Chapter Six

As I stared at Muram, my camera hanging around my neck forgotten, the strangest feeling washed over me. The desire I was growing used to, but the demanding pull toward him was new. My eyes moved over the breadth of his magnificent wings and his strong body, slowly taking in every detail. The way his black fur shone in the light, the blood red of his wings, and the intensity in his dark eyes as we looked at each other.

The air felt charged, as the pull increased. I took a step forward and Muram echoed it. A pleasant shiver went down my spine. The heat that had been building low in my belly burst into flames. I gasped and stumbled forward another step. My gaze wandered over Muram's body hungrily.

His large hands flexed at his sides, as the rest of his body vibrated with tension. Was he feeling the same urges as me? I thought I was alone in this forbidden need, but did he feel the same way? What if…what if I touched him?

There were no witnesses here. No eyes to see the way I looked at him. Or touched him. But it would be a sin in the eyes of Allah. The thought made me pause only steps away.

Muram stopped with one hand outstretched toward me. Both of us stood frozen as I considered the ramifications. If anyone ever knew… I met Muram's eyes. He looked at me the way another man would gaze at a beautiful sunrise.

I took the last step to close the space between us. I reached up to touch his wings and Muram shuddered.

"Is this okay?" I whispered.

"Yes," he gasped. "Don't stop."

I lightly ran my fingertips over the silky flesh, curiously following each visible vein. Muram trembled under my hands, but he did not tell me to stop. When I finished one wing, I repeated the actions on the other before returning to stand in front of him. He looked down at me with such softness, that I felt an ache in my chest. I hovered my hands above his chest.

"May I?"

"Please," he said softly. "Please, don't stop."

I pressed my palms to his chest, my fingers sinking into his thick, soft fur. Muram arched, pressing himself more firmly into my hands. Boldness I had never known made me lean in and nuzzle the base of his throat. My hands wandered up to his broad shoulders before finding the base of his wings. Muram groaned deeply as if he were pained. Before I could snatch my hands away, he gasped my name and a plea for more.

I caressed as much of his back and shoulders as I could reach, as my breaths came faster. The feel of his strong body pressed so firmly against mine deepened the ache between my thighs. I wanted. I was not sure what I wanted, but I knew Muram could give it to me.

"Touch me?" I asked hesitantly.

His hands were on me before I had time to doubt myself. One large hand cupped the back of my neck to angle my head. The next moment, his thin lips touched mine. I gasped and my eyes fluttered shut.

His skin was rougher than mine and his mouth a different shape, but he patiently kissed first my top lip and then the bottom. Slowly coaxing my mouth open. I felt flushed and desperate, but he was calm as he licked between my lips to touch his tongue to mine.

My knees went weak. Muram looped his arm around my waist without stopping our kiss. My mind spun as I tried to make sense of all the new sensations. Hot and wet, soothing and exciting. His long tongue explored my mouth until I had to pull back to gasp for breath. I stared up at him in shock.

"More?" he murmured.

I nodded hurriedly and offered my mouth again. He kissed me until I felt light-headed. Until there was wetness between my thighs and I could not stop squirming against him. Is this what other women felt? This overwhelming need to be closer than close?

I pulled back with a gasp. We stared at each other, both of us panting. I raised my hands to my hijab and began to slowly unwrap it. No one outside my family had ever seen me without it. Except him.

I pulled it off and dropped it on the ground beside me. A part of me felt shame, but I pushed it aside. Everything I did was for others. Always struggling to please my family who would never see me for who I was. But Muram…

I raised my head, letting him look his fill. When Muram looked at me, I could tell he saw me. His presence was quiet and steady, like a mountain in a storm. And when I was near him, it felt like I could be steady, too. When he reached out to touch my hair, I unwrapped my bun to release it all.

He gently lifted a lock to his nose and inhaled. His eyes fluttered closed and he smiled. As I watched him, there was an unfamiliar warmth in my chest. We were so different in looks, but our souls felt the same.

I reached up to touch his face, running my fingers over his heavy brow and through the thick fur along his jaw. Muram"s eyes opened and he looked at me with such affection, that I felt my heart swell.

"You are beautiful," he said.

For a moment, I thought he would say something else but he simply smiled and leaned over to pick up my hijab. I blinked, taking it automatically. I watched him back away from me with a frown. Did he not want me the way I wanted him?

"We should head for the village. It is not a short walk."

His voice was gentle, but the words were like ice water. I jerked my head in a nod, hurriedly rewrapping my hijab. I had thought…? I mentally shook myself. It did not matter what I thought.

He was right, I realized as I put my camera and map back into my knapsack and shouldered it. What could there possibly be between us? We were too different. I had a life in Surabaya, a career. My family was there.

I had to go home.

∞∞∞

My body ached more with every step. I could smell the confusion and embarrassment rolling off of Anissa in waves. I wanted nothing more than to take her to my nest and finish the bonding. My body, my heart, my very soul cried out for her, but I could not ask her to abandon her life. What she did was important.

If she did not return home to present her findings, the jungle would continue to shrink every year until there was nothing left. There was more at risk than my life. Even if no one could speak my true name, I was still the protector of the jungle. And I would not be the reason Anissa failed in her noble work.

The silence between us was oppressive, and the trip to the village passed faster than I hoped. When I caught the scent of dozens of humans, I paused. They knew of me, but I was not permitted in the village during the day when visitors were present. I had to leave Anissa here.

Agony speared through my chest and I grit my teeth. I could not let her know what the separation would do to me. I knew her. She would insist on staying. But she would not be happy here with me.

"The village is just up ahead," I said tightly. Another shockwave of pain went through me and I winced.

"Are you alright?" Anissa asked, turning to face me fully with a frown on her lovely face.

I nodded. "Safe travels."

"Muram, I…" She trailed off when I turned and began walking back down the path we had taken. "Bye," she said softly.

I did not dare look back. If I saw what expression came with that soft tone and hurt scent, I would not be able to leave. I was not strong enough. I walked faster.

I was barely out of her sight when my knees gave out. I sank to the jungle floor, bracing my hands on the ground as I dry heaved. It hurt far worse than I expected. Bonds were rejected so rarely, that my parents had only mentioned it in passing. To my kind, an incomplete bond was almost unheard of.

I laughed humorlessly and winced when another spike of pain went through my chest. How long would it take? I collapsed on the ground and rolled over to look up at the canopy. Above me animals were gathering, all staring down at me in confusion. They did not understand.

Who would protect them when I was gone?