Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

T he water had turned cold, raising goosebumps on Alicia's skin. The steam was long gone, dissipating in the air around her and leaving it chilled, all the warmth now gone from the baths. And yet Alicia still sat there in that tub, the drying cloth that she still held around her body now soaked and heavy, sinking to the bottom of the tub.

She stared straight ahead at the wall, her eyes idly tracking the moisture there, the shape of the water stains that were imbued into the building after so many years of use.

Despite the chill in the water and the air, her body felt warm, almost feverish. Though she stared at that wall, what she was truly seeing was the ghost image of Samuel entering the baths and finding her there, his gaze burning hot as it travelled down her body.

He had told her he had seen nothing, but Alicia didn't believe him. How could he not? Alicia had been standing right in front of his eyes.

Maybe it was wishful thinking, she thought, but she could have sworn before embarrassment gripped him and he ran away from her, he had gazed at her with desire.

Could it be? Or am I merely imaginin' it?

The latter sounded more likely. Samuel may have always been fond of her, but he had never seen her as more than a child. No amount of wishful thinking could change that.

That didn't stop Alicia from suddenly pushing herself out of the water and pulling on her fresh change of clothes, battling the fabric as it stuck to her wet skin. She pulled roughly on the hems, forcing everything into its proper position, before rushing out of the baths and to Katherine's chambers, eager to speak to her sister.

Once outside, Alicia knocked furiously on the door, her former daze in the face of her encounter with Samuel now entirely gone and replaced by an urgent need to confess everything to someone—and who else could she confess to other than her sister? Katherine was the only one who could know about any of this, the only one who already knew about her childhood infatuation with Samuel.

The door flew open to reveal Katherine's look of concern, a half-finished embroidery clutched in her hand, the thread dangling from the cloth. "What is it? What happened?"

"Somethin' terrible," Alicia said as she pushed her way into the room and fell on Katherine's bed with a sigh, bouncing once off the mattress. Her hair, still wet from her bath, clung to her forehead and the back of her neck, soaking the bedding under her head.

Katherine's chambers were as familiar as her own and, in fact, very similar with the wooden best posts and the rich, burgundy drapes that hung from their ends. Where Alicia's rooms were cluttered with all sorts of items, though, from discarded clothes and half-finished books to every trinket she had ever owned, Katherine's were pristine; everything had its place and nothing was where it shouldn't be.

For a few moments, Katherine scrutinized Alicia, her arms crossed over her chest as she stood by the door, before she decided that whatever it was that was bothering her sister couldn't possibly be as terrible as she claimed. Katherine had a knack for reading Alicia's moods, knowing when something was truly wrong and when she was simply being dramatic.

I'm nae bein' dramatic… this is truly terrible!

Katherine went to sit next to Alicia, feet dangling off the edge of the bed as she stared at her in disbelief. "What could possibly be so terrible that ye had tae come knockin' on me door like that?"

Alicia didn't even know where to start. It seemed to her like there was so much more than this meeting. Ever since they had met Samuel at the tavern, everything only served to stoke the flames of her desire, even if she knew how wrong it was to lust after him like that.

"Well, ye ken that I was always fond o' Samuel," Alicia said, struggling to find the right words.

"Fond?" Katherine asked with a snort, earning a glare from Alicia. "I wouldnae say fond is the correct word here."

"An' what would ye say the correct word is?"

Katherine hummed, a finger tapping against her chin as she considered the question. "I would say ye were in love."

Alicia couldn't help but scoff, but her cheeks heated so terribly that she was certain her sister could easily see the flood of color on her face. "I wasnae in love," she grumbled, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "It was simply an' infatuation. An' it still is."

Those last few words came out quiet and jumbled, but if Alicia were to judge by Katherine's wide eyes and the way her mouth hung open in shock, she would say her sister had heard her just fine.

"What dae ye mean it still is?"

