Chapter 60

CHAPTER 60

ZAYN

T he moment I opened my phone that morning, I knew I should've left it in airplane mode. The flood of notifications was relentless. Hate mail, tweets, comments from strangers who knew nothing about me—just assumptions piled on assumptions, and all of it negative.

Of course. Online discourse was a cesspool. Regular folks always got drowned out by the loudest assholes.

I had become public enemy number one, and all because of that damn article. Everyone had latched onto the narrative that I'd staged the whole engagement with Marigold for some cynical, money-grabbing reason.

Yeah, because that's exactly what I needed—more money. Right.

I could hear Kameron's voice in my head. "I told you so."

He'd said it to my face enough times over the last few days that my brain had it running on a constant loop. The fact that I wasn't physically near him was the only thing saving him from getting a fist to the jaw. When a man's been dealing with constant online harassment, the last thing he wanted was his brother reminding him of all the ways he screwed up.

Kameron's life was settled. He had the perfect wife with their perfect kid. He forgot how easy it was to get caught up in a scandal.

I threw my phone across the room, the satisfying sound of it hitting the couch just barely enough to keep me from screaming.

I needed to hit the gym. I needed to take my frustration out on a bag meant to handle a man's anger.

My office was no longer my place to hide. Everywhere I turned people were whispering and staring. I was seriously considering a move to some third world country. A tropical destination where I could farm coconuts.

"Man, you alright?" Hayes waved his hand in front of my face, pulling me out of the fantasy where I was lying on a white sandy beach, rum in hand, far, far away from here. A beach where the only thing louder than the waves was Marigold's laugh as she teased me for falling asleep under the umbrella, probably while burning my skin to a crisp.

I blinked, suddenly back in the office. I didn't even see or hear Hayes walk in. Hudson and Kate walked in behind him.

"I'm fine," I said. "Let's do this."

I got up from my chair and walked to the couch to retrieve my phone.

The three of them sat down. Kate got right to the heart of it. Her words were lost in the sea of noise that was my life. The world was too loud. Too opinionated. Too small .

"Dude," Hayes said, snapping his fingers in front of my face again. "Are you paying attention?"

I wasn't. Not really.

"Sorry," I muttered, rubbing my temples. My head was pounding from all the noise. It felt like I had been dropped in the middle of a mosh pit. Even when I tried to focus, all I could hear was the echo of online voices. Keyboard warriors insulting me as if they knew what the hell was going on in my life.

Kate cleared her throat, obviously waiting for me to get it together, but I just stared at her.

"Go on," Hayes said when I said nothing.

Kate started talking again.

It was all such bullshit. None of this had anything to do with reality. Marigold had nothing to do with my bank account. All of this to save my reputation and it had blown up in my face. My reputation had never been in worse shape.

"Zayn, would Marigold be willing to give a statement?" Kate asked.

"No. She's not getting dragged into this."

"She's already in it," Hudson said.

"And if she says anything, it's only going to stir things up. She needs to lay low. I don't want her to face these assholes. I don't think I'll ever get over this," I said quietly, surprising even myself with the weight of my words.

Hayes frowned. "What do you mean? Bad press happens all the time, man. Give it a couple of weeks, months tops. People move on. In your case, probably less. With New Year's around the corner, someone is sure to have some kind of drunken incident. They'll forget all about you."

"No," Hudson said with a shake of his head. "This isn't about the press."

He knew. Of course, he knew. The guy had been married for a year now, which apparently gave him some kind of sixth sense when it came to other people's love lives. Hudson and Diana were the poster couple for getting your life together. And they were annoyingly good at it.

"It's Marigold," Hudson added. "Right?"

Hayes rolled his eyes, but I just rubbed my forehead, not bothering to correct him.

"You're not upset about the press. You're upset Marigold left. The press is the easy scapegoat."

"The press are assholes," Hayes chimed in.

He wasn't wrong. Marigold was at the center of all this. She was the reason I couldn't sleep at night, the reason I was considering disappearing to some remote island where nobody would find me.

"I tried," I said, my voice thick with frustration. "I tried to fix it. I showed up at her place. I told her I wanted to make things right. I told her I loved her. But it didn't matter. We ended up right back where we started."

"And where's that?" Hayes asked.

"Nowhere." I leaned back in my chair, staring up at the ceiling. "Square one. She's done. I'm done. There's nothing left to fix. I had my shot at love. And I missed."

