Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ROWAN

My sister Holly is standing in the doorway, gaping at me. Harry is next to her with a flashlight that he obviously doesn’t need in the bright room, only he’s holding it by the base like a weapon. To be fair, I’m pretty sure it’s my Maglite from home, and if you bashed someone over the head with it hard enough, it would absolutely do damage.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” I ask in bafflement. I’d expected it to be one of the guys coming to check out the noise.

“What are you doing without a shirt on?” Holly asks archly, her eyebrows rising as she looks behind me at Kennedy. I hadn’t even realized I’d stepped in front of her, which was sort of pointless since I’m the half-naked one. “Ah,” Holly adds. “Eeenteresting.”

“It’s not what it looks like,” I say, which we all probably know isn’t true. “Kennedy and I thought we’d go for a swim, but the Labelles must have drained the pool before they left. We heard someone coming, so we ducked into the changing room because we didn’t want her to get caught.”

“Get caught doing nothing?” Holly says, lifting her eyebrows. I don’t care for the amount of insinuation she’s pouring into her voice.

“Maybe she was worried about getting caught out of bed,” Harry says, giving Kennedy a look that’s part worried, part pissed. “Because she’s supposed to have aggressive food poisoning.”

“Yeah, thank you for that,” Kennedy says as she steps out from behind me. “All the guys seemed to think I was having non-stop diarrhea, and it’s obvious they’re making it a plot point for the show.”

“Was that not a good idea?” Harry asks, flustered. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You didn’t like it when someone thought you had an upset stomach,” Kennedy says significantly.

I have no fucking clue what she’s talking about, but he clearly does, because his cheeks turn pink. “Yes, well, but I did have an upset stomach. Yours was just pretend.” She doesn’t respond to this with anything more than a look, but he bunches his lips to the side and says, “Yes, I see your point.”

There’s a lull in the conversation, and Holly doesn’t miss the opportunity to step in. “Do you realize how worried we’ve been, you prick?” she asks me. “You went off grid after telling us Jay had a heart attack. You should have checked your phone.”

“It’s been a hell of a day,” I concede. “How’d you find me?”

Holly shrugs. “I tracked your phone. I’d apologize for turning on your find my friends app—”

“You did what?”

“—but I’m not actually sorry,” she continues as if I hadn't spoken. “I did it after you went off hiking that one time and didn’t come back until after dark. You need to call our sisters. They’re all worried.”

Of course they are. A feeling of dread courses over me, but I don’t need to tell them what Jay told me. Not yet. I don’t want to believe it, but somewhere inside, I know it’s true. I guess maybe he did too because he was always taking me places when I was a kid—bringing me hiking or to the river to fish. He hung out with the other kids too, but it felt like our bond was special…until it didn’t.

“Yeah, okay,” I say. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Who, you and Harry?” Holly asks, but the hint of slyness on her face tells me she knows exactly who I’m talking about.

“Me and Kennedy, smartass.”

“Sure,” she says, waving at the changing room door. “Your love nest awaits.”

“Maybe you guys could wait outside that door,” I say with a gesture to the door on the other side of the pool room.

She rolls her eyes, then says, “Don’t even think of trying to escape through the window.” Like me and the rest of the delinquents who grew up here, she did the Labelle Pool Challenge too.

“I won’t, but Nana did,” I say, because it’s at least a little funny.

Her eyes narrow. “I’m going to want to hear everything about that…in a minute.”

Harry gives us a jaunty wave, Maglite in hand, then follows Holly from the room, leaving me and Kennedy alone together. They shut the door behind them to give us some privacy. I still don’t have a shirt on, and although I’m not particularly self-conscious about it, I know it’s cold outside. It’s always chillier at night and in the morning in the mountains, and tonight it’s dipped into the thirties. So I grab one of the big towels from the floor to wrap around myself.

“Make sure it’s not the spider one,” Kennedy says.

When I look at her, she’s giving me a sad smile. Something like regret blossoms in my chest because our night was cut short, and the next time we see each other, I’m going to have to pretend I don’t give a shit about her, other than as the star of this ill-thought-out show. I don’t like that. I like it even less that she’s here at my grandmother’s mercy, when it’s obvious Nana has none. She’s messing around with the male contestants, throwing around promises and favors like she’s some sort of magnate.

