Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Priest

Dinner was really good. There’s a farm on the other side of Hindman where the farmer butchers and sells the meat himself, and Reboot got a mess of small rib eyes from him. They were delicious and melt-in-your-mouth tender. All of the sides were exceptional, and everybody’s full. We talked and laughed all through dinner, and Aggie finally got to meet Natalie, which was good. It won’t be long before cold weather hits, and this is a good opportunity to take advantage of a warm day while we still can.

Everything’s cleaned up and put away, and we’re all headed to our places when I see Patch slip the keys to the truck to Bear. I guess that means he’s going to see Sela, and I instantly feel bad for the guy. Right now, she’s incapacitated, but I’m afraid when she’s in good shape and ready to go, we’ll find out that she’s been toying with him all along. That will totally piss me off. I have to believe she knows he feels something for her, because anybody who’s been around him for more than ten minutes knows he’s not the kind who attaches himself to somebody. If he’s spending time with her, it means something to him.

“Wanna watch a movie?” I ask as soon as we’ve cleared my doorway.

“We can. Or we can just talk.”

“We can. Want something? Glass of wine maybe?”

“Oooo, that would be nice! Sure.”

When I’ve poured two, I sit down on the sofa with her and hand her the glass. “Here ya go. Now, what do you want to talk about?”

“Me. You. Us.”

“Okay.”

“Us first. Is there an us? In the future, I mean?”

As I toe my shoes off, I answer, “There’s an us right now if you want it to be.”

“Okay. Then I have a few questions for you.”

That makes me a little scared, but she has the right to ask whatever she wants. “Okay. Go for it.”

“Can we talk about when you were in prison?”

I nod. “We can.”

“And your relationships in prison?”

“Okay.” I’m not sure where this is going.

“Did you have friends in prison?”

I shrug. “I guess. There are a couple of guys I still talk to from time to time.”

“Are they still in prison?”

“Yeah.”

“Are they getting out?”

I shrug again. “I dunno. We don’t talk about that kind of stuff when we talk. We mostly talk about things they need to talk about, situations they find themselves in, things like that. We talk about the Guardians too.”

“Were you like really close to them?”

Where is she going with this? “Um, one of them was my cellmate. The others… We worked side by side most of the time. We worked together with the Guardians. We hung out together in the yard. So I guess… I mean, we knew each other well.” There’s this long pause, and I get the feeling she’s trying to figure out what to say, so I’m just gonna save her some time and cut to the chase. “Aggie, what do you want to know? Don’t dance around it. Just ask.”

With a long, deep sigh, she finally asks, “Did you have sex with guys in prison?”

And there it is. She wants real? I’ll give her real. “Yes.”

“Is that…” And she stops.

“Is that what I want? No. Are you sure you can handle this discussion?”

“No, but I want to understand.”

“Okay.” I take a deep breath, let it out, and start. “When I first got there, I was a seventeen-year-old boy who thought he was Billy Badass. Those guys who’ve been in there for forty years and aren’t ever getting out… I was candy to them. I wound up in the infirmary twice because of what they did to me. I learned pretty quickly how to keep my mouth shut and take it. By the time I had been in there a couple of years, I was looking at the younger guys coming in and doing the same to them. Later on, it’s just something you do. You’ve got guys who like taking it, and you use them. It’s not because you want to be with men. It’s because you’re in there without any women and you need to get off. You close your eyes, stick it in, and that guy can be anybody you want him to be, especially if you tell him to keep his mouth shut. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with need and dominance. I followed that playbook until I started changing my life. After that, no. No more of that. By then, I was old enough and strong enough that taking advantage of me against my will wasn’t an option, plus I had other guys with me who’d take up for me and protect me. And I protected them too. So yes―I had sex with men in prison, Aggie. It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s not something I want to do again. But it happened to me, and I made it happen to others, and that’s in a life that’s long past. If that changes your opinion of me, I’m sorry. But it’s part of who I was and it helped to inform who I am. I really think I have a better understanding of human sexuality, hell, human nature, because of it.”

