Chapter 30

30

T he rest of the morning passed slowly; Douglas alternated between sitting with Caitlin and grinding, sifting and sorting herbs. He stopped for another round of oatcakes for lunch, this time with some hard cheese and ale. The afternoon was showing every sign of passing as slowly as the morning when the door to the cottage opened.

“Moira,” he said without looking from his seat at the worktable. “I expected you back for a noon meal. Did my oatcakes frighten you off?”

“’Twasn’t yer oatcakes, Douglas.”

And it wasn’t Moira. Douglas spun on his seat to face Craig who stood across the small cottage from him.

“I came to see Caitlin. Haes she roused yet?” Craig loosened his cloak and pulled it from his shoulders. Without hesitation, he walked back over to the door and hung it on one of the pegs. He obviously knew his way around here.

“No, she still sleeps.” Douglas glanced toward the alcove where Caitlin lay sleeping.

Craig walked past him and into the next room. Trying to be nonchalant, Douglas followed Craig’s movements without turning his head. Craig crouched down next to Caitlin and touched her cheek. Then he smoothed her hair away from her face and stood. After watching her for several minutes, he came back into the main room.

“Haes she been like this since the bairn was born yesterday?” Obviously he’d heard the news and the story behind it .

“Moira tells me this is the way of it.”

“’Tis the first time ye’ve seen her do this?” Craig asked.

“She healed a broken bone, but didn’t use herself up like this.” He gestured to where Caitlin slept.

“Used herself up is a good way of saying how the healing affects her. I worry for her when ’tis something more difficult like this time.”

Douglas could hear the sincere concern in Craig’s voice. Maybe Caitlin would be okay with him after all. But there was still the issue of what happened in the woods the night he’d arrived.

Gazing directly at him, Douglas decided to ask. “Why did you stand and watch that night Caitlin was attacked?”

Craig blanched at the accusation leveled at him and looked away. He took a deep breath and looked back at Douglas.

“I was watching her that night. She’d told me no’ to follow her but I thought it would be a chance to get her alone.”

“For what?” Douglas asked, although he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

Craig’s gaze met his momentarily, then the man focused on something across the room. “To try to convince her to marry me. ’Twas damn difficult to talk privately wi’ her faither always nearby.”

Douglas laughed—he knew the feeling himself. Pol could be quite intimidating.

“So I followed but I lost sight of her when she turned off the path unexpectedly. By the time I’d caught up wi’ her, the MacArthurs had taken her.”

“And you did nothing?” He couldn’t believe Craig would stand by and watch her be kidnapped... or worse.

“For God’s sake, I panicked! I’ve never been in a real battle and never faced three warriors to my one. I hesitated, God forgive me.” Craig hung his head in shame. “I thought to challenge them and didn’t. I thought about going for help but there wasna time. I did no’ ken what to do.”

“And?” Douglas wanted to know the whole story.

“I heard and saw ye come crashing through the trees,” he added dejectedly. “I did no’ ken who ye were, whether ye were wi’ them or against them. So, after ye’d finished wi’ two of them, I crept up behind ye and tried to hear yer words.”

“I was no danger to Caitlin. Why did you strike me from behind?”

“By then I heard some of the MacKendimens coming up behind me and I needed to do something....”

“So that they would not know you panicked?”

“Aye.”

As much as he disliked hearing it, Douglas found the whole story very believable and sincere. The young heir of the clan was under much pressure to perform in battle. Fortunately for the clan, he’d not had the opportunity to be tested in that way since their part of the Highlands had existed in relative peace for years.

“And Caitlin knew this?”

“Aye. I came here when ye were still unconscious and told her. I thought everything would be the same between us. But it wasna.” He gave Douglas a disgruntled look. It didn’t take much to decipher that one.

“Me?”

“Ye. She fell in love wi’ ye even while I tried to convince her we could still be married.”

“Do you still want to marry her? Could you love her?” He might as well get this straightened out. Maybe he could go home easier if he knew she would be taken care of.

“I would marry her but I dinna think she will hiv me as a husband.”

“Do you love her?” He had to know how it would be for Caitlin even if the thought of another man loving her tore at his insides.

“I hiv always cared for her and I still do.”

“Even knowing that we have been lovers?”

