Chapter Sixteen

T hey arrived in Ashford a few hours later, and Theodosia had never been so grateful in her entire life. While the journey had been faster on horseback, it had also been more nerve wracking being exposed in the open instead of in the protected cocoon of the carriage. No, that was not quite right. The cocoon might even be worse. In the carriage, her awareness of Field was so palpable it almost crackled. It was true that on horseback, Field made just as a fine figure, but at least when she was riding, she had her own horse to pay attention to and manage. A bit of a distraction.

Theodosia glanced at Field.

Such a handsome figure.

There would be no need for him to accompany her after this. She could visit with Louisa for a few days, send word to her family about her whereabouts, and then depart for Brighton when she'd had some time to rest and she was sure any zealous highwaymen had finally given up their search. She ought to be ecstatic, joyful, at the thought of finally being able to usher Field on his merry way back to London.

"This is it?" Field asked as he dismounted before Louisa's house.

"Yes."

"We're probably not going to be able to avoid scrutiny." Saville's eyes swept over their surroundings. Several people were strolling here and there, going about their work.

"Scrutiny was guaranteed the moment we met Sandgrove." As for any others—well, there were already rumors she and Saville were engaged, and Theodosia was having trouble mustering up the strength to care just now.

Theodosia pulled the satchel containing the book and her freshly laundered extra trousers over her shoulder as she approached the door and knocked boldly. Then her gaze returned to her companion. They hadn't spoken much, since traveling horseback made that rather difficult, and his expression gave nothing away of his thoughts.

She should probably be grateful for that.

The door opened to reveal a lean young man. "May I help you?"

"I'm Lady Theodosia King, and this is the Earl of Saville. We are here to call on Lady Louisa. We are friends from London."

The butler dragged his gaze over them, but no emotion showed on his expertly trained face as he said, "Lady Louisa is not in residence at the moment."

At this time of day? "Oh, I must have my information wrong then. Is she not in Ashford?"

"I believe is attending a house party at the Viscountess of Moreville's manor. You may seek her out there."

That she couldn't do in her current state unless she wanted the entirety of England gossiping about her before the last note of the season struck, which might still very much be the case.

Instead, she asked, "Do you know how long Lady Louisa will be at the party?"

"I'm not sure, my lady, but my understanding is that Lady Moreville is hosting a three-day party that started yesterday. I believe Lady Louisa plans to return after the party concludes."

"Then, can we leave something for her?"

"Theodosia," Saville's low voice had a note of warning in it, and his eyes were questioning.

She leaned a fraction closer to him. "This is why we came to this town—to seek our friend out, is it not?"

"I thought you wanted to hand the gift over to our friend personally ."

"I... did." She glanced at the butler. But unless they further extended their journey and ventured out to the Moreville estate where the vultures were roosting, she couldn't do so at this time.

The butler seemed to understand. "I shall personally make sure to hand your gift over to Lady Louisa."

Theodosia hesitated.

She hadn't expected Louisa not to be home, nor that she would have to leave the book, and possible evidence of a crime, with Louisa's butler. But the alternative was carrying it along while they had ruffians after them and risk losing the book again.

Or sending it back to London. Theodosia considered Saville. She could have him return it to London while she went on to Brighton. But she already knew he would be unlikely to agree to it unless he escorted her to Brighton first and then returned to London with the book.

No, she couldn't allow that—any of it. One way or another, it was time to part ways.

"I shall think about it a moment," she said to the butler before leading Saville back to the horses.

He frowned at her. "What's on your mind?"

Theodosia inhaled a deep breath. "Let's part ways here."

He visibly started. "I beg your pardon?"

"Let us part ways here, Field. That way, I shall go on to Brighton where I'm sure to meet my brothers, and you take the book to the London to the duke."

He stared at her, his eyes deep and probing. Theodosia wanted to look away, but she steeled herself and held his gaze.

"No." Short. Simple. To the point.

"What do you mean no? This is the best plan."

"What about the Black Knight?" Saville asked.

"He doesn't know what routes we'll choose, does he? And if he's still searching for us, he'll be searching for two people together—he has no reason to think we'd separate. We should be well clear of him," Theodosia said. "I shall have Louisa's family send me back. I will be perfectly safe."

"I don't like this." His jaw clenched. "We still have matters to discuss."

