Chapter 51

CHAPTER 51

MARIGOLD

P acking up my New York apartment felt surreal, like I was wrapping up a chapter I hadn't finished reading yet. I paused in the middle of taping a box shut, staring at the others piling up by the front door. Elaine was sitting cross-legged on the floor, carefully bubble-wrapping my few pieces of decent China. It was second-hand, but it was beautiful, and it was one of the few treasures I had. She was like a whirlwind of calm energy, meticulously packing while keeping up a steady stream of conversation.

"Remind me again why you're leaving all this behind?" Elaine asked, not looking up from her task. The crinkle of bubble wrap punctuated the silence.

I put down the roll of tape and sighed. I didn't want to lie to Elaine, but I was also not ready to get into all the dirty details of my escape from New York. Fleeing. Running. Whatever term I used, it was all fitting.

"I miss my dad. I miss the simplicity of Green River."

Elaine snorted. "You always said you felt suffocated by Green River. It was the simplicity that drove you away."

"I've changed," I said, trying to sound confident. "New York is too big. Too impersonal. It was fun, but I don't need it anymore. I didn't make it big. I'm struggling to get by. I don't really have any friends here. There is nothing for me except excessive debt, rats the size of chihuahuas, and the stench of the city. It's time for blue skies and clear eyes."

"And Zayn?" Elaine's voice was casual, but I could hear the concern.

I hesitated, biting my lip before answering. "A moment of weakness," I admitted. "I've got a meeting at the bank tomorrow to figure out how to give his money back. It's over."

Elaine finally looked up. "You sure about that? I mean, I get the whole ‘miss your dad' thing, but are you sure running back to Green River is what you really want? You never struck me as the type to give up on a challenge."

I shrugged. "It's not giving up. I've just realized that maybe the life I wanted isn't here. Maybe it's back home." The words tasted strange on my tongue, like I was trying to convince myself.

"And what does Zayn have to say about that?"

I couldn't help but snarl. "I don't give a shit what he has to say about that."

"What happened? Why are you suddenly so determined to get out of here?" She paused. "It just feels like you're running away."

"I fell for Zayn, and he doesn't feel the same," I said with a shrug. "He didn't really do anything wrong. I guess I'm mad because I caught feelings and he seems to be immune. I knew it was never going to happen. Why would he fall in love with me? I've seen my competition. I don't measure up."

"Stop," she scolded and stopped wrapping. "You are not going to do this to yourself. You're not going to make yourself small because someone else couldn't see your worth."

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but she stopped me with a firm hand gesture. "Nope, I'm not having that bullshit. You've got a heart the size of New York and a spirit that could put Broadway to shame. If Zayn can't see that, that's his loss, not yours."

I took a deep breath. "Thank you. I just, well, I know this is for the best. I can't let myself fall even harder for him. His world is not mine. I don't think I could move in that social circle."

"You did just fine," she said.

"I faked it. I faked it until I made it and now it's over. Period."

"And the money? You were going to use it to restart your life."

I shrugged. "I'm going to give it back."

"All of it? You did play the dutiful fiancée for a few weeks."

"I don't want the money," I said. "It feels dirty. I don't want a single penny. I did pay rent with it and a few other things. I'll have to come up with a payment plan. I'm not keeping any of it. Zero."

Elaine shook her head, her face a mask of disbelief. "I can't believe you're doing this. You have an opportunity to be set for a good long while. You could go to school. Start a business. Whatever!"

"I would forever be in his debt, Elaine," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "And that's a position I never want to find myself in. He already has way too much power over me."

For a moment, only the sound of New York traffic outside could be heard in the room. Then Elaine sighed and started wrapping again.

"Zayn is going to make an announcement?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Do you know how he's going to break the news?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. I won't be here. No one knows who I am. I'll fade into Wyoming and go on with my life."

"How do you feel about all that?"

I tried to block out the ache that settled in my chest whenever I thought of Zayn. "I feel numb. Empty, I guess." I forced a smile, waving my hand as if to brush away the topic. "Enough about me. I feel like we've been talking about my crap for weeks. Tell me something good! How's Carlos? How's married life?"

Elaine's entire face lit up like a Christmas tree, her cheeks flushing pink. "He's wonderful. The best husband I could ask for. He's so thoughtful, and last week, when I thought my period was starting, he brought me home my favorite chocolates and a hot pad for my cramps." She giggled, a sound so full of joy it almost stung.

I couldn't help but smile. Elaine deserved every bit of happiness. She hit the jackpot when she found Carlos. "He sounds perfect. I'm so happy for you."

She blushed even harder, looking like she had more to say, so I tilted my head.

