15

Cash

“That’s good, Margot,” I call to one of the girls in the program when she slides up and over the ramp without a hitch. “Next time, let’s see if we can work on getting some air under those wheels.”

The kid beams as she skates off to her next lineup. A.J. and I put both our groups together today to work on some fundamentals. He’s done most of the training while I’ve tried to stay positive and encouraging. Which isn’t always easy when you’re in charge of a few rebellious teenage boys. But I get it. Heck, I was one of them once. The only difference was that I had a dad who invested in me. According to Kevin, the director, most of these guys have rough homelives with absent parents.

I hate hearing that, hate that these kids have to live through such harsh realities. I know what that feels like, at least partially. And it’s hard not to feel bitter against those who don’t care enough to stay, to stick it out when times get tough.

Memories of my mom crop up unwanted. I don’t know what all these kids are going through, but I do know what it’s like to have a mother who is an addict, to love someone too overcome by her addiction to want to get clean for her family. Yet Dad never grew bitter against her. No, he loved her right up until the end.

Seeing him so committed to a woman who stomped all over his feelings gave me the confidence to walk away from Meredith with at least some of my pride intact. I refuse to pine for a woman who doesn’t want me. Never have and never will.

So why does my weak, love-starved heart want to lean in and hang onto every word Britta says? And why does my brain want to take her apart, piece by piece, just so I can see what goes on in that complicated mind of hers? Worse still, my hands want to put her back together and keep her safe. Hold her. Treasure her. Figure out what makes her tick, makes her laugh.

And everything—even small, insignificant things—make me think of her. The woman running across the street? Same hair as Britta’s. Lighting the candle we bought together at the store? I imagine her laugh and the way our fingers brushed. Teaching these kids to improve their skills on a board has me wondering if Britta has ever considered teaching dance. She’d probably be great at it, considering her skill level and the fact that she’s good with Lyric and Elyse.

And when I think of her, I can’t help but wonder what, or even if, she thinks of me.

It’s been so long since I’ve been this intrigued and confused by a woman that I’m not sure what I should do. Do I ask her out or leave her be? If I do decide to ask her out, then I’ll have to wrestle with the whole am I ready for this mental debate. And that’s assuming she’ll even say yes.

With the way she acts toward me, it’s not likely. She’s more hot and cold than anyone I’ve ever known. One minute, we’re bantering back and forth and having a decent time together; the next, she’s clamming up and running away. I wish I knew what it is that I do that makes her react that way. But then again, if I did, maybe I’d do something drastic like change my clothes or personality just to impress her. And if I had to do that, we wouldn’t be right for each other anyway.

No thanks. It’s probably better this way.

I push the beautiful enigma from my thoughts and redirect my focus to the guys on the rails. “Nice grind, Kai!” I say loud enough for him to hear.

Of course, his only response is a glare before he flips his board back into his hand. A.J. sidles up to me with an apologetic expression. “He seems to be coming around.”

A scoffing laugh echoes through me. “Right.”

“Okay, so maybe not.” A.J. crosses his arms, scanning the group of kids skating around us. “But he can’t fight my charismatic personality forever. Give it time; we’ll win him over.”

“You might be able to, but I’m not exactly charismatic.” I shake my head. “Just add Kai to the list of people who can’t stand me for one reason or another.”

A.J. side-eyes me until I turn to look at him. “May I ask who else is on this list?”

I shake my head. Why does he always have to pry? And why do I always walk into these traps? “Forget it.”

He leans closer. “Would a certain brunette be on this list?” With eyebrows raised, he watches me way too closely.

“Nope. Liss loves me.”

Elbowing me in the arm, he says, “Not my brunette. I’m talking about Britta.”

Of course he was. But I don’t want to talk about Britta. Especially not with him.

“You know, when I saw the way you guys interacted after you first met, I thought maybe”—he lifts one shoulder—“you guys might get together. And how cool would that be? My friend dating Liss’s friend?”

“Cool? Don’t you mean potentially hazardous?”