Hudson shook his head. "Man, I'm sorry. I thought things might turn around."

"Yeah, well, they didn't," I muttered.

Kate shuffled some papers in front of her, probably trying to figure out how to spin this into something positive. I wasn't sure she could polish this turd of a situation. She was good, but no one was that good.

"Okay," Hayes said as if he had come up with a great idea. "Look, this is going to blow over. Trust me. We've been through worse. We just have to ride it out."

I shot him a glare. "Worse than having the entire internet hate you because they think you're some sleazy billionaire buying women for publicity?"

Hudson snorted. "That's a new one. I'll grant you that."

Hayes waved off my comment. "We've had bad press before. This isn't permanent. People have short memories."

"Except for me," I said flatly. "I'm not going to forget this. Marigold's not going to forget this. Her dad is probably cleaning his gun as we speak."

There was a long pause as everyone let that hang in the air. My brothers exchanged a glance, one of those silent conversations they always seemed to have when they thought I wasn't looking.

Finally, Hudson cleared his throat. "Look, man, I get it. You're exhausted. The city's getting to you. Hell, it gets to all of us sometimes. I had to get out of town to get my head straightened out."

"And you ended up in rehab shortly after." I realized that was a low blow. "Sorry."

"No, you're right. But getting me out of town gave me the clarity I needed to see that I needed help."

I nodded, not bothering to argue. He was right. New York was suffocating me. Everything about this place was starting to close in. I needed space. I needed quiet. I needed?—

"You can't just disappear for the holidays, though," Hayes said, cutting into my train of thought. "This is going to be a big Christmas. Dad and Kathy just got engaged. The whole family's coming together. You can't bail on us now. You'll be sheltered at the estate. No one is going to show up there. It will be friendly territory."

I grimaced. The idea of spending Christmas surrounded by family was both comforting and horrifying at the same time. "Fine. I'll stay. But I'm out of here after New Year's."

Hudson grinned. "Deal. You're more than welcome to join me and Diana in January. We're visiting her family upstate."

"Diana's family?" I raised an eyebrow.

Hudson leaned back, folding his hands behind his head. "Yeah. That town helped get me straight. Maybe it'll help you, too."

Hayes snorted. "It wasn't the town that fixed you, Hudson. It was Diana."

Hudson grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Exactly. That's what I was getting at."

"Great," I muttered. "So what? You think Marigold's going to magically fix everything for me?"

"You're missing the point," Hudson said. "She's a small-town girl, Zayn. She's not far away. Just a short flight. She grounds you, right? Don't you feel like the world stills when you're with her? Like you're in an invincible bubble?"

"That's not the point," I said.

"But you know you want to see her," Hudson said.

"I showed up at her front door before," I said. "We ended up right back at square one. I'm not putting her in that position again."

"Maybe you didn't give it enough time," Hayes suggested. "People need space sometimes. You show up, drop a bomb on her life, and expect everything to fall into place? That's not how it works."

"Thanks for the wisdom, Dr. Phil," I shot back, not in the mood for lectures.

"Look, all I'm saying is, don't write her off yet," Hudson said. "If you're serious about her, then give it time. Maybe after the holidays, take a break, clear your head, and see what happens."

"I'm not—" I started, but I didn't even know how to finish that sentence. Was I serious about her? Yeah. More than I wanted to admit. But after everything that happened, how could I just waltz back into her life like nothing was wrong? She deserved more than that. She deserved someone who didn't drag her into the spotlight, who didn't get her wrapped up in this media circus.

"Zayn, you're overthinking this," Hayes said.

"No, I'm not," I shot back, but even as I said it, I knew I was lying. Of course, I was overthinking. That was all I'd been doing since the day this whole mess started.

Hudson stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "Alright, let's call it for today. PR's got the reins for now. You just need to take it easy."

"Easy," I muttered under my breath. "Right."

Kate gathered her papers, looking relieved that the meeting was over. I couldn't blame her. This whole thing was a nightmare.

"She's going to charge us triple," I said.

Hudson laughed. "And if she can fix this, she'll deserve every penny."

"Don't stress," Hayes said. "It'll all be water under the bridge in no time."

I nodded, but I didn't believe him. Maybe the public would move on, but I wouldn't. This whole thing with Marigold was going to stick with me, no matter how much I tried to shake it off.

Every day that she wasn't at my side would remind me of how badly I had messed things up.