There’s silence. I can tell she’s mulling over everything I’ve said. Her face is flushed when she says, “I think I should tell you that I talked to Patch about this. Not specifically this. Just… this general thing.”

I don’t want to get angry about this. She has a right to ask questions, and if she had to ask somebody, I’m glad it was Patch. “And what did he say?”

“He said he didn’t know specifics, but that I shouldn’t judge anybody here by who they were in prison because it’s different in there than out here.”

“He’s right. It’s so different from what you know… it’s like being on a different planet, babe. Totally different.”

“I can’t imagine …”

“Good. It’s good that you can’t imagine. You don’t want to, trust me. You don’t ever want to experience that. I don’t want you to ever experience that. I’m glad you didn’t know me then. If you’d known who I was then, at least early on, and met me now, you wouldn’t be able to rectify that in your mind.” She nods. “Just know that I like girls. I like skinny girls and curvy girls, short girls and tall girls, white girls and black girls and brown girls and Asian girls, smart girls and not-so-smart girls. I like girls. All kinds of girls. But I like one in particular.”

She looks like she’s going to cry when she asks, “Who?”

“You. In particular, I like you.” Then I kiss her.

I wish I could explain how I feel when her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls herself closer to me, the elation I feel in my chest, the peace I feel in my soul. I have waited literally my entire adult life for a kiss like this, a real kiss. There’s a softness to her that I find intoxicating, and the scent of her shampoo, makeup, perfume, I can smell it all. It’s amazing. The heat from her body reminds me that she’s real, not some figment of my imagination, and I want more of that, want her closer to me, want her skin against mine. Is it sexual? Yeah. But it’s also about being that close to another human being. The women I knew before prison, they were all just fucks. After prison, I paid a hooker for a blow job once. That’s it. I’ve never known what it’s like to have a close, personal relationship with another human being, one this intimate. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way.

She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “I’m glad you like me in particular.”

“Aggie,” I begin, then stop. This is hard. “Aggie, I’ve never had a relationship with a woman. This is all new to me. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want you to hurt me. I think we need to be in this together. On the same page. So I’ll just say that I don’t know for sure how I feel about you yet, but it’s more than just a case of plain ol’ like.”

“Same. I feel the same.” With that, she stops, and I wonder what’s going on in her head.

“Don’t be embarrassed. We can’t afford to be embarrassed with each other. We’ve got to be comfortable speaking our minds and, trust me, I won’t judge you or make fun of you.”

Her eyes are clear when she stares into mine. “I could fall in love with you. Men haven’t treated me very well, but you’ve been nothing but good to me, kind, caring. I know I’m no catch, but―”

“You’re quite the catch, baby girl. You’re amazing. You’re smart and funny and classy. You’re not pushy, but you’re not afraid to come right out and say what you want. You were determined to get out here where you could see me again, and it gave me the perfect chance to talk to you. I like women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah?”

I hope my grin says it all. “Yeah.” This time, I kiss her, and it’s just as spectacular as the previous one. My hands drift up her back, find the hooks on her bra, and undo them, then slide back down to her waist. “I’d really like for you to take that off.”

There’s no hesitation, and her hands just whip the top and bra right off. I’m staring straight at two decent-sized breasts, and while they sag a little, her nipples tip upward. Oh, lord, they look fine. My hands are hovering right in front of them, and I’m a little afraid to touch them, but her hands grip the backs of mine and pull them toward her until my palms cover her nipples and more.

Damn, this is heaven. I squeeze them a little, palm them, rub the pads of my thumbs over her buds, and she moans into my mouth. “Like that?” I mumble against her lips.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Wanna take this to the bed?”

“Um-hmmmm,” she groans.

“Okay. Go to the bathroom and do what you’ve gotta do. I’ll take care of everything else.” I watch as she hops up from the sofa and strides toward the bedroom, her tits bouncing just a little. Fuck, that makes my dick hard! Once I know the door is locked, I grab a couple of bottles of water from the refrigerator and head that direction.