He lets loose a laugh and jabs me with his elbow again. “Aw, come on. It would be fun! We could even go on double dates.”

I narrow my eyes. “Who are you and what did you do with my old friend A.J.?”

A wide, goofy smile stretches across his face. “I’m in love with my wife and trying to find someone you could fall in love with too.”

Fighting an eye roll, I redirect my focus to the kids. “Push off with a little more force next time, Kelsey.” She nods my way, then skates off the other end of the bowl.

I lower my voice so only A.J. will hear what I say next. “Maybe I don’t want to obsess over a woman. And if you really thought Britta and I would hit it off in the beginning, why did you sign me up for that stupid dating website?”

“Because, man. I hated seeing you in that weird funk you couldn’t get out of after Meredith did you dirty.” The genuine concern in his tone tugs at my calloused heart. “I thought if you went out with a few girls, became comfortable with dating again, you’d open yourself up to something more serious with someone who’s got it all together. Someone like Britta.”

I can’t bring myself to be mad at him or even wish he hadn’t done what he did. I know he’s just looking out for me, always has and likely always will. But I also think he’s barking up the wrong tree.

Though now that we’re being candid with each other, I guess there’s nothing left to lose. I decide to rip off the bandage and expose myself to embarrassment.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to pursuing something with Britta if she was into me.” I drag my gaze from the kids and meet his eyes. “But I’m telling you, she’s not. Every time we’re together, even if she gets over her initial annoyance with me, she ends up acting like I’ve offended her. I don’t know what it is about me, but…” I shrug. “I don’t think I’m her type.”

Just when I thought we’d reached steadier ground last night, she went and left me teetering on the edge yet again, wondering what the heck I did wrong. Then today she all but ignored me. I tried to coax her out of my office again with an offer to get lunch, but she wasn’t having it.

“Dude.” A.J. waves his hand at my body. “Muscles are every woman’s type.” His deadpan look would make me laugh if I wasn’t being serious.

I think back to Todd, Britta’s wedding date and the guy she claims she’s still sort of seeing. He’s not exactly a gym bro.

“Even if she was into me, I don’t think she’s looking for something serious. She’s still seeing that Todd guy.”

A.J. scoffs and shakes his head. “No, she’s not. She sees Todd every once in a while because she’s bored. I’m pretty sure she told Liss she’s not attracted to him.”

I swallow back a sigh, wishing we were talking about literally anything else right now. A.J. must sense how I feel because he holds his hands up in front of him in a pleading gesture.

“How about we make a deal.” He leans into my line of sight with a conniving smirk and tacks on the kicker. “I’ll delete the online dating profile if you ask Britta out.”

I grit my teeth. I’d give almost anything for him to erase that stupid profile to avoid any more embarrassing encounters. Anything but go out on a limb for a woman who would just as soon throw me off one.

“I already told you. She’s not into me.”

He assesses me a little too closely. “I think you’re wrong.”

“And if I’m right? What then?”

He seems to mull this over as he looks out over the bowl and the kids skating past us. “Okay, if she says no or gives you a hard pass, not only will I still delete the dating profile, but I will personally fund this business venture of yours.” A.J. laughs at my open-mouthed stare. “What? Did you not want to buy the training facility and expand it into something more?”

“I do, but—”

“Listen.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “If you don’t want me finding out about something, don’t tell Britta. She tells Liss everything.”

Figures.

“I don’t want you personally funding anything,” I say, looking him dead in the eye. “If we go into business together, I want it to be fifty-fifty.”

He nods and holds out his hand. “All right, you got yourself a deal.” When I clasp his hand, he drags me toward him with the sort of grip a protective father might have. “All I ask is that you ask Britta out.”

I already know I’ll give in before he finishes his sentence. He’s one persuasive jerk of a friend.

“All right, fine. I’ll ask her out.” When A.J. opens his mouth to respond, I hold up a hand, quick to clarify, “When the time is right, though. I’d at least like to feel her out a bit before I take her by surprise.”

