Chapter 9

WHEN HOPE WOKE UP, it was to the sounds of groaning beside her. She rolled over to discover Isaac in her bed. Only, it wasn't her bed. And it certainly wasn't her room.

"What's wrong?" her voice sounded thick and groggy.

"Nothing," Isaac mumbled, gripping his stomach.

"It's not nothing. What's wrong with your stomach?" Hope's head pounded as she asked after him, but she pushed the throbbing pain to the side.

"Just a bit of poison."

"Isaac," she reprimanded, "now is not the time to joke around."

"No joke, my love. Just a touch of food poisoning. Don't eat the beef."

Hope's eyes took in the plated food on the table in the middle of the room.

"What do you need?"

"Nothing."

"Dash it all, Isaac. Now is not the time to be the martyr. Clearly you're incapacitated. Let me help you."

"I don't need anything. I'll get it myself. You've just been kidnapped. You can't be feeling very well."

"I don't feel my best, but I certainly feel better than you." He was rising from his prone position. She had to do something. In a flash, she pushed herself up and straddled him. If he wasn't green in the face and bowled over, this position might be arousing. As it was, she could feel heat creeping up into her core.

"You're not going anywhere, Duke. Lay down." She pushed his chest. "Now."

With little effort from her, he collapsed back on the bed. But within a second, he was trying again.

"Isaac, don't move."

"Get off of me, Hope."

"No." She had to think quickly. She grabbed his cravat and untied it.

"What are you—"

"Quiet. No moving. No talking."

"Tyrant," he mumbled.

She took the cravat and one of his hands and tied him to the bedpost.

"What the—"

"There. Don't try a thing."

A smile crept onto his face. "Well…I never thought you'd be the one tying me to the bed."

A furious blush rushed up Hope's cheeks.

"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."

And then she knew exactly what she had to do.

"You're going to let me help you this time, Isaac. Some things in life you can't do for yourself."

He grunted noncommittally.

"I'll be right back."

"Hope, wait! What? You can't leave me like this." He made a quick movement to push himself up and then fell backward groaning.

Without a word, she moved closer to the door. Best to let the man sweat.

The next groan he made tugged on her heart strings though. She knew she was only teasing him about leaving, but she couldn't continue the farce.

"I'm not going anywhere, Isaac." She walked over to the table and poured water both in a glass and on a towel. When she returned to his side, she brushed the cool towel over his forehead.

"Sit up a bit and have a sip of water."

He struggled to push up on one elbow as she held the cup for him.

"I hate this," he muttered.

With a pat on his arm, she said, "I know you do."

And then he said the last thing she expected.

He laid his head back on the pillow. "I really hate this, but you know you'll have to marry me now, right?"

Well, if that wasn't the worst possible proposal in the world, Hope didn't know what was. She couldn't have imagined a less romantic proposal. Hate and marry in the same sentence? Was the man delirious? Did he actually think she would say yes to that?

His eyes were closed. "At least I'll have the prettiest wife the haut ton has ever seen on my arm."

The man must be out of his mind if he thought she was going to be his trophy in a loveless marriage. There would be friendship and tenderness. Even passion. But she needed love. And she needed to be with someone who didn't resentfully accept her nurturing ways. She didn't care if this night of scandal cost her her entire future, she would not marry him. She would rather die a spinster than settle for what he was offering. Even if she did love him…

And oh, what a time to admit to love. As she wiped the sweat from his brow, he was still the handsomest man she knew. And kind. And protective. That's what made it hurt so much. He was the perfect man for her, but if he didn't love her, then she would be living in devastation. At least if she refused him she still had her pride.

"Wife?" he whispered, eyes still closed.

"Hush now. We'll talk about it later."

It was Christmas Eve morning. She should be at home with her family. With her brothers. Enjoying herself. Instead, she was sitting in this room forcing a man to accept her help and refusing his honorable proposal.

At least there was snow. Finally.

By evening, Hope had nursed Isaac back to a semblance of health and they were riding back to Snowick Abbey. Isaac's energy was depleted, but he could hold himself erect on a horse. Since the flurries had died down, they ventured back quickly. It was just as they began to dismount that Hope turned to him to tell him her answer. It took the whole ride to build up her courage.

He didn't know it was coming. He had assumed her acceptance, and therefore the entire ride back had been talking of how they would break the news.

"Isaac," she stared up into his clear blue eyes. "I'm not going to marry you."

Too stunned to speak, he took her hand in his. "We have to. Do you have any idea the scandal this will cause?"

She left her hand in his warm caress, knowing this would be the last intimate touch she would share with him. "I know. But I can't marry you."

Hurt flashed across his face. "If it was someone else, you would say yes?"

"I–I don't know. But I can't marry you."

And then, before the dam of tears could break, she fled into the house to her room.