She’s still in the bathroom, so I take off everything except my boxer briefs and pull the covers back. When she cut through the bedroom, she deposited her top and bra by the bathroom door, and when she steps out, her skirt and underwear join them. The sight of her totally bare is almost more than I can stand. “Um, I’m―” I mumble, throwing a thumb toward the bathroom.

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” She’s sliding under the top sheet as I head to the bathroom. Damn, it’s hard to take a piss with my dick like a tree trunk! I manage, brush my teeth, wash my hands, grab a strip of condoms, and head that direction, dropping my boxer briefs on top of her clothes as I step out. “My oh my, look at you,” she murmurs as I step into the room.

“Like what you see?” I ask.

“Oh, yeah. And you?” With that, she throws the covers off, and I can’t dive onto the mattress fast enough.

“I like.” So much woman, so little time… I want to touch every inch of her, everywhere. I don’t even know where to start, so I start with a nipple and just feel around all over her. “Oh, god, baby, you’re glorious,” I whisper.

“Thank you! That baseball bat you got down there looks pretty damn glorious too.”

“Um-hmmm,” I answer, never taking my lips from her nipple. My fingers are wandering, and holy hell, she’s soaking wet. “Oh, girl, you’re drippin’.”

“Yeah. I know. I really want you, Darius. I mean, I really do. Um, have you… been tested?”

“Yeah. I’m clean. You?”

“Oh, yeah. Been a while for me, so I’m fine.”

“Still gonna use condoms though,” I tell her, pulling a little packet off and tearing the foil.

“I think that’s wise.”

“You ready?”

She lets out a little giggle. “Oh, yeah. Been ready.” I press inward and listen to her hiss. “Oh, yeah. Oh, that feels so fine.” As soon as I’m as far in as I can go, I press myself upward a little. “What are you doing?”

“Gonna get you off first.”

“I can do that.”

“I want to. If that’s okay.”

She smiles. “Of course that’s okay. It’s perfectly fine. Oh, it’s gonna be so good with you already in me.” The second I touch her, she cries out, “Oh, lawd! Yes! That feels so good.” It doesn’t take much and she’s pulsing around me. “Oh, Darius! Oh, damn, baby, that’s… that’s… Oh, stop, please. Please? Oh, yeah,” she moans as I pull my hand back.

“Was that good?”

“Oh, damn, it was amazing! But I really need you to stroke. Please?”

“Of course. I need me to stroke too!” I say with a laugh and commence with the stroking.

This woman’s body is perfect, and this pussy is incredible. As I pump into her, I kiss her, stroke her hair with one hand, nip a nipple, just generally show her some attention, and she responds instantly. It’s amazing. I’ve never had sex this way, and then I realize I’m not having sex―I’m making love. It’s different. Don’t ever let anybody tell you it’s not, because it is.

When I come, I feel like I’ve crossed some kind of threshold into the real world, a world where people live and love and have relationships and lives. Real lives. Not something somebody else allows them to have in between time spent in their cells. A life. A job. Friends. A home. And a woman. Do I dare even think that yet?

I feel things for Aggie that I’ve never felt for another human being, and if this is what love is, then I’ve never felt it for anybody before, at least not like this. Something about her makes me want to protect her, coddle her, hug her to me and never let her go. My body has given out, but my mind is racing ahead. I lie on top of her for a minute, then roll to my side. “I think I just lost five pounds.”

“I dunno about that, but you probably lost two quarts,” she says and giggles. God, I love that sound!

I reach for her, pull her to me, and kiss her forehead. “Girl, that was fucking amazing.”

“Yeah? Wanna do it again?”

“Of course I wanna do it again, but I can’t right now. It’ll take me two days to recover.”

“No it won’t.” Her hand wraps around my softness, and I almost laugh.

“You think that’s gonna work?”

“I’m pretty sure it will.”

Well, damn, she’s right. I can feel it hardening up again. “You got some kind of magic, girl?”

“Oh, yeah. Magic. It’s definitely magic.” Every time she strokes up, she gives it a little tug, and it’s responding. Pretty soon, I’m at about seventy-five percent. “Come on, babe. You know you want it,” she whispers and kisses me just below my ear. Well, that does the trick. “Oh, yeah. I knew it.”