The sooner the show is shut down, the better.

And yet…Kennedy’s so passionate about her work, so sweet and driven and genuine. I don’t want her mission to promote Leto’s Hands to fail—I just want my grandmother to.

“I thought you liked men who attract spiders,” I tell Kennedy, smiling slightly. Maybe I’m trying to bring some lightness back to us.

“You were going to push me away before they got here,” Kennedy says, giving me a lofty look that’s all princess. Her hair is mussed and her lips are swollen from my kisses, which only make her more appealing. I want to sweep her away from here, to claim her as my own—which is such a stupid thought it sends fear pumping through my veins.

I’ve seen where that kind of thing leads, and I want no part of it.

Jay must have been infatuated with my mother when he cheated with her. I was born of such an infatuation.

“I was,” I admit staunchly. I wrap the towel around my shoulders because I don’t want to have this conversation half naked. “You know this can’t lead anywhere, Kennedy. You’re here to find someone rich ,” I say, referring to the title of the show. “I don’t know how to break it to you, Princess, but I’m just this side of broke. You’re going to have to pick another horse to ride. Although after what we just heard, I’m hoping you throw off my grandmother’s boy toy at the first opportunity.”

She looks at me with the contempt I absolutely deserve. “So that’s how it’s going to be, huh? You’re pushing me away.”

“I…” But the words dry up because I don’t really have any.

“Go, then. Go if you want to.”

“It’s not that I want to, Kennedy,” I say, reaching out to touch her arm. I’m not sure why I’m objecting. She’s giving me the dismissal I need. Maybe it’s because I can still taste her on my lips and my balls are telling me that I’m going to be feeling an ache for her all fucking night. Touching her arm was a mistake, though, because I can instantly feel an electric pull to touch her more.

“So what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Today was a mindfuck.”

“Seeing your stepfather like that.” She nods. “It’s not the first time I’ve seen someone have a heart attack.”

Her words surprise me. “Really?”

“Olive’s grandmother. She came over to help with us one day, and…” She swallows, her elegant throat contracting with it. “She didn’t make it.”

“Christ,” I say, rubbing my hand up and down her arm. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I’d wondered if today was the first time…”

“No, but it’s not the kind of thing that gets easy.” She touches my hand, still on her arm. “It’s okay, Rowan. I wish things were different, that we’d met some other way, like you said, but you’re right. This could never work. We were crazy for letting ourselves believe otherwise.”

It’s what I thought I wanted her to say, but suddenly I don’t want to hear it. Maybe that’s why I blurt out, “Jay told me something at the hospital.”

“Oh?” she says, perking up.

“He…he says he’s my father.” Her expression is confused, so I add. “My actual father. I guess he had an affair with my mother while she was married to the man who I thought was my father.”

Her gasp is so sweet, so concerned for me, that I nearly buckle on the spot and kiss her. I want to swallow that gasp. I want to take a piece of her away with me, like a thief in the night. “Oh, Rowan. I’m so sorry…except…maybe this is a good thing.”

At this, my face slips into a scowl. “I don’t see how it could be a fucking good thing.”

“Well…” She tightens her grip on my hand, spreading the electric feeling, and then says, “You told me your father wasn’t a nice man. That he left you. You seem to think a lot of Jay. Maybe this means…”

“ Thought a lot of him,” I say harshly, not entirely sure I mean the reversion to past tense. “He messed around with a married woman. He suspected I was his son for years and did jack shit about it. The only reason he knows now is because my mother finally confirmed it.” More bitterness slips into my voice as I add, “To him, mind you, not to me. And she only told him because she wanted to reveal the truth on this show. She figured it was her big chance to get some airtime.”

She releases my hand, and I’m seriously getting weak for this woman, because I’m sorry for it. Her hand lifts to her throat. “I’m so sorry, Rowan. Oh my God. I can’t even…”

“It’s not going to happen,” I say. “He refused her. But he figured he should tell me, especially since….”

