Chapter 10

ten

"It is hard when a man has toiled all his life with unflagging energy and enthusiasm to be cut off when he had gotten where he could make his efforts count, yet the loss is not his. It is to his family and to science."

~Earl Douglass

T HURSDAY , J ULY 13, 1916 · M EYER R ANCH

It took several minutes for her to dismiss the group. It felt awkward and unnerving to hint for everyone to leave. Especially Dr. Masterson. But he said he would come back tomorrow, which was wonderful. She could talk to him then about a time to meet. For now, she had to find Devin.

What had she been thinking to lie like that? Especially when he told her that he didn't feel comfortable pretending to be the author. Maybe in the early years when she'd first asked him—but that was a long time ago.

Her gaze darted across the horizon, hoping to catch a hint of where he'd gone.

The expression on his face right before he walked off gave her a brief glimpse of how much she'd hurt him. He looked tormented.

She'd done that.

And that did awful things to her heart. She'd always cared for Devin. Loved him. In the way that friends and family do. But something about their interactions of late had her feeling... different. And she didn't know what to do about it.

Was it because they hadn't seen each other for several weeks? They'd never gone that long before without seeing one another. Perhaps it was the news of Grandfather's death. A fresh wave of grief crashed over her. She still couldn't believe he was gone.

Oh no. The fact that Devin had been asked to be the one to tell her. That must have been a horrible burden for him to bear. And then she had to go and do this.

It wasn't grief that had put Devin in this precarious position. She knew, no matter how convenient it would be to blame it on Grandfather, this was all her own insecurity.

As she rushed out along the long grass following where he'd gone, she could barely see him in the distance. Gracious, he was moving fast.

She picked up her pace and began to run as fast as her corset would allow. At this point, she didn't care about how much dirt caked her shoes or the bottom of her pants. She didn't even care about what people said if they saw her running after a man. All she cared about was apologizing.

When she was within shouting distance, she hollered at his back. "Devin! Please stop. Devin!"

When he kept on, she yelled again. "Devin! I'm sorry!"

Still, he didn't stop. There was nothing to block her voice. He was deliberately ignoring her. And she couldn't blame him.

So she ran harder. "I'm sorry." She cried the words now. Why wouldn't he stop?

She finally caught up to him and latched onto his arm. "Devin. Did you hear me?" She gasped and watched his face.

It was dark and stormy. Hard.

Unforgiving.

"Please." She put a hand to her chest, heaving for each breath. "Devin, I'm sorry." The tears couldn't be stopped at this point.

"I heard you." He didn't look at her.

"I—"

"After I specifically told you that I didn't want to play a part for you. You don't need me to do that. And yet you went ahead and did what you wanted. You lied, Eliza. And not just about yourself. You lied about me."

His words cut her like a knife into her heart. Quick. Sharp. To the core.

She licked her lips, her heart hammering in her chest. Devin had never been this angry with her before. The distance between them was a stark contrast to the warmth she'd felt just a few hours before. Still, he deserved an explanation, even if he didn't want one. "I didn't know what to say. And I wasn't sure if Dr. Masterson thought the paper was brilliant or if he thought it was terrible ... I was scared."

"Oh, I see." He laughed at her and waved his hands out in front of him, but it was anything but joyful. "You didn't want the man you've looked up to all these years to hate your paper, so you thought it would be fine for him to think that I wrote a bunch of drivel!"

"It wasn't drivel!" The words shot out of her before she knew what she was saying. And in that moment she admitted the truth: She didn't have a leg to stand on. He was right. She'd been completely selfish. Worried about herself. Insecure.

Devin shoved his hands in his pants pockets, shaking his head. "That's my point! Nothing you've written for publication is drivel." His words were only a tad bit softer. "You're brilliant, Eliza. I don't know why you can't see it, but you are. And the fact that you can't see how incredibly selfish that was for you to go against my wishes ... well, I'm furious." He turned away from her and then swung right back around and stepped closer. "Just because you're doubting yourself and can't see the forest for the trees doesn't mean that you should hurt the person who loves you the most!" His eyebrows drew tight together. "I know the last week has been upsetting in so many ways. But Eliza ... we've been friends our entire lives. I've always been there for you. Always. I can't"—he clenched his jaw—"I can't even look at you right now." And he turned back around and paced in a circle.

"You're right." She lifted her arms up and then let them come crashing down. "I'm sorry, okay?" What else could she say?