Alicia glanced at her sister from the corner of her eye, nervously gnawing on the inside of her cheek. When Katherine leaned over her, hovering right over her face just like she had when they were children and she wished to annoy her, Alicia pushed her back but Katherine moved right up close once again, eyes as wide as the saucers of their tea cups.

"What dae ye mean it still is, Alicia?" Katherine asked once more, looming over her like a particularly demanding ghost.

Shimmying down the bed, Alicia managed to escape the cage of her sister's arms before Katherine could hold her there, fleeing to the top of the bed and curling up by the headboard. Katherine pulled her legs under her, sitting up on the bed and watching Alicia with a devilish look in her eyes, one that Alicia didn't like one bit.

It wasn't often that her sister had that look. Most of the time, it was Alicia who was eager for trouble and Katherine the one who advised her against it, but now Katherine seemed more than eager to hear all about this.

Alicia, on the other hand, could hardly peel her eyes off the bed covers. Her cheeks were flooded with heat and she nervously played with the hem of her sleeve, gathering the lace trim between her fingers.

"I think I still want him," she mumbled, though it was not quite true. She knew she wanted him, like she knew the sun would set in the west that night—with utmost certainty. "Somethin' happened an'… an' I think this infatuation is comin' back."

Katherine raised a curious eyebrow. "What happened?"

Alicia's face burned with embarrassment, but if there was one person to whom she could talk, it was Katherine. "I was bathin'… in the baths, nay in me chambers."

"I dinnae understand why ye insist on visitin' the baths," said Katherine before Alicia could continue. "Ye can have the maids bring a tub tae yer rooms. Why go where everyone else goes tae bathe? What if someone sees ye?"

Alicia pursed her lips, swallowing in a dry throat. "Well, usually nay one sees me so early in the mornin' but today he was there."

Katherine gasped. "Samuel?"

Alicia nodded, a desperate sigh escaping her. "I didnae ken he would be there! How could I have kent?"

"Well, it isnae that strange, is it?" Katherine countered. "It is only strange that ye were there. I doubt he expected tae find ye in the baths."

"He certainly didnae," said Alicia. "He was very surprised tae see me there, especially the way I was."

"The way ye were?"

Once again, Alicia couldn't meet her sister's gaze as she mumbled, "Nude."

"Nude?" Katherine shouted and Alicia lunged at her, clamping a hand tightly over her mouth. Katherine tried to fight her off, talking against her palm the entire time, but Alicia refused to let go until she was finally silent.

When she drew back, Katherine still stared at her in disbelief. After a few moments, though, the silence was broken by her giggles, which slowly grew into a full-blown laugh, her shoulders shaking with it as she fell backwards on the mattress.

"It isnae funny," Alicia chastised her. It was anything but funny. It was terribly embarrassing and she doubted she would ever get the memory of it out of her mind. "How will I ever face him again?"

Katherine, still laughing, rolled onto her stomach to face her, resting her chin on her hands. "Ach, I'm sure he willnae mention it," she assured her. "Dinnae fash. I'm sure he hardly noticed."

"How could he nae have noticed?" Alicia asked. "I was right in front o' him!"

"Well, he certainly saw , but I doubted he noticed," Katherine said. "I'm sure he doesnae see ye as a woman, Alicia. An' as much as I understand yer infatuation an' want ye tae be happy, I think it's important tae remember that."

Alicia nodded once more, for lack of anything better to do. She knew that, of course. She knew that no matter how much she longed for him, how much she desired him and wished for something more than what they had, Samuel would never see her as anything but a girl. In his eyes, she was too young, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

"An' Faither would never allow such a thing," Katherine added. "Even if Samuel wished it. In fact, I'm quite certain Faither would strike him dead if he ever found out that he ever thought about ye like that."

That was probably true, as well, Alicia thought. As good friends as they were, her father wouldn't overlook the inappropriate nature of such a relationship, even if Alicia herself assured him it was what she wanted. If anything, he would lock her in one of the turrets and never let her see the light of day again.

