3

Britta

Not Quite a Year Ago…

Weddings give me the ick. Especially when I’m a bridesmaid. Nothing tells a friend I love them like squeezing into a dress I’ll only wear one time just to send said friend off to a future with a man who we all hope won’t drop her on her butt when he tires of her.

Too cynical? Yeah, probably.

But this last year has all but eviscerated my faith in men. If it weren’t for Felicity’s fiancé Alden—or A.J. as we all refer to him—I’d have given up on them completely. He’s just about the only smoking hot guy who hasn’t given me a reason to want to rip his eyeballs out.

Yet.

Lights twinkle overhead in the cozy sitting room at Skylow, A.J.’s family’s resort in Lake Tahoe. The two lovebirds opted for a more intimate ceremony with just family and close friends, while the reception will host at least three hundred people. I’m amazed at how easily we were able to transform this small rustic space into something resembling a glam ballroom in just three days. But it’s beautiful. Just like my best friend.

I sigh, gripping the tender stems of my bouquet a little tighter as Liss says her vows with such devotion. It’s staggering, the total confidence Liss must have in A.J., to be able to pledge her entire life to him. Is he really worthy of her unwavering devotion? Is any man?

My frown deepens when I realize how quickly my view of men has spiraled. Especially while A.J. gazes at his bride like he’s never seen anything more captivating. I mean, I was the one who encouraged Liss to go after her man when A.J. came into the picture. Vivian and I were their relationship’s biggest cheerleaders, and now the two of them are about to embark on their happily ever after.

Which is so great for them.

It’s just that when I tried to apply the same advice to my own lackluster love life, I came up empty. Every. Single. Time. And not just empty, but scoured, scalded, and gutted. By guys who barely deserved an hour of my time, let alone a second date. I never realized that until much later, however.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that the dating scene in this day and age is horrendous .

Nay, hopeless .

But if I know one thing it’s that Liss is more than deserving of being loved by the one good guy in California. At least, I hope and pray he’s truly good to her. From everything I’ve seen, he is, especially to sweet little Lyric, but… things can always change. And usually, by the time they do, it’s too late to make a clean getaway. Bleeding romantic hearts always seem to fall faster than feet can run.

Learned that the hard way. More times than I can count over the last almost two years. First Bruce, then… he who shall not be named . Then a string of other losers who aren’t even worth mentioning.

I fight to keep my gaze trained on the swooning couple in front of me and not the guy I fell for in a matter of minutes. The one I still find it hard to be around, even after all this time.

Thus, the reason I brought Todd along as my date for this wedding. He’s attractive with his brown hair, light eyes, and slightly muscular frame, but just boring enough to never be an actual contender for my heart.

He’s safe. Nice. Fine .

It’s not that I’m against guys like him. I mean, if watching videos about how tennis shoes are made for two hours straight is someone’s thing, more power to them. Just don’t ask me to sit there and pretend to be interested when I’d much rather watch a pretty shade of paint dry.

Todd’s well aware that I’m not interested in him in a romantic sense, but he continues to place himself in my orbit. When he heard through the grapevine that I was attending my best friends’ wedding, he immediately volunteered to be my date. And I didn’t have the heart to say no.

Truthfully, I was grateful because I didn’t want to come alone.

As much as I love Liss and that she’s found love, her day of romantic bliss is a searing reminder that I am thirty-two years old and just as single as ever. Not only am I nowhere near having a day like this myself, I’ve come to accept that it may never happen at all.

I’ll likely end up alone with my cat, Sage, and have the neighbor kids all refer to me as the crazy lady who treats her cat like a baby. I mean, it’s true, sometimes I do dress her up in cute little outfits, but…that mental image isn’t exactly flattering.

Guess if that’s my lot in life, I’ll need to learn to be okay with that. But right now, I’m just…not.

I’m angry at how hard it’s been for me to find a good man. Maybe even a little bitter…which has sparked my recent desire to embrace my I’ve kissed bad boys goodbye era , complete with a man-hating attitude and my personality-free date. Can’t even say I feel bad about it. At least when the ceremony is over, Viv and I will be able to shake what our mamas gave us on the dance floor, even if Todd doesn’t like to dance.

There’s just one glaring problem with my carefully constructed plan to protect my heart at this shindig—Alden’s best man: Cash McBryar. Also known as my perfectly muscled, gloriously tattooed Mystery Midnight Make Out Partner from almost two years ago.

And there I go…staring at him yet again. Uh, why does he have to be standing across the aisle from me, directly in my line of sight? Every time he pops into my head, my traitorous eyes jump his direction. If Todd looks nice in his tux, Cash looks positively wicked . His long hair is pulled back in a sleek low bun, his tan hands folded in front of him. As if he senses me watching him, his dark gaze skips to mine.

I stiffen, lift my chin, and force my attention back to the happy couple instead.

The worst part is that the current version of him is even more alluring than my memory of him. It’s foolish, really, the way I fantasized about him waltzing into my life to rescue me from all the bad dates I endured after meeting him.

We only spent a few minutes together. Just seconds suspended in our own little world where we pretended to know each other way better than we did. But those shared moments made a lasting impact on me. Starting with the way he saved me from embarrassment, to how he defended me and even walked me to my car...it all stuck.

