Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

MARIGOLD

T he taste of him lingered on my tongue as I sat back, the room spinning slightly in my intoxication. I could feel his gaze on me, heavy with desire and something raw and primal. His gaze was hooded as he watched me through lust-glazed eyes.

I had just rocked his world. The thought empowered me. I had never felt so feminine and powerful in all my life.

His hand reached out, fingers gently brushing across my cheekbone, a soft whisper of touch that sent shivers through me. He leaned forward. He looked all calm and peaceful and then he was on me. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me from my knees and then gently pushing me onto my back.

I looked up at him, his shirt hanging open and his eyes locked on mine. He leaned back and lost the shirt before pushing my dress up and over my head. He jerked my panties down, tossing them over his shoulder.

The soft shag rug under my back and the warmth coming from the fireplace made me feel like I was in a dream. He traced the contours of my body with his fingers. The hunger in his eyes was unmistakable. His fingers grazed along my inner thigh, then slowly moved upward. The touch was so light it was almost ticklish. I bit my lip to suppress a giggle. His hand slid higher, causing me to gasp.

His mouth came down on mine again, his kiss forceful and demanding as if he could never get enough. My fingers tangled in his hair and I pulled him closer, wanting no space between us. His skin was hot against mine. A shiver of white-hot desire spread through my entire body. His lips moved to my neck, making me squirm with delight, his teeth grazing my skin lightly, causing a soft whimper to escape me.

His hands continued their exploration of my body. The sensation of his warm skin against mine was electrifying. He was slow and careful as though he was savoring every moment, every touch. His hand slid over my hips, then up to cup my breasts, sending waves of pleasure through me.

His fingers traced a light path down toward my center. Desperate for more, I spread my legs and welcomed his touch. He quickly obliged.

His fingers dipped into my wetness, causing me to moan into his mouth. His thumb circled over my clit, sending jolts of pleasure shooting through me. I squirmed beneath him, needing more, wanting more.

He pulled back from our kiss to watch me writhe under him. His fingers moved faster, making me gasp. I felt the coil in my belly tighten with every thrust of his fingers.

"Look at me," he growled, his voice husky.

I opened my eyes to find his gaze locked on mine. His lips were curled into a smirk as he watched my reactions to his delicious torment. His fingers pushed in deeper, his knuckles brushing against my sensitive flesh with each thrust. His thumb relentlessly circled my clit until I was gasping for breath beneath him.

He watched me and I refused to break eye contact. I bit my lower lip, trying to hold back the climax, but it was futile. My body was his to manipulate. He intensified his motions, plunging deeper and rubbing faster until the room began spinning around me. Stars burst behind my closed eyelids. My body arched off the floor, a cry tearing from my throat. The orgasm was like a wildfire consuming me, leaving nothing but ash in its path.

My chest heaved as I tried to draw breath. He looked down at me with an expression of pure satisfaction. His face was so close to mine, his breath feather-light against my skin as he dotted butterfly kisses across my cheek. He lowered himself onto me, pressing his body into mine.

"Marigold," he whispered.

He reached between our bodies and guided his cock to my opening. The remnants of my orgasm still made my body shudder beneath him. He pushed slowly inside me, filling me with a delicious stretch that made me gasp. His hands bracketed my face as he began to move, each thrust slow and purposeful.

I watched his expression as he moved within me. His eyes bored into mine, filled with the same raw and primal desire I had seen earlier. His lower lip was caught between his teeth and a bead of sweat trickled down his forehead as he strained to keep control. He groaned, a low, animalistic sound that rumbled in his chest as he continued to drive into me.

"Marigold," he murmured again, this time with more urgency.

I responded by opening my legs wider, welcoming him deeper inside me. His breath hitched and his movements faltered slightly. I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him closer. He started to move faster, as if he had no control over what was happening. I surrendered to him as he gave over to the demands of his body. Seconds later, we were both crying out with our combined orgasms.

He collapsed beside me, his leg thrown over mine as we both slowed our breathing.

As my pleasure ebbed away, dread filled me at what I knew I had to do. This conversation had been coming for a while—it had been building inside me for weeks—but the words felt like a lead weight in my throat. I turned to look at Zayn, my breath catching at the sight of him in the orange glow from the fireplace. His dark hair was a mess and there was a smile on his lips.