Matters she would still rather avoid at present.

Maybe it was because this truly seemed like an endpoint of their odd journey, maybe it was the relief of finally being in a familiar space after so much danger and running, maybe she was just tired, but she suddenly grinned, finding it all—finally—a bit amusing.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Quite honestly, there were quite a few moments I thought we'd never make it to Ashford or to anywhere safe at all."

His lips quirked. "Me too."

"Thank you for all your help, Field."

The corner of his eyebrow twitched. "Things have been quite interesting in the countryside this year."

"I'd say."

"You trust me to take the book back to London?"

Theodosia nodded her head. "Yes. I'm not nearly as comfortable with the idea of leaving the book with a servant."

His lips pursed. "Is this really what you want?"

I don't know.

"Yes."

A throat suddenly cleared. "Theo?"

Theodosia started and whirled. She hadn't even heard the approach of the oncoming carriage or the disembarking of its inhabitant, so engrossed had she been in their parting.

"What are you doing here?" her friend asked.

"Louisa? Aren't you supposed to be at a party?"

"I was not feeling well and came back sooner." Her gaze drifted between Theodosia and Saville, and she briskly walked over. "Did something happen? Do you need my help?"

"I've come to deliver the book to you."

"The book?"

"Yes, you know, the book."

" Oh ." She cast a quick glance to Saville. "That book." In a whisper she asked, "What is he doing here? And why does he look so... wild ?"

Theodosia glanced at Field. She hadn't noticed before, probably because she'd been in his company all this time, but he did look a bit untamed. A few days' golden stubble coated his jaw. His hair stuck in all directions, windswept from their travels. His shirt was partly untucked.

He caught her gaze and gave her a probing look before turning to Louisa. "I know all about the book. I escorted Theodosia here so she could hand it over to you."

"Why me?" Louisa asked uncertainly.

Theodosia shrugged. "You're the only heiress who hasn't taken a turn to experience the curse, and you also happened to be the closest."

"Curse?" More scepticism.

"The book is a curse." An everlasting nuisance.

"Very well then. Shall I have two rooms prepared for you?"

"No," Theodosia quickly said. "The earl is heading back to London."

A noticeable clench of his jaw. "Yes, I have business to see to."

"You can use my carriage if you want to," Louisa offered.

"No need."

Theodosia watched as Saville turned on his heel, stiffly strode back to Dream, and hoisted himself onto the horse's back. He gathered her horse's reins as well.

With one last look at her, he spurred the horse into a gallop.

And that was it.

She had never expected it to be this easy. How could he walk away with so much a hint of a fight? Not even a backward glance as he rode away?

Her fists clenched at her sides.

*

Field cursed as he brought Dream to a halt no more than a hundred yards away from the bane of his thoroughly upended existence. Not far enough to be distant, but far enough to be out of sight.

He dragged a hand through his hair.

To say he'd been startled when she suggested they part ways would be a gross understatement. He could scarcely breathe. But if he left, what did that mean for them? Christ, nothing he ever did seemed right. All he wanted was to... was to...

Field cursed.

What he wanted he couldn't yet say. Couldn't yet dream of. Fine, he could dream. But without question, what he didn't want was to ride off into the sunset without Theodosia.

Damn it.

They'd had a mission. One they completed.

No.

Weren't there still brigands looking for them? This mission wouldn't be over until she was safely escorted to her family in Brighton. He couldn't just abandon it—abandon her—like that. No, by God, he couldn't just leave. It went against every instinct and principle he held dear. It was even more impossible than pretending the night they spent together had never happened.

Field turned the horses and raced back. She was still there—thank God she was still there—just about to enter the house.

"Theodosia!"

She turned, her astonished gaze on him. "Field?"

Once again, a long ripple of awareness shot down his spine at the use of his name. Did she even realize she'd started calling him Field? Just like he had started calling her by her name. They were so damn familiar with each other and yet so still far apart.

He dismounted in one smooth leap. "I need one moment of your time."

She glanced back at Louisa and nodded. "You go; I'll speak to the earl and follow."

Lady Louisa shot a glance at him before entering the house.

"What is wrong?" Theodosia asked.

Field walked up to her.

