Chapter 35

Thirty-Five

Being an adult sucked.

Here I was with a hot fiancé who knew precisely what to do with his hands, and people very rudely insisted we had to get out of bed. How dare they?

Okay, fine, the miasma was an issue we really had to solve before winter hit. I didn’t know how hardy the flowers were, or their growing season, or any of that. They could go dormant in winter, and if they did? Well, then we were royally fucked.

I didn’t want my people to be royally fucked. I kinda liked them and all.

So, here I was, trudging up to the gate and getting ready to head into the breach once more.

It was early in the morning and everyone was still gathering. I sipped hot tea, watching Theon as he went about getting everyone ready. He was such a natural leader, it was no wonder he dealt well with managing this place. People respected him, sought his opinion. I couldn’t have met a man more the opposite of my ex if I had gone on a ten-year quest to do it.

Speaking of my ex…I wondered what had happened after I died on Earth? That question had always bugged me.

A flash of inspiration hit. “Hey, Coin.”

Coin stirred in my pocket. “What?”

“Can you still see what’s happening on Earth?”

“Sure. I’m not limited by physical space like people are.”

That did explain a lot. “So do you know what happened with my family and ex-husband after I left?”

“Those bitches? I sure do. Let me tell you, the tea I’ve been getting from those idiots has been delicious.”

Coin would treat real life like its own personal TV station. “Share the tea.”

It launched into an eager explanation. “Right, so, after you got hit by the truck—you had a lovely funeral, by the way, top notch—a lot of things started coming to light one right after another. Apparently, your family really did think you guys were at least living together?—”

I groaned at this because I had repeatedly told them we weren’t. That I had no idea where Lance was most of the time. They really hadn’t believed me, had they?

“—’cause when they went to the house to find him and tell him about your accident, he was nowhere to be found and it was obvious he wasn’t living there. Of course, Daddy Dumbest—his, not yours—was already on the warpath because of the information you gave him. He went hunting for his son and found him hella hungover and still sleeping off an all-night binger of booze and drugs. While in bed with two escorts, no less.”

Sounded about right.

“There was a lot of yelling and your ex got thrown out of the house buck naked.”

“I missed that? Damn.”

“But wait, there’s more! After he and the girls were thrown out, Daddy Dumbest finally got around to actually looking at his son’s finances instead of just throwing money at credit card debts. Got the shock of his life when he learned his son was blowing through at least one hundred thousand a month on partying, and that the car he drove was a replacement for the car he’d totaled in a DUI the month before. He’d bought the exact same car to cover up the accident.”

I started laughing because it was all so absurd and yet right on par for him. Better, I wasn’t around to blame for any of his behavior, so this was now all on him.

“I think the breaking point for the parents was Daddy Dumbest interrogating the employees at the company and learning they hadn’t seen Lance in the office for basically the duration of your marriage. Daddy Dumbest had been under the impression he was at least working?”

“Ha, yeah. I forgot to mention that. Lance loved to steal his employees’ work and call it his own so he looked good on the surface. I couldn’t prove it, although I did try to say something about it. My parents especially wouldn’t believe me. For all that they took my business advice, anything negative said about their son-in-law was ignored.”

“Well, that’s no longer the case. Your ex-husband is now being blamed for losing you, for you demanding a divorce, and also for your death, as you wouldn’t have been outside normally during working hours. Whole thing was put squarely on his head. He’s been tossed out of the house and family, cut off, no credit cards or anything. He’s already been chased away by three friends for being a mooch, and right now is begging to be let back into his family home and for his father to give him another chance. No one’s willing.”

I gave a little air punch. “I feel so vindicated right now. Thanks for that, Coin. Bastard deserves to be homeless for a while. Maybe that will help him grow up.”

“I seriously doubt it, man. He’s more likely to become a drug dealer and end up dead in a few years.”

“Eh, you’re likely not wrong on that. Am I bad person for kinda hoping that happens?”

“No, you’re a bad person for calling me asshole.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one.” A thought hit and I opened my pocket to peer down at it with suspicion. “Did you kill me with the semi so I’d come here more willingly?”

Coin flashed bright, like it was indignant. “Excuse you! I don’t go around offing people!”

“I’m just saying, the timing was hella suspicious and that truck crossed two lanes of traffic like it was aiming for me…”

“I did not! I saw you were in the way and took you faster, actually. So you owe me. Do you know how hard it is to make a body duplicate on the fly? Taxing, I tell you. I didn’t have anything to do with the truck. Truck driver was severely sleep-deprived and fell asleep behind the wheel—that wasn’t my doing. I was going to take you with me as soon as you picked me up off the street.”

