Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

C onnor had never felt better in his life. Or at least, not since he’d been a carefree boy roaming the land with his partner in crime, Matthew. And after his night of passion with Esyllt, he had expected her to be radiant, too. But when he entered the great hall late in the afternoon, she looked nothing like the woman he had left in bed at dawn, exhausted by their energetic lovemaking but glowing. She was pale and drawn, and it seemed to him that her hands were trembling.

This was not what he wanted to see. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her.

“Is anything the matter?” he asked, speaking into her ear.

That was a stupid question. It was clear that something had upset her. What? Who? His guts seized as a thought crossed his mind. Not him, surely? Had his ardor last night frightened her? True, he had been quite relentless in his attentions, but she had welcomed every caress, and sometimes even initiated them. After all they had done, he didn’t think she would refuse to be held in his arms again, but she quickly disentangled herself from his embrace, as if she couldn’t bear to be held.

“No. I’m fine.” Her voice was strained, and there was an edge of panic in it.

“Don’t lie to me, I can tell something is wrong,” he said, stroking her cheek. “Let me help.”

In the corner of his eye he saw Matthew scowl at this unusual display of tenderness on his part. No surprises there. His brother would not have the patience or the inclination to listen to a woman’s complaints. But he would. He wanted to ease Esyllt’s burden. Something was bothering her and if Matthew could be excused for brushing it away, he could not. As her husband, it was his responsibility to be there for her. Even more pointedly, he wanted to be there for her.

“Well?” He peered into her eyes.

“’Tis nothing, I assure you,” she mumbled. “Mayhap I ate something that did not agree with me this morning.”

This was a blatant lie, but before he could press her further, Jane burst into the hall, momentarily diverting his attention.

“Father! There you are! I looked everywhere for you, but I couldn’t find you.”

“You couldn’t have, sweetheart. I went to the village by the coast to apologize for my absence yesterday.”

Jane didn’t seem interested by this piece of information, which did not surprise him. Besides, it had not really been aimed at her but at his wife, who, he hoped, would not fail to appreciate the gesture. But she didn’t seem to have heard him.

“I cannot find Sian anywhere, either!”

At the mention of her daughter, Connor looked back at Esyllt. If possible, she had gone even paler. Was the Devil was wrong with her?

“I’m sorry, Jane, I forgot to tell you, but Sian has gone to my mother’s for a few days,” she said, her voice hoarse.

“Oh.” Jane’s face fell.

Connor tilted his head in disbelief. Esyllt had not thought of telling his daughter, whom she knew relied on Sian and why, that her new best friend would be away for a few days? That didn’t seem possible. Matthew caught his eye. Judging from the expression on his face, he was thinking the same thing. But then again his brother was always ready to think the worst of his wife, so he could not let this sway him.

“How about a game of hide and seek with your favourite uncle before we eat?” Matthew scooped Jane into his arms and proceeded to tickle her when the silence in the room threatened to become awkward. The little girl squealed with delight and jumped back down to the floor, agile as a squirrel. “You will see that I am better at it than your father.”

“It’s not that difficult! He’s terrible. But I know all the hiding places here now, so you’d better beware,” Jane warned before dashing out of the room.

Connor threw his brother a grateful look for distracting his daughter. Matthew always knew what was needed when it concerned him or Jane. If only he could extend the same skill to his wife, it would be a tremendous help, especially right now.

“Where does your mother live?” he asked Esyllt as he poured himself a cup of spiced wine. He hated to insist, but he could not rid himself of the impression that something was not right. “You never said.”

“Just on the other side of the village,” she said in a quiet voice. “Sian asked to see her this morning, so I took her. The two of them are very close. I suspect she wanted to tell her all about her new friend.”

“Yes. I suspect so,” he said, handing her a cup of wine. Could that be the truth? It was plausible enough.

But when Esyllt emptied the wine in one gulp, Connor’s suspicious were renewed. She had never been able to dissemble and it was clear something was weighing on her mind. Should he press her? Would she answer? It was far from certain.

For now, perhaps it was better not to insist. She had proved last night that she would confide in him if she felt the need to.

“I will get back to the stables if you don’t need me. I think Storm’s saddle needs to be replaced. I’ll have a word with the groom about it.”

Esyllt nodded absent-mindedly. She was surprised Connor had not pressed her to know the reason behind her odd behavior, but relieved he had not, because she wasn’t sure she would have been able to withstand the assault without crumpling. Would she have told him about the events of the day, warned him against Gruffydd, as she had planned earlier that day? It was not impossible. But she could not, not now.