Once more, he whirled on her and stepped right up to her until their faces were inches apart. "You always have gotten away with doing your own thing, Eliza. And most of the time, I'm along for the ride. Encouraging you and cheering you on. But how—pray tell—am I supposed to have an intelligent conversation with a paleontologist about a paper that I know nothing about?" His blue eyes bored into hers.

She opened her mouth to argue back because that was what she'd always done, but no words would come. The heat of his anger came off him in waves. But she found herself unable to move or even blink.

Her stomach did that weird flipping again, and a shiver raced up her spine. What on earth? It was brutally hot out here today. But she was caught up in his gaze.

For a moment, she thought God had stopped the sun like He did in the book of Joshua. Then, she flushed from head to toe as she thought for sure that Devin Schmitt was about to kiss her.

That idea was the best one yet.

She actually wanted him to.

He licked his lips.

A second passed.

Then another.

She held her breath.

But he shook his head and stepped back. "I can't keep up this charade, Eliza, and you know it."

What was he talking about? Blinking away the image of him kissing her in her mind, she focused on his words. But she still missed his presence. Right there. With her. What had just happened?

"You're going to have to fix this with Dr. Masterson. I'll meet with him, but you . Are going to have to. Fix. This."

T HURSDAY , J ULY 13, 1916 · D INOSA UR N ATIONAL M ONUMENT

The quarry was beautiful. He'd never seen the likes of it, not even in his old digging days. Envy sliced through him. Earl Douglass had hit the proverbial mother lode of fossils.

All his discoveries paled in comparison to this.

Still, Douglass was a respected man of science now. All thanks to the bones here.

Being able to see various dinosaur skeletons emerging from the ground as if coming to life? It stole breath from his lungs. This was where he was meant to be. Not stuck in some museum, working for a man who didn't know the difference between Diplodocus carnegii and a Brontosaurus .

He ground his teeth together. The ignorance was insulting.

Every time they received bones at the museum, he cringed whenever he saw where they'd been found. Every skeleton that Mr. Carnegie raved about would bear Dinosaur National Monument and Douglass's name on a placard.

Carnegie wasn't terrible. He had given him the job of head curator for the Hall of Dinosaurs, and that was something. Even though he should have had his name on the displays and been appointed curator. He'd poured himself into the work for Carnegie for more than two decades. Just because the man had money didn't mean that he should be the one making these kinds of decisions.

Why, the note the philanthropist dropped on his desk before he left practically begged Nelson to set things straight.

Well, now that he was here ... perhaps he could wreak a little havoc. Opportunities for revenge were plentiful out in the middle of nowhere.

And someone else obviously didn't want the quarry and its workers here.

The newspaper had quite the write-up on the vandalism, theft, and the fact that the quarry was closed for the time being. Even though many headed out on the train were anxious to see the site, himself included, there were obviously dissenters.

Not that he would want any of the priceless fossils damaged. No. He just didn't like anyone else getting his credit.

Especially Miss Mills. That rich socialite didn't have any right to be there. And to hear that not only was she giving tours but had helped with actual excavation and preservation of select skeletons being shipped back to Pittsburgh... well, it made his blood boil.

He turned away from the quiet quarry and shoved his hands into his pockets. What if he ruined her good name here as well? He already had someone playing a part. Why not get his money's worth?

A smirk twisted his lips.

He could hire some other men to do a little dirty work. Men who loved money above all. No need to dirty his hands.

The idea took root and expanded in his mind. It was almost too easy to think about her demise. She'd be humiliated and would go back to her big mansion and leave his Hall of Dinosaurs alone.

Then, he would be there, ready to step in and show the world what a real paleontologist looked like.

His name would be on all the placards. His name would be behind the Hall of Dinosaurs. His name would be synonymous with the greatest discoveries of all time.

T HURSDAY , J ULY 13, 1916 · J ENSEN

Back at the boardinghouse, Devin chugged down three glasses of water in rapid succession. He'd marched around the God-forsaken desert landscape to work off his temper. But when he almost passed out from the heat and lack of food or water, common sense finally knocked into him, and he headed back here.

He caught a brief glimpse of Eliza on his way back but refused to acknowledge her. He couldn't.

Because he'd almost kissed her. Even in his anger, he loved her with a passion he couldn't comprehend.

But she didn't see it. How could she? She didn't see him .

The facts were the facts. He'd been her pawn for all these years. She'd ask him along, and he did whatever she wanted.

She'd used him. And this time was the worst. He'd told her no. But she did it anyway!

It didn't matter that she'd just found out that her grandfather had passed. That was just another excuse.

He winced.

That wasn't fair. She loved her family and was grieving.