To my horror, I feel heat gathering behind my eyes. I haven’t cried since I was a kid…since the day my dad left and told me I’d need to be a man and take care of my little sister, Willow, because he wasn’t going to be around anymore. Now I’m on the verge of tears for a different father. Seeing him collapse like that earlier…I thought he was gone. I thought I’d have to call Ivy with different news. I thought I’d have to say goodbye to the one parental figure who’d meant a damn thing to me. But the day had shaped up so differently. It had hollowed me out in a different way.

I hear again what Kennedy just said— maybe this is a good thing. But she only thinks that because she’s sweet and innocent.

Then, to my surprise, she’s wrapping her arms around me, the towel crinkling between us. “Oh, Rowan,” she says into my ear, and in that moment, with the two of us wrapped together, I can’t imagine giving her up.

The door opens.

“Chop, chop,” Holly calls out from beyond the opening. “This is your thirty-second warning.”

Kennedy’s arms drop. The moment ends. I shore my emotions up, back into the deep pit where I usually keep them. “Thanks for the distraction, Princess,” I say, lifting a hand and chucking her chin. “I won’t be forgetting it anytime soon.”

“Neither will I,” she says, staring into my eyes. “Talk to Zach about this…he’ll understand.”

My brow furrows. “What? You want me to tell your brother—”

“No. Not about us. About your dad. He’s been through something similar.”

I know he was disowned by his father. Everyone and their dog knows, but no one knows why. I nod, although I don’t have any intention of bringing it up. For one thing, I’m not so sure I could look him in the face right now, knowing he’d want to smash mine in if he had any idea what I’d done with his sister. For another, that’s a man’s private business, isn’t it? I wouldn’t much like it if he asked me about mine.

Still, she’s waiting for a response, so I give a nod.

“You’re not going to do it,” she says, smiling slightly.

“We’ll see.”

“I know that means no. You come and see me again, all right?”

“Okay,” I say, even though I don’t mean that either. The look on her face, sad but knowing, suggests she’s well aware of that. I guess she can read me like a book. That’s part of why I need to stay away. I already feel a deep-seated need to claim her for myself—and, worse, to let her stake a claim on me. I’ve never let anyone do that before, and I’m determined not to start making bad—or worse—decisions now. I’ll be Cupid only in name, not in action. “Let me see you to your room.”

“That’s okay,” she says with a thread of sadness in her voice. “I know the way, and you already dealt with the spiderweb. It’s probably best if you all just leave.”

I know she’s right. After all, my grandmother and Jonah are creeping around somewhere on the grounds, but I don’t like the thought of leaving her.

The door opens again and Holly calls out, “Time’s up.”

Kennedy starts to walk toward the exit, and I follow. “I’m going to go back up to my room,” she tells them.

“I can—”

“Alone,” she says. “I’ll be fine.”

“Here,” Harry offers from the open doorway. He takes several steps forward, Maglite extended. “Take this. It can double as a weapon if one of the guys sees you and tries to get fresh.”

The thought of this possibility, however unlikely, makes me want to growl, but Kennedy just takes the light and thanks him.

“I wish you’d let me take you up there,” I repeat.

“I think you need to go,” she tells me. It’s said firmly, like she won’t be allowing any arguments. “You need to talk to your family now.”

She’s right.

I take her hand and squeeze it, resisting the temptation to kiss it, to kiss her mouth one last time so I have some sweetness to carry away with me. Then Harry hugs her, and he and I both turn to leave, joining Holly at the door. Holly waves in at Kennedy, “Bye, Kennedy! Merry almost Christmas! Harry told me all about the Christmas tree outing.”

I scowl at Harry, who shrugs but looks a little shame-faced. “She needed to know for context. Since I was a first-hand witness of what happened with Jay.”

“I’m so glad you were there with them,” Holly says firmly to Kennedy. “These jackasses need all the help they can get.” Then she grabs the end of my towel and leads me along. After she and Harry get me to the back exit and we step out into the cold, she gives me a level look and says, “Lucy, you have some ’splainin’ to do.”

Do I ever.