Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“Meri, got any plans tonight?” Shawna asked at the end of the day Friday. “We’re all going to a holiday karaoke thing near the marina. You can bring Beau if you want.”

I barely looked at her, feeling glummer than ever. “I have to drive to my folks’ place tonight, remember?” In fact, I needed to leave right about now if I wanted to make it before the next snowstorm rolled in tonight.

“I completely forgot. Is Beau going with you?” she asked.

I wish. “No, he has to work this weekend. He got a job baking.”

“I love a Black man who can bake.” She paused. “Or any man who can cook, honestly. Queen Shawna doesn’t discriminate when it comes to good food.”

I frowned at her strange comment. “Well, Beau is a great cook for sure.”

“Meri, why do you sound like someone kicked you in the lady hump? You’ve been dragging your saggy, skinny ass around the office all week.”

I grabbed my purse and started packing up for the day. “My ass is fat, but thanks for the compliment. And I’m fine,” I said in a miserable not-fine voice.

“Are you? Because you haven’t brought any baked goods to the office this week, and you’re usually swinging into high gear by now, determined to plump us all up by Christmas. And I still haven’t received my invite for your party.”

I sighed. “Yeah. I’m not throwing one this year.”

Shawna’s mouth fell open. “Now I know something’s up.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I muttered.

“Okay, but if it’s a question of help or anything like that, all you have to do is ask. I know you’ve been working like crazy lately, so—”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not that. I just…don’t have the motivation this year.”

“But you’re Miss Ing . Never stops cook ing , bak ing , plann ing , decorat ing …”

“Well, I recently learned that my enthusiasm for ing ing isn’t actually shared by everyone.”

“I can’t speak for your other friends, but I always look forward to crazy Christmas at Meri’s.”

“Shawna, even you said the other day that all I ask of you as a friend is to show up at my party once a year.”

“It’s true. You’re very low maintenance.”

“But that’s my point. My party shouldn’t be a chore.” I grabbed my laptop and shoved it in my bag. “It’s supposed to be a gift—something you get to do instead of having to do.”

I knew I came off sounding like I was having a pity party for one, and maybe I was, but the joy of Christmas had been zapped right out of me this year. Then I’d met Beau and…and…

Started using him as a distraction. But the truth was that maybe it was time to move on and start focusing on other things. Things other than Christmas and Beau.

I could begin by spending time figuring out what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. One by one, my friends were getting married and having kids. Even Kay’s little sister had busted out an entire family.

What did I have?

A storage locker filled with decorations for a house I didn’t own, for a family I didn’t have and never would if I didn’t stop my obsession for a very unavailable man.

What am I doing? Who did I think I was, pretending to rescue Beau? He was the last person who needed saving. The guy literally snapped his fingers and got a job and a place to stay. He’d taken care of himself for years with zero support. He was the least needy person I’d ever met. And here I was running around thinking I needed to save him .

“I’m really sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” said Shawna. “I love your party, and if you change your mind about throwing it, just say the word. I’ll clean, bring supplies, and do whatever you need help with. Except cooking. I suck at that. But your hot Black baker friend can whip us up some treats.”

I gave her a look. “What baker?”

She laughed. “Beau. Hello? You know, the guy who’s been staying with you.”

“Shawna…but he’s…” I was about to say he wasn’t Black, but I bit my tongue. Maybe she wasn’t well. And if not, she needed help. The sort I couldn’t give her.

I’d have to contact her sister on the way home.

“But he’s what?” she asked.

“I was going to say that he’s probably not sticking around much longer. He doesn’t stay in one place very long.”

“It’s the season for wishing, though. Right?”

“Right. See you when I get back.” I’d be off next week. “And have fun tonight.” I got my things and left.

The entire drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about Shawna. It was one thing to forget a name or not recall someone’s eye color, but she couldn’t remember what Beau looked like. I was genuinely concerned.

I found Egypt’s profile online and sent her a DM, telling her I needed to talk. I gave her my number and let her know I’d be on the road, driving to my parents’, so if I didn’t answer, to leave a message. The reception wasn’t always great on those mountain roads.

I pulled up to my building, planning to run in, grab my suitcase and snow chains, and then hit the road. With luck, I’d beat the storm by an hour.

I entered the building, finding Jason sweeping the top of the staircase. There were little pieces of white fluff everywhere.

“Mrs. Larson buy a flocked tree again?” I asked.

“I keep telling her to get a regular tree and do that stuff inside her own place, but she never listens. Or cleans up. By the way, I just saw that old guy go into your place.”

I stopped on the first step with my keys in my hand. “What old guy?”

“The one you asked me about the other day.”

“No, I asked about my friend—the one who’s my age.”

He shook his head. “No, you didn’t. You asked if I’d seen a man with a long white beard.”

Was everyone losing their minds? “Is he in my place right now?”

