30. LONNIE

30

LONNIE

THE FOREST, NEVERMORE

I shadow walked.

I didn't care at all that it was breaking the rules, or about the bargain I'd just made. I was staring into the angry eyes of a two-thousand pound monster, and I wasn't going to just stand there and let her eat me.

She charged forward toward me, but I was already falling backwards into the shadows. The last thing I saw of her was her huge jaws opening wide, before I spun through darkness and reemerged on the road where Ambrose and I had first seen Cassinda.

I fell to the ground, panting.

What the fuck was that?

I wracked my brain, trying to remember if anyone had mentioned that Cassinda could turn into a giant fucking bear. I was sure they hadn't, and that seemed like the kind of thing I might remember. So what was going on? Was it simply part of her illusion ability?

Somehow, I didn't think it was.

Cassinda had said something about her "true form" and foolishly I hadn't thought to read into it.

This, too, explained why she made me think of Bael. She had an animal lurking behind her eyes, clawing at her to be let out.

I shivered, and this time it was only half due to the cold.

Getting to my feet again, I looked around. Behind me was more dark forest, and beyond that was the beach where the sirens were undoubtedly waiting to lure me into the ocean. To either side the road stretched out of sight, but right in front of me was a smooth hill, covered in snow.

I bolted toward it.

The snow was deep, and for once I was glad of it. My boots sank in up to the ankles, then as I walked further I sank to my knees, then my thighs. My body began to shiver so violently, I could barely move my feet. Still, I kept going.

I reached the bottom of the hill, where it began to slope sharply upward, and stopped. In front of me was a wall of white.

I put my hands out and was unsurprised to find that I was unable to conjure any flames. Gritting my teeth, I rubbed my hands together vigorously, trying to get some blood flow back into the tips of my fingers.

It hurt, and I bit back a pathetic sob as I continued to shake out my frozen hands, jumping up and down for all the good it might do.

Finally, I felt my hands begin to thaw.

I conjured a small burst of dancing orange flames, and thrust my hands out in front of me toward the wall of snow.

At first, nothing happened. Then, a small hole began to melt in the side of the snowy hill. I wanted to jump up and down again, but restrained myself, continuing to make the hole wider and wider with my flames.

If I could melt a cave into the side of this hill, and by some miracle the snow was deep enough, I could stay hidden in my cave until sunrise. There was even some faint hope the cave would keep me sheltered from the elements enough that I wouldn't freeze to death while I waited.

It was a good plan.

Or, if not a good one, it wasn't the worst plan I'd ever thought of.

I worked quickly, melting the snow until a decently sized cave emerged, wider on the inside than it appeared from the entrance. I was almost shocked at how well it had worked. The melted snow began to freeze again nearly as soon as I moved to the next section, which made the walls sturdy with ice. I tried melting all the way down to the ground, but discovered that beneath the snow the ground was wet and muddy, as if it had once been a swamp. I replaced the snow and merely packed the floor down to make it flat.

Finally, I straightened, feeling relatively pleased with myself. I was still cold, but not nearly as cold as I had been outside. Better yet, at least forty minutes had passed and Cassinda hadn't found me. That meant I had only six hours left until sunrise, and things were looking up.

I awoke to the sound of cracking ice.

I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep. I certainly hadn't meant to, and my brain felt sluggish. As if my blood was moving through my body at a trickle rather than a stream.

I shook my throbbing head and slowly blinked my eyes, trying to regain focus in the dim cave.

Suddenly, a loud thumping noise snapped me back to reality, and I remembered what great noise had awoken me in the first place. My hands trembled and my breath caught in my throat. With my heart pounding in my chest, I slowly turned my body towards the gaping mouth of the cave.

As I'd half known, half feared it would be, the enormous brown bear was blocking the mouth of my cave. It peered in at me, its jaws dripping and its beady eyes flashing with rage. The entrance was too small for it to walk through, but not for long. The beast was relentlessly thrashing and clawing at the ice, determined to break through and get inside.

Shock and fear immediately woke me fully, my adrenaline rising and bringing my temperature with it.

I got clumsily to my feet and reached for the knife in my boot with one hand and my flames with the other. The flames flickered in and out, my cold trembling hands refusing to hold them steady. Even if I'd wanted to, I suddenly couldn't even remember how to shadow walk.

The bear smashed its shoulders against the walls of my cave, and finally broke through. My flickering flame reflected in its black eyes, and went out.

I wasn't sure if I screamed out loud or in my mind as the hulking bear charged. It thundered toward me, its heavy paws smashing through the snow and ice as it closed in. Its breath billowed out in ragged puffs, and its fur stood on end as it prepared to attack. I shrunk back against the wall as the beast let out a fierce roar, lunging toward me.

Its enormous paw swiped out, raking my stomach. The force of the blow nearly knocked me off my feet and for the briefest moment, I couldn't feel the pain.

Then, I screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

The blood didn't spray, but rather gurgled out of me. Slowly at first, then faster, it poured out of my stomach and onto my hands. It dripped onto the ground making bright crimson patterns in the snow.

I choked, and was distantly surprised when the blood leaked from my mouth too, dribbling down my chin.

My vision swam and I struggled to keep my eyes open as the bear walked toward me, looming. I could feel the heat from its massive body radiating against my skin.

At least I wouldn't be cold anymore.

I clutched at my stomach, feeling blood pouring out of me so fast it soaked the ground around me and froze into huge scarlet sheets of ice. I was distantly aware of the frantic pound of footsteps, but I couldn't force myself to look up.

My legs buckled under me and I slid down the wall clutching my stomach. There were voices in the back of my mind, confused and talking over each other.

It didn't matter anymore. I was already dead…maybe?

I smiled slightly, delirium setting in. I'd nearly died so many times before, but this time felt different. I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I couldn't feel the cold.

I blinked…maybe?

A glint of light flashed past as a sword swung through the air and the bear's head rolled toward me. I stared down at it and blinked again.

A woman's head stared back at me…maybe?

My consciousness wavered. I let my head fall back against the wall, my eyes rolling into my head.

Realization settled in, overtaking madness. I knew I was dying. Knew I was more than half dead already.

I tried to conjure a happy memory. The faces of those that I loved. Anything to die with to make it feel as if it had all been worth something.

But I could find nothing. I could remember nothing.

All there was was fire and rage. Never ending rage at being unfinished. At being incomplete.

And then, somehow, I was climbing up a mountain.

As if in a dream, I climbed higher, but my feet wouldn't move. I went faster, but gained no ground. Still, I kept climbing and the wind whipped around me, bringing whispers on the breeze.

"Never make a bargain with a fairy," it seemed to say.

The earth was burning, the air thick with smoke, but still I climbed higher, my hands and feet slipping against the rocks.

"I'll kill anyone who hurts you, little monster."

I slipped further back, sliding down the rocks and I cried out but my voice was lost in the whispering wind.

"I love you enough for both of us."

Finally, I reached the top; clawing, scraping, begging.

"The new heir will be created, forged of Source fire."

I looked down over raging fire, opened my mouth, and screamed and screamed and screamed.

I kept screaming, but only then did I realize that I had no words, nor a voice with which to speak them. I was laughing and crying, but I had no eyes, no mouth, I had no body that was not consumed by flames.

And then, I was the flames; burning, blazing, Wilde.

I was fire.

I was creation and destruction; power and magic.

I was life and death.

I was the great equalizer.

I was the Source.