19. Hard To Love

19

HARD TO LOVE

T he next morning, Easton tried to quietly slip out of bed when he woke and saw it was still dark out.

He hadn’t thought he made a noise, but Laurel’s hand snaked out and grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare sneak out on me.”

He held the grin back. “Wouldn’t think of it,” he said. “Just going to the bathroom.”

“I know where you live,” she mumbled. “I’ll come get you if you leave.” Her head flopped back on the pillow.

He walked to the bathroom and did his business. He wouldn’t admit he had thought of grabbing his clothes and going home.

He hadn’t expected to spend the night, but damn it all, she wore him out. Why would any man find another woman to have sex with if they had Laurel in their bed?

He wasn’t sure the last time he thought he’d have to wave a white flag and beg for a bit of time to recover. It was almost embarrassing to his manhood.

But it’s not like she hadn’t made him feel like that more than once already. All in good fun. Like fixing his dishwasher faster than he would have been able to do it.

He didn’t care in the least either.

What was it they’d talked about? Having a partner. Yep, that was what he wanted and needed in his life.

Funny how he might have found it in his hometown.

But he would be going back to Stamford and they’d have to deal with that at some point.

He returned to her room and found her closer to the middle of the bed and the sheets back waiting for him to climb in.

“Did you think I left?” he asked, sliding in and pulling her into his arms.

“Nope,” she said. “I know what I have to offer.”

There was humor in her voice, but he was glad to hear the confidence with it after what she’d gone through with her ex.

He had to say maybe his confidence had taken a bigger hit than he let on when Rachelle left and said he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

He still wasn’t sure what the fuck that was. He never got answers and had been thinking about it longer than he should have.

Was he that hard to love? Was he not enough?

You can’t change if you don’t know what you did wrong.

“You sure do,” he said. “But that isn’t all you’ve got to offer.”

She laughed and it sounded more like a rumble with her light brown hair covering her face. “I wasn’t talking about sex.”

“Neither was I,” he said.

She lifted and flopped on his chest, her tank top cool to his bare chest, her hand moving under the sheets and cupping his balls. He was growing fast. “But now that it was brought up.”

“You’re bringing it up,” he said.

“I like how fast I can,” she said. “Did we use all the condoms?”

He laughed. It might have felt that way, but they used the one he brought and two out of her new box. “Not even close.”

“Good,” she said. She sat up and pulled her tank over her head, her breasts bare for him. He reached quickly, but she slapped his hand away, got a condom, and tossed it at him. “Put it on, I’m getting to work.”

He barely had time to open it before she was on top and laughing.

Thirty minutes later, he walked into the kitchen. He’d taken a shower and put his clothes on from yesterday, which he hated to do. But if he was going to walk home for fresh clothes it defeated coming back and keeping this cozy thing they had going.

“Are you making me breakfast?”

“You made dinner,” she said. “I’m all about sharing.”

“So I’ve learned in the last twelve hours.”

She turned from the eggs she was watching and leaned on the counter, her hands behind her. She was in leggings and a T-shirt, fuzzy UGG slippers on her feet. “Were you turned off by it?”

His mouth opened and closed. “Are you kidding me? I’m a man, right?”

“Last I checked,” she said. “Which wasn’t that long ago.”

“Why would you ask me that? Has someone made you feel that way in the past?” He’d hunt the bastard down to find out why anyone would ever dim the spark of Laurel if that was the case.

“No,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know. I never figured out why Philip went to other women when he could have had me when he wanted. In the past several months I worried I wasn’t enough, but if he was out there doing things that would make me feel uncomfortable then that wasn’t going to work either.”

He pulled her into his arms. “Don’t compare us. Don’t even think of him when we are together. It’s his loss. I bet he didn’t know how to handle you.”

“Handle me?” she asked, leaning back and looking at him.

“You are too much woman for him, but the right amount for me. You need someone on your equal ground. That is all I’m saying.”

She closed one eye at him and gave him a quick kiss. “Nice save.”

“I’ve had some practice with my Smooth Words 101 class.”

She laughed. “You’ve got more of a personality than I thought you did at first.”

