Chapter Four

I was not sure what to make of him. After watching him while he cooked our food, it became obvious that my first impression had been completely wrong. Muram was more of a gentleman than many men I had met. He was kind and thoughtful. And he had rewrapped my hijab.

I reached up to touch my scarf. I could feel my hair lying oddly under the fabric, leaving no doubt it had come free at some point and been hastily bundled back under my hijab. It was thoughtful. Sweet. Muram probably did not understand the significance, but he had preserved my modesty anyway.

As much as I tried to resist, my gaze always returned to him. He was fascinating. As strong as he looked, Muram's movements were carefully controlled. He handled delicate cups and thinly sliced the vegetables for the fried rice. When he turned to hand me a bowl, it looked like a child's toy in his hands.

My gaze stayed on his longer than was proper before I murmured my thanks and began to eat. I had to bite back a moan of appreciation. I swallowed the first bite and glanced up to see his dark eyes watching me. My cheeks heated at the intensity of his stare. I reminded myself that he was probably as curious about me as I was about him.

Indonesians had many superstitions. Many creatures that were said to dwell in the dark and deep places of the country. With thousands of islands, there were plenty of places to hide. But Muram, he was something familiar.

The village women chatted as they cooked, exchanging gossip and telling stories. On my first trip to the village, they had mentioned a creature in passing. I had looked it up when I returned to my university in Surabaya.

The Ahool. It was said to be an ape-like predator with giant wings and a haunting call. A nightmarish creature made of teeth and claws. Aggressive. Territorial.

"Are you still hungry?" Muram asked quietly.

I looked up from my empty bowl and our eyes met. There was something so steady about him. A deep calm in his dark eyes. It had only been a short time since I woke and already my terror was a distant memory. His quiet gentleness was disarming.

I realized the silence had stretched while I was lost in thought and I looked away.

"No, thank you. It was very good."

Muram's wings rose a few inches before settling against his back. "I'm pleased you liked it."

Silence fell again. I tried to resist the urge to glance in his direction. Human or not, the entire situation was as close to haram as I had ever come.

I tried to imagine what my family would say. The outrage if they knew I was alone with a male without a chaperone. I internally winced. It would not matter that Muram had likely saved my life. We were unrelated and it was forbidden.

But intent mattered to Allah, right? I was not looking at Muram lustfully. I was just curious. That he was strong-bodied and kind was beside the point. I was overthinking.

"Are you thirsty?" Muram asked, breaking the silence.

Without waiting for my answer, he poured a cup of water and handed it to me. My fingers brushed his as I took it and I felt an electric shock run up my arm. My eyes widened in surprise and I looked up to see his dark gaze studying me, intent and unreadable. My heart began to beat faster and I knew I needed to change the subject.

"Your Sundanese is very good," I said, taking a hasty sip of water. "Someone in the village taught you?"

"Yes," he replied. "Long ago. And gave me my name."

I jerked my head up to watch him move to the back of the nest. "Muram?"

He nodded without looking at me.

"What were you called before?" Surely something better than "sad".

Muram turned his head toward me and made an indecipherable series of hoots and chirps. At my stunned silence, he huffed a laugh. "It"s not a sound a human can make."

"What does it mean?" I asked.

He was silent so long that I began to regret asking. Maybe, it was something even worse than sad.

He sighed quietly. "Protector."

I silently watched him arrange the bowls and utensils before walking the perimeter of the nest. He stopped at the entrance on the opposite side of me. He stood looking out at the jungle, and his shoulders rose and fell in a heavy sigh.

I studied him, taking in his powerful body and heavy brow in profile. As intimidating as his features were, he looked tired. Weary. As if the weight of the world had been on his shoulders for far too long, and the burden was slowly breaking him. I swallowed past the sudden tightness in my throat.

"Did they tell you what your name means?" I asked quietly.

He gave me a humorless smile. "Yes. And I suppose it suits me."

An urge I had never felt before rose in me. The nearly overwhelming need to hold a man. To hug him close in comfort. My gaze dropped to Muram's callused hand where it hung at his side. My fingers twitched with the need to touch.

"I am the last guardian the jungle will see," Muram murmured. "And when I am gone there will be no one to mourn me."

I had not known him long, but I knew he was wrong. I would mourn him.

