Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

B eth covered her mouth. She’d not expected the game to go in such an intimate direction. Mr. Kaye pulled away from Julianna, his eyes as big as saucers. His hands reached out as if he would pull Julianna back into his arms, but she spun, a flush evident on her cheeks. Quickly she retraced her steps to her chair, but she did not sit. With one hand on the back, she excused herself for the night, claiming fatigue.

Beth knew better. Julianna had never been kissed before and she could only imagine what sort of turmoil the experience had stirred up in her lovelorn heart.

Aunt Waverly asked the others if they wished to play another round of Doctor or move onto a different game. Buffy Gruffy was chosen, but Beth opted not to join and instead followed her sister’s example and excused herself for the night. Perhaps if she hurried she’d be able to speak to Julianna about the incident.

As she stepped into the hall, she found Lord Bingham also making his way up the stairs to the guest rooms.

“That was quite the game, was it not, Miss Haynes?” His forehead creased and he held his right hand in his left. He seemed more intent on rubbing each appendage than traversing the stairs, but somehow his feet still found each step.

She’d seen him work his fingers a few times before, but his tense shoulders and pursed lips made her wonder if this time was particularly painful. “Are you well, Lord Bingham?”

He nodded once, then stopped. Turning toward her he said, “That is a falsehood. I am not well. At times my hand becomes so tight the fingers curl in on themselves.”

“And it causes you great pain.” It was said more as a statement than a question. Reaching out, she took his hand into hers. He’d removed his dinner gloves and the touch of his skin through the open fingers of her own lacy hand covers set her heart galloping. She tried to rein it in, but that disobedient organ refused to be restrained as she worked each of Lord Bingham’s fingers.

“Does this hurt?” She peered at him, but his gaze was locked on her ministrations. After a moment he swallowed and shook his head.

His taut hand began to relax and he let out a shaky breath. “Thank you, Miss Haynes.”

“Perhaps when we are in private you may call me Beth.” She stopped rubbing. Why had she said that? Allowing him such intimacies was highly irregular. What would he think of her? But now that the offer had been made she could not very well take it back.

“I would like that very much,” he said in a hushed tone. “And you must call me Carswell. It is much better than Lord Bingham. Every time someone addresses me as such I feel impossibly pompous or like an imposter.”

She chuckled. “You are the least pompous man I know.”

“And do you know a great many men, Beth?”

“Not so many. My father prefers to spend most of his time in Hayworth, which is not a large village.”

His brows rose a fraction. “And of those few men I am the very least pompous?”

She smiled up at him, slowly realizing she still held his hand in hers. “Perhaps not the very least. Maybe in the lower half.”

The grin that bloomed on his face at her teasing remark made butterflies erupt in her chest. Footsteps on the tile below reminded her of how intimate their current position would appear so she dropped his hand.

“You are not retiring already, are you Bingham?” Mr. Kaye said from the bottom of the steps.

They both turned.

“I am afraid I must. My nerve is paining me and I believe some rest will do it good.”

Mr. Kaye hesitated. “Alright then.” His eyes darted to Beth. “Miss Haynes, may I have a word with you before you go?”

Her nose scrunched. What could he have to say to her? Then she remembered the reason she was leaving the party early in the first place.

She nodded, then in a lower tone said, “I hope you are able to rest, Carswell. If your hand continues to pain you, have the cook bring up a hot water bottle to wrap your fingers around. It usually helps.”

“Thank you, I shall. Good evening… Beth.”

A shiver ran down her spine at the way he whispered her name like a caress.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Mr. Kaye began speaking without preamble.

“I did not mean to offend Miss Julianna. Is she angry with me?”

Beth clasped her hands in front of her and tipped her head to the side. “I do not believe so. Why would she be upset?”

He began to pace in front of her. “For the kiss. I waited for her, I really did, but then she hesitated and I thought to give her a way out of the forfeit and then Miss Crane made eyes at me, and I should not have, but it was too much.”

She watched him make short lines in front of her. What in the world was the man trying to say?

“Mr. Kaye, please stop.”

His feet immediately stilled. “My apologies.”

“Yes, I have gathered that, but what are you sorry for?”

“For turning my head when I thought Miss Julianna did not wish to kiss me.”

Beth ducked to hide her smile. From what she knew of her sister, Julianna had absolutely wanted to kiss Mr. Kaye. Had probably even rejoiced in the opportunity.

She glanced at his tortured face and for the first time she realized that Mr. Kaye’s feelings for Julianna were sincere. It was evident in the set of his shoulders and the way he wrung his hands. He absolutely did not want to offend Julianna and that could only mean that he held some affection for her. And by the way he’d reached for her after their kiss, Beth was sure he found pleasure in Julianna’s company.

