Chapter 12

Coward. Coward. Coward. It was the only word ringing in my mind as I returned, alone, to my apartment. I’d rushed away from the Eiffel Tower at top speed, zipping through the crowds faster than the human eye could comprehend. It wasn’t until I bounded down the stairs of the nearest metro station that I slowed to catch my breath.

I didn’t know when Eliza noticed I was missing, or if she tried to follow me.

I never looked back.

“Hey,” Willa chirped as I stumbled inside, practically slamming the door and locking it behind me. “You okay?”

I spun toward her. “I can’t want her,” I blurted.

Willa blinked, looking between me and the mess of candles in front of her. She must have been working—packing orders to take to the post office. With a huff, she held out a box. “Care to work and talk?” she asked.

I crossed the room and took the box and the order invoice she handed me.

“I talked to Addie and Holland this morning,” I started. “And all they had to say was how much they loved each other. Addie said something about loving with the real version of herself, and I think she meant that, if I want Eliza, she has to open up. How am I supposed to be responsible for that?”

“You’re not,” Willa started hesitantly.

I continued. “When I came back here, Eliza was waiting outside. She demanded I take her to the Eiffel Tower, and I did.”

“What?” Willa interrupted. “She’s giving you whiplash.”

“I know,” I groaned, continuing to relay how she’d tried to walk away when I questioned her, but I gave into taking her to the tower on a whim to keep her from running again. Then, I described how every time something mildly serious or emotional came up, Eliza shut down and shut me out.

“That’s not healthy.” Willa tucked a bubble-wrapped candle into a box.

“And yet, I think I like her. No, I know I do,” I huffed, vigorously wrapping a set of wax melts.

“Why?” Willa shook her head.

I placed my hands flat on the table and took a large, shaking breath. “I’ve always known when people were meant to come into my life. I’ve always known when I would fall in love with someone. Whether it was Pierre, Michael, Ezra, Marie, Victoria, or Dex,” I rambled on, barely caring that I’d never said any of these names to Willa before. “The moment I saw them, I knew. I knew long before they did. I knew long before I was in love.”

Willa turned to look at me, lowering the packing tape in her hands. “And you know with her?”

“I do.”

She swallowed and clasped her hands together. “Okay, can I say something bold, especially considering we’ve only been friends a few months?”

I waved my hand. “Of course.”

Willa motioned for the couch, and I abandoned packing my box in favor of sitting with her. She took one of my hands and drew in a shaky breath. “You are in no way obligated to fix, heal, or help her, Sophie. If her emotional baggage is already hurting you, and you don’t know her, imagine what it could do if you let her in,” Willa started. I opened my mouth to argue, but she interrupted. “I’m not finished. Speaking from experience, you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.”

My bottom lip quivered. I hated that she was right. I hated how much I wanted to race back to the Eiffel Tower and beg for the forgiveness of a stranger that, moments ago, I had decided was too much for me.

I’d been in love six times in my life. Like I’d told Willa, I knew every time the person across from me was meant to be in my life. I saw it in their eyes. I saw it in their soul.

I loved Michael when I was human. The first time I saw him was the day my father bought me my first horse. He brought the pony out on a lead, our eyes met, and I knew.

My love for him was the reason I was dead. While my love for him had been pure, he’d only wanted one thing. And when he took it with force and left me in the rain to die, not even my brother’s vampire blood could save me.

There was Ezra in Virginia, who I saw in the park walking his dog and knew I would say goodbye before I’d even said hello.

I met Marie in Australia. I loved her for six years before I left her behind.

Dex in London, whose eyes were so blue they were almost white. I’d lost myself in them a hundred times before I left them behind.

Victoria in Paris, who left me for the love of her life.

And Pierre… who might be waiting for me back in Rome.

If I kept seeing Eliza, I would fall in love with her. Willa was right, it was not my job to fix her. She had to want to fix herself before I thought about going near her again.

“So, I’m not an asshole for leaving her there?”

Willa snorted. “No, you absolutely are. But maybe it’s for the best.”

I slumped against the cushions. “When did you know—with Wren? When did you know he was willing to work for you?”

Willa shook her head. “I can’t answer that, because Wren and I aren’t you and Eliza.”

“There is no me and Eliza,” I huffed.

“Exactly,” Willa murmured. When I deflated even further, Willa squeezed my knee. “Do you believe in true love? In fate?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Then believe if it’s meant to be, it will be. And if not, what’s one less heartbreak?”

I grimaced. My heart felt like it was oozing blood, and with it, my longing for love. “I hate it when you’re right.”

Willa’s face lit up. “I love being more emotionally mature than you.” I shoved her shoulder, and she cackled. “Come on, I need help getting these orders out today.”

I welcomed the distraction and stood to help pack more boxes.