9. Irina

Chapter nine

Irina

I stared at my palm. "I don't understand. I'm trying. "

We had spent the first couple of hours talking. I grew up knowing magic existed and a special few could wield it, but it hadn't seemed relevant to my life. I had never even seen a Mage, and most of the stories people told of them made the men and women of magic sound like self-absorbed, privileged children.

And yet, Kels?'s kindness and calm presence made me realize how ridiculous some of those old stories might be. The Mage answered each of my questions, some multiple times, never showing a hint of fatigue or annoyance. When our conversation turned more practical, and Kels? tried to guide me through finding my Light—my magical core—I found that the Mage enjoyed playing the mentor role.

Kels? folded her hands in her lap, pausing a moment before responding. "Irina, you used an incredible amount of magic when you Healed Master Rist. An experienced Mage would be exhausted, both physically and mentally. I am amazed you are still on your feet, much less attempting to touch your source."

"But it came so quickly . I didn't think about it. Spirits, I didn't even know magic existed within me." I wanted to toss the empty tumbler against the fireplace. I had memorized a million facts while studying in the Medica, but nothing in my time with Master Rist had been as frustrating as trying to call my Light.

"Magic responds to our need, sometimes to our deepest desires, too. You said you were afraid that you might lose Master Rist, that he was close to death? In your moment of greatest need, you tapped into something deep within yourself without even knowing it. Unless you find yourself in a similar situation—and I hope that never happens again—you will likely never access magic in that same manner again. As frustrating as this will be, you need to learn to find and touch your Light correctly."

I sighed in frustration. "It feels like that'll take forever."

Kels? sat back. "Only hours ago, you had no idea you possessed magic. I think you will survive a while longer before you learn to wield it. Think of your apprenticeship in the Medica. How long was it before Master Rist let you see a patient, much less treat one?"

I looked up. "Three years, and we still can't treat someone without him or a senior present."

"I promise it won't take three years."

"That's encouraging."

Kels?'s maternal smile disarmed her churlish lip as she took a sip of her whiskey. "Why don't we stop for the night and resume tomorrow? You must be tired."

Watching her drink, I realized we had emptied her decanter, yet I felt no more intoxicated than when we'd arrived.

"I see another question in your eyes," Kels? said. "Last one today. Make it good."

"We're not drunk."

Kels? smiled. "That is not a question."

I rolled my eyes, earning a snort. "Why aren't we drunk? Your decanter was full when we started. I should be passed out, but I feel no more drunk than if we'd been drinking water."

"Have you ever felt drunk?"

I thought a moment. Father had only just begun allowing me to drink wine on our weekends together. I remembered my parents getting tipsy. They were silly and disgustingly affectionate when they drank. It made me smile and want to barricade my door all in the same moment.

But had I felt anything?

"I . . . I don't think so. I can't remember ever feeling wine or . . . anything."

Kels? raised her glass in salute. "Call it a perk of magic."

Two mournful tolls of a bell sounded somewhere in the city, indicating the turn of another early-morning hour.

"I guess that's a sign," I said.

"That it is." Kels? stood. "It is a sign you need rest. With Master Rist still abed, I imagine you will be busy."

Oh, Spirits. The Medica. My Master.

How long had we been gone? The others would've noticed by now.

"I hadn't even thought about that. With everything going on, and then you popping up out of nowhere, I lost track of time." I pressed my palms to my eyes and leaned back with a heavy sigh. "We were finished seeing patients when you showed up, but the others will wonder where I've been. How will I even answer them?"

"Just tell them you needed some time alone. Given everything you have been through, no one would begrudge you that."

"I suppose." I nodded and yawned. "I may not get drunk, but staying up talking all night still wears me out."

"Here, let me help." Kels? reached forward, and her palm flared as it pressed into my arm.

"What—?" Warmth flooded my chest, then raged like a river down my arms and legs.

"I gave you a little of my energy. It should help with the sleep I have stolen from you tonight. Now, we should return before people's thoughts shift from curiosity to concern."

I began to nod, but we Traveled and reappeared in the infirmary's waiting room before I could finish the action.