Chapter 21

CHAPTER21

Ispend most of the day alone once Bianca leaves. I’m not really in a sociable mood. Plus, I’m hungry. Like, really hungry, which has become hangry. I take all that hanger out on the bathroom, scrubbing my bloody, confusing message from the mirror until it’s streak-free and gleaming.

I move on to tackle the wall with every cleaning product I can find. The smell of chemicals and fake fragrances burns my nostrils but it reminds me of Sanford, of the simple life I once had cleaning rooms at the Swan and playing Scrabble with Andy and cribbage with Peter and marveling at Bian’s ferocity. It makes me a little homesick, actually. They must be worried. I took off with some strange, broody, tattooed dude and haven’t come back. As far as they’re concerned, I’ve probably been murdered and left in some shallow grave somewhere, leaving a room of meager belongings behind. Even my epic RocketAppartmento espresso machine is still there. Damn it.

These thoughts consume me so thoroughly that I don’t notice Ashen at the door until I turn to grab the spray from the counter. I catch sight of him in the now pristine mirror and startle a little, which he seems to find endearing, judging by that warmth in his face. I level him with a glare and turn back to the wall.

“Creeping again?”

“Bianca stopped by,” Ashen says. He takes a step into the bathroom and lays a strip of paper on the counter. “She found Valentina. We should leave tomorrow.”

I lean backwards and read Bianca’s flowery script. “Magura?.. Seriously?.. Fuck.”

Ashen nods and I turn back to the wall and scrub it with renewed vigor. “When was the last time you were in Romania?”

“You already know the answer. When your idiot Reaper friends stole Vlad’s soul.”

There’s a long beat of silence where the only sound is the hard brush scraping at the wall. “Vlad was out of control,” Ashen says in a low and serious voice. “He was drawing attention to himself, killing far more than he needed to. You know as much as I do that he had to be stopped.”

My hand falls away from the wall and I turn slowly, red light consuming my pupils as I catch my own reflection. I cast my gaze to Ashen in the mirror.

“Were you there?”

“No, Lu. I wasn’t there and I wasn’t part of the decision to reap Vlad’s soul.”

We stare at one another for a long moment as I look for the truth in his eyes. I guess it shouldn’t matter anymore, it was so long ago. The Reapers that ambushed Vlad on that cold day in January have long since moved on to other prey, and Vlad’s spirit has been in their realm ever since. Somewhere.

I turn back to my task, glaring at the bloodstained plaster. “You sure are good at telling me all the things you didn’t do, Reaper,” I say, my gaze darting to meet his in the mirror. “I wonder if you’ll ever tell me about the awful things you did.”

The silence stretches on between us. I scrub and scrub until I’m sure that Ashen is gone, and even then I keep going until the sun starts setting and my fingers are raw.

I eventually make it to the kitchen for a pre-hunt snack when I give up on those walls. I don’t think I can take another bland glass of rice cake blood, so I tinker in the cabinets until I find some Campari. I peel and chop a few oranges, chucking them with a bag of blood into the blender, humming to myself to the beat that I pulse. It isn’t until the bloody orange is mixed into a pulpy red froth that I realize I’m not alone. Davina watches with an attentive, curious gaze as I pour the mixture into the Campari and ice cubes waiting at the bottom of a tall glass.

“Hey,” I say. My voice comes out a little tentative even though I try to sound super chill and easygoing. “Want one?”

Davina’s nose crinkles with suspicion. “What is it?”

“Alcohol. My take on a drink called a Garibaldi. I shall call this version a Garibloody Cocktail,” I say with a theatrical flourish of my hands around the glass. Davina’s suspicion seems to only intensify. My jazz hands flutter out like I’m the worst magician of all time as I clear my throat and try to be less weird. “I can make you a traditional version if you like. Minus the gore, of course.”

Davina thinks on this for a moment. She lifts one shoulder. “That would be nice, thanks.”

I give her a swift smile and pour the leftover bloody juice into another tall glass, then rinse the jug in the sink. Silence stretches on over the sound of running water. Normally, I’d delight in a bit of awkwardness, but this time it’s just really lacking in the delight part.

“This must be very strange but exciting, so many different things to see and try for the first time,” I say, cringing a little as the words spill out of my mouth.

“I suppose,” she replies, clearly unconvinced. I feel my skin heat and resist the urge to climb into the freezer as I fish out more ice cubes. Okay, maybe that was a lame opener, but what the fuck am I supposed to say to her? It’s not like we’re gonna braid each other’s hair and argue about which movie Tom Cruise runs most aggressively in.

There are a few more long moments of silence as I pour a couple of shots of Campari into a glass. Then I add a splash more. Okay maybe one more shot. Then I top up my own with more liquor. Don’t judge me, I need it. If I’m destined to have an awkward conversation, I might as well fuel it with booze.

I grab some oranges and another knife and cutting board, passing them to Davina across the island. Putting her to work seems like a viable solution for diverting her attention away from me and my sudden inability to make small talk. Not that it really works. Her eyes keep darting up to mine as she slices the fruit with a deft hand. When she’s done, I blend it and fill her glass, handing it to her with a metal straw.

So what if I get a little satisfaction when she doesn’t stir it and coughs around a solid hit of straight Campari?

“Good?” I ask with an innocent smile.

“Uhh… yeah…”

I stir my drink and my grin widens just a bit before I take another sip. This woman is no idiot. She clocks it and gives a little smile, looking into her glass as she follows my lead before trying it again.