Then kissing Cash awakened a need so deep inside, I physically ached watching him ride away on his motorcycle.

Despite the connection I thought we’d shared, he walked away with zero intentions to ever pursue me. A normal person would’ve chalked up the wild encounter to a sacrificial act of a Good Samaritan and then promptly forgotten all about him.

But not me.

No, my whimsical, hopeful heart clung to the interaction as if Fate herself handed Cash to me on a silver platter. I tried for weeks to find him on social media. The internet wasn’t much better. Without a last name, searching for a guy named Cash was pointless.

Then when he made an appearance as Alden’s right-hand man, I about fell down dead with shock. After so many months of wondering who he was…where he was…It all shattered the moment he stretched out his hand to introduce himself.

As if he’d never met me before.

At first, I thought he pretended ignorance while our friends were around because he was embarrassed about how we originally met. It’s no secret that I was bigger back then, heavier, struggling to lose weight because of my unknown (at the time) condition. Maybe he was afraid to bring it up because kissing and ditching a chubby girl isn’t exactly bragworthy. But as time went on, the truth became clear, and with it, my confidence died a swift death.

Cash didn’t remember me. Or the kisses we’d shared.

I’ve never told Liss—or anyone else, not even my brothers—about our connection. I was too mortified after realizing he didn’t remember me. It hurts to know that I’m so forgettable, so dismissible . Then again, it only confirms what I already knew about myself—I only attract good-looking guys with bad intentions, weirdos, or duds. Not that Todd is a complete dud. But we don’t share any of the same interests and there’s just no…spark.

Not that anything has compared to the spark that flared to life when Cash’s lips met mine. But while he may have helped me save my last shred of pride in front of that loser, Bruce, he also kissed and ran. The least he could’ve done was ask for my number, then proceed to ghost me like a normal jerk.

But no. None of that happened. And none of the fanciful daydreams that I built around my one-time rescuer will ever come true. Because I’m forgettable .

Liss finishes her vows with an “I do,” reminding me I should be focusing on how happy I am for my friend instead of mentally wading through the dumpster that is my love life.

The preacher announces the bride and groom’s nuptials are complete, then tells A.J. to kiss his bride. The obviously smitten man wastes no time taking Liss in his arms and bending her backward as an audible “yuck” echoes through the room.

All eyes go to the junior-maid-of-honor. Lyric covers her face with both hands, and a low hum of laughter rumbles through the attendees.

A.J. shakes his head and murmurs something to Liss just before lowering his mouth to hers. Shouts and catcalls, my own included, ring out as the couple kisses gives us a show. When A.J. finally rights Liss, he lifts their joined hands in the air and shouts, “Bliss Beaumont is in the house!”

Even I can’t quell my laughter as Liss’s cheeks redden. A.J. scoops her into his arms, bridal style, then marches toward the foyer while an upbeat love song ushers them out. Lyric follows suit, hanging on the arm of A.J.’s nephew, Eli, then I step forward next and reach for Cash’s arm without even attempting eye contact.

Maybe it’s my imagination, but it feels as if his muscles tighten under my grip. I try to keep my fingers relaxed. Poised. Proper. But every single feminine fiber in my being tells me to dig my fingers into his bicep. Can’t quite tell if it’s due to cuteness aggression or my lingering irritation over being forgotten.

Either way, I fight against the urge with all I’ve got.

It doesn’t help that his cologne smells the exact same as it did the night we met. It’s some nefarious mixture of leather, beachy night air, and bad decisions. Probably aptly named Bad Boy Biker from the Beach. Because of course Cash rides a chrome beast of a motorcycle that makes him a thousand times hotter.

I hate that the more I find out about him the more attractive he becomes. Usually, the more I get to know a guy, the less I want to know. I’m convinced I’m having the opposite reaction with Cash because we kissed. There’s an attachment there—an emotional and physical reaction. It’s not my fault the man’s kisses marked my lips permanently like one of his many tattoos.

As soon as we step into the foyer, where A.J. and Liss are closely huddled together, I release his arm and flex my hand. My fingers are suddenly crampy and stiff from not being able to fulfill their most base desires. Cash’s brother-in-law, Mark, files in behind us with Vivian and I turn toward her with a smile.

“Such a beautiful ceremony.”

“Wasn’t it, though?” Vivian detaches herself from Mark and presses a hand to her chest. “Made me all teary-eyed.”

I swallow and force a smile. Sure, my eyes got a bit misty a few times during the ceremony, but less from happiness and more from despair. It doesn’t help when Viv says, “I’m hoping Stewart will be so overcome with emotion from watching these two that he’ll pop the question himself.” Her eyes take on a glazed appearance as she stares off into the distance.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit premature?” I ask. She and Stewart, Liss’s ex co-worker, have only been seeing each other for four months. I guess Stewart’s short-lived relationship with Liss’s ex-assistant didn’t work out, but he seems enamored with Viv. I’m happy for them both, but still…it’s only been four months.

“Maybe.” Viv twines one of her dangling blonde curls around her finger. “But a woman over forty can dream, can’t she?”

