Chapter 33

33

I t was all she could do not to scream to him and beg him not to leave or to plead with him to take her with him. He’d no sooner closed the door of the cottage than the tears flowed. She sobbed loud and long, helpless to stop their flow once they began.

Soon, they ebbed away and left her hiccupping and out of breath. Sitting up, she gathered her clothes and put them on. She stood and entered the main room of the cottage. A low fire burned in the hearth and a pot sat off to one side of the grate over it. Wrapping the edge of her skirt around its handle, she lifted it up and sniffed. Betony tea—almost a full pot and freshly made from the smell of it.

Pouring some into a mug, she sat at the table and held it in her hands, waiting for it to cool. She spotted a flask of the tonic her mother made for her—the one that helped her throw off the stupor after a healing. Sitting there, holding the warm metal mug, she realized that Douglas’s love-making had worked better than any tonic she’d ever used before. Although parts of her felt sore and well-loved, her body felt alive and something else... full of... what did he call it?

Energy! Full of energy. Like the sensations she felt whenever he touched her skin to skin. Tingling and pulsing still moved through her. She would remember and treasure this feeling forever. She feared that it would never come to her again.

She sipped the tea and looked around the room. It felt empty, without him there. Just as she felt. Would this feeling ever pass?

Sighing, she looked out the window and saw the full moon above, shining wide beams of light down on her world. Soon the solstice would begin and, if her mother was right, the powers controlling the arch would allow Douglas passage back to his own time.

She would like to be with him at the arch, but didn’t have the strength to watch him leave her behind. She feared that she would give up all—her family, her gift, her clan— and try to follow him through the arch. ’Twas that fear that kept her prisoner in her cottage while the moon rose and the solstice approached.

After finishing her tea, she covered the flask her mother had left for her and began to return it to the cupboard when she noticed all her jars and boxes were on the worktable. Looking overhead, she saw that all the herbs were gone. Opening some of the jars and drawers, she found her supplies had been replenished. Then she spotted the satchel that Douglas used to carry his surgical tools. Opening it, she found all the tools cleaned and wrapped and marked with the codes they had picked out to tell them apart without handling them—to prevent the spread of germs, he’d explained to her.

“He did it while ye slept, lass.”

She turned and faced her father as he closed the door behind himself.

“Douglas?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Aye, Douglas. He sat at yer side as ye slept.”

“The whole time I was asleep?”

“Well, no’ the entire time. He did eat and sleep some himself,” her father said, laughing.

“From the looks of my supplies, he did more than eat and sleep. All the herbs are ground and stored.”

“He wanted to keep busy.” Her father stood at the hearth and rubbed his hands together over it. “He waited for ye to wake, hoping ye would afore he left.”

She watched him from her seat at the table. Her father was taking this all too calmly. For a man who would scare off those young men or boys who tried to steal a kiss from her, this was all too strange.

“Da? Ye seem to be taking this better than I would hiv expected of ye.”

Her father laughed long and deep. Soon he walked over to her and stood before her. Opening his arms to her, she took refuge in the one embrace that had always been there for her.

“Douglas said the same thing to me just afore ye woke,” he said, smoothing her hair down.

“And that is funny?” she mumbled against his chest.

“No. What is funny is yer reaction. Did ye want me to pound him into the dirt for loving ye?”

She pulled back to see if he was teasing her, but his face was serious now. “No....”

“Did ye want to throw him out while ye slept?”

“No....”

“Then what is it ye think I should hiv done?”

“I expected that ye would yell and threaten and carry on, like any other insulted faither would.”

“Let me ask ye something, Cait,” he began. A flash of pain sliced through her as he used the name Douglas used when they made love. Cait.

“If I haid kept ye from him and refused him permission to be here, would it hiv stopped ye from being wi’ him?”

Feeling a bit guilty in knowing that nothing would have kept her from Douglas, she hesitated.

“Well? My stubborn lassie, I ken ye. Nothing would hiv stood between ye and him. No amount of warnings or threats would hiv worked. So why should I make this more difficult than it already is?”

“Because yer my faither and that’s what faithers do?”

He laughed again but only for a moment. Hugging her tightly and then loosening his hold, he went on. “Do ye regret what haes happened between ye and him?”

“No, Da.”

“Would ye hiv regrets if ye haid slept through his leaving?”

“Aye, I would hiv.”

“I’ve lived wi’ regrets, Cait. Regret burns a hole in yer heart and soul that never heals. ’Tis better to hiv loved him when ye could than to regret no’ doing so for the rest of yer life.”