“So I’m going to assume you were looking for me specifically. Am I right?” I ask, holding her gaze as I step back and lean against the counter. Davina’s face turns stoic once more and she nods. “What can I do for you?”

“I owe you an apology.”

I already know I’m going to need a lot more liquor for this conversation. I take another long sip before I turn away and top up my glass. “Only as much as I owe one to you.”

Davina’s head tilts and she looks genuinely confused. “Why? What for?”

I sigh. Might as well just go for it. Balls to the wall, or something. “Because I had sex with Ashen in Cairo before I killed him. To be fair, I wasn’t really in my right mind. Not that it’s an excuse. I shouldn’t have fucked with your man.”

Davina looks down, her confusion deepening, though I see the spray of crimson blush beneath her faint freckles. Her heart rate is climbing and an undercurrent of overripe cherries filters into her scent. “He is not my man. You have every right.”

“That’s not how it looked in the Shadow Realm,” I say, pinning her in place with a steady stare, though she doesn’t balk.

“I do not believe much about the Shadow Realm looks the way it is. It is full of tricks and illusions,” Davina replies as she shifts her attention to the metal straw and stirs her cocktail. I guess I can’t disagree with her there. The place is a little fucked up. “Ashen was shocked to see me again, and when I was brought back, he was the first thing I recognized that was real. For so long I was a specter trapped in nightmares. I ran to embrace the first safety I saw. But Lu, even though he showed me kindness in that moment, he will never forgive me for what I did. And had I known what was going on, that you were together, I would not have run to him like that.”

I have many questions about that forgiveness part, but I bank them for later as I let out a puff of a laugh and look away. “Well, we aren’t together. He made a choice and he didn’t choose me.”

“That’s not true-“

“He watched as I was dragged away to be tortured down there. He knew what would happen to me, Davina. I appreciate your apology, but it’s unnecessary. You weren’t at fault for anything.”

My drink disappears down my throat in a few solid gulps and I set the glass down with a thunk. I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here. Otherwise, memories will stack up on one another in a tower that will only smother me when it falls.

“Did you know he wept?” Davina asks just as I’m about to leave the room. I stop with my back turned to her. “I have seen him angry and enraged. But never distraught. He held himself together until we got to his room in House Urbigu. And then he transformed, like a beast in a cage. He was frantic, pacing. Destroyed his chambers, tore everything apart until he fell to his knees with his head in his hands, crying.”

“Guilt does funny things to people, Davina.”

“Not Ashen,” she says. Her voice is so sure and absolute that I look over my shoulder at her. Her face is just as serious and unwavering as her words. “He has centuries of experience with guilt. Rage and regret are as integral to Ashen’s being as bones and blood.”

I try to quell the jealous thoughts that climb up my body to pull me under water. The way she knows him, this hidden history they share. Even the admission that she was there in his room, as though she was meant to be there. She was the one to watch him fall apart.

I push all that jealousy down. I know it only means I feel like I’m owed something that doesn’t belong to me.

All that’s left behind is a weary, bitter kind of hurt.

A sardonic smile creeps through my lips as I take a step toward Davina. “What, you’re going to say it’s love that broke him? That’s horseshit. If he loved me, he would have fought for me.”

For the first time, I see a flash of flame in Davina, a dark amber spark buried deep in her pupils. “He did, in the only way he knew he could win.”

My smile slips away. I sweep my gaze across her face, cataloging the details of her pulse, her smell, the flush in her skin. I wait for any of it to change as I take another step closer. “And what do you have to gain from saying all this?”

A flicker of confusion brightens the light in her eyes. “Gain?”

“As far as I can discern, every Reaper in the Shadow Realm is driven by what they can get out of a situation. They’ll fuck over anyone to get what they want. And you’re one of them now. So what’s in it for you?”

Davina and I look at one another for a long moment. I can almost feel her stitched into this tapestry that binds us all. If I could just peer beneath her skin, I might be able to see every knot and intersection. But where it all ends, I don’t know.

I give up waiting for an answer, and I don’t want to ask again. I just want to slake my thirst and sit somewhere alone with my thoughts. Perhaps wallow a little, but I think it’s deserved. So I back up a step and turn away.

“I owe him,” Davina says. I give her a suspicious look over my shoulder and her features soften into something that looks a bit too much like pity. “Not a favor or a debt he seeks to claim, but for the harm I caused. I want him to be happy. And I owe it to you.”

“You didn’t do anything to me. You owe me nothing.”

“You’re wrong.” Davina says it with such conviction that I tilt my head. I can feel my brows pull together. I hear her pulse stutter as adrenaline kicks into her veins.

“What do you mean-”

“Hey, LuLu, Davina,” Eryx chimes as he enters the kitchen, his feathers clinking as he folds his wings tight across his back. He nods toward Davina’s drink before opening the fridge. “Looks nice.”

Davina sets her mostly full glass on the counter and steps away. “Please finish mine, if you like. I should go.”

With a quick nod, she backs away. I watch as she disappears around the corner, heading down the hall toward her room. Eryx enthusiastically takes up her offer and finishes the drink as he pulls an assortment of cheese and fruit from the fridge. I don’t really think I can manage much small talk given how stellar this conversation with Davina has been, so I retreat to my room and then slip away into town unseen.

I try to leave my thoughts of Davina and Ashen and all the others behind me with every step I take toward the lights of Ravello. I even try to shed every way I’ve changed. I just want to be the one thing I know that I still am. The one thing I’m best at being.

A solitary vampire, hunting in the night.