Chapter Two

“YOU DON’T have to keep checking on me,” Gideon growled into the phone.

“I’m not checking in on you as your coach. I’m checking in on you as a friend. Everyone is worried about you holed up in the mountains by yourself. What are you doing with your time?”

“I’m reading, playing FIFA, watching game film, and just… hanging out.”

Another heavy sigh on the other end of the line made him wince. “I don’t know, Gideon. Sounds like you’re hiding out more than anything.”

“You know I’m not a people person. If I were back in Seattle, I’d be doing the same thing. I like it up here. I have everything I need.”

“Except access to proper physical therapy for your knee.”

“I’m doing my exercises,” he lied.

The beat of silence on the other end of the line indicated Hugh wasn’t falling for his bullshit. Gideon fidgeted. A long uncomfortable pause followed before Hugh Donavan, his former teammate turned coach, finally said, “I’ll back off, but I’m still gonna call and check on you once a week.”

“Fine.” Gideon hung up.

Two minutes later, the phone rang again. He glanced at the caller ID and let out a frustrated groan. He got up and started pacing as he answered. Pacing always helped when he had to take these particular calls.

“I’m fine, Mom,” he said, trying to temper his annoyance so it didn’t come through and raise his mom’s hackles any more than they always were.

“Are you doing your exercises?”

“Yes.” The lie came easier this time. “I’m doing everything that the doctor said to do, and I’ll be fine to head back to the field when training starts.”

The brief silence meant she was calculating her next words. “I know we’ve talked about this a number of times. But your father and I really feel that it’s important to have a backup plan. Soccer won’t last forever. What are you going to do when it ends? Why don’t you come home for Hanukkah this year and we can talk about it?”

“Where is home?”

He wasn’t being rude. His father’s position in the diplomatic corps meant they could be anywhere in the world.

His mother sighed. “We’re at the townhouse in Washington for a month. You could come home, and we could talk about your future.”

That definitely wasn’t going to happen.

“I need to stay here so I can do my PT,” he lied.

“Professional sports are hard on bodies. Athletes have a lot of joint problems as they grow older, not to mention the risk of traumatic brain injuries—”

“Gotta go, Mom. Thanks for calling.”

Gideon cut his mother off before she could finish the speech he practically had memorized. He set his phone to silent and walked over to the floor-to-ceiling window at the front of his cabin, the first place he’d ever had that felt like home. While others admired his childhood travels, they didn’t grasp the challenges of always being the new kid and lacking a sense of permanence.

When he arrived in Seattle after being traded to the Emeralds, he knew he’d found the place he wanted to call home. Gideon traveled around the state for a month, exploring different regions from rain forests to the ocean, before training camp started. Seattle, Spokane, Tacoma, and the smaller towns in between. When he stumbled on a piece of land in the woods two hours northeast of Seattle, he knew he’d found his sanctuary. No matter what, even if he got traded again, this was the place he wanted to come back to. He stood on this very spot, googled a local real estate agent, and bought it. He found an architect and a builder who could fulfill his vision. His dream getaway, a small cabin with an open floor plan and a loft bedroom facing a wall of windows. Having it ready in time for him to hide away and recover from his injury was a bonus he didn’t want but needed. The cabin was the perfect spot to heal his body. And his broken heart.

The trade to Seattle came as a surprise. He’d played well in San Diego. Sure, he hadn’t connected with his teammates, but that was normal for him. Why make connections that weren’t going to be permanent, anyway? It was a lesson he’d learned early, traveling from country to country with his parents. Even in boarding school and college, no one stayed in his sphere for long. Then he met Craig.

Craig Bryce worked for a marketing and event company. They met at an event Craig’s company put together for the team. Gideon was instantly smitten. Craig wasn’t his usual type, not that he really had one. He wasn’t typically attracted to guys who were bigger than he was. But he’d lost himself in the former football player’s muscled arms, taken in by his hazel eyes and sandy beachboy-blond hair. For the first time, Gideon allowed himself to believe he might have found something permanent. Until the news of his trade came. When Craig said he wasn’t willing to leave his job in San Diego, Gideon didn’t take the hint. He’d been such a lovestruck fool he had offered to quit soccer altogether and stay in San Diego to be with Craig.

Gideon watched the drifts grow higher. He leaned his arm against the cool glass, hoping the chill would freeze his memories. But he couldn’t forget the expression on Craig’s face when he told Gideon it didn’t matter where they lived. Craig wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship with him. He’d coldly listed all the things that made Gideon unworthy of his love. The one that hurt the worst was when he said Gideon was too clingy, too demanding. All the quiet evenings at home snuggling on the couch, staying in bed all weekend making love weren’t as romantic as Gideon believed they were. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sharp look of distaste in Craig’s eyes as he told Gideon how he’d held him back and kept him from having any fun.