“Of course you can.” I offer her a strained smile, only for her brows to bunch together.

“Honey, are you feeling okay? How is your energy level?”

God bless my sweet friend. She knows that due to my thyroid disorder, I sometimes get worn out easily. And it has been a whirlwind of a week, but that’s not why I’m so off kilter.

Before I can respond, a masculine throat clears behind me. “The bride wants me to inform you two that it’s time for pictures.” I twist around to see Cash’s tight-lipped smile.

When I peek past him, I notice A.J., Liss, Lyric, and Mark are already heading down the corridor toward where our fur shawls are waiting for us.

“Right,” Viv says. “Let’s go.”

Cash hangs back, as if waiting for me to go ahead of him. I ignore the pinpricks of awareness that race down my spine at the knowledge that he’s got an up-close view of a lot of skin thanks to my bridesmaid dress. Liss chose a deep purple, open-back dress for each of us to wear. It’s gorgeous, but also a tad more revealing than what I’d prefer.

My good sense scolds me for even caring. I doubt he’s looking at me. Why would he if we don’t share a mutual attraction?

“You know,” Viv says, glancing at me over her shoulder, “Todd looks good in a suit. Never thought I’d say this, but I think I’m beginning to see the appeal.”

A sliver of guilt picks at me. Poor Todd. Never once did I even think to glance at him in the crowd during the ceremony. He said he understood when I explained to him earlier that I’d need to be present for pictures, but it still feels a bit like I’m abandoning him. “I already told you, Viv. We’re just friends.”

“Friends don’t look at friends the way that guy looks at you.” Cash’s deep voice coming from so close behind me brings a new kind of awareness stealing over my skin. But his matter-of-fact statement rankles. Why is it any of his business how Todd looks at me?

“See?” Viv cuts in, turning toward Cash as we continue walking. “That’s what I’ve been telling her. She says they’re just friends and that she’s not attracted to him, but I think there’s something there.” My friend wiggles her eyebrows.

“He knows how I feel about him.” I cross my arms and tuck the bouquet close to my side. “There are no false pretenses between us.” As soon as the words are out, I regret them. Every bit of that statement sounded like an accusation directed straight at Cash, from my tone of voice to the emphasis I put on the word us . He doesn’t seem to notice, though, which irritates me even more.

How many women has this man been with that the single hottest kiss of my life isn’t even memorable for him?

Viv cocks an eyebrow before facing forward again, dropping the subject as we reach the foyer.

Dark brown faux fur shawls line the coat rack, along with Liss’s blush pink one. A.J. grabs it and drapes it over her shoulders while placing a kiss to her cheek. They’re so smitten it’s almost hard to look at them. But their obvious adoration for one another will make for some beautiful wedding photos.

They’ve got some amazing shots planned. Ones with them on the ski lift together—the place they first met— and ones with all of us standing in front of snow-dusted pines, even one with A.J. on his snowboard, carrying Liss bridal style. I can’t wait to see them all developed once I’m over my anti-love and dating era.

Viv grabs Lyric’s shawl and clasps it under her chin while I fasten mine in place. Liss comes over to tuck one of Lyric’s curls back into her updo, then smiles at Viv and me. “Thank you, guys, for bearing with us. I know it’s going to be cold, but hopefully these furs will help.”

Viv tugs her into a hug. “Are you kidding? These pictures are going to be stunning!”

A.J.’s parents file into the foyer, along with his sister, Jen. It saddens me to think that Liss has no family to take pictures with, other than Viv, Lyric, and me. Shame fills me at the way I’ve been mentally bemoaning Cash’s existence when I should have been focusing on being present for my friend.

“Vivian’s right,” I say, reaching out to squeeze her arm. “These pictures are going to be beautiful. If freezing my butt off in the snow is what it takes to make your wedding dreams come true, so be it.”

Liss laughs just before A.J. and Cash appear at our sides. “Ready?” A.J. asks, eyes drinking in his new wife.

“When you are.”

The entire party follows them outside, where the photographer leads us to a secluded, scenic outdoor area full of sparkling snow. “Let’s get pictures with the wedding party first,” the photographer says. “Then we’ll do family, then the couple alone. Sound good?”

Murmurs of agreement hum throughout our small crowd, and the photographer begins giving out orders. “Okay, bride and groom here,” she says, adjusting Liss and A.J. “The rest of you file in behind them.” We obey as she continues. “Okay, ladies on the left, men on the right.”

Viv, Lyric, and I all take Liss’s left side while Cash, Mark, and Eli all form a neat line on A.J.’s right. The photographer snaps a few shots before standing back to look at us.

“Okay, let’s readjust. I want each couple who walked down the aisle together to stand side by side.”

Like there’s some sort of invisible thread tied between our eyes, my and Cash’s gazes collide. I quickly look toward the ground while he shuffles my way.

The photographer raises her voice again. “Okay, now guys, rest a hand on your partner’s waist.”

I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself for Cash’s touch. But as soon as his fingers graze my side, I realize with great disappointment that no amount of mental preparation could have prepared me for how his touch—his warmth —affects me.