Craig shifted on his feet and took a few steps toward the alcove where he could see Caitlin. “Aye, even knowing that ye had her first,” he whispered. “I ken that she will be a faithful wife and I willna worry about what came afore.”

“Will she be accepted as your wife? ”

Craig returned to face him. “Caitlin is esteemed by the clan for her gift. We all ken what the price is to her each time she uses it to benefit someone. As my wife, she will be accepted in all ways.”

That was what he needed to hear. Craig would not hold against her what they had shared. She would take her place as the next lady of the clan and the clan valued her for the gift she had and used on their behalf. She would not be alone. She would have the husband and the blue-eyed, black-haired daughter Moira saw being born in one of her visions.

A lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything else. Douglas stood and went to the hearth, trying to appear busy by moving pots around on the metal grate. He heard Craig walk over to the door. He cleared his throat and looked at the other man.

“I leave Dunnedin tomorrow night or the next day.”

“Then I should thank ye now for what ye did. My arm feels better already.” Craig lifted and rotated his injured arm in a circle. “Ye are verra skilled at caring for wounds. Robert speaks of nothing else but yer own gift for treating the wounded and ill.”

“You are welcome. I ask only one thing in return.”

Craig looked at him, waiting to hear his price.

“Love her well.”

“I will. If she’ll hiv me, that is,” Craig answered, his voice husky with the same emotion Douglas could feel in his own voice: love for Caitlin.

“You’ll have to handle that yourself, Craig.”

“She haes a way of making her own decisions about things, Douglas. I am no’ certain she’ll accept my offer.”

“You might want to give her some time after I leave before you ask her.”

Nodding, Craig held out his hand to Douglas. Douglas accepted it. Caitlin would do well with this man.

“Did ye note that she didna heal either one of us when we needed it?” Craig asked as he threw his cloak over his shoulders.

Laughing, Douglas realized he was correct “I wonder why that was?”

“I heard her muttering something about ‘pigheaded, stupid men’ under her breath as ye cut the arrow out of my arm. Do ye think she meant just me or both of us?”

Douglas clapped him on the back. “I’m afraid she was talking about both of us.”

Craig walked to the door, but paused with his hand on the wooden bar.

“One question.” He nodded and Craig continued. “Why did ye let me win?”

“Who said I let you win?” All his pain and the time spent away from Caitlin would be for naught if Craig thought he’d let him win.

“Dinna insult me, Douglas. Just answer my question... why?”

“I think you know the answer, Craig.”

“Caitlin?”

Douglas just nodded. Craig paused for a moment and then pulled the door open. “’Tis sorry I am that ye willna be here for a proper challenge.” And with that implied threat, Craig leaned down and ran out into the cold winds that swirled outside.

Douglas poured himself another cup from the pot on the hearth and put it on the worktable. He spent a few minutes clearing up the work he’d begun before Craig’s arrival and then went in to sit with Caitlin again.

She had rolled to her other side but was still curled up tightly with her arms crossed over her belly. He adjusted the covers and replaced the pillow under her head, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. He brought the brazier closer and placed another peat chunk into it to make it warmer in her area of the cottage.

Her color was still ghastly, so he checked her pulse again. It was still erratic but gaining strength. Her breathing grew stronger, too. How long could she stay in this coma-like state?

In spite of Moira’s words, he wanted to see her to say a last good-bye. He believed that a clean break was necessary. He didn’t want to be plagued with thoughts of what he should’ve said or could’ve said in the years to come. Living without her would be difficult enough.

Unfortunately, it would not be his decision. Her recovery from using her own energy to heal Beitris had wiped her out. She had taken almost two days to recover from his own healing. At that rate, she would awaken the day after he left.

She must have known. She must have known that she would miss his departure when she used her gift on Beitris. But wasn’t that just like her? Always putting others first, always using her gift when needed. Never thinking about her own needs or desires. That was one of the reasons he loved her.

He would spend the night here again and hope against hope that she would wake in time. Tomorrow he would clear out of his chamber in the castle and say his farewells to Robert and Anice and a few others. He would be back here before dark and wait for the time when the fullness of the moon met the winter solstice. Then he would go home.

Without his heart.

Without his soul.

Without Caitlin.