“I was planning on waiting to break up with you after the team gala. But now that you’ve been traded, I don’t have to fake it anymore. I wasn’t sure I could for much longer anyway.”

“Why wait for the gala?” Gideon forced the question past the lump in this throat.

Craig shrugged. “We look hot on camera. You’re a good lay. I figured we’d have one last fuck before I called it quits.”

He’d put the side of his personality that earned him the nickname the Beast away for those months with Craig. But on the drive up to Seattle, he’d given that part of himself free rein again to protect his heart. He arrived in Seattle cloaked in his aloof, irritable persona. Yeah, he was an asshole, he was the Beast, and he planned to keep it that way.

Despite his guarded heart, he yearned for someone to love him, someone to share his life with, more than a lover. He craved someone who would be a friend, a partner, family. He wanted quiet dinners at the table, evenings snuggling on the couch, and lazy weekends in bed. Gideon wanted all the things he’d missed growing up.

How will you find someone if you keep pushing everyone away?

Being alone would be better than being made a fool of again.

But a hug would be nice.

With a grunt, Gideon pushed away from the window and limped over to the woodstove. He opened the glass front door, added another log, and admired the flames for a moment. He’d splurged on a European design with a sleek modern style with a larger glass opening so he could see the flames. The energy efficient unit kept the cabin warm and toasty even on the coldest days. Gideon glanced toward the dwindling woodpile. He would have to make a trip out to the woodshed and replenish his supply. Rubbing his leg, decided he could avoid going out into the cold for another day.

THE NEXT day, Gideon eased himself into the leather armchair after an agonizing trip to collect firewood. He put his leg on the ottoman with a grunt and rubbed his knee. He’d barely settled when his phone pinged with a message from his coach, as if the man somehow knew Gideon was hurting.

Are you getting tired of the snow yet?

No.

The three dots on the screen faded and reappeared a few times. Then, Noelle and I could come out and spend a day with you if you want some company.

I’m fine.

Gideon could almost hear Hugh’s sigh of frustration even through the text.

I’ll check in on you in a day or two.

Gideon put his phone away and pulled his e-reader off the small table next to the chair. He didn’t need people. He had plenty of close fictional friends. They were better than people because he could always count on them to be there.

He glanced at his phone again. With an exasperated huff, he picked it back up and replied to Hugh’s last message.

Okay.

His old team was a close-knit group, but the Emeralds were next level. They all hung out together. Hugh, Nick, and a few of the other players made regular visits to Children’s Hospital. Hugh’s and Nick’s wives worked at the hospital. The team and the hospital staff often socialized together like one big… family.

Visits to Children’s Hospital were out of the question. He’d probably make a kid cry. Instead of visiting, Gideon made anonymous donations. He’d listen to his teammates talking about their visits or a party they’d all been at together. Summer barbecues, birthdays, weddings: there was always some reason they were all getting together. Gideon envied it from the sidelines.

They always extended an invitation to Gideon. Invitations he didn’t accept. It was probably some kind of team rule, and they were doing it out of obligation. No one really wanted the Beast around, including his parents. He couldn’t remember a time in his early childhood when he didn’t have a nanny. His parents sent him to boarding school and college, but they were too busy to visit for parents’ weekends or take vacations together. When they managed to lure him for a visit, it was always to lecture him on the need to have a “real” career. Either that or to find a nice professional man to settle down with. Of course they would prefer if he was Jewish, but it wasn’t a requirement. They also lamented his lack of friends.

Gideon learned early on that friends only stayed around long enough to take advantage of whatever they could get from him. He’d been na?ve when he arrived at boarding school and desperate to make friends. He’d been happy to buy video games or candy for kids who said they were his friends. When he’d been studying in a quiet corner of the library and overheard a group of his classmates laughing about how gullible he was and scheming about what they could get him to buy them next, Gideon learned the unvarnished truth. People he thought were friends always wanted something from him or ended up moving on and leaving him alone. The same thing happened with boyfriends. The first man he thought he’d fallen in love with didn’t even wait until Gideon returned from a road trip to tell him he was leaving. Gideon walked into the apartment they had shared for three months and saw a note and an empty closet where Alessandro’s things used to be. The candlelight dinner Alessandro promised would be waiting for him was a lie.