"Wait… what do you mean ‘thought your period was starting'?" I asked. "You said that pretty casually."

Elaine's eyes widened for a second, like a kid caught sneaking cookies. "Well, we haven't told anyone yet, but…" She lowered her voice conspiratorially, even though we were alone in the apartment. "I'm pregnant."

My jaw dropped. "What?!" I jumped to my feet and ran over to hug her. "Oh my God, Elaine! That's amazing!"

We both squealed like teenagers. She got to her feet, and we started jumping up and down. My neighbors downstairs would be having a conniption fit but I didn't care. I wasn't going to be here much longer. Elaine's giddiness was infectious. "It's early," she said, still beaming. "Only six weeks along. But Carlos is over the moon. We're going to tell our families at Christmas. I'm so excited, Marigold. I can't wait for this next adventure."

My heart swelled for her, truly. But beneath the excitement was that familiar pang of jealousy, the sharp reminder that my life was moving in the exact opposite direction. Elaine was starting a family, building a life, and here I was, packing up my failed New York adventure and heading back to square one in Green River.

"You're going to be the best mom," I said, meaning it. "Carlos must be thrilled."

Elaine grinned. "He's already planning the nursery. It's like I'm living in a dream, honestly. Everything's falling into place, and I'm just so happy."

"Were you trying to get pregnant?" I asked. "I thought you had this grand plan. A year of newlywed bliss and then a baby."

She giggled. "Well, that was the plan, but apparently my body was ready. I stopped taking the pill. The doctor said it could be a few months or longer. I wanted to make sure I was as healthy as possible. And bam—pregnant the next month!"

I was happy for her but hearing about her perfect life, her fairy-tale romance, and now her impending motherhood only deepened the hollow ache inside me. I'd spent so much time trying to figure out my own mess and only making it worse. Elaine was building her dream life while I spun in circles. I couldn't help but feel like I'd fallen behind.

I plastered on a smile and tried to shake off the heaviness. "I can't believe I'm going to be Aunt Marigold!"

Elaine laughed. "Oh, you better believe it. You'll be the coolest aunt ever."

I tried to picture it, me back in Green River, maybe working at the bank, watching Elaine and Carlos raise their child. Could that be enough for me? Could I really slip back into that small-town life and pretend I wasn't missing the excitement of New York? And Zayn? Could I really walk away from everything we'd been through, just like that?

"Hey," Elaine said gently, pulling me out of my spiraling thoughts. "You don't have to have it all figured out right now. Moving back to Green River isn't the end of your story. It's just a new chapter. And if you ever need to get out of town for a bit, you know Carlos and I will always have a spare room for you in Mallorca."

I smiled, grateful for her words. "Thanks, Elaine. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be fine," she said confidently. "But I'm glad to be here anyway."

I gave her a hug.

"Promise me something, Marigold," she said.

"Anything," I replied instantly.

"Promise me that no matter where you end up or what happens in life, you will never stop chasing your dreams. New York was a dream. You always said you wanted to get here, and you did it. That was a big deal. Everyone back home was so jealous of you for actually getting out of Wyoming."

A lump formed in my throat. "I promise. I will never stop chasing my dreams. I just need to figure out what my dreams are. Everything feels so in limbo. I don't know what I want anymore."

"And promise me you won't be so hard on yourself," she said firmly. "You tried and that's what matters. Success is not about never falling, but about getting up every time you fall, remember? You had to try it to discover it wasn't what made you happy. Don't be afraid to try the next dream."

I nodded, tears brimming in my eyes. "You're right," I said, sniffling and wiping my eyes.

Elaine pulled me into another hug, her arms firm and comforting around me. "This is your journey. You don't have to measure it against anyone else's. Not even mine."

I nodded again, the words sinking in slowly but surely. "Okay," I said, shaking off the sadness. "We are never going to get done at this rate."

We got back to wrapping and packing. I was glad I had a small apartment. I couldn't imagine how stressful this would be if I had something bigger than seven hundred square feet. As I dumped silverware in a box, I couldn't help but think about Elaine's big news.

Her life was on such a beautiful trajectory, while mine felt like it was crumbling. It wasn't just about Zayn—though he was a big part of it—but more about the realization that I'd been chasing something that wasn't right for me. Maybe Green River wasn't where I'd imagined myself, but I couldn't deny that being with my dad felt like home.

When Elaine left, I sat down in the middle of the living room, surrounded by the packed-up pieces of my life, and tried to picture the future. Green River was a slower pace, sure, but maybe that was what I needed. Maybe starting over wasn't the worst thing in the world.

I reached too high and got kicked in the teeth. It was time to go home, lick my wounds, heal, and find a way to move on. Whatever that looked like.