A.J.’s eyebrows dance up and down. “Sometimes women like to be surprised.”

“Yeah, you’d know.”

“Hey.” He punches my arm. Hard. “I would know. You don’t get a woman like Liss by being an idiot.” After my very pointed stare, he amends, “Okay, I take that back. You’re allowed a little idiocy. Just lean into your good qualities and you’ll be fine.”

“My good qualities?”

He nods. “For one, you’re dependable. Show her you’re someone she can trust. And that you’re talented. Maybe pull a few moves in the gym or something.”

I can’t hold back my scoff at that.

“What? I’m serious.” Again, that stupid smirk of his tugs at his mouth. “Liss couldn’t keep her eyes off me the first time she saw me compete.” Like he just thought of something brilliant, he snaps. “You know what? You should bring her here.”

At my confused look, he adds, “To this. With the kids.”

“Because…”

“Because women love a guy who is good with kids. Look, at the after-school program, Liss was able to see how I interacted with the kids there. That made her more open to allowing me to interact with Lyric. Once we got together, she admitted that one of the big things that attracted her to me what that I was great with kids.”

I scratch the side of my beard. “What you’re saying makes sense, but I’m not sure how we’d go about it. Besides, these kids don’t exactly like me.” At that exact second, Kai cuts another kid off, prompting the kid to shove Kai off his board.

“Stop being a snake, Kai!” The other kid, David, shoves Kai in the chest, who retaliates too quickly for us to intervene. One punch is all it takes before A.J. and I are pulling the boys apart by their shirts and calling for Kevin.

With a silent glare at my friend while we’re escorting the guys to a nearby bench to cool off, I decide against inviting Britta anywhere near here. If I’m going to win her over, inviting her to watch me fail at coaching a bunch of rowdy kids at the skatepark isn’t the way to do it.

***

After suffering through another day of work with Britta being there, then last night with A.J. pushing me to ask her out, I’m more than ready for the weekend. The only thing on my calendar is hanging out at the beach with Jules and Elyse.

I didn’t bring my surfboard, but I promised Elyse I’d help her with her form if she brought hers, so we’ll see if she did.

Grabbing my folding chair and towel out of the passenger seat of my dad’s old pickup, I hike my way up the sandy boardwalk. Seagulls caw overhead, blending with the sound of people laughing and waves gently lapping against the shore.

Once my feet hit sand, I text Jules.

Me: Where are you?

I scan the beach, trying to spot a nearly matching pair of brunette heads when my phone buzzes in my hand.

Jules: We’re next to the bright blue tent.

Squinting against the sun, I finally spot the only blue tent out here. I kick off my flip flops, swipe them up, then head that way. Once I near the tent, familiar faces come into view. I pause.

“Hey, man. Beautiful weather for a beach day, isn’t it?” A.J. smiles up at me from where he lays, shirtless, planted on a fold-up lounger, holding hands with his wife. Liss’s pregnant belly looks even more pronounced in her lavender one-piece and matching skirt.

“Hey, Cash.” She smiles up at me, pushing her sunglasses up over her head. “Jules invited us.” She points to where my sister and Elyse are sprawled out on beach towels, soaking up the sun. Both have their eyes closed, not even deigning to acknowledge my presence.

Figures.

“This how it is now,” I say, raising my voice to a level I know my sister will hear. “You hijack my friends and invite them on all our family outings.”

Jules raises her head, the barest of smiles lifting her lips. “Meh. This is hardly a family outing.” With that, she lays back and tilts her chin toward the sky.

I sigh and shake my head before glaring at A.J. “The least you could do is share your tent.”

“Tried,” he says in a toneless voice. “They want the sun.”

“We want the sun,” Jules and Elyse chant in unison, fists raised.

Liss giggles, her belly shaking along with her shoulders.

“We’re back and we come bearing gifts!” Vivian and Britta stroll up to the tent, each holding a drink carrier full of what appears to be smoothies from the walk-up bar. My heart jolts against my chest’s walls, each beat gaining ferocity the closer Britta comes wearing a high-waisted black bikini.