“Damn, girl! You know how to take care of a man!” I say with a laugh as she keeps working it.

“Think that’s about got it?”

I reach down and grip it to give it a few hard strokes. “Yeah. That’ll definitely do the trick. Gotta get another condom though.” I was a little afraid it would take a crap on me when I took time to roll one on, but it stays plenty hard enough. “How do you want it, baby girl? Sweet and easy?”

“No. Hard and fast.”

“Okay then.” I don’t give her a chance to change her mind, just shove into her and listen to her moan. “Oh, yeah. Hot and wet.”

“Darius?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“As long as you treat me right, you can fuck me. I don’t have to have lovey-dovey all the time. I like a good hard pounding too.”

“Okay then. If that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get.”

Damn, the girl can holla! She’s carrying on something fierce, and I love that. All her moaning and crying out keeps me hard as stone, and I’m going to town on that fine pussy. And it is fine too. Very fine. I rise up enough to grab the top of the headboard with my hands, and I notice she’s wrapped her fingers through the rungs. Probably a good idea. Otherwise, I’d most likely pound her head into the headboard.

I’m really powering in and out of her when I feel it, that tightening in my balls, and I know it’s inevitable. Just as it’s starting to rise, I hear her mutter, “Oh my god,” and her pussy starts to pulse around me. Holy fuck, she’s coming like a freight train, and that’s all I need to tip me over the edge. I’m grunting as I pound into her, and I fill this condom up just like I did the first one.

I finally still, then lean down to kiss her before I hop up. “Shoulda done this before round two. Be right back.”

“I’ll still be here,” she answers with a silly grin as I climb off the bed and head to the bathroom. I’ve just started a stream when I hear her say, “Darius?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“My fingers are stuck.”

I start to laugh. “Don’t play with me like that, baby girl!” Two shakes and I wander back out, but when I take in the sight of her face, my heart freezes. “You’re not kidding.”

“No! I’m not! My fingers are stuck!” She’s straightened them so the tips are actually touching the wall. “I can’t get them out!”

“Hold up, hold up. Don’t panic. I’ll get them…” I reach for her hand and give it a tug, but nothing happens. That’s when I take a good look at her fingers. They’re swollen on the other side of the rungs. “Shit. Okay. We’ll get you loose. Hang on.” I trot straight for the kitchen, get my small bottle of olive oil, and run back. “Here. Let’s put some of this on them…” After I pour a little into my palms, I rub them together, then start massaging the oil into and around her fingers as best I can. “Now, let’s…” I give them another little pull, but nothing.

“Darius, please! I can’t get them out and they’re starting to hurt!” I try pulling the rungs apart, but nothing. They’re wide and flat, so I push one and pull the other. “Oh! That hurts! Stop!”

“Okay, okay, baby. Let’s think about this for a minute.”

“Don’t think too long! I’m losing the feeling in them!” She’s started to whine, so I know it’s bound to hurt, and she’s frowning. Next step is crying, and that’s when I’ll know I’m completely fucked.

There’s no choice. I have to call somebody to help. But who? The first person I think of is Ghost, but he’ll think this is hysterically funny. That’s when I realize who I need to call. He answers with a, “What’s up, man?”

“You in the middle of something?”

“Nah. Just hangin’ out with my girl. Rubbing her feet. Need something?”

“Yeah. Help. We’ve got a situation,” I say as I hold the phone between my ear and shoulder while I drag my underwear on.

“I’ll be right there.” And the phone goes dead.

“What did you do?” Aggie screams.

“I called in reinforcements.”

“Oh, great. Just great. I been screwin’ my man and gotta get rescued by the search and rescue team. That’s awesome. It’ll be on the news tomorrow night―”

“It will not. He’ll be discreet.”

“Yeah, as long as he’s here. But once he’s―” A knock interrupts her tirade. “Go seal my fate.”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll see.” I hustle off to the door and open it. “Thanks for coming.”

“Okay, what’s going on?” Bulldog asks.

“We were, um, having sex, and she got her fingers hung in the rungs on the headboard.”