It was foolish to think she could slip in undetected. More so because as it just so happened, every single one of her brothers (along with their wives) had apparently managed to make it home for Christmas Eve. It should have been a delightful reunion.

Immediately, they surrounded her, bombarding her with questions and concerns.

"Are you well?" was posed several times. Hands were holding her, patting her, embracing her.

"Who did this?" was a serious contender for the second most-asked question, followed closely by, "How did this happen?"

She made eye contact with her mother. "Mama, I'm fine. Please. Ask Isaac. He'll tell you everything. I need to be alone right now."

With understanding, her mother put an arm around her shoulder and freed her from the massive familial embrace.

"Go on, my dear. We'll figure this out. All will be well."

She wanted to believe that. In order to gather her thoughts though, she needed to be alone. But it was foolish for her to think she could keep them out of her room. They came in droves. They came in pairs. They came as singles. But it seemed as though each person had taken it upon themselves to return the favor of her meddling ways.

It didn't take long. And even assuming Isaac didn't share all the details, everyone could predict what had happened since Isaac and her returned unchaperoned.

First came the sisters-in-law. They embraced her, offered comforting words and support. Felicity had left her a short note. Giselle reassured her that they would have snow for Christmas. And Hali and Emma each hugged her twice.

Then came her mother with tea, reiterating that whatever Hope decided was best would stand. The family would rally behind her.

Next the brothers barged in. A few expressed (none too mildly) that she should marry Isaac. There was nothing wrong with him. He would be faithful. And wasn't it about time fate had its way with Hope? (Most of those words came from Evan, though Dawson had chimed in a couple of times.) She knew they weren't angry at her, and they would never condemn her. They just wanted her happy.

Surprisingly, Arthur mentioned that he had always thought Isaac was a good influence on her. She didn't think her eldest brother paid that much attention to matters of the heart.

Each one patted her on the back as they departed.

And then came the least expected visitor of all.

Astrid.

And she came in tears.

"I know I should be consoling you, Hope. But, I just can't bear it. I didn't think that man was dangerous."

By this time most of Hope's tears had dried up, and she was perplexed by Astrid's confession. "What man?"

"I was the one who told you about the apothecary. The man in the village. He said it had some nice products for ladies. He said my friends might enjoy it. When he pointed you out, I thought he was just including everyone. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."

Well…now…this was astonishing. Astrid was almost bawling in front of her. This was not the Astrid she knew. Then again, she didn't really know Astrid, did she?

So really, there was only one response.

"Are you Lady X?"

"Oh my God, yes. And I'm so sorry for that as well. Hope, can you ever forgive me? I'm a terrible person. Look at all the damage I've caused."

There before Hope was a choice. To forgive. Or to resent. It was only up to her. She could be one of those people who admired Astrid, was indifferent, or resentful. It would be justifiable to hold Astrid's sins against her. Her actions had caused damage. But…all was well…enough. If Hope chose for it to be so.

It was a choice. That's all it was. Forgive or resent.

"Before I forgive you, I should say that the whole apothecary business wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known."

"I should have known. I shouldn't have trusted him. He seemed nice, but obviously he had other plans."

"Who was he?"

"I didn't recognize him. Just that he had very nice clothes. That of a duke, even. I think that's why I felt as though I could trust him."

"There, there, Astrid. We can't go through life distrusting people for no reason. It was innocent. I don't hold it against you."

"You're a better person than I am."

"I don't think so. You're apologizing now. That's what matters. That we own our mistakes. And change because of them."

"You are a beautiful person, Hope. And I don't just mean on the outside. You have a heart of gold."

"Well, I guess then I should tell you that I do forgive you for being Lady X. While I can't fathom why you took such drastic measures against Evan, I do understand the pain of unrequited love."

Astrid was weeping in her lap at this last offer of mercy. "I shouldn't have done it. I don't know why I did. I was just so mad at him. He didn't love me. He couldn't love me. So I didn't want him to have love either."

"It was a terrible thing to do, but now Evan has Felicity and they're happy together."

"And I can finally say I'm happy for him."

"See? That's wonderful, then."

"Yes, it does feel good. Like a weight has been lifted from my heart. So now I must regain my composure and take courage. I know you don't want to marry Isaac. But he needs you. He needs someone to take care of him. He won't say it, but he needs it."

"I can't—"

"You can. You are stronger than any other female I know."

Hope had never really viewed nurturing as a strength. "I don't know that taking care of others makes me strong."

"My God woman, you willingly put yourself beneath others and carry their weight. What could require more strength than that?"

Tears burned Hope's eyes. She didn't need everyone to acknowledge that, but she did need some people to see it.

"Thank you, Astrid. In spite of everything, I know I shall count you as a dear friend from here on out."

Because that's all she needed to hear to confirm her decision.