"Ye're right," Alicia said, finally relaxing as the tension drained out of her body. She let herself slide down the bed, resting her head on one of the pillows as she looked at Katherine through half-lowered lids, legs stretching out in front of her.

There was nothing she could do about it, and that brought her a strange, yet welcome, sense of freedom. If Samuel was never going to see her as a woman, then there was no point agonizing over every single interaction they had.

"Ye're disappointed," Katherine said, phrasing it as a statement. She shuffled up the bed and settled next to Alicia, both of them staring up at the ceiling.

"A little," said Alicia with a small shrug. "But it's better like this. I shouldnae hold on tae false hope."

For a few moments, silence stretched between them, though it was a comfortable one, one they didn't need to fill. Then, Katherine kicked her gently and Alicia kicked her back, the two of them devolving to giggles as they fought playfully with each other.

When they settled into silence again, Alicia turned to look at her, still smiling. Katherine was the only one who could make her feel so at peace even when she was panicking; the only one who could calm her like this, simply by being there and listening.

And, perhaps, by being the voice of reason. It wasn't often that Alicia listened to her, as she couldn't help but do as she wished, but when she did listen, she began to think she should be listening more often.

"He is quite handsome, though," Katherine said. "Well, fer an old man."

Alicia gasped in mock offense, kicking her sister once more. "He isnae that old!"

"He is," Katherine insisted. "He's as old as Faither."

"He isnae as old as Faither," Alicia pointed out. "He is almost ten years younger than Faither."

"Is he?"

"Och aye, o' course he is!" Alicia pushed herself up to the elbows, looking at Katherine in disbelief. "Did ye truly think he was that old?"

"They're friends," Katherine said, as if that explained it. "I assumed they were closer in age."

Alicia couldn't help but snort, shaking her head as she fell back onto the pillow. For a while, she remained quiet before she said, "He is very handsome."

Samuel had always been a handsome man, but it was more than that which had fueled Alicia's infatuation with him. Though he could appear cold to those who didn't know him, he was kind. He was kind and brave and, perhaps most importantly, interesting, unlike many of the younger men Alicia had met, who only seemed like better suitors when, in fact, they had nothing to offer her other than a good alliance and financial security.

And besides, the man she was meant to wed was much older than Samuel and no one thought it outrageous enough to prevent this marriage. How could that possibly be more appropriate?

Samuel is surely a better match than Laird MacTavish. I dinnae care what anyone says, I cannae wed that man!

A knock on the door had both Alicia and Katherine shooting up straight, Alicia frantically pushing her still-damp hair off her face. Her traitorous heart expected every knock to herald Samuel's arrival and she nervously tried to appear as decent as possible, even though Samuel had no reason to visit Katherine's chambers.

When the door opened to reveal a maid, Alicia fell back on the pillow with a sigh, though she knew the source of her disappointment was silly.

"What is it, Beitris?" Katherine asked as the young woman lingered by the door.

"Ye're summoned tae yer faither's study," Beitris said with a quick curtsy. "He asks that ye meet him immediately."

Dread dripped down Alicia's spine as she exchanged a glance with Katherine. Could it be that her father had learned of the bath incident? Could it be that someone had seen her and Samuel or that Samuel himself had told him?

Her father had often tried to forbid her from visiting the baths, insisting much like her sister did that she should bathe in her own chambers, but Alicia had never listened to him. If he had found out about this, she would never hear the end of it.

"Beitris," Alicia said, slipping off the bed reluctantly. "Was he upset?"

"Upset?" Beitris asked, frowning as if deep in thought. "Aye, I suppose he seemed quite upset."

He will have me hanged!

When Alicia glanced at Katherine over her shoulder, she found her sister trembling life a leaf in the breeze, as though she was the one who would be in trouble rather than Alicia herself. She reached for Katherine, taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly as she pulled her out of bed, dragging her out of the room even as she resisted.