Just like all the times his parents promised they’d make time for Friday night dinner. The time they spent together as a family could be counted in months instead of years. Maybe that’s why he fantasized about Shabbat dinners with family around the table. Lighting the menorah and singing the blessings with his arm around the person he loved. Sharing the Exodus story with a big Passover gathering. It wasn’t about the holidays as much as having someone to share it with. Over the years, hope faded into a deep cynicism. It became easier to be the Beast, the man who didn’t care, didn’t love, and kept everyone at a safe distance, allowing no one to get close enough to hurt him again. His latest relationship failure renewed his belief that no one wanted him and he didn’t need anyone.

Fluffy snowflakes drifted down outside the large windows that framed a view of the forest. “Good,” he said, watching the snow fill in the patches that were already on the ground. “Snowed in and alone is the perfect way to spend Hanukkah.”

“HEY, NOAH, can I talk to you for a second?”

Hugh Donavan walked down the hall toward him. Noah had crossed paths with Hugh a few times. Hugh was a regular visitor at the hospital, and Hugh’s wife, Noelle, was a nurse in the Pediatric Oncology unit. Noelle was one of Noah’s favorite coworkers, and he considered her a friend, but he’d only ever said a brief hello to Hugh before now. Noah couldn’t fathom why Hugh would want to talk to him.

Hugh stopped in front of Noah, towering over him. Noah and Hugh shared the same auburn hair and blue eyes, although Noah’s hair was more toward the strawberry-blond end of the spectrum. And his attempts at growing a beard were an utter failure compared to Hugh’s neatly trimmed facial hair. But there was enough similarity that Noah had been asked a few times if they were related.

“Are you visiting one of my patients today?” Noah asked.

The young patients looked forward to Hugh’s visits, along with other Seattle Emeralds players. Even though Hugh had retired as a player, he continued to visit the hospital when his schedule allowed.

“I already made my rounds for the day. I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute before I head out. You made a great impression on Dane Prescott working with his son Jamie, and we were wondering if you could help us out with… kind of a special project.”

“I’d be happy to help if I can.”

“We’d like to hire you to pay a visit to Gideon Wilder.”

“You want me to do what?”

Hugh gestured to one of the small waiting rooms off to the side. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

He was coming off shift, so Noah nodded and followed Hugh toward a small table and took a seat opposite from him.

“I’d like to help, but I don’t—”

Hugh held up his hand. “Let me explain first, before you say no.”

Noah listened while Hugh explained Gideon’s ACL sprain that had occurred at the end of the season.

“He should be able to recover no problem, but we’re worried he’s not taking care of himself the way he should. He’s holed himself up in a cabin outside of some tiny town called Blink.”

Blink, the small town close to the cabin Noah rented. He’d first discovered the charming town—so small it didn’t always show up on maps—when he was on a backcountry ski trip. Noah stopped in the town to refuel and grab some lunch at the tiny spot that served as a gas station, cafe, and grocery store. Most folks had never heard of the quirky town. The old billboard announcing its presence on the two-lane highway had slats that were supposed to rotate to appear like a pair of eyes blinking. Over time the sign broke down. Only one side worked now, making it wink instead of blink. The Blink Wink became an inside joke for people in the state. You were considered a true Washingtonian if you knew about the Blink Wink.

“Dane and I were talking, and we think you’d be the right person to check on Gideon.”

“Because I’m Jewish?” Noah blurted out.

Hugh’s forehead furrowed, and he looked at Noah with confusion. “Why would that matter?”

“I thought because Gideon is Jewish and I’m Jewish and Hanukkah is coming.” Noah clamped his mouth shut, realizing how ridiculous his rationale sounded.

“That wasn’t our reason for asking you.”

“Is it because I’m gay?”

The furrows in Hugh’s brow grew deeper. “No, your religion and sexuality aren’t the qualities we care about.”

Noah shook his head. “I don’t understand. Shouldn’t you be sending one of the team trainers?”

“The thing is….” Hugh took a deep breath and leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. “The thing is, Gideon can be… difficult. Dane was impressed with how you treated Jamie, and I’ve seen you with other patients. Nothing seems to faze you, and you always find a way to make your patients feel comfortable.”

“But Gideon isn’t a child.”

“He acts like it sometimes,” Hugh muttered under his breath. He obviously realized Noah had heard him and apologized with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. He’s not that bad, really. Sort of all bark and no bite, like a lion with a thorn in its paw. He’s a good guy when you get to know him.” Hugh paused with a frown. “I think that’s part of the problem. He doesn’t let people get close to him. I’ve seen you in action. Noelle says you and Holly are two of the best PTs that she’s worked with. I think you might be the right person to tame the Beast.”

