Chapter 5

CHAPTER5

Idon’t sleep, though I try. It isn’t long anyway before the car slows and turns to the left, then another left, and then crunches down a gravel driveway. I pull myself up and look toward a small, unassuming farmhouse flanked by colorful flowers and tall hedges. The door opens and Eryx appears, his wide grin illuminated by the patio lights framing the covered porch.

The car grinds to a halt and Cole is out the door without even turning off the engine. He bounds onto the porch and wraps Eryx in a tight embrace. When they pull apart, Cole’s palms press to Eryx’s face before their lips meet in an impassioned kiss.

“An angel and a demon in love. I can’t imagine truer magic than that,” Ediye says as she reaches over and turns the ignition off. She glances back at me and I nod with a faint smile. A fleeting pang of jealousy washes through my veins as I watch them part to smile warmly at one another. My heart feels raw in the shadow of such joy.

Let’s go, I sign, grabbing the blanket to clutch it around my shoulders. I’m hoping it’ll hide the worst of my bloody shirt and my bruised arms for Eryx.

“Lu! I’m so happy to see you. And Ediye, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Cole told me about you,” Eryx says as he lets go of Cole’s arms and walks toward Ediye, the sharpened feathers of his wings scraping the stone walkway as they drag in his wake. He pulls Ediye into an embrace and she huffs a laugh at his enthusiastic greeting. Eryx lets her go and walks toward me but I take a step back and he stops short of touching me. His eyes flow over my face and I give a slight shake of my head. His throat bobs in a thick swallow. I’m so beyond gross, stained with blood and marred with bruises. Making Eryx pass out the first time we met by drinking Ashen’s blood was fun, but I’m not really in the mood for a sequel. More than anything, though, he just looks sad. Desperately sad. For me.

“Come inside,” he says, putting on a warm smile and gesturing toward the house. “You can get cleaned up and rest for a while.”

Cole grabs the bags from the car as Eryx leads us inside the house. There’s nothing remarkable about the space, it’s just comfortable and inviting but a little dated and bland. Cream colored leather sofas take up a little too much space in a small living room, pictures of flower arrangements and landscapes hang from the walls. We follow Eryx past the kitchen and up a narrow set of stairs that leads to the bedrooms. Ediye and I are each given a room with a bathroom between us, and Eryx and Cole have the master suite across from us. When our bags have been deposited where they belong, Ediye heads for the shower as the rest of us regroup in the kitchen.

“Here,” Cole says, offering me another thermos that’s been waiting on the counter as Eryx starts gathering ingredients to make Ediye an omelet. “It might be a little cooler now, but I can warm it if you need.”

I hesitate to take it and dart a wary look toward the black canister in his hand.

“It’s human blood, but flavored.” Cole pushes the thermos toward me.

I swallow as I take the thermos and draw it to my chest, not breaking my gaze from Cole’s. I nod.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you about the other thermos back in the car. About who it belonged to.”

A film of tears coats my eyes and I look away, nodding once more. I drift toward the kitchen island and heave myself onto a stool. For a while I just look at the thermos, unmoving. I run my finger over my warped reflection on the polished surface, thinking about all the times I’ve suffered. Injuries after battles, losses of loved ones, the agony I endured when I burned at the stake. Despite all those horrible moments, I’ve been thinking that this time feels like the worst of them all.

At first, I wasn’t sure why. But now I know the reason. Before, there had always been something to hope for. There were more battles to win. There were loved ones to avenge. There was the knowledge my plan had worked, that I would heal from the burns to grasp a chance at another life. This time, I don’t feel hopeful for anything. I don’t even feel like myself. No voice. No miraculous healing power. No respite from my memories of trauma and loss. It’s just more hiding, even more than before. It’s more loneliness. My life feels like a monument of loss. It’s just suffering for the sake of suffering.

Cole reaches across the island and uncaps the thermos, pouring the blood into a ceramic mug. I watch his eyes as his focus stays on the viscous liquid, a soft smile lifting the corners of his lips. When he meets my gaze, his smile brightens.

“Here,” he says, pushing the mug across the counter. “You’ll feel better if you drink this.”

I don’t think I will, but I give him a weak smile of thanks anyway.