Tears threatened again and she blinked to clear them away. When had her father become so wise? She rested her head on his chest and tried to control herself. She had no regrets about loving Douglas but would the heartache of not having him ever go away?

“Dinna fret, Cait. Yer heart will heal in time.”

She looked at him. He must be picking up some of her mother’s skills at reading thoughts. Mayhap that happened when two people lived together as long as her parents had?

“Ye canna be rested after the healing. Ye should go back to sleep.” He released her from his arms.

“I dinna think I could sleep right now.”

“Well, I am ready for it. I will see ye in the morning?”

“Will ye no’ wait for Mam?”

“I learned long ago no’ to worry when she is about in the night. She’ll return when ’tis time for her to do so and no’ a moment before. Good night, lass.” He kissed her on the cheek and walked into his chamber.

Sitting back down at her worktable, she waited to hear his snoring begin. It didn’t. Her father didn’t sleep so soundly as he’d have her believe until her mother was home with him.

She sipped the tea, realizing that Douglas had made it for her while she slept. They could have had a life as simple and as content as her parents if he could have stayed with her. That thought struck her from out of nowhere.

Douglas had been there, tending to her supplies, preparing their tools for the next time they’d be needed, watching over her. She would have been happy to live that kind of life with him. But would he? He was from the future, when people did not ride horses, they drove cars. When doctors used gadgets and tek-knoll-o-gee to treat people in need. And when men stayed with women as they labored to give birth to their bairns.

Just thinking about Douglas being at her side as she birthed their babe sent shivers through her. How many things would be done differently if he was here to show the way of it? Could he be happy living in a time that was so primitive to the one he lived in?

Well, sitting around moping was not going to change her future. Douglas was on his way back to his time and, sooner or later, she would have to move on with her own life. But for tonight she would take her time to mourn all the things that would not be.

How would he live with this huge weight on his heart and soul? Douglas paused outside the cottage and listened to the muted sobs coming from inside. He’d thought she was awake but didn’t want to see that look of sadness and longing in her eyes. He knew it was in his own eyes, but seeing it in hers would tear him apart.

He kicked several stones on the ground in front of him and took a deep breath. At least he’d been able to see and talk with her before he left for home. Douglas wasn’t sure if making love again had been the right thing to do. He chuckled to himself—as if he could have refused her? And, did he want to?

The sobs subsided a bit, so he turned to leave. Pulling his jacket tighter around him and zippering it up, he lifted the collar around his neck to block some of the frigid air. The weather was taking a turn for the worse, as Caitlin told him it did in the dark of winter, as she called it. Soon snow would fall and pile in deep drifts throughout the village. If it was deemed dangerous enough, the young and old of the clan would gather in the castle for safety and companionship.

The clan took care of its own.

Well, if he was going, he’d better leave. Douglas forced one foot in front of the other again and again until Caitlin’s cottage was behind him. Walking had never been a conscious act before, but then he’d never left someone like her before.

The wind howled through the trees and around him as he made his way through the village. He passed the smithy and heard Pol’s deep voice from inside. He recognized the other voice as Ramsey’s and smiled. Further down the path he paused in front of Aindreas and Beitris’s small cottage. Light flickered under the door and the whimpering of a small baby drifted to him on the wind. Soon it was joined by a soft, lilting voice that sang of sleeping and quiet. Douglas smiled, so glad that he could be part of something that ended in happiness and rejoicing.

Turning and taking a path away from the main gate, Douglas decided to think about all the things he missed from his own time. Surely it would help him look forward to returning home.

Hot showers. Standing in the stall until the water ran cold. Feeling the invigorating steam around him and feeling so clean and refreshed.

Coffee. Brewing a pot so dark and rich that the smell alone was satisfying. Savoring the strong flavor on his tongue before swallowing it.

His family. His parents, his brother and sister. Separated at times by continents or oceans, they were his link and security. They kept his feet on the ground and the glitter out of his eyes when his career made everything else disappear.

Medicine. Saving lives and making a difference in the quality of life of his patients. Money enough to do as he pleased in his free time. Prestige....

No, that wasn’t right. Thinking it over, he realized that the money and prestige were what made him lose touch with himself and why he’d originally entered medicine.

Douglas turned off the path and headed for the abandoned section of the keep wall. Even with the full moon, it was slow going through the thick trees and bushes. A few more minutes of creeping through the underbrush and he entered the clearing he’d found those weeks before.