“Mr. Kaye, let me put your mind at ease. I do not believe my sister was at all offended, only surprised. You have the great honor of bestowing her with her first real kiss and that can be quite overwhelming.”

His eyes widened. “I… I…”

“If it will relieve your mind, I will speak to her and inquire if she is well.”

“Would you? And if she is not, please let me know so I may make amends.”

Beth gave his arm a motherly pat. “I will, Mr. Kaye, but I would not trouble yourself too much. By the dreamy look in Julianna’s eyes after your kiss, I would say she enjoyed your attentions.”

Had she said too much, encouraged too much? Julianna’s insistence that they find husbands on this trip now seemed a logical exploit, at least for her. Mr. Kaye was a decent sort of man, pleasant and thoughtful. To be sure, his income was much smaller than their father’s, and it would be sad to have her so far away, but a picture of their felicity now formed in Beth’s head. It filled her with peace. She could not deny her sister the happiness she’d so desperately wished for herself these last three years.

A lopsided smile formed on Mr. Kaye’s face and his eyes took on a faraway look. “Thank you, Miss Haynes. I shall take your word for it.”

Then as if he’d forgotten his intention to return to the party, he ascended the stairs to the guestrooms. She shook her head. Julianna and Mr. Kaye would make a delightfully distracted pair—both too impetuous for their own good, but with hearts full of pure goodness.

She followed behind him slowly, not wishing to interrupt his reverie. When she reached the guestrooms she went directly to Julianna’s and gave a soft knock. A moment passed and then the door creaked open.

Julianna peered through the crack and then quickly pulled her into the room.

“Oh, Beth.” She fell into her arms. “I made such a fool of myself.”

Rubbing circles on her back, Beth hushed her cries. “You did not.”

Julianna pulled back. “I did. Did you see how Mr. Kaye looked after I kissed him? I think I may have offended him.”

Beth laughed.

A frown marred Julianna’s face as she pulled out of her grasp. “This is no laughing matter.”

“It is, because he just spoke to me about his fear that he had offended you.”

“He what?”

“Come, Jule. Let us have a seat.”

They moved to the wine-colored wingback chairs before the fire. Julianna pulled a thick lap blanket from the back of one and placed it over her as she sat.

Beth smiled. “Have you been able to stay warm sleeping in your own bed?”

“You are stalling, Beth. Out with it.”

She snickered. It was fun to be on the other end of the teasing. “All right. If you must know, I believe Mr. Kaye might fancy you.”

Julianna leaned forward. “Really?”

“Yes, especially after he nearly wore a hole in the entry rug pacing back and forth trying to explain why he turned his head and accidentally made you kiss him on the lips instead of the cheek.”

Julianna slumped back in her chair. “Oh. So it was an accident.”

“Not one that he regrets. Only that he thinks he may have offended you, and wanted to know what he might do to fix things between you.”

Julianna perked up. “Fix things? Like there might be something between us to fix?”

“He seems to think so. And when I said with confidence that you did not dislike his kiss, he walked away with a dreamy gaze.”

Julianna bounced in her chair, a little squeal escaping her lips. Beth could not help but smile.

“Wait. Why are you happy about this, Bethie? You have been telling me to be cautious.”

Beth gave her knee a pat. “Because there comes a time when the mama hen needs to let the little chick go and live a happy life.”

The day of the assembly in Kendal came far too quickly for Beth. Had they really been at Haverton for two weeks? She chose a light blue gown with little white and clear beads embroidered into the hem and bodice. Armed with long white gloves and a white wool cloak, she met the others in the entry.

When she saw Julianna, she nearly laughed. She had also chosen a blue gown, this one accented with silver and matching grey gloves, her identical white wool cloak draped over her shoulders.

“I do not think anyone who sees you both this evening will doubt that you are sisters,” Carswell said quietly beside her.

She smiled at him. “Not that they would have questioned before with our very similar complexions, but it seems we have similar tastes when it comes to balls.”

He nodded as he placed a tall beaver hat on his head. When his winter wear was in place, he offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

“Miss Haynes is quite capable of walking on her own, Lord Bingham,” Mrs. Barker said from behind them.

Beth rolled her eyes. They’d had one glorious week without the older lady lording over them as if they were ten, but now that Mrs. Barker had returned to health she’d applied herself with vigor to the task of stopping any interactions she deemed inappropriate with the opposite sex.

“Yes,” Carswell said, “but as a gentleman I cannot let her traverse such treacherous terrain alone. With the rain and cold there could be patches of ice. You would not wish your charge to fall and break her arm, would you? What would her father say to that?”

Mrs. Barker’s eyes widened and Beth had to hide her smirk.

“I see. In that case, maybe it is best you help us both out.” Then without an invitation, Mrs. Barker latched onto Carswell’s other arm.