Cole watches my hand as I raise my mug to my lips and take a sip. He nods toward my fingers. “Ediye said you should have started healing by now.”

I keep my eyes on Cole and give a slight nod.

“Any ideas why it’s not working?”

I shake my head as he passes me a pen and a few sheets of printer paper. My movement is slow as I write. The pressure of the pen against my skin angers the raw, empty beds of my nails.

Maybe it’s the witch’s serum Semyon gave me. Maybe because the process of hybridization hasn’t been completed, I write, showing Cole my note.

“Maybe,” he says, but his tone is doubtful.

A slow but weak smile pulls at the edges of my lips. Or maybe my labia is taking up too much energy fighting to not become a parachute.

I show Cole my note and his head tilts, his eyes narrowing in question.

Did you not see the hybrid’s enormous dick?

Cole’s eyes narrow further and he looks at me as though I’ve grown a second head.

I sigh, realizing That Asshat Reaper Motherfucker probably would have gotten it. He might have even laughed. No, he definitely would have laughed, or at least come back with some dry retort that would only make me try harder.

Never mind.

Cole is silent for a long moment as he watches me drink. The sound and smell of eggs sizzling in the pan drifts through the kitchen and Eryx puts some bread down in the toaster. Again I think of That Asshat, this time remembering his love of butter. I never thought I’d be out of the dungeon in the Shadow Realm, so it never occurred to me to prepare for memories I didn’t want to relive. Every little one feels like a shard of steel to the heart, even sharper when I’m not ready for the strike. I look into my cup and sigh again.

“Cheer up, Lu. It can only get better from here,” Eryx says, casting me a bright smile over his shoulder before turning back to his pan. The tips of his wings clink across the ceramic floor. I exchange a dubious glance with Cole and he shrugs. I’m not so sure of Eryx’s angelic optimism. After all, I don’t even feel that much better with all the blood I’ve consumed, only less hungry. That perpetual glaze of sweat still coats my skin and my head pulses with a ceaseless ache. Not a great sign of things to come.

“We need to find someone that can help you,” Cole says after a long moment watching me in silence as Eryx plates up Ediye’s food.

“The apothecary in Cairo. He might have some ideas,” Ediye says as she enters the kitchen. She squeezes the water from her hair with a towel. “He likes Lu and he’s partial to vampires. And if he can’t help, I’m betting he’d be able to direct us where to start.”

CERTAIN PEOPLE might figure we’ll head there. Too dangerous, I sign to her, shaking my head with a solemn glare as she puts a voice to my words for Cole and Eryx.

“Is there someone else who can help? Another apothecary you can think of?” Cole asks, turning his gaze to Ediye as she takes her plate from Eryx and sits next to me.

“If there is, I would only trust Mr. Hassan’s recommendation.” she says.

“Well, it’s not like we can go back to the Shadow Realm to take the corridor there, so it will need to be a commercial flight,” Cole says as he looks me over with a doubtful quirk of his brows. “Can you hold your shit together for that many hours in a tin can in the sky stocked with a human buffet?”

Eryx laughs, the sound like wind chimes warmed by the summer sun. I almost sigh at the way it brightens the room. His beautiful face glows with the spark of an idea. “Don’t be silly, Cole. Lu has the freedom of the Realm of Light. I can take her to Cairo through our portal in Blue Falls.”

I look between Eryx and Cole. “That could work,” Cole says, nodding. He turns his attention toward Ediye as she devours the omelet. “I pulled in some favors among witches and gathered some supplies. They’re in your bag.”

Ediye nods, not taking her eyes from her food. “I saw. Thank you. It’s a good start.”

“Your grimoire and all your supplies were burned, correct?”

Ediye shakes her head around a mouthful of toast. “I have backups of lesser-used spells and rarer supplies hidden in Fairfield.”

“Excellent. Eryx, you take Lu to Blue Falls in the morning and get her to Cairo. Ediye and I will go to Fairfield and gather up what she needs then meet you there.”