He refilled his glass one more time and worked to get his temper under control. But Eliza had a way of getting his emotions in high gear. She was under his skin and in his heart and throughout his mind.

He'd almost caved at the end. The look in her eyes had almost been his undoing. Like she'd never seen him before and didn't know what to do with his anger. To be honest, he hadn't known what to do with it either.

But they'd been standing so close together, and he'd wanted to kiss her. It didn't matter how angry he'd been. In that moment, he'd wanted to give in to his desires.

Devin marched to the bathroom to splash cool water on his face. He had to get rid of these thoughts. For years, he'd kept things bottled up. Under control. No one knew.

Who has really been playing a part, after all?

His chest hurt with the thought. He'd just laid into Eliza about it ... but he'd had his own charade going for more than a dozen years. What a hypocrite.

Earlier today, his attitude had been completely different. And for once, he'd actually enjoyed himself digging and seeing the fossils in the rock show themselves. So just because she had a lapse of judgment, he had to go flying off the handle? What was wrong with him?

He shifted directions and went in search of clean clothes. He needed a bath to truly rid himself of all that transpired today. His anger with Eliza, and his anger with himself.

In the bathing room, he filled the bath with lukewarm water and dunked himself. It took him more than thirty minutes to scour and scrub his skin. He had dirt covering every inch of him, it seemed.

The harder he scrubbed, the more he visualized removing Eliza from his heart.

That was the crux of the matter. He loved Eliza. Wanted a future with her. But he'd made a promise to her grandfather. And he was a man of his word.

A little voice in the back of his mind wanted to argue. But her grandfather's dead. Who cares about your promise anymore?

"I do," he said to the empty room. Even though he'd rather give in to that voice. What he would've given to kiss her. Just once.

He plunged himself back under the water to try and wash the thought from his mind. Staying under for several seconds, he couldn't erase her from his thoughts. She'd looked as eager as he had been.

Could that be true?

He surfaced again and shook his head. It didn't matter. He'd given his word.

He pulled his weary body from the tub and dried off. His anger was spent. There was nothing left but shredded pieces of his heart. Again.

After dressing, he emptied the tub and then headed to his small room and pulled out his Bible.

The words blurred on the page. He couldn't focus. Couldn't think of anything but Eliza. Once he'd allowed his anger to boil over, his long-buried passion had gushed out with it. There was no way to put it back in its enclosed and locked-up space.

God, I can't take this anymore. I love her. I've loved her for so long, I don't know how to stop. Or if I even can. I've failed at my pledge to let her go. I'm sorry, Lord.

He closed his eyes and pictured her panic-stricken face when Dr. Masterson asked her about the paper.

Compassion replaced his anger. He rubbed his face with his hands.

Bother. He couldn't allow her to be embarrassed. If he couldn't convince her to tell the paleontologist the truth tomorrow, then he would play along with the charade. For one day. That was it. Then he was leaving.

He couldn't allow himself to feel anything for her anymore. No matter what, he'd have to stand strong.

He shook his head. Like that would happen. The only thing that had worked was when thousands of miles separated them.

Lord, help. I don't know what to do. Why is this so hard?

In that moment, silence filled every crevice of the room and his mind. Then...

Tell her the truth.

Where did that crazy thought come from?

But then it reverberated in his heart. All these years, he'd kept it all bottled up inside. Well, maybe it was time. So he could truly let her go. He could tell her and leave. That way she'd understand why he couldn't be at her beck and call anymore. It hurt too much. And he knew Eliza—she'd never intentionally hurt him.

He'd get it all out in the open and she'd finally understand. Then they could put all this behind them.

Once and for all.

T HURSDAY , J ULY 13, 1916 · A DAMS F ARM

As her horse made its way back home, Eliza tried to sort through her thoughts and feelings. But everything was such a jumble. Between her grief, shame, aggravation, and fluttering heart, she was certain the world must be upside-down.

Tomorrow, she needed to tell the truth. Somehow mend fences with Devin. Then get back to digging. Deborah would be waiting for her first thing in the morning.

As she rode up to the house, she tugged a bit on the reins. "Whoa." Mr. Adams always told her to leave her horse tied to the post, and he would take care of it. So she dismounted and went about unbuckling the straps that held the picnic basket and her bag of tools.

But a corner of something white was sticking out of the basket. That was odd.

She opened it up and found a piece of paper.

As she unfolded it, she gasped at the scrawled note:

Stop digging on the Meyer ranch and at the quarry or I'll bury you with all the other bones.