Chapter 27

Marie's heart clenched in her chest as she looked at the list that lay in front of her on her desk. In all her years of being a matchmaker, she had never thought that she would be compiling a list for herself. She had spent many sleepless nights going over lists she had made with the information that Janey had provided for her.

Janey would collect the gossip on everyone's lives, and Marie would fact-check and decide who would bring out the best in each other. The system had been perfect until it wasn't.

The list of several names along with columns of good attributes and bad ones stared back at her like an ominous dagger. The list, in her mind at least, presented her with the very real possibility of ruin or happiness.

Is that what everyone else felt when I pushed them into seemingly impossible matches?

The final name on the list had been underlined with a giant question mark beside his name.

Dominic Harding?

Was he truly the best person for her? All of her years of expertise and experience didn't seem to help at all when it came to her own heart.

As if he had been summoned, the door to her shop swung open, revealing the dashing figure of the Duke.

"Dominic," Marie swallowed hard after uttering his name and stood. She knew that he would eventually make an appearance, yet she had hoped for more time.

"Do you have an answer for me?" He raised an eyebrow in question, making her heart clench once again.

I think I'm falling in love with him.

Marie suddenly realized how dangerously close she was to being in love with the man who had been asking for her hand in marriage. He was all she thought about, even more than her business. His name was in her mind when she opened her eyes in the morning and when she closed them to sleep at night.

"Dominic… I…" Her voice trailed off as her throat suddenly felt dry. It was now or never, yet she couldn't bring herself to utter the words in her heart.

Coming over to the table, Dominic stood across from her in exactly the same position as the day they had met. "Well?" he waited expectantly, his eyes shimmering with hope.

"I wanted to ask you first what your plans for the future were." She finally found her voice again despite the fact that her hands were trembling. Why did having this conversation with him feel as if every shred of happiness depended upon his answer?

Dominic's brows creased into a frown. "You know what my plans are, Marie. I want to marry you. You will never want for anything, and you can decide if you want to keep on working as a matchmaker, or if you'd rather live the leisurely life of a lady. The world will be at your feet." He spoke with such passion and resolve that Marie believed every word he was saying.

"I do not doubt the fact that you will look after me, Dominic; what I am asking you is what your plans are beyond giving me all the material wealth in the world?" Her heart sank a little when his frown deepened.

"I don't understand; what more could you want other than being at my side with all the comforts that life has to offer?" He straightened a little, taking his hands off of the desk.

"Love, Dominic. I want to know if you think you can love me in the future, if not now." Her bravery took her by surprise as soon as the words were out, causing her heart to race along with her pulse.

The moment seemed to linger forever as Dominic opened and closed his mouth, seemingly dumbfounded by her question.

"You know that I find love a foolish notion that only hinders a fondness for someone else. Why do my affections need to be defined by one simple word? You know I care for you; I would not have done everything I did if I did not care for your well-being," he said.

"But that is not the same as love." Marie felt his admission piercing her heart.

He doesn't love me.

The Duke swallowed hard as he took another step back, his head tilted ever so slightly to the side as he searched her face. "I don't understand. How can all of that not be enough?"

"Because affection is not the same as love. Love has to do with sacrifice and putting the other person's desires before your own. Love is giving up on your previous notions and beliefs, all in the name of making the other person happy." Her voice was soft as hot tears stung her eyes.

Realization seemed to dawn on his face as Dominic took up a defensive stance and pointed to the floor beneath his feet as he stood his ground. "I will not go back on my word, not for you or anyone else. The world is far too cruel of a place to raise children. I will not bring a child into this world knowing that there is every possibility of them going through the pain that I had to experience as a child!" he raised his voice a little as tears filled his eyes for the very first time since Marie had known him.

He's hurting.

"There are many nasty and even cruel things in this world, Dominic. I know the pain you experienced as a child; I had to watch my parents die from a long illness. But there are so many good things in this world as well. What about all the good a child can do if they are raised in a world filled with love? Does one terrible experience erase all the love that your mother undoubtedly bestowed upon you?" She remained calm, hoping to make him see reason or even consider the fact that the world didn't have to be a terrible place for a child.

"You do not know what I had to endure while I kept watch over my parent's bodies! All the love in the world had come to nothing as my mother lay there with her eyes open. She stared at me for two days! Two days where I had to wonder what I could have done differently to save them!" A single tear fell down his cheek before he hurried wiped it away and blinked back the rest.

"She gave her life for you, Dominic. You were just a child; there was nothing you could have done to prevent that accident from happening. You would have needed a miracle to stop the storm from ever happening in the first place," she lowered her voice, seeing the pain that swam in his eyes. "Your mother gave her life so that you could live yours. Don't allow the fear from that day to keep you from enjoying her gift."

Dominic swallowed hard and lowered his voice. "I cannot give you children, Marie; I will not go back on my decision. And I am sorry if believing in love is something that you need, but I cannot stand here and say that I love you. I care for you more than I have ever cared for anyone else in my life, but I do not believe in love."

The aching feeling of numbness in her chest prevented the tears in her eyes from spilling over. "I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me, Dominic; truly, I am grateful. I will never forget your kindness or the many moments we have shared."