He’s already on the move toward the bedroom, but he stops and wheels as he reaches the doorway. “Okay. First off, I need you to go back in there. She needs to roll as far to one side as she can, and you can tuck the sheet under her, then have her roll as far as she can to the other side and tuck it in. No sense in further embarrassing both of you for this.”

“Got it.” I know Aggie could hear him, and she looks up at me with puppy dog eyes. “See? I told you he’d be discreet.” She rolls, I tuck, she rolls again, I tuck again. “Okay. We’re all covered up in here.”

“Okay. Hey, Aggie. I’m gonna get you loose, all right? Just be patient. I’ve got to look and figure out what I need to do.” He kneels beside her head on the bed, looking at her fingers, feeling of them, feeling of the headboard. “You got ice in here?” he asks as he turns to me.

“Yeah.”

“Then get two quart-sized bags about half full of ice, and bring them in here. And two dish towels.”

When I come back with them, I watch as he pulls one gently onto one of her hands, then wraps it with the dish towel. “You hold this one in place.” I do as I’m told and watch as he rounds the bed and does exactly the same thing with the other one. “Now, let’s slide them up as far as you can reach, Aggie.” When we’ve managed that, he asks me, “You got a virtual device?”

“Yeah.”

“Lexie, set a timer for ten minutes,” Bulldog calls out.

“Timer set for ten minutes,” the device answers.

He glances at me. “Now we wait.” We just hold them there patiently. “Aggie, honey, you doin’ okay?”

“Yeah. Hurts.”

“I know, but we’ll have you out of there in a few minutes. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I guess you think I’m pretty dumb, huh?” she asks and starts to cry.

“No, honey, I don’t. I’m a nurse, and I used to work in the ER. Trust me, this is tame compared to some of what I saw. It’s nothing. I saw some crazy, fucked-up shit in there, so this really isn’t bad.”

“Like what?” she asks in a whine.

He stops for a few seconds, then says, “I once had a guy with a peanut butter jar up his ass.”

I screw up my face, mostly in disbelief. “How the hell―”

“I have no idea. But no, he did not fall on it and it accidentally went up his ass. That’s bullshit. Had another guy who managed to shove a succession of crayons up his urethra. Didn’t think we’d ever get those out.”

I can’t even imagine. “How did you?”

“We were getting ready to use the same tool they use for kidney stones, even though we were pretty sure it wouldn’t open up enough to grip them. He put them in pointy end first, so the butt end was huge. Thought we were going to have to take him to surgery. Somebody finally got some lube and a syringe and managed to inject enough lube into his urethra that once he started pissing, he pissed the rainbow.” I snicker a little. “Yeah, we all had a laugh after the fact. During, not so funny. After, funny as hell. Of course, not in front of him. Guy was traumatized, as well he should’ve been.”

“No shit.”

“Moral of the story, don’t stick stuff into holes into your body unless it’s made to stick in there. Dildos are fine. Potatoes, not so much.” The tone from the device sounds. “Lexie, stop. Okay. Take the ice off.” We pull the towels and bags off. “You’re going to rub more oil on and I’m going to pull on these slats. Let’s see if we can do it. If not, I’ll have to cut them off.”

“My fingers?” Aggie screams.

That does actually make him chuckle a little. “No, honey. The rungs. You’re keeping all your fingers, I promise. Okay, Priest, here we go.” I put more oil on her right hand and watch as he pushes one rung and pulls the other. “Get a firm grip on her wrist and give it a hard tug.”

To my surprise and delight, her hand pops free. “Okay, let’s do this other one.” I lean across her, coat her fingers with oil, and we do the same thing. Sure enough, that one pops free too. “There we go! Gotcha. Now, go wash the oil off, then spend about ten minutes with your hands higher than your heart and most of the swelling should go down.”

God love her, she’s started to cry for real now. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Eh. I’d want y’all to do the same for us.”

“You wouldn’t do something so stupid,” she says.

“You don’t know that. We all do things all the time that we don’t think through and get into these situations. Just glad I could help.”

