Chapter 9

9

A nne's heart was beating fiercely in her chest, so fiercely that she believed it was going to leap right out of her throat. Her chest was tight and her breaths were deep. Heat prickled on her skin and the world seemed brighter as the ardent force of his kiss lingered on her lips. Never before had she been so drawn to a man, so willing to give him everything she had. It had been an overt move to practically throw herself upon him. She had wanted to show him that she wasn't like the other girls. She believed that if she made him besotted with her then he would not have eyes for any of the other women, and he would even be able to look past her shortcomings when the truth eventually came out. But by then it would be too late, she would already be the future Lady Ross, her heart wedded to this man.

Yes, during her time with Finlay, she had decided to go ahead with her plan for marriage. It was best for her long-term well-being. She could spend time with Finlay without it feeling like a chore. She did not have to feign laughter with him or flatter him with empty compliments. Everything she said to him she meant, and she did not want her time with him to end. There were far better women for him, of that she was sure, and if she dared let him slip through her fingers she was certain she would never find a more suitable man elsewhere in the world. She would be left with a long line of sleazy, desperate men, and while she had gotten the better of them so far, it only took one angry man to beat her and bruise her, and then perhaps she might not be so safe.

But as Finlay pushed her away she stared at him with disbelief. Never before had any man reacted this way to her. She had always been the one to refuse their advances, making a play of her innocence and virtue, teasing them with it, making them feel as though they had to earn it even when they had no chance of possessing it for themselves. It often seemed to her that men wanted things to ruin, but not Finlay. There was a look of shame on his face, and this only endeared him to her more. He was a true gentleman and a master of self-control. She could not imagine any other man denying himself the pleasure that was being offered to him. It convinced her that he truly had her best interests at heart. The other men were always eager with their hands and their lips, whispering words in her ear to convince her that she would enjoy it if she just gave it a chance, that nobody would know, that it wasn't really all that important in the end. She always rebuffed their advances, coyly saying that she was shy and needed time to warm up to them. There was always enough time for them to get drunk and sleepy, and she never had to diminish herself by offering up her virtue as though it was a thing to be traded.

And now Finlay was sitting there amid the heat simmering in the air, the tension drawing tightly between them. Anne's mind was a whirling haze and there was a fluttering sensation in her stomach. She was also afraid though. The way Finlay talked… there was a sense of doom about it.

"Finlay… what are yer intentions with me? Ye will introduce me tae yer Da, aye?" Anne asked, the tremor in her voice genuine. Finlay looked away for a moment, pursing his lips as his gaze swept across the ground. "Ye are nae already betrothed, are ye?" she pressed when he didn't answer. It would explain his reticence, after all, if there was another woman involved. A man like him would not be eager to break an oath he had made and she could imagine that he might have gotten a little carried away when the mood among this clan was so buoyant. But he frowned and glared at her.

"There is nae other woman." His expression softened and he sighed. "But I hae nae been truly honest with ye, Anne, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if I gave ye the impression that this could turn intae something serious."

"But why cannae it?"

"Because of my Da."

"Why would yer Da nae want ye tae marry? I thought all Lairds wanted their sons tae marry?" Anne asked aloud, wondering if she had misunderstood the way nobles lived all this time.

Finlay's lips formed a thin line. "It's nae as simple as that. My Da is an honorable man, some would say tae honorable and, well, I hae fallen out of favor with him because of a mistake I made in the past. It takes a lot for him tae forgive people, and I need tae win his favor before I get married. I cannae promise a future tae anyone until I am certain of my own."

He spoke softly and slowly. It was clear that his father's opinion meant a lot to him, but Anne realized this was going to be more challenging than she first thought.

"What did ye dae?" she asked softly.

"It dinnae matter. All that matters is that I need tae win his favor back. I need tae make up for what I did in the past." Anne got the sense that he wasn't going to share any more details. Whatever had happened had scarred him and was difficult for him to talk about. She longed to know what it was, and she thought that perhaps she could help him with it. She considered the matter for the moment. It was perhaps more sensible to cut her losses with Finlay and find another target to seduce, especially if she was aiming to marry them. Finlay seemed to have other things on his mind and there was no guarantee that she would get what she wanted. If she spent the entire gathering with him, only for him to leave without proposing to her then she would have wasted this opportunity. There was no way she wanted to return to Tarbert village empty-handed, especially after spending so much of her money getting here. And yet she could not deny the connection she had made with Finlay. It felt wrong to build a rapport with another man when there was so much yet to discover about this one, especially because she had confidence in her talents to build trust with him. He may not have had marriage on his mind now, but if she could help him find favor with his father then he would be even more indebted to her and a marriage proposal would be a sure thing. If she was the one to reunite them and mend whatever differences had arisen, well, she would establish herself as a member of the family without a second thought!

And on a deeper level than this, she wanted to help Finlay regain his father's trust because she didn't want anyone to be on bad terms with their father while they still had a chance to be with them.

"I'm sure that whatever ye did, ye can make amends for it. If yer Da is like ye then he is wise, and he will know that love should trump folly all the time. Is that why ye are here, at the gathering? Are ye hoping tae find a way tae make it up for him here?"

Finlay nodded. "I thought perhaps I might be able tae, although I'm nae sure if I will find an opportunity. Things are hard with family. I want to be the man he always wanted me tae be, but I keep feeling as though I'm falling short. He always hae high expectations for me, and I hae only proven tae be a disappointment tae him."

"I'm sure that's nae the case. Even if it is, there is plenty of time for ye tae prove tae him that ye can be a good Laird. I'm sure ye dinnae hae anything tae worry about, Finlay," she said, trying to avoid pressing him for details as she did not want to make him uncomfortable. He had already opened up to her and trusted her with all of these things, and now she just needed to keep this trust and ensure that he would never turn away from her.

He lifted his gaze and directed it towards the horizon. "There are times when I wish that life was nae this hard. Sometimes I wish I could ride away and disappear intae the Highlands. I would nae hae tae risk disappointing anyone then. But somehow it seems as though it would be an empty life, moving from town tae town, never mattering tae anything."

"I think the only thing that matters in this world is family. We are important because we care about people, and people care about us. That is what we need tae remember, and it is what ye need tae remind yer Da of. But until then, we should get back tae the village. I want tae see ye smile again. This is nae a time tae be unhappy," she said, flashing him a wild smile. He nodded and seemed to agree. He rose to a standing position and then held out his hands. She took them and he helped her up. He pulled her with more force than she was expecting, so when she rolled forward onto her toes she was a little unbalanced and fell into him. She gripped his hands hard as she steadied herself, looking up at him with eyes that were swimming with delight. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her again and she longed for it to happen. She could feel the arousal bristling all over his body, but he stepped back, increasing the distance between them.

This Laird would not be hers just yet, but in time she was certain she could take her place by his side as his devoted wife, and then she would never have to worry about going hungry again. She could give Rory the life she had always wanted to give him, and no longer would she have to disappoint her parents. Unlike Finlay, she could not easily make peace with her father. Only by securing her and Rory's future could she make her dead parents proud, but with every moment she spent with Finlay, she felt as though she was coming closer to this destiny.

As they strolled back to the clan she kept the conversation light and breezy, making him laugh so that he would forget about his troubles. But all the time her gaze lingered on him she was thinking about the kiss they had shared, and what else they might have shared on that soft blanket if he hadn't been such a gentleman.