Now it was not about her, or even him, so she stayed silent and watched him leave the hall.

It was not long before he came to find her again. When she saw him in front of her, all tall and brooding, she almost reached up to him. In three short months he had become such an integral part of her life that she could not believe what she was about to do.

To add to her distress, he had never looked better than he did tonight. Clean-shaven, dressed in a tight velvet tunic the color of ivy leaves, he cut an impressive figure. There was also a gleam in his eyes she had never seen before. He seemed... happy. And he was looking at her with a newfound tenderness.

She almost fell to her knees and begged for his help.

“Night is falling fast. Shall we retire to your room now, little wife?” he purred, leaning toward her. “My longing for you has not quite been satisfied. We could ask for food to be brought up to us.”

“No!” she almost shouted, as panic flared inside her. He needed to sleep in his own chamber tonight. No matter what, she could not welcome him into her bed.

Connor frowned, and Esyllt mentally kicked herself. Damn, she had been too forceful, and renewed his suspicions. “Are you sore?” he asked in a breath, sounding appalled at the possibility. “Is that what it is? Was I too rough with you last night?”

“You weren’t, and I’m not sore.” Esyllt flushed, remembering how thorough his lovemaking had been. Thorough, intense, demanding, but never painful. “I’m sorry. I’m tired that’s all. I think I need a good night’s sleep t-tonight,” she stammered, already knowing she would not sleep a wink. Her fingers closed on the letter hidden in her sleeve, hoping it would give her the strength to hold on to her resolve.

“Of course. I will do what you wish.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, lingering over the gesture.

“Yes, please, sleep in your own bed tonight. But know that...” Her heart breaking, Esyllt reached up and placed a brief kiss on his lips. “ Rwy’n dy garu di .”

Before Connor could ask her what she had said, she fled.

I love you.

Connor stared at Esyllt’s retreating form in confusion. His wife had just told him for the first time that she loved him. He could not have mistaken the words. Jane had taught them to him only two days before.

“Sian told me how to say ‘I love you’ in Welsh!” she had announced excitedly. “ Rwy’n dy garu di. ”

“Very good, poppet. But why are you telling me this? I thought Welsh was supposed to be a secret language between you and Sian, so that Uncle Matthew and I could not understand you?”

“Yes, but this you need to know, for you will want to tell Esyllt. I’m sure she would prefer to hear you say you love her in her own language.”

His throat tightened and he gave his daughter’s cheek a stroke. “That’s very sweet of you. Thank you.”

“Oh, Father, I’m so glad you married Esyllt,” Jane enthused. “Now we will both be happy with people we love.”

The whole encounter had unsettled him deeply. Had Jane noticed something in his behavior that made her think he was in love with Esyllt? She sounded so certain that her father loved his new wife... Was the little girl right?

Yes, she was. He did love Esyllt. After last night he could not doubt it anymore.

What they had done had been more than consummating their marriage or even simply making love. They had allowed their bodies to express the feelings they had never spoken out loud, or even fully accepted before.

But he did love her.

Perhaps he should follow his observant daughter’s advice and tell her as much. He smiled again. Next time he saw Esyllt, he would tell her that, as unlikely as it was, he loved her too. After all, if she had been brave enough to tell him she loved him, albeit in Welsh, he could certainly find the guts to tell her she was not alone, and he returned her feelings.

He had fallen in love with her and, in typical male fashion, had only realized it when he’d been buried deep inside her. Connor gave a snort. When he told Esyllt he loved her, he would not specify that making love had been what had triggered the realization, as she might take it as a slight on her other qualities.

But it wasn’t. True, he thought her the most desirable woman he had ever seen, and he craved the pleasure her body could offer him, but it did not make him blind to her other accomplishments. She was also generous, caring, forgiving, an efficient administrator and a fair mistress to all. The people at Esgyrn Castle respected her, which was noteworthy in itself, but they also seemed to love her, which was more unusual. She had welcomed Jane with warmth, without stifling her or acting as if she wanted to replace her mother. With Matthew, who God knew had not been the easiest of men to deal with, she had shown patience without ever cowering.

And with him...

She had given him a chance. English though he was, she had welcomed him into her life, her castle, her arms—and now her heart.

It was the greatest gift he had ever received, and he would strive to be worthy of it.

Connor strode to his chamber with a smile on his face. The hard times were over. No doubts, no secrets, no distrust remained in their unlikely marriage.

From now on, everything would be all right.