“Oh. In that case, thanks.”

Coin mumbled about me casting false accusations at it and “this is the thanks I get” kind of complaints.

Grandma Haera danced up to me with a flower crown in her hands. “Jakey, what do you think of this?”

Yes, she called me Jakey. No, I had no intention of correcting her as it was cute as hell and made me feel like her grandchild. “I think it’s really fun. Why?”

“Well, I was thinking.” She cast a glance at the closed gate, already peeved at the miasma. “Theon told me it got too hard to breathe last time, and that’s why you all retreated. But you told me these flowers keep the miasma at bay. So if everyone wears a flower crown, won’t they be able to breathe just fine?”

I stared at this wizened woman and felt like a complete idiot. “Grandma Haera, you are brilliant!”

She giggled like a little girl, cheeks turning pink. “Awww, you’re sweet.”

“No, seriously, you just solved a major issue.” I looked about frantically, spied a few people I knew had deft hands, and immediately went for them. “Guys, guys! We need to make flower crowns!”

I got a lot of weird looks, but the second Grandma Haera showed them hers, I saw the figurative light go off in everyone’s heads.

Gren immediately backed off with his hands in a warding manner. “No. No, no, no, I’m not wearing that.”

“Gren, you have to breathe—” I argued.

“I’d rather sandpaper a lion’s ass in a pair of pork chop pants than wear that.”

“While that’s very descriptive, you’re wearing one.” I grabbed Grandma Haera’s and jammed it on his head.

His eyes comically rolled up as if he could see the flower crown on his own head. “Can’t I just stick near the wagon? We have them potted flowers on there for a reason.”

That had been my plan A, to take flowers along with us and help people breathe, but it had very limited range in motion and restricted people too much. Plus, what if they fell off or got distracted and lost track of the wagon? They’d choke to death before we could find them.

“Flowers on,” I ordered him, pointing a stern finger. “We’re taking enough risks as it is walking into the unknown. I refuse to let breathing be one of the issues.”

Gren made a face but kept the flowers on.

A team of us raced up to the Wall and plucked flowers there, as those bushes had grown quite a lot over the past few months and had plenty of them to spare. Seriously, they were like hydrangea bushes; they just grew and grew. Everyone was happy about that, especially me.

Theon caught on to what we were doing. I could tell he was amused, but when I put a flower crown on his head, I got a kiss for it, so clearly it was the right decision.

“You and your flower makers ride in the wagon for a while,” Theon instructed. “We’re going to walk in. Might as well travel while waiting on all the crowns.”

“Fair enough.” We had more than enough flowers, snagging some extra just in case something happened, plus the ones on the wagon were huge and had lots to offer. In fact, the range of them even sheltered the horses pulling the wagons, which took a load of worry off my mind.

I got settled in the wagon with Grandma Haera, Grandpa Orym, Ara, and my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Shael. We sat close enough our crossed legs overlapped, flower stems covering our feet, and I had a sense of camaraderie. I’d always loved playing on sports teams as a kid because I’d felt included and welcomed somewhere. It had been one of the things I’d missed the most after graduating from college, as it was harder to find adult leagues. But sitting here, surrounded by people who would very soon be family, I felt very at home. These weren’t just people I liked. This was my future mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. I had a family aside from Theon—a loving and warm family, which was all I’d ever really wanted. The sensation filled me to the brim and was so welcomed I felt downright perky with it.

The wagon pulled out with a rumble of wheels, riders on all sides and the wolves leading the front and covering the rear. I knew the wolves were more resistant to the miasma, but they weren’t infallible to it, which made me worry about them. For all they’d scared the crap out of me when I’d first met them, they were my buddies now. We’d bonded over potato chips. I did stand up and sing a few times, but the flowers were doing the bulk of the work, so I chose to make flower crowns and save my voice.

“Grandma? How can I make a flower collar?”

“For the horses?” she asked in confusion.

“We should probably do it for them too, but I was thinking the wolves.”

Grandpa cleared his throat, expression perturbed. “The miasma gets that bad? That you’d worry for them too?”

“It was like pea soup, to be honest. Even I had trouble seeing my hand in front of my face. I know they’re resistant to the miasma, but it can’t be pleasant choking on the fumes.”