Jason nodded.

“And you’re one hundred percent positive he didn’t go into Mrs. Larson’s apartment?” Could be a friend of hers.

“Yeah.”

“Errr…” I didn’t believe him. I took the stairs, sailing past Jason, who followed me to my door.

“I would’ve stopped him, but he said he was your guest,” Jason added. “He had a key and everything.”

I shoved my key in the door, but it was already unlocked. I opened the door slowly and peeked inside my living room.

“Hello?” I heard the shower running, so I went to the door and knocked. “Hello?”

“Hey, Meri. I’ll be out in a sec,” Beau called out.

I looked at Jason and then the door. Jason then door.

“Umm…it’s my friend’s dad. He loves showering at my place. I forgot he was coming,” I said, just so Jason wouldn’t worry. But it was definitely Beau in there.

He arched a brow. “Ohhh-kaaay.” Jason headed out to the hallway.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on things. See you later.” I gave him a little wave, and Jason closed the door behind him. A few moments later, Beau came out of the shower with a towel around his waist. His wet muscular abs glistened like twinkling white lights, hypnotizing me.

Goddamn, he’s so sexy.

“Meri?” Beau snapped his fingers, grinning. My drooling probably amused him.

“Oh, uh…” I pointed toward the front door. “My downstairs neighbor said he saw some old guy coming in here.”

“Old guy?”

“Yeah, with a white beard.”

Beau suddenly started acting strange—avoiding eye contact, serious expression. “It’s just me in here.” He grabbed some clothes from his red duffel bag next to the couch.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“If you have someone here, you can tell me,” I said.

“But I don’t.”

“Jason saw the same man hanging around your tent once, too, so clearly he’s a friend of yours.” I went to the hall closet and checked inside.

“What are you doing?” Beau asked.

I went to my bedroom and checked the other closet. There was nothing but clothes. I got on my knees and looked under my bed.

“Meri,” Beau barked.

I looked up at him. “Why are you lying to me? I know someone’s here.”

“There’s no one.”

“Did they go out the fire escape?” I got to my feet and looked out the window.

“You don’t have a fire escape,” he said.

“Good point, but why are you lying to me?” The idea of it triggered me on every level. I’d trusted a person I didn’t know and allowed them into my home. I’d started to care about him deeply, too. The thought of being lied to by him made me feel like the world’s biggest sucker.

“I’m not lying,” he said firmly.

We locked gazes for a long moment. My head was spinning, and my stomach was telling me to open my eyes. Something was off about this entire situation.

“Meri,” he said, breaking the silence, “I need to dress and get to work, but—”

“Maybe letting you stay here was a bad idea. I don’t even know you, Beau.”

His blue eyes filled with a subtle pain. “Funny. I was about to say that you know me better than anyone, and that our friendship means everything to me. I wouldn’t ruin it by lying to you over nothing.”

“That’s the thing; maybe it isn’t nothing.” Maybe he was lying for a much bigger reason. At the end of the day, I did not know this man. “I have to hit the road, but please be gone by the time I get back.” I’d return on Monday, which left him plenty of time to pitch a tent or make other arrangements.

“Meri, I—”

“Stop, okay?” I grabbed my packed suitcase from the corner. “I know you’re lying. I just don’t know why, and frankly, it doesn’t matter.”

“You mean our friendship doesn’t matter,” he said bitterly.

“I never should’ve meddled in your life. You were happy doing your camping thing, wandering the globe, being a free bird. You just happened to come along at a time in my life when everything’s on the verge of changing. I probably just used you to avoid facing the fact I’m turning thirty on Christmas, and I have nothing to show for it.”

“Your birthday is on Christmas?”

“Yes, and I throw myself a big party every year to celebrate, claiming it’s for Christmas because I don’t want presents or cake. I just enjoy having my friends around. But they’re all starting to move on, and I’m here trying to fix a hobo instead of focusing on the one person who really needs my attention. Me.”

“So no one knows it’s your birthday?”

Kay knew, and she respected the fact that I didn’t celebrate the day like everyone else. Why would I when the only thing people wanted to do was focus on the holidays, which I happened to love, too? So it was a win-win. But that wasn’t the point. “Beau, I have to go, but I wish you all the luck in the world. Not that you need it.” Just like he never needed me. Just like my friends never needed my party. It was time for me to grow up and start getting honest with myself.

I headed for the door and closed it.

As I went outside, lugging my stuff, I spotted a big white van parked out front. The driver—who wore the same red uniform and hat—came rushing up the walkway, carrying a white box with a red bow.

“Excuse me. Is Beau Starling here? I have another package for him,” said the man.

“Sure. He’s in apartment four. Just knock.” I let the man inside the building and continued on my way.

I knew it was another letter from Beau’s dad, but it wasn’t my business any longer.