"It's fine," Alicia said. "He isnae upset with ye."

That did nothing to calm Katherine. Sometimes Alicia got the impression Katherine feared more for her than she did for herself.

As they walked to their father's study, Alicia leading and Katherine trailing unwillingly behind, Alicia's mind ran through all the possibilities, but always ended up at the same conclusion: he had discovered her feelings for Samuel. At least in the short walk to him, Alicia could brace herself for what was to come.

She could have never prepared herself for the sight of her father behind his large desk and Samuel across from him, though, the air in the room thick with tension and something deeper, something morose, like a heavy, grey cloud hanging right over their heads.

"Daughters, come, sit," their father said, suspiciously calm. Perhaps Alicia had been mistaken, she thought. Perhaps it was something else entirely which bothered him.

Pushing off his chair, Samuel said, "It's better if I leave ye tae discuss this."

"Nay," said their father quickly, gesturing at Samuel to sit back down. "Ye can stay, Samuel. Ye're family."

Samuel seemed just as reluctant to be there as Alicia felt, but he sat back down stiffly, his back straight where it rested against the chair. Alicia perched herself at the other chair by the desk, while Katherine walked over to the window, leaning against the wall as she took in the scene before her.

In the silence that followed, Alicia glanced between the two men, trying to decipher their weary and almost desperate looks. It was only when her father slid a letter towards her over the desk that Alicia realized what this meeting was truly about.

The letter bore the king's seal. With a trembling hand, Alicia opened the letter, eyes skimming over the words. It was yet another simple order, a reminder of the first letter the King had sent her father: Laird MacTavish was to wed one of Laird MacCallum's daughters.

Unthinkingly, Alicia crumpled the letter in her fist.

"This is the second letter we have received," said her father. "There is naething certain yet, but we should meet with Laird MacTavish an' discuss the possibility, at least."

"Laird MacTavish?" Katherine asked, pouncing at Alicia and snatching the letter from her hand. She read it herself, face twisting with fury as she did. When she was done, she strode to the fire and tossed it into the flames before turning to face their father, her stormy expression surprising not only Alicia, but also him. "Surely, ye willnae allow this, Faither! This is … this is madness!"

It wasn't often Alicia heard Katherine speak to anyone like this, let alone their father. She still shook, though now it seemed it was because of her fury, not fear, and her hands were curled into fists, tight and white-knuckled.

Calmly, their father said, "If I could prevent it, I would. Dinnae mistake this fer inaction. The order came directly from the king himself. I cannae refuse. There is nae other choice."

"There is always a choice," Katherine said through gritted teeth. "First Emmeline an' now Alicia. Why dae ye always allow others tae dictate the fate o' yer daughters? How can ye claim tae have nae choice?"

"Enough!"

The slam of her father's hand on the desk, the jarring sound of it cracking through the air around them, made Alicia jump and Katherine fall silent, gaze falling to the floor by her feet. The sigh that followed from her father's lips, weary and regretful, did little to diffuse the tension.

"Forgive me," he said, voice trembling ever so slightly. "This is as difficult fer me as it is fer ye. But there is naething tae be done."

The reality of her situation slowly sank into Alicia's mind. Her father was right; they could not refuse an order directly from the king. Doing such a thing would destroy her clan, make them pariahs and sever all their ties to other allied clans. No one acted against the king's wishes or ignore them, either.

If it wasn't her, then it would be Katherine, and Alicia could never allow her sister to be forced into this marriage instead of her. Refusing or doing something that would render her unfit for marriage would only shift the duty on her sister's shoulders.

"I understand," Alicia said, standing from her chair. "Excuse me."

She left without another word, unable to face her father and her sister and assure them she would be alright, knowing it was nothing but a lie. For a moment, she lingered by the door, her gaze finding Samuel, who had taken no part in the conversation.

But now, he was looking at her with such sorrow in his gaze that Alicia couldn't bear to stay there a second longer.