Her sunglasses obscure her eyes, but it doesn’t appear that she’s spotted me when she starts handing out everyone’s orders.

“Okay, we’ve got mango.” She bends to hand a cup with a lid and straw to Jules. “And peach.” She then hands one to Elyse, who mimics her mother’s thank you . “And for Liss—”

As soon as she spots me, she halts. “Oh.” Her plump, plum-colored lips part and form a perfect o. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.” I immediately look away because holding her gaze feels too much like staring at the sun.

Vivian steps forward, having already handed A.J. his smoothie, and smiles, offering one to me. “Jules mentioned you liked peanut butter banana. Same as Britta.”

I accept it with what I hope is a grateful smile. “Yeah, it’s my favorite. Thanks.”

Vivian nods before plopping down onto a towel next to Liss.

My stubborn eyes betray me and track to her —Britta. She hands a smoothie to Liss, then tugs at the waistband of her swimsuit in a nervous gesture. If I didn’t know better, I’d think my presence flusters her.

Needing to do something other than stand here and stare, I move to where Jules lays reclined on the sand and sit beside her. “You could’ve given me a heads up, you know,” I murmur low enough only she and Elyse can hear me.

Bracing herself on her elbows, she pops her mouth off her smoothie straw and eyes me over the top of her sunglasses. “What for? They’re your friends.” She takes another long slurp of her smoothie. “Didn’t know I needed to ask you if it was okay to invite them.”

I stay silent because she’s right. It doesn’t make sense for me to be irritated that A.J. and Liss are here. But I’d hardly call Britta and Vivian my friends. My eyes flick past Elyse—who looks lost in a book—to Britta, murmuring something to Vivian.

“What’s with you today?” Jules’s tone is laced with enough skepticism to yank me out of my funk.

“Nothing.” Ignoring my sister’s probing stare, I reach over and give Elyse’s shoulder a little shove. “Hey, kid. You ready to boogie board?”

Elyse lowers her book and winces. “Actually, I was kind of hoping to just sit and read.”

I mock offense and plaster a hand to my chest. “Seriously? I thought we were gonna work on your form.”

She shrugs. “Maybe Lyric will want to ride it?” Pointing toward the water, she adds, “She’s out there jumping in the waves right now.”

Sure enough, I turn to see Lyric jump up and over a wave, laughter peeling out of her like she’s never been happier.

I sigh and lean back on my elbows, same as Jules. “She looks like she’s having enough fun on her own.”

“You gonna set that chair up or just sit on the hot sand all day?” Jules asks.

I glance at my sister, then the woman I can’t seem to quit looking at. Britta stands with one hand on her hip while she holds her smoothie with the other. She laughs at something Vivian says, and her whole face lights up. She’s always a sight to behold, but in that bathing suit…

“Earth to Uncle Cash.” Elyse waves her hand in front of my face, and I blink away whatever trance I was in.

“Hm?”

A slow smile starts on my niece’s face as she looks from Britta to me. I shake my head and give her a stern don’t start look.

“Mom asked if you were going to surf.”

“Nah, didn’t bring my board.” Now I wish I would’ve. Then I’d have something to do other than keep my wandering eyes in check.

“Set up your chair and stay a while,” Jules says. “Your butt has to be on fire.”

She’s not wrong.

I stand, open my folding chair, and hang my towel off the back. I usually enjoy hanging out at the beach, but being here at the same time as Britta is another experience entirely. It’s barely fun and not even remotely relaxing. Especially when she and Vivian are approached by a shirtless guy who looks as if he lifts weights for a living.

Both women turn toward him as he gestures wildly with his hands. After a few seconds, he points off into the distance somewhere. His wide, white smile makes me wonder if he was ever on a whitening toothpaste commercial. He does sort of look familiar.

Britta laughs, harder than she did at whatever Vivian said earlier, and a spike of jealousy appears out of nowhere, ratcheting up my blood pressure. Then the man’s gone as quick as he came over.