Her lower lip trembles as she asks, “Are you going to say―”

“Absolutely not. This is nobody’s business. I won’t even tell Tinsley unless she asks, and if she does, I’ll be sure to tell her she’s not to tell anybody else. That’s just not cool. I don’t treat my brothers and sisters that way.” He smiles down at her. “You get some rest. I could be wrong, but I’m thinking the two of you have had all you need for tonight.”

I laugh a little. “I’m thinking you’re right. Nothing for us now but―”

The sound of static fills the room and a voice says, “App STAR base, this is central dispatch. Come in, over.”

Patch’s voice is next. “This is App STAR base, central dispatch. Over.”

“App STAR base, report of a missing person off LandersRoad in the vicinity of the botanical garden. KnottCounty Sheriff’s Department requesting assistance, over.”

“Roger that, central dispatch. ETA of twenty. Over.”

“Shit,” I mutter.

“Well, there goes any more fun you might’ve had. See you in five,” Bulldog says and runs out of the cottage.

Aggie’s eyes are wide. “What’s happening?”

“I’ve gotta go.”

“Go? Out?”

“Yes, baby girl.” I’m already pulling on my tee, brush pants, and grabbing my go-bag. “Don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“But we just―”

“I know, babe, but this is my life. I’ll be back as soon as I can get back, but I really have to go. You can stay here, or you can go home, or whatever you want to do. We’ll talk when I get back, but right now―”

“I know. You have to go. Please be careful!” she yells at my back as I run out the door.

“I will!” I shout back, but my feet are carrying me away, running toward the equipment shed. Patch has already pulled one of the Jeeps out, and Reboot’s pulling the other one out. I hop into Reboot’s with Bulldog and Paddy and in seconds, we’re on the road.

Another lost soul. Another night’s work. And a beautiful woman in my bed. Alone. I can’t win for losing.

Aggie

Well. One minute he’s fucking my brains out and the next minute, he’s gone.

Okay, so it’s not really like that. There was a hiccup between. I’d hoped for cuddling, but I kinda messed that one up myself, although I’m pretty sure if that tone hadn’t sounded, Bulldog would’ve left and we would’ve gone straight to cuddling. Now I’ll never know.

I lie here alone in his bed and wonder―is he happy? Did I make him happy? If I go home right now, will I ever see him again? Nope. Staying right here. If he isn’t happy with me and doesn’t want to see me again, he’ll have to tell me.

I get up, get dressed in my PJs, and wonder what to do. It’s not late―it’s barely ten o’clock. I’ve about decided to go on to bed when there’s a knock at the door. It’s the first time in a long time that somebody’s knocked on a door when I’m alone and I’m not afraid. Sure enough, it’s Izzy. “Hey, girl! Guess your evening got interrupted too.”

“Yeah. Never had that happen before.”

“You wanna be with him, get used to it. Happens at the most inopportune times.”

“So what are you doing?”

“We all go over to the kitchen and hang out. Usually make sure there’s a pot of coffee. Sometimes we make sandwiches, or some kind of soup, or something. Some little thing they can have when they come in. They’re usually hungry and tired, so the food helps, and the coffee keeps them going long enough to get a shower and then pass out in bed.”

“Does this happen often?”

“Sometimes it’ll happen four times in forty-eight hours. Sometimes they’ll go two weeks with no call-out. We never know. It’s just part of the job.”

“Yeah. I get it. Let me get my shoes and I’ll head over there with you.” First thing I noticed is that she’s standing there in her pajamas and no bra, so I figure what I’m wearing is fine.

All of the women except Tinsley and Sarah are in there, and we hang out for hours. At two o’clock, Penny says, “I’m going over to Bulldog and Tinsley’s to check on her. If I can’t see her through the window, I’m not going to knock. I don’t want to wake her, but I’m a little worried about her.”

“I’ll walk you over,” Mavis offers, and the two of them head that direction.

“Well, that’s ready,” Audrey says as she puts the lid back on the big stockpot. “Fresh, hot vegetable soup.”

“They’ll like that,” I assure her.