He looked absolutely devastatingly handsome.

"We should probably talk," I said.

He shifted beside me, propping himself up on one elbow. "What's on your mind?"

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. It was hard to know where to start. "I've been getting cold feet," I admitted.

Zayn didn't say anything right away, just watched me, waiting for me to continue.

"Now that everyone knows about our engagement, I feel like I can't walk any of it back. But I need you to know the truth so you understand what's really going on with me."

He nodded, his gaze steady. "I'm listening. You can tell me anything."

I bit my lip before the words tumbled out in a rush. "I didn't realize the seriousness of all this when we started. I saw the big sum of cash and decided impulsively. It seemed so simple back then, just a way to make some quick money and help you out. But now I've lost a lot to this decision, Zayn. Like the excitement of my actual engagement. When it finally does happen for me, it won't be the first time anymore."

He frowned slightly, confusion flickering in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"This." I gestured between us. "This fake engagement. It's taken something from me. The first time I get engaged for real, it's not going to feel special because it's not the first time anymore. I didn't think about that when we agreed to this. If we go through the actual wedding, all of that will be taken from me as well."

Zayn leaned back slightly. "But it will be the first time," he said slowly. "Because I never actually proposed, and neither the ring nor the engagement are real."

I shook my head, frustrated that he wasn't quite getting it. "Are you not struggling at all with this?" I asked, the edge in my voice sharper than I intended. "Your family thinks this is real. They accepted me as one of them. But it's all a big lie."

He shrugged, like this was no big deal. "It feels the same to me as when we first started. I have fun with you, Marigold. It's easy. There aren't any of the normal complications of a real relationship. We're having fun while also helping my reputation and my nonprofit. You're doing something good by pretending to be with me."

It wasn't what I wanted to hear. My heart sank, disappointment threading through me. I had kind of hoped he'd commiserate with me or maybe admit that he was catching feelings too. But by the sounds of things, that wasn't even remotely true.

"So why have you been having sex with me?" The question escaped before I could stop it.

Zayn blinked, looking momentarily thrown. "Sorry?"

"If this is just a business contract, then sex should be off the table," I said, feeling my frustration grow. "I mean, if it's all pretend, why complicate things with sex?"

He stared at me, clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst. "Because it feels good?" he said, almost like a question, as if he couldn't quite believe I was serious. "Why should we deny ourselves something that feels so good while we're in this thing together?"

I could feel the heat rising in my chest, a mix of anger, hurt, and something else I couldn't quite name. "Because it's too hard." I snapped, my emotions starting to eat me alive. "It's too hard to give you all of me and then lay in bed by myself afterward, knowing it meant nothing. It feels like I'm letting you use me."

The room went deadly silent. I hadn't meant to say that last part, not really. It just came out, raw and unfiltered, a truth I hadn't even fully realized until it was out in the open. I could see the shock in Zayn's eyes, the way his face went blank as he processed my words.

A wave of regret crashed over me, like maybe I'd just blown everything up for no reason. I wasn't even sure if that was the truth of what I was feeling. Maybe it was just one of many tangled emotions, none of which I could untangle in this moment.

"Marigold," Zayn started, but I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't.

"I'm calling an Uber," I said abruptly. I rolled away from him and reached for my clothes. "Please don't follow me."

"Wait, Marigold?—"

But I didn't wait. I couldn't. My hands were shaking as I pulled on my dress, my breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. I grabbed my phone, quickly ordered a ride, and headed for the door with my shoes in my hand.

"Please," I said again, my voice wavering as I looked back at him. "Don't follow me. I need to be alone."

Zayn looked like he wanted to argue, like he had something to say that might make everything better, but instead, he just nodded, his expression torn. I turned away, afraid that if I stayed a second longer, I'd crumble right there in front of him.

I hurried to the elevator and stepped inside. Leaning against the wall, I tried to calm my racing heart, my thoughts a jumbled mess.

Why had I said all that? Why now? Had I just wanted to hurt him?

Conflicting feelings knotted inside me and I had no idea if I would ever be able to sort them out.