Britta strides over to where I sit, stopping once she reaches Jules. I keep my gaze trained on her bare feet and the gold toe ring wrapped around her second toe, refusing to let it wander any higher. If I dared let my eyes roam, I might never recover.

“Hey,” she says in a voice that seems sweeter than ever. “Jules, do you and Elyse feel like playing volleyball? A guy just came over and said they needed a few more people for a game and asked if any of us were up for it.” She glances over her shoulder toward the tent. “Vivian said she would if I did, but Liss is out for…obvious reasons.”

Jules sits up and bumps her shoulder into Elyse’s. “Want to play?”

Without even attempting to look up from her book, Elyse responds with a quick “Nah.”

Jules sends Britta an apologetic look. “I think I’ll stay here with her, but maybe Cash wants to.” My sister pats my arm and smiles up at me like she didn’t just offer me up on a silver platter.

Out of my periphery, I notice Britta’s head tilt my way. “Do you, Cash?”

I skip my eyes to her face. “You’re playing?”

She shrugs both shoulders. “Yeah. Sounds kinda fun.”

I run my tongue over my teeth, mentally debating whether or not I should. I’m not a terrible player, and I enjoy the game, but the only reason I’d go over there is to keep watch over Britta. That guy who invited her and Vivian looked interested in more than an extra player or two.

I don’t want to come off as jealous again and embarrass myself like I did at the gym when Randy flirted with her.

“Go have some fun, Uncle Cash.” Elyse shoves my arm and waggles her eyebrows. It’s enough to make my weak resolve slip.

“All right,” I say, shielding my eyes from the sun. “I’ll play.”

Britta smiles, but it’s subdued. Did she hope I’d say no?

Without giving me another second to guess at her reaction, she spins toward the tent and waits for Vivian to join her. I amble over, hanging back, suddenly regretting my decision to go with them.

“It’s nice to have a guy with us,” Vivian says to me, likely reading my expression. “Maybe these guys won’t turn out to be super flirty with a man of our own in tow.”

Britta hums an unenthusiastic response.

“Where’s Stewart today?” I ask Vivian. Not long after A.J. and Liss got married, I heard that Liss set Vivian up with Stew from her old office. As far as I know, things have been going good for them. Not that I keep up on all my acquaintances’ love lives or anything. But friendly conversation with Vivian seems like a safe distraction from Britta.

“He had a PR thing for one of his clients today.” She sighs. “But we’re meeting up later for dinner.” She and Britta share matching smiles that speak to how excited Vivian must be for this date. Pretty sure Vivian even lets out a little squeal.

“Is this some kind of…special dinner?”

Vivian shrugs, a contrast to her widening grin. “Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”

I glance between her and Britta for clarification, and Britta adds, “Viv thinks that Stew may pop the question tonight.”

“Wow, really?” That seems kind of…sudden. Haven’t they only been together for like six or so months?

“Yeah.” Vivian heaves a satisfied sigh. “He’s hinted at it a few times.”

“Already?” I bite my tongue as soon as the word leaves my lips. Why do I always feel the need to blurt what I’m thinking?

“It may feel soon to some people,” she says in a placating tone as if I didn’t offend her, “but Stew has been very forthright from the beginning. We knew we were both dating with the idea of a potential long-term commitment as the end goal and…well.” Vivian bites her lip on a smile. “We’re totally compatible.”

Britta scoffs. “Oh, come on, Viv. You make it sound like dating him has been some sort of business transaction.” She hip checks her and Vivian laughs. “Just admit that you think Stew’s dreamy, and you want to have his babies.”

Vivian giggles more like a teenager and less like a forty-something-year-old woman. And suddenly all this talk of dreamy guys and having their babies makes me wildly uncomfortable.

“Sorry I asked,” I mutter as we reach the group of shirtless guys and one lone woman standing in front of the volleyball net.

“Hey, glad you could make it. Ready to play?” the guy with the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen asks.

The three of us exchange glances, mine lingering a tad too long on Britta when she says, “Ready when you are.”