“They’ll like those sandwiches too,” Natalie says as she washes her hands from peeling oranges. There’s a whole bowl of fruit sitting there, minus the apples. We didn’t want them to turn dark before the guys got there, but there’s melon, pineapple, and grapes already in there, along with the orange slices.

There’s a sound I can’t identify. “What’s that?”

Izzy turns toward the door. “It’s one of the Jeeps. They’re coming back. Start putting ice in glasses for the tea.” Natalie and I start working on that, and then the door opens.

The guys start filing in, and they’re not saying a word. It’s written all over their faces. Hollywood stops and hugs Audrey, who puts down the ladle in her hand and wraps her arms around him. Ghost grabs Izzy and buries his face in her neck. “Where’s Tins?” Bulldog asks, his face lined with exhaustion.

“Penny and Mavis went to check on her,” Natalie answers as Paddy steps up beside her and nuzzles his nose against her temple. “Babe, what happened?” Instead of answering, they all turn to their leader.

“Not the outcome we hoped. Teenage boy, went out this morning, didn’t come home at dark. Parents got worried. He’d tried to ride his trail bike up the mountain behind the gardens. Ran off the trail, hit a rock, and the handlebar impaled him.” Patch wipes his forehead with his forearm, then drops his arm. “He’d been dead for hours when we finally found him.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “Wait. Teenage boy? Is it somebody I know?”

“Might be. Tim…” He looks at a piece of paper in his hand.

“Crandall?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“Yes. That’s him. One of your students?”

I can feel my eyes welling with tears. “Yes. Troubled little boy. Very quiet and shy. The other kids picked on him all the time.”

“Well, at least he’s free of the bullies,” Patch says, his voice laced with defeat, and I start to sob. TimCrandall was a good kid. Smart. Funny. But small for his age, pale, skinny. The other kids teased him all the time. I worked with him after school twice a week for his stutter.

A presence steps up behind me and when I wheel, Darius is right there. “Babe, what’s―”

I whisper through my sobs, “He was one of my students.”

“Oh, baby girl, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” His arms wrap tightly around me and pull me to him, and I just sob into his chest. Life is so unfair. Good people die and bad people live on to torment others. Why? I don’t understand it all. It makes no sense. “Come sit down.”

“No. You should sit down. You’re all exhausted. Sit. Let me get you something to eat and drink. Want a sandwich? Soup? Tea? Fruit?”

He nods. “Yes to all.”

“I’ll get it.” I need to be busy, and I think he senses that. While he sits, I set about making him a plate, getting him a bowl, finding a napkin. I grab a glass and fill it with tea and set it down for him. Then I sit down beside him. “Don’t worry about me. You’ve been out all night. Just get some food in you, and we’ll go back to the cottage so you can shower and get some sleep.”

“Thanks.” I look around to find all of the men so exhausted that they can barely sit up. There’s no elation here, just a sense of resignation that they did what they could do to the best of their abilities and still got a shitty outcome.

Penny and Mavis have come in and let Bulldog know that Tinsley is fine, so he sits down and eats with all the rest of the men. Darius tells me he’s so tired that he can’t eat the other half of his sandwich, so rather than let it go to waste, I eat it. Along with the half sandwich, he gets a bowl of soup down, most of the fruit, and drinks his tea. While he finishes up, I help Audrey and Izzy start putting away stuff that hasn’t been eaten. By the time the last of them finishes eating, we’ve got almost everything cleaned up, and Audrey has run a sink full of soapy water to let everything soak until we can load it into the dishwasher in the morning.

Everybody is finding their way across the lawn, and we’re the next to last to leave. Bulldog is still eating a little, and he shoos the rest of us out and says he’ll be fine. As we start through the doorway, I turn and mouth Thank you to him. He gives me a tiny smile with a silly little salute, and the door closes behind me.

Thirty minutes later, we’re curled up in Darius’ bed, arms around each other. I’m almost asleep when I hear him say, “Aggie, I love you, girl.”

It’s fast, but I don’t care. It’s real, as real as it gets. “I love you too, Darius.” I feel him relax against me and in just a minute, his breathing steadies and he stills. This thing is real. It’s ours.

And I don’t ever want to lose it.