Chapter Fourteen

A week later, Cynthia and Chris sat on his lanai, enjoying a mild afternoon, watching the waves and the windsurfers below. This had become a habit with them on Monday nights—the only guaranteed night he had off. Well, he didn’t always have it off, depending on what was going on at the restaurant.

She leaned against Chris and sighed, contentment filling her. She’d never felt so complete. If a year ago someone had told her she would enjoy anal sex and handcuffing her partner to the bed, Cynthia would have written them off as insane.

On top of that, they seemed to have grown closer, both of them accepting her nature for what it was. Each time they made love, the connection between them grew stronger. She knew from what Chris had taught her, and what she gained from reading, that trust was a key element of submission. Chris’s complete acceptance of her, of what she needed, forged a connection she’d never had with another man.

“Remember the first night you arrived, when I told you about being a switch?” Chris asked. His voice was hesitant…almost as if he was afraid to broach the subject.

She nodded and took another drink of her margarita, allowing her muscles to relax further. The search for a new bakery location had been aggravating. If one storefront was too expensive, another had a horrible location. She was determined to find the right place, but the wait was irritating her. Chris had been understanding, accompanying her as much as possible to offer his opinions.

“I said I liked to play the role of both the submissive and the dominant, remember?”

Something in his tone sent alarm shooting down Cynthia’s spine. Sitting up, she turned and faced him. The expression on his face had her worried.

“Yes, I remember.” She barely got the words out. Fear was clogging her throat as she tried to figure out just what he was getting at. They’d made love almost every night for the last two months, and not once had he complained. In fact, he seemed not to be able to get enough of her.

“Well, I want to try that with you.”

Wary now, she pulled further away and studied him. He took her margarita glass out of her hands and placed it on the ground beside her, then pressed her hands between his.

“What I saw in you, what I understood about you from the beginning, is that you might be a switch like me.”

She shook her head, but he nodded.

“Generally, before you become a Domme, you would have experienced being a sub. But I did it differently with you. You weren’t…ready for that.”

“I don’t understand.”

Panic was now running full force through her blood. She’d known he would ask this. In all her reading, she had come to understand not only her own wants and desires, but those Chris had. She knew that for them to stay together, he would need this part of her. But she hadn’t expected it so soon. Granted, she hoped he never asked for it, but it had been a worry in the back of her mind.

He met her gaze and said, “I love you, Cynthia. I think I have since I saw you burst into that dressing room at the church. But what I want—no, what I need —is for you to relinquish your dominant role.”

Fear slapped at her defenses. She didn’t want to lose this part of her character. “I-I’m not sure.”

“You know now what it means, what I need. What you need too.”

“I’m not sure you’re right, Chris.” She pulled in a shaky breath. “I understand, but I’m not sure I can give it to you.”

She untangled her hand from his. She didn’t want him to know how much he had shaken her. He reached for her, but Cynthia shook her head. If he touched her, she might just fall apart.

“No. I need…” She swallowed and closed her eyes. It took her a few moments to calm herself, to get her emotions in check. When she opened them, she gazed directly into his. “I need time. I know that I should have expected this, and I did. I just didn’t expect it so soon. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“It is about trust, Cynthia. If you trust me, you will give me this.” Just as he did for her. He left the words unspoken, but the truth lay between them. He had trusted her enough, a Domme who was learning her way, and had accepted her. Now all he asked was if she could return that favor.

“I—”

“I need this from you. For us to be complete, we need this. I want Evan—”

“You want me to give up the power I’ve gained. Don’t you understand what that will mean for me?” The hitch in her voice when she asked the question embarrassed her. He had to know this wasn’t easy, that this could destroy her.

Without blinking, he said, “Yes.”

His confidence, his arrogance shook her. She rose from her position and gathered her purse.

“Where are you going?”

She turned back to him, trying to cling to her composure. Cynthia didn’t want him to see her anxiety. It was silly, but she wanted to hold onto her pride for a little while longer.

“I hope you understand I need time to think.” He opened his mouth to argue, but she placed her fingers over his lips. “Please. You know I understand. I’ve read more books about the subject than you probably have. I just…” She shook her head. “Give me a little time.”

She could tell from the look in his eyes, he wasn’t happy with the request, but he nodded. Rising to her tiptoes, she replaced her fingers with her mouth, trying her best to let him know that she loved him. She poured her heart, her soul, into the kiss. Slipping her tongue into his mouth, she savored the tangy sweet taste of the margaritas they’d been drinking. Before she wanted to, she drew back.

“I’ll call you.”

Again, he said nothing but nodded. She fought the urge to run back and jump into his arms, to do what he wanted, but she required this time to think.

Without another word, she walked away. Each step caused a crack in her heart, her soul. She didn’t break until she was driving down H-1. Tears scalded the backs of her eyes as she blinked to keep them from spilling over. In her life she had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable.

Concentrating on her driving, she tried her best to put her thoughts aside until she got home. There would be plenty of time to contemplate her future with Chris. She needed space to gain perspective. Still, she couldn’t quite stop the tears that continued to well up. He’d struck at the foundation she had been building since she defied her father, and she didn’t know if she would ever be able to gather the pieces back together again.

Thirty minutes later she pulled into her carport and noticed someone on her porch. When she stepped out of her car, a man stood, and her heart dropped to her stomach. Her father. She looked toward the street and saw the rental car parked beside her mailbox.

