CHAPTER 11

Clara sucked in a nervous breath as soon as Christopher left the room. What had started as a normal morning with her spending time with her mother, had quickly taken a strange turn.

Now she was fearfully awaiting her mother’s reaction to Christopher turning up with an adorable bouquet of flowers for her. She was not ready for it, but she forced herself to turn. Seeing her mother’s questioning eyes, pursed lips and a taciturn glance, made her pulse race anticipating a confrontation.

Clara parted her lips, knowing that it was much better for her to get something in first, to maybe explain herself in a way that her mother would understand.

But she did not get a chance to say a word.

“Do not even think about it, Clara,” her mother warned, waggling her finger in her daughter’s face as she spoke. “I do not want you to even consider than man a prospect. Not when you have interest from Lord Simon Caldwell.”

“But, Mother, you have not even…”

Clara watched in horror as her mother shook her head, refusing to even listen to her. How were Christopher and she going to make this plan work if her mother would not even listen?

“Lord Caldwell is a wonderful man with a great title and even better prospects. Mr. Fitzhugh is a second son who seems to want to run some kind of art business. That is silliness.”

“You know that I am also interested in art…”

“Do not allow your silly little hobby to sway your decisions. You will not be happy if you make that rash decision. You deserve a certain kind of life style, and that is not something a second son with no inheritance will be able to provide.”

Clara did not like this. Not one bit. Was she not allowed an opinion on her own future? Was she not permitted to think for herself? She did not care about titles and prospects, Lord Caldwell was a bore and she just knew that she would be unhappy with him forever if she was forced to spend too much time with him. There was no way it would work out.

Christopher might not have some inheritance and a fancy title before his name, but there was an undeniable spark between them. She felt seen by him.

But how on earth could she make her mother understand that? It was clear that she was heated and not in the mood to listen to anything that Clara had to say. But this might be the most important argument that Clara ever had with her mother, if she wanted to start making her own choices in the future for her life.

“Mother, I think we should at least give him a chance…”

“I do not want that man in my home. There is no reason for him to be here. I am quite baffled as to why he was here right now. What have you done to give him the impression that a visit from him would be welcome? I did not even know you knew one another…”

Luckily, before Clara was forced to find a response to that question, the butler entered the room once more. Unfortunately, he did not come with good news.

“Lady Clara, Lord Simon Caldwell is here to visit.”

Clara groaned inwardly, but her mother lit up with excitement. It was likely that she had pre-arranged this meeting to push her wants and needs. This was the last thing that she wanted to deal with right now. Clara needed some time alone to digest her surprise visit with Christopher and to think about their theater date. She did not want this.

But her mother was already eagerly guiding him inside and ensuring they all had tea, and cake as well. Simon was certainly a much more welcome visitor.

“Oh, it is so wonderful to see you, Lord Caldwell,” Clara’s mother declared. “And those flowers… my goodness, they are absolutely wonderful. What a fine looking bouquet.”

Clara felt the pointed look from her mother, but Clara was not impressed. She loved the flowers that Christopher brought for her because they felt personalized and sweet.

Simon always came with a bouquet of flowers that were more certainly for show. They were extravagant for the sake of it, which only reminded Clara how bland he was as a person.

“You are looking rather ravishing today,” Simon declared as he took her hand to kiss it. “It is always wonderful to see you.”

Clara could have predicted that was what he would say, because that was always what he said when he came to speak with her. She had a theory that he had been given etiquette lessons when he was younger, and that was the script given to him.

He probably said exactly the same thing to all the other women he had ever encountered in his life, no matter what capacity he met them in. You are looking rather ravishing today. It is always wonderful to see you. It was truly a boring opening.

“Thank you.” It was a struggle for Clara to smile, but her mother’s beady eyes were upon her. When she was being watched like a hawk like this, it was very difficult to perform as she was expected to. But Clara did not want to upset her mother further. “It is nice to see you too.”

They took a seat for tea and cakes, and Clara really did try her absolute hardest to focus on what Simon was saying, but it was truly challenging. Clara writhed through agonizing banal discourse for a prolonged thirty minutes, her mind spinning the whole time.

All she could think about was how much she preferred to have Christopher sitting opposite her, even if they could not talk as freely as they wanted to. At least she had a natural smile in his presence, and she did not wish that she was anywhere else in the world…

***

The carriage rumbled through the streets of London which was slowly falling into the evening darkness. Clara could not stop herself from frowning as she did everything that she could to avoid her mother’s eyes.

She had nothing to say to her after the nightmare that they day had been, and that was not going to change. Clara could only hope that once they arrived at her elder sister, Lady Sophia’s, home, she would no longer be the center of attention.

“Clara, you can not continue to ignore me.” Her mother’s thin veil of politeness finally erupted, shifting the atmosphere in the carriage completely. “You can not behave like this, simply because I have an opinion. We can not ignore the fact that Lord Caldwell is much more eligible. The much preferable option for you. “Mr. Fitzhugh is of lesser social rank and means. You have to understand why I am guiding you that way.”

Irritatingly, her father echoed stern agreement. Clara’s mother had clearly filled him in on everything that had happened throughout the day, and he was in agreement with her mother.

“Look at the man your sister has married,” he scolded. “Sophia married James because of his standing in society, and that had afforded her a great life. Is that not something you wish for yourself? That is what your mother and I want for you.”

