Chapter 33

My heart beat in my throat and my stomach did a few somersaults as I knocked twice on the apartment door. Inside, someone stood off the couch and turned off the record player before crossing the room to greet me.

My brother’s smile was nervous. “Were we expecting you today?”

I rocked back on my heels, clutching the bouquet of tulips. “No, but can I talk to Addie for a bit?”

Holland opened his mouth, presumably to protest, but Addie’s soft voice came from across the room. “She can come in, it’s okay.”

Holland gave me a silent warning glare, but opened the door wider to let me in. My eyes found Addie on their red velvet couch in front of the window, curled up in a corner under a blanket. There was a book in her lap, and sunlight made her hair look like it was on fire.

While their studio apartment made any sort of privacy impossible, I appreciated that Holland busied himself in the kitchen while I crossed the room to offer the flowers to Addie. Her face lit up as she took them from me and lifted them to her nose. Her eyes fluttered at the scent, which was likely stronger than she’d ever known it to be. “What are these for?”

My bottom lip quivered, all my resolve shattering in an instant. “They’re apology flowers.”

“Oh,” Addie breathed, then looked up to see the tears threatening to stain my cheeks. “Oh, Sophie.” Immediately, she set them aside and opened her arms to pull me in.

I collapsed into her arms, unable to keep myself standing any longer. “I’m so sorry,” I cried. Addie’s grip was surprisingly strong as she rocked me back and forth, sniffling softly while I sobbed outright. “I love you so much, and I never meant for this to happen.”

“I know,” Addie whispered. “I promise, I know.”

We sat there for a long while, crying and sobbing and clinging to each other. I whispered my apologies repeatedly, and Addie cried and held me as tightly as she could. When neither of us could cry anymore, we cleaned the blood off our cheeks and sat on the couch next to each other in the midday sun.

Addie squeezed my hand and took a deep breath. “I knew from the moment I chose to stay in Paris with Holland that I would become a vampire one day. I’m not exactly happy that my choice was taken away, but I don’t want to waste my time wallowing in what could have been—not when I have so much to learn and adapting to do. Instead, I’m choosing to feel lucky to spend forever with him, Willa, Wren, and you.”

My lip quivered again and I rested my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for pushing you away when you needed me. It’s not an excuse, but I felt so guilty that I couldn’t bear to face you.”

Addie hummed. “I understand.”

“There’s something else,” I said miserably.

Addie watched me expectantly.

“I love her,” I whispered.

Across the room, Holland growled and stood from where he’d been sitting at the dining table. Addie raised one hand to keep him where he was, though she looked startled.

“I haven’t seen her,” I rushed to say, looking between them. “Or had any contact with her since I threw her out, I swear. But I can’t let go of this ache inside me when she’s gone, and trust me, I hate myself for it, and I’m going to make it go away, but I had to tell you because I thought you deserved to know.”

Addie drew in a deep breath. Holland lowered himself back into his seat, though his eyes had darkened with distrust.

“You love Eliza,” Addie said carefully, drawing in a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” I replied.

“Do you think you’ll ever see her again?” Addie asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried to contact her, I’m not sure I want to.”

Addie nodded. She was quiet for a long moment before continuing, “You looked so happy with her—when things were good with you, at least. You looked like you belonged together.”

“But we don’t have to belong together,” I argued. “You’re more important to me than that.”

Addie gave me a small, sad smile. “I’m not asking you to choose.”

My jaw clamped shut.

Addie continued, “Only you know what’s best for you. If that’s Eliza, then so be it. If it’s not, that’s okay too.”

“I should hope it’s not,” Holland growled.

Addie rolled her eyes, though my brother’s words had already settled deep in my gut. She grabbed my hand, squeezing it hard. “I am choosing not to spend my new life regretting what happened or hating someone for what they did to me. If you love Eliza, don’t let it be me who holds you back from her.”

“You’re wise for a twenty-six-year-old,” I said.

Addie smiled, her eyes twinkling. She patted my hand again. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

“Will you come to movie night tomorrow?” I asked hopefully. “Willa’s so excited to tell you about the horse we bought last night.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Addie said.