Elaina. Remy and Bryn. Clem and Booker. Are you saying they're all terrified?"

"Yes. Your parents. Your grandparents. My parents. But you can't dwell on the possibility of losing them some day. If you did, you'd never want to get up in the morning."

"Wait. I wasn't even thinking about that. Oh, God. My grandparents have been married for sixty years. Someday… shit."

Sydney hugged him again. "Gage. It's okay."

"Is it, though?"

"Yes. Because as hard as that day will be. I guarantee you both of them would say they wouldn't give up those sixty years."

Gage blew out a breath. "Love is crazy, man."

She smiled. "Yes, it is." She put a hand on his cheek. "Will you come back to bed now?"

He nodded, then laid down beside her. "While we're being all deep and stuff, there's something else I should tell you."

"Okay."

"I hope this doesn't change how you feel about me."

"What is it, Gage?"

"I'm not sure how I feel about kids. Having them, that is. Would that be a deal breaker for you if I didn't want to have kids with you?"

Sydney was quiet for a moment. "No. I always thought I'd have kids someday. But being with you is more important than that."

"Wow. Now I'm going to feel guilty about taking that dream away from you."

She sat up. "Gage. You need to stop. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to spend sixty years with you, like your grandparents. If we have kids, that's great. If we don't, that's fine too. I'm really okay either way."

He rolled onto his side and looked at her. "Why did it take me three years to figure out how awesome you are?"

She smiled. "I am pretty awesome. Can we put this away for now?"

"Yes. Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Unless you have a better idea."

He pulled her in close. "I might." He kissed her. "Sixty more years, huh? I like the sound of that."

When Gage went to see Paxton in the afternoon, he found him behind the bar with Raphael in a carrier on his chest.

"Okay. That's a new one. And slightly inappropriate."

"I'm not open yet. Besides, I'm sure when Dad helped out at the bar back in his day, he had a baby or two with him from time to time."

Gage shook his head. "I can't really see that."

Paxton shrugged. "Me either."

Gage sat down. The baby was sound asleep. "How is he sleeping through you moving around?"

"The movement puts him to sleep." Paxton patted the baby's back. "Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah." He watched Paxton take a beer from the cooler and set it on the bar. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Don't you feel a crushing responsibility for him and Joaquin?"

"Yeah."

Gage shook his head. "So why do it?"

Paxton shook his head, then turned so Gage could see Raphael's face. "Look at this face." Gage nodded. "That's all it takes. One look at this face. It makes the crushing responsibility all worth it."

"Hmm."

"You should hold him. You'd get it, then."

Gage shook his head. "No. I'm not ready for that. I'll hold him when he's walking and talking."

Paxton laughed. "Man. You don't know what you're missing."

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"You'll find out. When you and Sydney have a kid. You'll see."

Gage took a drink of his beer. "Why do you think Syd and I are going to be together forever?"

"It's damn obvious. Please don't tell me you still don't see it."

"I do. I just didn't think everyone else did."

Elaina came into the room, and Paxton left the bar to meet her. He gave her a kiss, then she kissed Raphael.

"Did he sleep the whole time?"

"Yeah. He loves his dad."

"I love his dad, too. I'm afraid to move him."

"I'm going to have customers soon."

"Fine." She helped him out of the carrier and Raphael stayed asleep. "Phew. Made it." She kissed Paxton again. "I'll see you tonight."

"Love you."

Elaina left, and Paxton returned to the bar.

Gage looked at him. "Do you find being in love overwhelming?"

"No. Do you?"

"Kind of."

"You need to chill, man. Chill and enjoy the ride."

Gage got to his feet. "I need to go see Remy." He picked up his beer. "Thanks for the beer and the insight."

"Are you doing research?"

"Sort of." Gage left the bar and went into the kitchen.

Remington was at the grill. "Hey. Are you here to eat?"

"No." He drank some beer. "You and Bryn have basically been in love since high school, right?"

"With the exception of those five years we don't talk about. But actually, I was still in love with her through that, too. Why?"

"I'm having a little bit of trouble figuring out how it all works."

"Love?" Remington laughed. "There's no figuring it out. You just go with it."

"Go with it. That's your advice?"

"Are you asking for my advice?"

"I guess I am."

"Then yeah. That's it. You take whatever comes. Surprise baby and all."

"Okay. But I've never been a just go with it kind of guy."

Remington looked at him. "You love Sydney, right?"

"Yes."

"Then that's all that really matters. Everything else is just stuff you deal with as it comes up."

"How come everyone knows I'm in love with Sydney? We just started dating."

"It's obvious, man."

Gage dropped his empty bottle in a trash can. "Alright."

"Alright? Are you sure? You still look confused."

"I need to go see Clem."

"She's probably still in town. She and Booker were just here for lunch."

"Okay. I'll see you later."

Gage left the restaurant and walked down the street to the sheriff's office. When he went inside, Maya gave him a smile.

"Gage. How are you adjusting?"

"To what?"

"Being mayor."

"Oh. Fine. It's fine."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Is Clem here?"

"She's in with the chief."

Gage went to Booker's office and knocked on the door. Clementine opened it. "Oh, hey. What are you doing here?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Without my husband again?"