Clara bit her bottom lip, trying her hardest not to say too much. She needed to endure their magnified scrutiny and expectations quietly, in the hope that it would all come to an end sooner rather than later. This was painful, she was not expecting to face quite so much immediate resistance when it came to her and Christopher.

It seemed to take forever for the carriage to arrive at the home of her sister, but it was such a relief when it finally did. She just wanted an evening away from the scrutiny and the judgement of her life. Why could she not be free to simply do as she pleased? To marry who it was she wanted to marry? It seemed like utter madness.

But Clara immediately realized that was not going to happen. She was not going to be given a break. Her father immediately started to praise how wonderful Sophia and James’s house was, and how lucky she was to marry into such a wealthy family.

Clara already knew that she did not care about such things. As long as any home she lived in had a room where she had an art room, that was all she needed. Perhaps Sophia was happy with this, because she had chosen James to marry but Clara was different.

Why could her family not seem to understand that she was different? That she was not the same as everyone else. She had her own personality and desires in life. That she might not need the same as others, especially not the same as what her parents wanted for her.

Sophia was clearly extremely happy to see Clara. Her smile widened the moment she set eyes on her. They greeted one another, and Sophia did what she could to benevolently draw Clara into a kind conversation. It seemed like her sister could sense her unease.

But Clara’s guard was up high. She could not relax for even a second. She could sense her father preparing to monopolize this evening, to remind Clara of what he wanted for her. Clara recognized with sinking certainty her own perspectives mattered little in securing socially beneficial alliances.

“Will you sit with me?” Sophia asked quietly as they took their seats at the dinner table. “It feels like forever I have not seen you. How is everything?”

Clara knew that even if they whispered, she would not be able to say too much. Not with their mother’s hawk eyes on them the whole time.

“I have been enjoying the Season,” she replied carefully. “It has been a very interesting time, as I am sure you can remember.”

Sophia smiled over to James, looking at him as if he were the best man to ever walk the planet. Whatever reason she chose to marry James, whether it was her own decision or pressure from their parents, it did not matter. She was undoubtedly smitten with him now, utterly enamoured. Fate had truly smiled upon their union, and all had unfolded splendidly for them.

Clara already knew the same would not be the case with Simon and her. She could never see herself falling for a man who had nothing to talk about, and who only thought that money was important. Public image and the ton.

“Have you had any potential suitors…?”

“Oh, one!” their father jumped in, despite the quiet of the conversation. He had heard everything. “There has been a lot of wonderful attention from the Lord Simon Caldwell. He is a fine gentleman, just like you, James. He has a lot of assets, which I am sure will be truly beneficial to Clara when she agrees to marry him.”

It was very hard for Clara not to roll her eyes. Was she not even allowed to have a private conversation with her sister any longer? Could she not even bring up the prospect of Christopher, whether her parents liked him or not?

“I see…” Sophia was a little stoic as she answered. It seemed that she could at least sense Clara’s hurt, even if no one else could. “Well, it is always good to have options.”

“Clara does not need options,” their father laughed, as if this were supposed to be a joke. “It is quite clear to all of us that things are finally moving in the right direction.”

Clara and Sophia exchanged a look, but it did not seem like she was going to get the chance to confide in her sister today. Maybe that was for the best, because the fewer people who knew about her plan, the less likely it would ever be revealed.

***

Clara tossed and turned in her bed, completely unable to fall asleep as her mind raced at the speed of light. She had not been given the chance to confide in Sophia all night long, which left her drowning in unanswered questions.

She was conflicted, really struggling with Elliot’s plan today more than ever. Much as she did not wish to marry Lord Caldwell, she also did not like the idea of risking her family’s reputation and trust. If her parents ever found out what she had done, they would likely never forgive her. She did not know what would happen to her and it was terrifying.

Yet, she could not help but recall Christopher’s spontaneous warmth and how their discourse felt real, not performed for show. Even when they could not say much in front of her mother. She would enjoy talking to him like that, even if the chat was stilted, far more than talking to Simon. He had never piqued her interest, even for a moment.

Lord Caldwell was not the only prestigious suitor that her parents had been interested in for her, yet undoubtedly, he was the most favoured suitor in her parents’eyes. Just because he had the right credentials, as if temperamental suitability did not mean a thing.

The worst part of all of this was the fact that it was merely a plan. If things were genuinely progressing with Christopher then she would have something to fight for. Much less to worry about. Espeically as she could feel deep within her soul that her own heart reacted to Christopher in a way that she was not expecting.

But of course, things would eventually come to an end. That was Elliot’s plan, and it was what they had both agreed upon. There was no changing that now. It was a ruse, designed to turn their parents away from those they wanted for their children.

It was not going to be easy for Clara, especially when her parents seemed utterly against the idea of even considering Christopher. But if she stopped now, it was going to be extremely challenging to get away from Simon.

In risking this charade, perhaps something genuine waited on the other side that societal constraints had denied them both until now. She might be torn and a little concerned that things would not work out, which was why she was struggling to rest, but she also knew that she would always regret it if she did not try.

One day, when she was in love and living with the man of her dreams, then all of this would be worth it. She would look back to this plan and be so grateful that she had gone through with it. Even if it was not always the easiest thing to do.

She was in too deep, she could not stop now, which meant she would be attending her date to the theatre, no matter what her parents said.