What would Hugh say if he knew Noah had fantasies of the Beast taming him? He’d probably roll his eyes and say welcome to the club. Noah wasn’t the only guy who had sexy thoughts about Gideon Wilder. Dark hair, brown eyes that were both warm and steely, Gideon stared down at Noah with that sexy, growly face every day from a billboard he passed on his way to work. Gideon’s ferocity on the field earned him the nickname the Beast. His tan, toned legs ate up the field and kept his opponents from getting near the net. Gideon’s temperament on and off the field gave the nickname mythic status. One of Major League Soccer’s very few openly gay players, he had both men and women cheering for him in the stands and fantasizing about him at night. And now Hugh and the owner of the Emeralds wanted Noah to drive into the mountains to Gideon’s lair and check on the Beast.

Noah blew out a shaky breath. “I’m not sure I—”

“Please think about it before you say no. We’ll give you anything you need. We can even get you a four-wheel vehicle if you need it.”

“You don’t have to do that. My Bronco has four-wheel drive, and I don’t have any issues driving in the snow. I go backcountry skiing or snowshoeing sometimes.”

Noah’s watch pinged with a notification. It was time for his next patient. Noah got up. “I’ve got to get going. I have a patient. I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

Hugh stood up and held out his hand. “Thank you. You’d be doing us a huge favor, and I can promise you season tickets in the best seats if you say yes.”

Noah shook Hugh’s hand and dashed down the hall to meet his next patient. His focus was on his patients until lunchtime. He sat down in one of the smaller cafeterias that he chose for its quiet, calm vibe. He adjusted his napkin, silverware, and a cup of tea, making sure the cup handle was on the right side. Staring at the sandwich on his plate, Noah replayed his conversation with Hugh. A shadow fell over the table, and he looked up to find the Christmas sisters—Noelle, Holly, and Joy, his coworkers and friends—hovering over his table. Noelle’s patients called her Nurse Christmas because of her name; the three of them were as close as sisters and with their holiday themed names had become known as the Christmas sisters among the staff at the hospital.

“Mind if we join you?” Noelle asked.

“Um, yeah, sure, of course,” Noah said, making sure his place setting left enough room for everyone else and the rest of the table was tidy.

Noelle, his fellow PT worker, Holly, and Joy took their seats and stared at him with warm, hopeful smiles.

“This is an ambush, isn’t it?”

Holly shook her head and patted his arm. “Not really. We wanted to see if you had questions about Hugh’s offer.”

Of course they all knew about Hugh’s proposal. Hugh had implied he’d discussed it with Noelle, who had no doubt shared it with Holly and Joy. Although unlike Holly’s husband, Joy’s spouse, Jason, was a well-known musician, not an athlete, the three couples were close friends.

Noah took a bite of his sandwich, taking his time to think while he chewed. Did he have any questions? Were they questions or fears?

He set his sandwich down and carefully wiped his hands before refolding his napkin along the set fold lines.

“I’m not sure. What do you think I should know?”

“Forget about Gideon’s nickname. He’s only ever been an absolute sweetheart to me,” Holly said.

Noelle and Joy nodded in agreement.

“I think he’s scared. A torn ACL isn’t a minor injury. But with proper treatment, he’ll be fine, Noelle said.

“Why don’t they send one of the team trainers?”

The three of them exchanged a glance that made Noah’s stomach sink.

“It’s nothing terrible,” Holly said, noticing what must have been a look of fear on his face. “Gideon… well, the PT staff has kind of gone on strike with him. He can be… short with people.”

“He wouldn’t let anyone from the team in the door, but if you show up, we thought you might have a chance,” Noelle explained.

“Show up with some of those amazing chocolate cookies you make. That will win him over for sure,” Joy said.

“He has a sweet tooth,” Noelle said.

Noah doubted cookies were going to be enough to win over the Beast, but it wasn’t a bad idea.

Holly nodded. “And he loves junk food.”

“It’s another thing that drives the training staff crazy. He’d live off Doritos and M actually he kind of did. Did he shower yesterday, or was that the day before? He tried to move out of Noah’s grasp and sniff his shoulder at the same time. “Wait. I didn’t say I was willing to go along with this.”

Noah sighed as if he were dealing with a petulant child. “Let me see your leg. Then I’ll get out of your hair and leave you in peace. Deal?”

Gideon realized Noah was still holding out his hand. Waiting.

“I may have snuck in a couple of bags of Doritos with your groceries,” Noah said with a wink.

Gideon thrust his hand into Noah’s. “Deal.”