“Because I didn’t talk much when we were laying pavers in the yard?” he asked. He went and poured himself a cup of coffee and then noticed her cup was empty. “Do you want another?” He loved she ground the beans this morning and didn’t use the one-cup maker on the counter.

“Please,” she said.

“Just a little cream, right?”

“It’s in the fridge,” she said. “And you remembered.”

He opened the fridge and got the vanilla-flavored creamer out and dropped a bit in to show her. She nodded and he put it back.

She was finishing the eggs, so he got the plates down. When the toast popped, he pulled it out and buttered it.

“What?” he asked when she was staring at him.

“I said I was taking care of breakfast.”

She was grinning when she said it though. “Well, you can butter the other piece then. Maybe you slather it on and I just used a little,” he said.

She moved over and took the knife out of his hand. “If you are using butter, then use it. If I was going to diet, I’d have that spray shit here in the house to spritz on gently.”

He burst out laughing. He’d had that spray shit in his fridge when Rachelle lived with him. It might still be there somewhere shoved in the back too.

“Noted,” he said.

They moved to the table and started to eat. “I’m sure you want to get home and do a few things before work starts on Monday. Or for you, it starts much earlier.”

“I’ve got a conference call at three in the morning.”

She shook her head. “That’s crazy.”

“I’m used to it,” he said. “I’ll try to be in bed by eight, but it’s hard to fall asleep that early. By midweek I’m almost sleeping at the table while I’m eating dinner.”

“You sound old,” she said. “I never found out how old you are.”

“Thirty-three. Not that old. You’re younger.”

“Twenty-nine,” she said.

“Oh, the year women freeze age.”

She frowned at him and then grinned. “Got it. I’ve heard women say they are twenty-nine plus three when asked their age. I don’t get that. Embrace the years. I’m not into Botox or anything either.”

“You’re young yet,” he said. “With great skin.”

She didn’t have a lick of makeup on and was more beautiful to him. Her hair was still back in a ponytail that she threw it in when she walked out of the bathroom. She let him shower first after she’d brushed her teeth. He wasn’t so sure how he felt about all the floral products he used on his body though. It’s not like there was anything else for him.

“Thanks,” she said. “I take care of it.”

“I saw,” he said. There were lots of lotions and products on the counter. More than he’d seen before. It surprised him, but that was her choice.

“Did it scare you?” she asked, smiling.

“Not really. It might if you ask me to keep them in a certain order for you.”

“Nah,” she said. “I know what order to put them on and when. It’s not like they are all used at once. Three in the morning and three at night. Different ones and on different parts of my face.”

He nodded and continued to eat. Over his head for a guy who only used lotion if his skin was cracking in a spot.

She laughed and he just shrugged. Talking about women’s facial products didn’t interest him, but he wouldn’t be mean about it. It’s almost as if she knew it and was tugging him along.

“I’ll clean up while you shower if you want.”

“Thanks,” she said. “You’ll still be here when I get out?”

“You keep worrying I’m going to take off,” he said. “Why? As you pointed out, you know where I live.”

She shrugged and walked away. He’d find out what was going on when she came back.

Ten minutes later, she returned, her hair dry and still in the ponytail, but she smelled as floral as he did when she came out. Maybe more since she probably used the lotions he saw in there too.

“I’m sorry if I’m coming off insecure. I’m trying not to.”

“Why are you?” he asked.

“As we know, my last relationship didn’t work out so well. I haven’t dated anyone since.”

“Then we are in the same situation. You ended things,” he said. “You had that control. I didn’t end things on my end.”

“Do you still love her?” she asked. “I think maybe that is why I might feel the way I do. You saw how I feel about Philip. No going back there.”

“I don’t still love Rachelle,” he said. “I don’t know if I ever did as much as I should have.” Which was probably why things ended and she strayed. “Maybe I just don’t have it in me to feel that way enough for someone.”

“I think you do,” she said. “Cut yourself some slack. I think when you find that person you know. Just seems neither of us has found it yet. I look at my aunt and I believe it can happen.”

And he thought of his aunt and uncle and how they loved each other for years. “I think you’re right.”