His expression changed as panic filled his eyes. His mouth fell open as if he wanted to protest, but Marie made her way around the desk and kissed him on the cheek. Gently touching his arm, she looked him in the eyes.

"I'm afraid that I cannot accept your proposal, Your Grace. My time with you has taught me that I not only believe in love but that I yearn for it. I want to marry, and if I cannot have children, then I at least want love. If there must be a choice, then I want one or the other but having neither seems to be a decision that I cannot live with." She gave his arm a gentle squeeze before stepping back.

The look of shock that marred his handsome features was just as painful to her as the ache in her chest.

"Very well, I respect your decision. I wish you well in all your future endeavors, Miss Webster. You need not worry, the shop will remain yours, and you shall not have to pay any rent. I'm not sure if you are aware of it, but I saw fit to purchase the house in which you and your grandmother are residing. You may consider that house yours for life." Dominic searched her face one final time before turning and heading out of the door.

Sinking to her knees, Marie grasped her waist, feeling the pain slice through her body like a knife through butter. She had wanted to make it work, to hear him say that he loved her, and at least then she could have accepted a match without children.

"Oh, my dear, what has happened?" Elaine came rushing from the back of the shop and sank to her knees beside Marie, drawing her into a warm embrace.

"He's gone, Grandmamma. He said that he couldn't love me and that we wouldn't be having children either." The tears flowed freely now as she lay her head against her grandmother's shoulder.

Elaine began to rock her back and forth, gently pushing back her hair as Marie sobbed. "I know how badly this must hurt, my darling; I wish I could take the pain away from you. We are unfortunate creatures that are given to great pain when we fall in love."

Marie let go of her grandmother and rested with her legs folded beneath her after wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands. "I think I was falling in love with him. I didn't realize it before, but I think I had been for a very long time. And to make matters worse, I think I could have been terribly happy with him. Yet he does not love me."

Elaine's lips spread into a sad smile as she gave her granddaughter a sympathetic smile. "I think he does love you, my dearest. I think he loves you very much."

"Then why can't he say it?" Marie sniffed and swallowed hard, feeling as if she didn't possess the strength to carry on.

"Because he does not know it. His picture of love is vastly different from yours. He has more than likely shown you by now that he would do anything for you. His pain keeps him from admitting to himself what love is, yet his actions have proved that he can love."

Taking a deep breath, Marie tried to regain her composure. Nothing seemed fair. She wanted to believe with all her heart that her grandmother was right. She wanted to believe that Dominic loved her, yet she couldn't bring herself to let go of her own belief that love needed to be confessed.

The Duke often spoke what was on his mind therefore it was reasonable for her to assume that he did not love her at all.

"Was there something you needed, Grandmamma?" She swallowed the rest of her feelings and attempted a smile. There was no use in crying when there was still so much for her to do.

Elaine sighed heavily. "I came to fetch you; Janey isn't doing any better. I think we had better send for a doctor. I've tried my best to nurse her back to health, yet she keeps on regressing. Her fever hasn't broken since last night, and she hardly gets any rest even with all the tonics I keep giving her."

Marie scratched her head as she lapsed back into planning. "All right, I will go and fetch the doctor myself; you had better get back home and see that she stays in bed. It's this business with the shop that keeps her mind busy all the time." She pushed herself up and stood before helping her grandmother to her feet.

Sighing heavily again, Elaine lifted her hand and patted Marie on the cheek. "You've always been a planner, Marie. Even when your parents died, you instantly sprang into action, helping me arrange the funerals and making sure that I was looked after. I've always been proud of you for that. But please, do not bury your emotions in a pile of planning. Pain has this nasty habit of demanding to be felt. If you truly believe that you could have loved the Duke and that your heart is broken, then give yourself time to grieve."

The memories of her parents' passing came back to her. Her grandmother had cried so much that Marie had feared she'd lose her, too. It was then that she had come up with the idea to chase a better life for them both. She had started planning and never stopped. Her days were filled with plans to fix the future, plans to give them security, and she never failed to come up with a solution whenever the situation called for one.

Marie placed her hand over her grandmother's and leaned into the warmth of her skin with her cheek. "Thank you, Grandmamma; I promise to take a moment to breathe later, but right now, I have to worry about Janey. She has been loyal to me for so long. I can't just let her be ill without raising a finger to help her."

A soft smile curved her grandmother's lips. "Your heart is far bigger than anyone else's, my Marie, and if the Duke cannot see that, then he is indeed a fool that doesn't deserve you."

"Thank you, but I am afraid that the matter is settled. I saw the look of determination in his eyes. He does not love me." Marie recalled the flash of honesty she had seen in his eyes as he had made his speech. He didn't love her. And that was final.

"That just proves that I am right. He is a fool. You are worth all the love in the world, Marie Webster. Your parents knew that when you were born, I knew it then and still believe it. Your love will come; I feel deep within my bones. A face as beautiful and heart as pure as yours will eventually find love."

Her heart ached despite her determination to push the hurt aside. No matter how hard she tried to focus her mind on something else, she still felt the sting of rejection.

Why can't he love me?