"Um…yeah." He looked at Booker. "Sorry."

Booker laughed. "No problem."

Clementine followed Gage out of the office, and they went outside. "The gazebo?"

"Sure."

They walked to the park and sat on a bench under the gazebo. Clementine smiled. "Let me guess. You're running for president now."

"I need a woman's point of view."

"Okay. You know you work with a woman. And you're dating a woman. And I'm pretty sure you're in love with a woman."

Gage turned to her. "Will you stop, please?"

"Sorry. What's up?"

"Does love…terrify you?"

She laughed. "No. Love is wonderful. Why would it terrify me?" She cocked her head. "Does it terrify you?"

"A little bit, yeah."

Clementine took his hand. "It's not terror you're feeling, it's overwhelming awe."

"How do you figure?"

"You're happy, right? You can't wait to spend time alone with Sydney. You think about her when you're not with her. You want to ravish her at times when it'd be really inappropriate to do so. But thinking about it drives you crazy."

"Um…"

"Maybe that last part is just me. Anyway. You're in love. Embrace it. Don't try to analyze it. Don't dissect how it feels. Love the fact you're in love and she loves you back."

Gage kissed Clementine on the cheek, then got to his feet. "I need to go."

"You're going to leave me here?"

"Booker is right down the street. Think about ravishing him on the walk back."

She smiled. "I just might do that."

Gage shook his head. "Sometimes, I worry about you."

"I'm fine. I love being in love. You should try it."

"I'll see you around, sis."

Gage headed back for the office. When he heard a horn toot, he recognized Cooper's truck. He went to the curb as Cooper pulled over and rolled down the window.

Cooper smiled. "Where are you rushing off to?"

"I'm not rushing."

"What's up?"

Gage rested his arms on the window. "You're in love, right?"

"Um…"

"Right. Of course you're in love. How does it make you feel?"

"Good." Cooper raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm just trying to figure things out. But I think I have."

"Do you want my take on love?"

"Sure. Lay it on me."

Cooper turned in the seat. "I never thought much about it. I was happy with the status quo. Casual dating. No commitments. It was all good. I didn't leave any broken hearts behind. And mine remained intact."

Gage glanced down the street.

"Am I keeping you, man?"

"No. Please. Go on."

"Then I met Lyric and the boys. Love hit me like a damn brick to the head." He grinned. "In a good way. If you love Sydney, which is kind of obvious that you do, then don't be all Gage about it." Gage cocked his head, and Cooper laughed. "Don't try and figure out the why and the how and the what comes next. Just enjoy the hell out of it."

Gage nodded. "You're right. I've been looking at it like a problem to be solved."

"Exactly. Don't do that."

Gage straightened up and pushed away from the truck. "Thanks, brother."

"Get out of here and go tell her how you feel." Cooper pulled back onto the street, then gave Gage a wave as he drove off.

Gage continued to the office and found Lily talking to Sydney. She smiled at him. "Hi."

"Hi, Lily."

Sydney looked at him. "Lily wants to advertise the upcoming book fair."

"Oh. Great." He tried to convey to her he needed to talk to her. "I'll ah…be in my office. Come see me when you're finished." He nodded at Lily, then went to his office. He paced around. He finally got it. Maybe. "Damn." Why did someone have to be here? He paced around for a moment, then sat. That didn't work, and he got up and paced some more.

When Sydney finally came in, he sighed. "That took long enough."

"It's been five minutes. What's up with you?"

He took a breath, then walked over to her. "I just spent the last thirty minutes talking to my siblings. Not all of them. Just four of them. But it was a pretty representative focus group."

Sydney laughed. "Gage. What's going on?"

He took her in his arms. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"No. I mean, I really love you. And I'm not terrified anymore."

"That's good."

"I know. It's really good." He smiled. "Damn good." He pulled her in for a kiss, then looked at her and nodded. "I'm going to take Clem's advice."

"Which is?"

"Lock the door."

"Excuse me?"

"Go lock the front door."

Sydney stepped away from him and left to lock the door, then she returned. "Why did I lock the door?"

He nodded toward his office door. "Lock that one, too. Just to be safe."

"What's going on?"

"We aren't going to think about having sex in an inappropriate place. We're going to actually do it."

"We are?"

"Yes." He took her in his arms and kissed her, then lifted her up and set her on the desk.

She put her arms around his neck. "We're going to have sex on this priceless antique desk?"

"Yes. I'm the editor. I can have sex on my desk if I want to."

She nodded. "It is a pretty sturdy desk." She ran a hand over the oak surface. "Do you suppose any other editor has had sex on this desk?"

Gage pulled back and looked at her. "Do you really want to think about that?"

"No." She laughed. "Can we pretend we're Lois Lane and Superman?"

"That's way too much pressure. Big shoes to fill. He's the man of steel. He can move faster than a speeding bullet."

"He's probably not any good in bed."

"How do you figure? Is it the speed thing?"

Sydney grabbed the front of Gage's shirt and pulled him close. "Are we going to talk about Superman? Or are we going to have inappropriate sex?"

"Um…the latter."