Ediye’s chewing slows and we exchange a heavy look. Aside from my daily excursions with Gallus to the torture chamber, we haven’t spent any time apart since we were captured. I know she doesn’t like the idea of separating any more than I do. But her onyx eyes flow over the unhealed bruises and cuts on my face. The slime of sweat that still covers my skin. Ediye swallows her bite of toast and gives me a resigned nod. I can see what she’s thinking, that it’s the best plan we’ve got.

“I know you’ve not had reason to trust anyone but each other,” Cole says, and we tear our tangled gaze apart to look at him.

Eryx places a hand on Cole’s shoulder and gives us both a hopeful smile. “We won’t ask you to trust us. But if you give us a chance to prove it, we will not let you down. There will never be peace between the Realms, but there is balance. Right now, the four of us are the best shot at keeping it and we’ll only manage if we work together.”

I shift my gaze to Cole. I stare into his eyes, trying to tunnel to the depths of his soul. If what he said is true, he gave up his wings for this. He gave up the life he knew for this chance.

I feel the heat of a tiny ember in my chest when I bore into the only thing I can find in his gaze. Hope. Maybe I don’t hope for the same things as he does. I might be a little more invested in becoming the biggest pain in the ass the Shadow Realm has ever seen. But still, it’s something I can grab onto. It’s a fire I can stoke and draw life from.

I nod. Okay, I mouth.

Cole’s face lifts into a grin. Eryx absolutely beams, the light from the kitchen fixtures glinting on his feathers and reflecting across his skin like a suncatcher. I lower my eyes from their enthusiasm but I can’t hide the faint trace of a smile on my lips.

I slide off the stool and give my unlikely companions a salute before pulling my thermos and mug with me, giving an apologetic parting glance to Eryx who tries valiantly to disguise his disgust at my cup of blood.

My feet feel leaden as I trudge up the stairs. My muscles ache from use after so many days doing nothing but surviving in a cell. Being this close to human is painful and the feeling of weakness is still foreign after five thousand years of near indestructibility.

I set my meal down in the bathroom and retrieve my bag from my room, then turn the shower on. I almost dance with glee at the thought of removing my clothes, which are now little more than shredded rags. I want to burn them, or flush them down the toilet. Maybe both.

As the water heats in the most anticipated shower of all time, I rummage through the main compartment of the bag Cole packed for something to sleep in. I pull out a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts and place them on the counter before moving on to search for a toothbrush in the smaller front section of the bag.

The first thing my fingers touch is cool metal wrapped in leather. The handle of my kaiken.

I pull the dagger free of the bag, holding my breath as though a wisp of air from my lungs could make it disappear. I slide it free of its sheath and turn it over in my hands, pressing my eyes closed. The weight the blade settles in my skin as though it’s a piece of missing flesh returned. When I can breathe again, I peer into the shadows of the bag, my fist still gripped around the handle of the kaiken as though something sinister might rush from the pocket to bite me. My fingertips graze a flat sheaf of leather and I know immediately what it is.

I pull out the leather journal that the Reaper gave to me.

My heart stutters in my chest and blood thrums in my ears, drowning out the sound of water hitting the bathtub and flowing down the drain. Tears sting my eyes. I swallow a sudden mace in my throat that feeds the ever-present flame.

I open the journal and flip through the pages. One-sided conversations stare back at me, and I hear the Reaper’s replies to every one. I smile through tears as I come across the page of ASSHOLE in different fonts. I read the note I tried to write in Cairo but couldn’t finish, the one about being trapped in the Realm of Light. The Reaper’s promise floats through my mind. I will still find you.

I read the last note I wrote to him. It’s next to the torn shreds of the page I ripped out and slapped to his chest before we kissed.

I’m not all vampires, it says.

A laugh bubbles up from my chest. I’m definitely not all vampires, that’s for sure. I could never have known at the time just how true that statement would be.

I flip to the next page where there’s a bump, an irregularity on the paper.

There’s a note in a different ink, an unfamiliar script. Sharp. Precise. Careful. Every letter purposeful. Like every one was sacred when it was transferred from hand to page.

I’m sorry, it says. Taped next to it is my necklace from Ediye.

A long breath passes through my pursed lips, my eyes fixed to the note and everything those two words could possibly mean.

I tear the necklace free, shutting the book as though something else might fly from the pages to twist the blade already turning in my heart.