This time it was he who appeared startled. Beth raised a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. He’d so expertly convinced Mrs. Barker of the hazards of walking by oneself that Beth doubted the older woman would travel to and from the carriage without assistance for the rest of their stay—especially if it gave her an excuse to touch the handsome man’s arm.

Beth did not blame her. She quite liked having his assistance as well. So when a bubble of irritation rose up inside, she was taken by surprise.

Rarely did she become vexed with anyone, but Mrs. Barker's incessant chatter as they approached the carriage made her wish for a gag to tie about the lady’s mouth. Especially as most of her conversation revolved around reminding Beth to behave herself.

She was five and twenty years old, not ten! She did not need reminders and chastisement as if she had barely left the schoolroom.

“Mrs. Barker,” she finally said at the door of the carriage. The woman stopped, her shock evident at the firm tone Beth had taken with her. “I would appreciate it if you would remember that I am well past my majority and can regulate my own behavior.”

“But it is my job as?—”

“You are not my governess; you are my companion and I will thank you to behave as such.”

Mrs. Barker’s mouth hung slack. Over her head Beth could see a smiling Julianna giving her silent applause, but the anger that had pushed her to speak had fled and she now felt the sudden need to cry.

Thank the heavens for Carswell. He stepped in between her and Mrs. Barker, leading her to the door of the carriage and helping her up the steps.

“I will be back in one moment,” he said, and tucked her against the side in the blessed dim light where no one could see the single tear that slipped down her cheek.

Murmuring words met her ears but she could not focus on anything anyone said outside. She had never stood up to anyone. Not Mrs. Barker, not her father, not even her mother when she was alive. It was both liberating and terrifying.

She took several slow deep breaths to calm her nerves.

Eventually Carswell joined her sitting across the carriage, but when the door was closed and the conveyance began to move she glanced at him in surprise.

“I thought you might need a moment. You appeared a bit shaken.”

“Thank you.” She glanced down at her clasped hands in her lap.

“You did a fine job of expressing yourself, Beth. I, for one, am grateful you let Mrs. Barker know she had overstepped her bounds.”

“Really? You do not think it disrespectful of me considering her age?”

“Not at all. Especially considering her occupation. Yes she is to provide proprietary—something I just overstepped with this private ride”—he cast her a roguish smile— “but she does not need to ring a peal over your head every time you are in Society with an eligible gentleman. In fact, I think that is quite the opposite of what your father wished when hiring her. The last thing he needs is a grumpy dragon scaring off suitors.”

She smiled at the image. Julianna had often called the woman a dragon, but the picture seemed different when Carswell said it. She imagined a large scaly Mrs. Barker, her tail curled about her breathing fire and snapping at any man who got too close.

“Unfortunately, I believe that was exactly why my father hired Mrs. Barker.”

A vee formed between his eyebrows and he leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “Why? You are of age. Does he not wish you to be taken care of after he is gone?”

“He has set aside enough to care for me…”

“But?”

“Our mother died in childbirth. I believe he worries we will both fall to the same fate.”

He leaned back. “That is a risk of life, but if that were the case, why would he think to remarry?”

This time it was Beth who was taken aback. “How do you know that?”

“I overheard your sister speaking to Kaye about it. The way she spoke it seemed all but done. For a man who is frightened of losing someone by natural causes, would he not be more circumspect with another woman’s life?”

The logical argument made it hard not to divulge what Beth knew was the real reason behind her father’s hesitance.

She sighed. “There was also the scandal three years ago after Edward.”

“Scandal? But I thought you said you were not promised to him.”

“Yes, but the whole neighborhood had seen us together for years. Everyone expected our marriage. Then Edward went to London on a business trip and came back married.”

Carswell’s face darkened. “He did not even inform you of his change of heart?”

She shook her head.

“The blackguard.”

The rumble of the carriage wheels changed as they entered Kendal. A warm glow from the house windows penetrated the dark night, but their light was nothing compared to the large marble hall they approached.

“Is it not a splendid assembly hall?” Beth was grateful to change the subject.

Carswell peered out the window. “It is.” A moment of silence descended between them, then he reached out and took her hand. “That scandal was not your fault, whether your father believes it or not. Do not let it keep you from happiness.”

Mist clouded her vision. She’d carried the guilt for so long, believing somehow it was her fault Edward had stopped loving her. But Carswell was right. Edward had made that choice, not her.

She squeezed his left hand. “Thank you.”

“Do not thank me. I am only speaking the truth.”

The carriage came to a stop and Beth had the urge to do something entirely out of her character. Before she could think better of it, she leaned forward and kissed Carswell on the cheek. He leaned back, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

The door opened and she quickly dropped Carswell’s hand, not sure if the surprise she’d witnessed was a good or bad thing. Either way, she’d done it. She’d been brave and it felt good.