Well, today just keeps getting better. She walked up the steps to the porch but didn’t say a word. They just stared at each other, in a silent contest to see who would crack first. She was pleasantly surprised with the result.

“I was wondering when you’d get home.”

Her father’s tone held a note of censure, but she ignored it. “What are you doing here, Father?”

“I’m here to take you home.”

“I’m home now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t your home. Your mother has been beside herself.” The practiced sincerity in his voice sickened her. Not so much that he resorted to it so readily, but the fact she’d accepted it all her life. So needy for affection, she accepted false emotion instead of demanding the real thing.

Cynthia shook her head, sadness bearing down on her. She rode the thin edge of control. Her emotions had been out of whack since her conversation with Chris and before she’d had a chance to think about his request, her father appeared, demanding her attention. Life sucked.

“I was in Georgia for my thirtieth birthday. No one contacted me.” She sent him a disgusted look. “You don’t care about me, you care about the money I inherited.”

“It has nothing to do with the money.”

“Really?” She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. She could tell her father was a little taken aback by her behavior. Usually by now she was doing whatever he wanted. No scenes. No emotional outbursts.

“Who told you that it was about the money? Max?” His cold eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Or was it that slime you’re fucking?”

Again, anger built within her. She might have left everything up in the air about their relationship, but her father would not put down the man she loved. The man she needed.

“I’d use my words carefully, if I were you.” A normal person would hear the threat in her tone, but her father was warming up to his subject and didn’t take note.

“I know what you’ve been doing, shopping in stores filled with trash, and now you’re sleeping with trash. You should be ashamed of yourself. You’re no different than your grandmother.”

Her throat burned with the need to yell at him, but she refused to let him see how much he’d hurt her. How much she still wanted his acceptance, knowing she would never receive that, let alone love.

She took a step closer and was pleased to see him take a step back in reaction. “Listen, Father. The days when you could tell me what to do, who to do, and when to do it are over. The day you threw me out of the house because I wanted to attend a wedding sealed your fate. And, for your information, what I find disgusting is your need to spy on your daughter.”

She swept past him, but he grabbed her arm, hard. His fingers dug into the tender flesh of her upper arm.

“You will do what I say.” His face was mottled in anger, but there was something in his eyes that she’d never seen before. Fear and desperation. “I need that money.”

As she studied the anger on his face, an ache welled in her heart. For years she’d tried to please him. Nothing had ever been good enough, never would be. He would never accept her for who she was, and she was tired of trying. Jerking her arm away, hoping that the police officer who lived across the street was watching the whole thing, she leaned closer to his face.

“You have no right to my money. You made your bed, you lie in it. If you show up here again, I’ll call the police.”

She turned and unlocked her door, knowing he was watching her every move, probably too confused to think. Without saying anything else, she stepped into her house, shut the door, and locked it. Leaning against it, she held her breath. Moments later, she heard him walk down the steps and then his car start up. Her cell phone rang. It was Charlie, the cop across the street. After reassuring him that everything was all right, she hung up, then collapsed on her papasan chair.

Closing her eyes, she tried to block out the day’s events, but couldn’t. Her father’s visit—not to see if she was okay, but to get her money. She sighed as a few tears welled up in her eyes. It was wrong, but it still hurt to know her father saw her only as a means to an end.

Her mind turned to Chris. The expression he wore when he asked her to trust him, to give him what he had given her still twisted her in the gut. Unwillingly, the stark pain on his face, the devastation, now registered. He hadn’t called, hadn’t followed her. Knowing she needed space, he’d let her go. She understood without being told that he had left everything up to her.

She opened her eyes and jerked upward. He’d left it up to her.

He didn’t demand. In the end, even after he’d asked for her submission, he had not told her what he wanted. He’d asked .

Drawing in a deep breath, she began to turn over the memories of the last few months. They’d shared secrets, desires. The night in his restaurant when she’d asked him of his ultimate fantasy danced through her mind. He’d told her that night, in simple terms. She’d dismissed it, thinking nothing of it after the conversation. What if that was what he wanted now?

He’d mentioned something about Evan, but it hadn’t registered. She’d been so freaked out by his request of relinquishing her dominance that she’d ignored his other comments. What if he’d been trying to tell her he wanted to share her with Evan? It would explain why he’d wanted them to be friendlier. She sorted through the idea, thinking of the implications of agreeing to it.

Instead of anger or disgust, lust pumped through her at the thought. Two men? She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, waiting for the denial to come—for the disgust to set in—but it didn’t.

She was aroused by the idea. In fact, she was really, really aroused by it. She shivered as her nipples hardened. Fear had pushed her to panic. Fear that he wanted to take over her life just like every man she had ever known. From her father who saw her as a commodity to Max who wanted to protect her. She had been so wrong.

After dealing with her father, now she understood. Chris would never take over or tell her what to do with her life, he would never see her as a possession. He saw her as a companion, an equal. Love, trust, submission…all of it she wanted to offer to him. She loved him without reservation. That gave her the courage, the need to accept his request.

She sat for a long moment, her brain catching up with what she knew in her heart. This man was for her, that he would always be the one man who made her complete. There would never be a time he would make her do something she didn’t want to. Instead, he asked her and had allowed her the space to make her decision.

She might not be sure how it would go, but Cynthia knew one thing, she wanted… needed …to give Chris this one thing. She loved him enough to give up control, even if it was only for one night.