The scene was surreal—bright beams of moonlight shone over the arch’s curve, throwing shadows and light onto the ground around it. The wind ceased and an eerie quiet descended on him as he stared at the portal that would take him home. He tried to get his bearings; the archway in his time would be in an open field and not near the castle at all .

He stopped a short distance away from it and stared at it. It looked simply like a stone arch, not a gateway through time. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume that’s all it was, an arch built of boulders, nothing more.

“The stonecutter should hiv kept a better watch on his son. The boy kenned no better and brought the sacred stones here. They’d been placed in the archway afore I could do anything about it.” Moira’s voice came to him from the darkness. Then he saw her, walking up to the arch from the one side.

“Where did they come from?” He remembered only bit and pieces of the old legends.

“There’s a stone circle out in the forest. ’Twas made long, long ago by the Druids who worshipped here.” She rested her hand on the stones. “Their power haesna been diminished by their place in this archway. Do ye feel it?”

He shook his head. He didn’t feel anything.

“Come closer, touch them,” she directed.

Douglas held back. A feeling of nervousness pervaded him.

“So much like yer maither, ye are! She kept her distance after her trip here, too.”

“My mom?”

“She and yer da tried to return through the arch afore their task was complete. The power wi’in it made her ill. She kept her distance after that.”

“You mean it doesn’t always work?”

“’Tis controlled by the Fates. Ye canna pass through until and unless they decide yer ready.”

Just then a burst of light filled the sky above and Douglas looked up. A shooting star careened through the night and passed in front of the full moon. He shook from the inside out as he experienced that same terror as the night he’d traveled back. He tried to breathe; he struggled against the paralysis that immobilized him. Sweat trickled down his face and neck in spite of the freezing temperatures.

And then it was gone and he took in big gulps of air. Bending over, he held his head and waited for the panic to pass. A few minutes later, he stood up. Moira stood by the arch, her hand gliding lightly over the stones. Her eyes seemed to glow as she looked at him, or through him.

“The time is right and yer destiny is here, Douglas. Are ye ready?”

He stood where he was and looked at the arch. A buzzing noise grew around him and heat emanated from the arch itself. He’d waited for this time for months—surviving in this primitive time and place until the gateway through time was working again. Douglas forced his feet to take the steps toward the archway.

Standing before it, he hesitated. Finally he was going home. Douglas waited for the joy and relief to begin. He would see his family again, he could return to his life and his job. He would go back to everything that was familiar and live out his life as he’d intended. His success in medicine and his plans for his practice and his new house could proceed—he was going home.

“Well?” Moira called to him. “Why do ye hesitate? The solstice has begun; the full moon has reached its pinnacle. The power is here. Now is the time to cross through.”

The wind started blowing again, buffeting his back with its force as though it was trying to move him through the archway. He fought to stay in his place and not move toward the stone structure. He looked at Moira and suddenly realized why he hesitated.

“I don’t want to go back.”

The buzzing sound grew louder and blocked the words Moira spoke next. She stepped closer and called to him again.

“Now, Douglas. Ye must go now.”

He turned away from the arch and yelled again. “I don’t want to go back.”

Moira came and placed her hand on his arm. His skin tingled under her hand—the pulsations traveled right through the layers of clothes.

“I ken ye dinna want to leave Caitlin, but it is time.”

He looked at her face—she did glow with some other paranormal energy that he could not explain. The power that controlled the arch now controlled her. She was the guardian .

He knew it was time to go and he pivoted around again to walk through the archway. Then he stopped. It was more than not wanting to go home. He couldn’t go.

In spite of being born in the twentieth century, he had been conceived here in this time and place. His soul started here and this would be the only home for him. The love his parents had found in this time had created him. He would not be at home unless he was here, in this place, at this time.

Going back was not the answer. Every fiber of his being screamed at him not to step through the arch. He had to stay—that was his destiny. He knew it with such clarity that he laughed out loud.

“I am not going back, Moira. This is where and when I belong.”

All the hesitations and doubts disappeared as he finally accepted what part of him had known all along. He was here because this is where he belonged. His life in the future was just preparation for this experience, for this existence. All that came before didn’t matter—he was here and would stay here for the rest of his life.

“Yer parents and family await ye on the other side of the arch, Douglas. Go now.” Moira pointed at the still-buzzing structure.

Pol’s words came back to him. Only love was stronger than fate. That was the truth he sought and used now. His love for Caitlin would help him defy fate’s plan to return him to the future.

“No!” he shouted as loud as he could into the wind and the roar of the arch. “I love her and I’m staying here with her.”