∞∞∞

The red glow of evening spilled through the entrance of my nest. It painted the woven floor between us like a river I could not, should not, cross. I stayed away from Anissa as much as I could. No matter how much my nature yearned for her, I knew enough about the humans to understand the separation between their males and females. Even in the village, where they practiced a combination of local traditions and Islam, single men did not approach single women.

I had already touched her too much. The sensation of her silky hair brushing my throat when I carried her. The soft warmth of her body in my arms. The light floral scent of her skin. It would all haunt me long after she left.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. She lay still on the pallet, her chest rising and falling with each soft breath. I jerked my gaze away. I would need to change her bandage before night fell. And first thing in the morning, I needed to return her to the village. Even if I had to carry her.

I wanted to believe in my self-control. I wanted to think I could stay only an arm's length from her and resist the urge to display. That I could bury my instincts to woo, and mate, and bond, but I knew better. I could not risk it. If I displayed and she rejected me, it would be a death sentence.

My kind were not built like humans. There was one chance, one display. I was already tempting ruin by showing her my nest. If I spread my wings for her, offered her everything I was, and she turned away… I squeezed my eyes closed.

No. I would care for her as much as I dared, and then I would let her go. Humans and Ahool may share the world, but we were not the same. And I loved her too much to ask her to care for me.

I quietly rose from my crouch and retrieved a clean bandage and the small container of salve. As I approached Anissa, she stirred and opened her eyes. They were lighter in the glow of dusk, the color of honey. She watched me kneel beside her, but the tension I expected did not come. She eyed me curiously.

"I should change your bandage," I said.

Her eyes moved from my face to the items cupped in my hands. "Should I sit up?" she asked quietly.

I considered. Having her under my hands was a temptation, but her face near mine would be worse. I shook my head.

Anissa was calm and quiet as I carefully peeled back her bandage to check the gash on her forehead. The salve had prevented the wound from drying out, keeping the edges supple. She would heal quickly. In a matter of weeks, there would be nothing but smooth, unblemished skin. I smiled to myself and placed the new bandage.

As I began to move away, Anissa's small hand covered mine. My eyes flew to hers. She stared at me in shock, as if she were just as surprised by her actions. I slowly twisted my wrist until her hand lay in my wide palm. I chanced a look down and for a moment I could not breathe.

How long had I yearned to hold her hand in mine? To know how the flowers felt each time she gently ran her fingertips over their petals. My fingers twitched as I fought the urge to cradle her hand in mine. Love her until she wanted to stay.

"I'm sorry," Anissa whispered, starting to pull back.

"No," I said breathlessly. "Please, don't apologize."

She paused. "I wanted to ask you something."

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Anything," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

Anissa hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I am here searching for a flower. If I show you a drawing, can you help me find it?"

A strange combination of elation and disappointment filled me. I had hoped for something more personal, but if I could be of service to my beloved… "I will do everything in my power to help you," I said.

She looked up from our joined hands, and I was unsure what to make of the expression on her face. I had seen her in the jungle many times. I had watched her murmur to the trees and mutter at the chittering monkeys. She had been awed, and annoyed, and elated. But as many times as I had seen her face, she had never looked at anyone or anything like she was looking at me.

"You will?" she whispered.

"Yes," I said. "I would do anything for you."

Anissa"s grip on my hand tightened and her eyes glittered before she looked down. I watched her lower lip tremble for a moment before she caught it between her teeth. She gave me a silent nod.

"Thank you."

I tried to reply, but there were too many words I wanted to say. I would give her my whole world, everything I had and was, if she would only love me back. I sighed softly and lay her hand in her lap.

"Would you like to go back to the village in the morning?" I asked.

Anissa raised her head. "I have everything I need for now."

Her eyes were deep pools and I was drowning. I cleared my throat. "Then let us begin at first light."

"Good night," she murmured.

I wanted to kiss her so badly I ached. "Good night."

I left her to sleep and climbed up to perch on the branches above my nest. I could do this. I would help my Kekasih and return her to the village.

It was a simple task, but far from easy. Now that I had touched her, I felt irreparably changed. And for the first time, it occurred to me that I may not survive her leaving.

"Oh," I breathed. I slumped against the tree trunk and looked out a the dark jungle.

Whether I had displayed or not, it was done. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If that was the price I paid for spending a couple of precious days with her, I would gladly pay it.