He wouldn’t admit it, but his supplies were running low. He needed to get groceries, but the drive to a bigger town with a full-size grocery store took forty-five minutes, and his leg was going to hurt like hell.

“Great. I can finish unloading the car if you want to… you know, uh, shower or something.”

Gideon stepped back, trying to distance Noah from his stink. “Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”

He started for the stairs to get a change of clothes.

“What are you doing?” Noah exclaimed.

“I’m getting a change of clothes.”

“Have you been climbing these stairs every day?”

“Well, my bed is up there,” he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Noah shook his head with a frown. “Tell me where to find them and I’ll get your clothes.”

Gideon folded his arms across his chest and glared. Instead of backing down, Noah mirrored his pose, glaring back at him.

“Dresser,” Gideon mumbled after a minute, feeling like a child who’d gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar. Cookies. Noah brought cookies. He could play nice for an hour, and then he’d get cookies.

“You sit on that sofa until I come back down,” Noah ordered.

Gideon did what he was told. “Bring my phone down,” he called out.

Noah’s head popped over the loft railing. “That was a bold statement. Do you want to try that again?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Gideon swallowed. “Will you bring my phone down… please?”

“Better,” Noah said with a nod, disappearing back into Gideon’s bedroom.

What was actually happening? How did this man manage to sweep into his life and order him around? Why wasn’t he afraid of the Beast?

Noah came back down the stairs with a long-sleeved T-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, underwear, and socks, all neatly folded, with his phone sitting on top of the pile.

“I’d like to get out of here before it gets dark, so don’t take too long,” Noah said as he handed the stack to him.

“Got it.” Gideon wanted to get rid of the unsettling Noah Stern as much as Noah wanted to get rid of him.

As soon as he was safely ensconced in the bathroom, Gideon sent Hugh a two-word text.

Fuck you.

Hugh answered with a smile emoji.

Gideon quietly cursed his coach as he shucked out of his clothes and ducked under the hot spray. Upgrading to a high-efficiency, oversized hot water heater had been a smart choice. The steamy water relieved his muscle tension, and the pine scent of his shampoo helped him think clearly once more.

He was both angry and oddly touched that his team cared about him enough to go to these lengths to check on him. He squeezed a large dollop of body wash into his palm, letting his thoughts return to Noah as he soaped his chest, his thoughts becoming questions as his hand drifted lower and he let his cock slide between his slippery fingers. Did Noah have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? He tried to remember if he’d seen a ring on his finger. Would his lips feel as soft as they looked? What would his hair feel like if Gideon threaded his fingers through it? A picture flashed in his mind of Noah in his bed, his knees raised to his chest as Gideon pushed into him, peppering kisses along his smooth pale jaw. An almost feral sound escaped as his cock pulsed in his hand.

“Gideon? Are you okay?” Noah’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

“I’m fine,” he grunted, watching his release swirl down the drain.

He needed to get laid. Tomorrow he’d drive down the mountain and hit up a gay bar in the city. Gideon shook his head. He was kidding himself. He wasn’t in any shape to drive that far, let alone try to fuck someone. With quick movements he rinsed off again and shut off the shower. As he toweled off, he noticed Hugh had sent him another text.

You’re family. We care.

It was happening again. He was having… feelings. Gideon ran his hand over his beard. He usually kept it to a hair longer than a five o’clock shadow. At the moment he was heading into lumberjack territory. He pulled out his trimmer, knocked it down to something more respectable, and got dressed. Splaying his arms on the countertop, he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. There wouldn’t be a second chance at making a better impression on Noah with dark circles under his eyes. He cupped his palm to his mouth and breathed out. He rolled his eyes and groaned. It was amazing Noah hadn’t fainted when he talked to him; his breath, like the rest of him, stank. He brushed his teeth so hard and fast his gums felt raw when he put his toothbrush back in the holder.

Showered, teeth brushed, deodorant…? Dammit. He turned from the doorway and went back to the medicine cabinet to apply deodorant. “I’ve gone fucking feral,” he muttered under his breath. Feeling somewhat confident he’d covered all the bases, he left the bathroom, then stopped in his tracks when he saw what Noah had been up to while he showered and dressed.

The kitchen was even cleaner than before. In the closet next to the bathroom, the washing machine hummed. The open shelving in the kitchen had been reorganized: the cups lined up by size, the plates and bowls neatly stacked. Noah stood in front of an open cabinet. The previously sparsely filled shelves were now packed with pantry staples—rice, pasta, canned sauce, soups, and other dry goods.

“Are you some kind of Christmas elf?”

Noah glanced over his shoulder with a hesitant smile. “Um, no, I’m Jewish.”