How the hell do you expect me to leave like this? he wanted to roar, but all that came out was a trailing, "I..." He grabbed a fistful of hair and tugged. "This entire affair is wrong."

She blinked at him, seemingly searching for a response.

"Do you really just want me to leave like this?" His gaze searched hers. Tell me you do not want this.

"What is the alternative here, Field?" she asked him.

"The alternative is that we stay together until we reach Brighton."

Her mouth opened and closed, then she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "Why?"

"Why?" Steady. "You might think little of the fact that there are dangerous men on the hunt for us, but I do not. I won't feel at ease until you are safely handed over to your people."

"Is that really what this is about?" She sounded suspicious. Sharp woman.

"What else?" Better not to answer that question if he could avoid it.

"I am perfectly safe with Louisa. I suspect you just don't want to leave without talking about what happened that night."

"No," Field said. "That's not what this is about. We... we still have..." He glanced at Lady Louisa's house. With her back, could he truly claim they still had a mission? "I just want to know..."

She looked away then back again. "What do you want to know?"

"What do you want, Theodosia King?"

She blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"What do you , Theodosia King, want ?"

"I..." She stared at him with wide eyes. "What do I want?"

Field nodded. "Forget about anything else. Pressure. Consequences. That damn book. Do you truly want a life in the country? To live in Brighton? London? Do you want to have a family? Start a women's club? Hunt highwaymen?" He inhaled deeply. "I'd love to hear what your life looks like to you."

And hope I'm that life. Hope I could be.

"I . . ."

"It's all right if you don't answer me now, even though I'm about as impatient as you are," he smiled, "and would love nothing more than to push."

"Well then what about what you want?"

I just want you.

"What I want..." he stepped closer and leaned into her, whispering, "is less important than what I know."

"And what do you know," she whispered back, tilting her head slightly toward him.

"Your touch haunts me. It's driving me bloody crazy."

She gasped, hurriedly retreating a step and glancing around, her cheeks flushing. "Don't say such things."

"Why not?" Field questioned, grinning. "I need you to know." And I need to know if it's the same for you. Any damn hint will do. "And so that you know, so that there is no doubt, even if your brothers christen me, I will never demand we marry."

That earned her a smile. "You demanded it of your sister," she pointed out.

He straightened, nodding. "I've learned my lesson." He wouldn't make the same mistake again. He had no idea what might happen next, but he hoped she was open to exploring.

"Well, your waistcoats will be glad to hear it."

Field stared at her beautiful face. Do you want to marry her? It didn't matter, because, at this current moment, she didn't want to marry him .

"Yes, well, my waistcoats will be safe once Selena moves house."

She looked away, then threw her head back and sighed. A long deep sigh that punched straight into his gut. "I do think about it, you know—you and me," she looked at him, "to the point where all I want to do is forget."

The blow struck his soul. "Is it really so"—he cleared his throat—"bad?"

"Yes," she answered without any hesitation. "Because you and I are two kegs of gunpowder, waiting and ready to explode. Do you wish to spend any more of your life waiting for a match to fall?"

"Then this is the end?" Field didn't want to accept that.

"This is where it must end."

He didn't want to... "What if I'm not a powder keg anymore? What if I don't want to be?"

"That would mean you'd have to change. I don't want you to change, Field—not just for this, not just to please someone else. You deserve to be accepted with all your strengths and all your faults, powder keg or not."

Field wanted to protest, but before he could, the word waste sprang to mind, and he swallowed back the fire that threatened to breathe through his lips even though he wanted nothing more than to rant and rave and stomp his feet.

Only a waste of a man threw fits over not getting what he wanted. He was no waste .

He had to think.

He had to give her space to think as well.

She was right—this was where he walked away. Like a calm, responsible adult. This was where their current journey ended.

"Very well. But I still mean what I said. When you are ready, I'd love to hear what you want, Theodosia."

Her brows drew together. "You . . ."

"Think about it." He inclined his head even though he wanted to pull her into his arms. "Safe travels on your journey to Brighton."

"Goodbye, Field."

He bowed, no doubt startling the hell out of her, before turning on his heel and heading back to where Dream and the other horse waited for him patiently.

If he stayed... if he stayed... he might do something wasteful that would come to bite him in the arse like all his other mistakes.

It was better to walk away now.

Even though he wanted to do nothing but stay.