Grandpa Orym’s mouth turned into a flat, unhappy line. “I’ll help you, then. Just make them larger, about three times. Those wolves aren’t small.”

“That they aren’t.”

Shael patted my knee like a mother praising a child. “You’re a sweetheart, Jakey.”

The nickname was spreading.

“Uh, thank you?”

“You always look out for everyone. I’m glad to see it, as Theon’s hard to take care of.” She gave a resigned motherly sigh. “Ever since he was a tot, he was always hellbent on helping others. I encouraged it, of course, because we want our children to be kind and good to others. But I think I should have discouraged it instead.”

“Because of everyone he takes in?”

“So you do know about it?”

“I’d heard talk from time to time. That this used to be a more human settlement, then when things went wrong, it became a sort of barren, forgotten place. When Theon took over, he invited anyone who didn’t have a home of their own to come up here. Hence why we have such a diverse population.”

“It’s not that he sought people out, per se,” Shael confirmed for me with a wry face. “It’s just that people who need help seem to gravitate to him. We tried, for years, to talk him into giving up the duchy and coming home. We didn’t like him struggling here. I’m glad now he didn’t listen.”

I smiled back at her, taking the compliment as it was meant. “Me too. Heartily glad.”

“Everyone’s very delighted at the engagement.” Ara handed over a flower crown to a knight. “Not that any of us are surprised. Not with the way you two get lost in each other’s eyes if you’re in the same room.”

“Hey!” Actually, I couldn’t protest that. She was right.

Ara snickered when I faltered, waggling her eyebrows mischievously. “You know I’m right. Word is there’s going to be a party when we get back?”

“Part engagement party, part harvest festival. I’ve been promised two things: one, there will be cake. Two, I’m to entirely leave the preparations to everyone else and stay out of it.”

Ara snickered. “You do have a bad habit of working on your own gifts.”

“Oops?” I had a hard time sitting around watching someone else work. It felt wrong. I’d rather join in.

I weaved and weaved, felt like I had a good size for the wolves, and tried one on. It didn’t fit the first wolf, but it did on the smallest of them all. Which meant I really needed to add some inches on to the next one I did.

The second I picked up one of the flowers to get started, though, I realized its light was slightly dimmer than the ones in the potted plant next to me. Uh-oh. Twisting, I put them side by side for better comparison and made a face.

“Welp. These flowers were picked too early this morning. The shelf life is kicking in.”

Everyone stopped weaving to look, and some very unhappy faces followed.

“That’s good to know, I suppose.” Grandma Haera looked at the half-finished crown in her hands and sighed. “Apparently this will be useless by tomorrow.”

“Looks that way.” Shael shrugged and went back to work, fingers deftly twisting. “But it’ll work for today, and today might be all we need. You’ve never gone more than a two-hour walk inside, right, Jakey?”

“Correct. The miasma forced us back. So we really don’t know what’s beyond that. The source could be something we reach today, for all we know. If luck’s with us, we’ll find it before we have to do another round of flower crowns.”

“Sounds good to me.” Grandma Haera paused to speak to me. “Jakey, I have a thought.”

“What’s your thought?”

“You’ve been trying to create something else with the flowers aside from the tonic and tea, right? Something nonalcoholic for the children.”

“Right. It’s not good for young children especially to down that much alcohol. We’ve been trying to make a syrup for them, but we’re having a hard time finding something that preserves the flowers for more than a week or two. Which I understand, seeing its limited shelf life.”

“Well, what if you candied them? Sugar’s a wonderful preserver.”

Apparently, when she had a thought, I needed to listen. This woman’s mind was an absolute gem. “Sooo when we get back, you want to head straight to the kitchen?”

She laughed, pleased I’d reacted so. “I take it you like my idea.”

“I fucking love your idea, excuse my language. I’m sure you remember how hard it was to get medicine down a child’s throat?”

“Oh, we all remember,” Shael muttered darkly.

Theon was a bad patient, huh? I was somehow not surprised.

“If it’s candied, all the better. Kids will chomp it right down.” I could see dollar signs floating about my head, fluttering with little angel wings. Oh, the money I’d make from this. Excuse my evil chuckle.

“Easier to ship, too. Hard candy doesn’t break like glass does.”

“How do you make it?”

“Oh, well?—”

I listened attentively while she listed out the process of making candied flowers, and it didn’t sound too labor intensive. I could probably hire a few new employees to help with the production process. It wouldn’t take any start-up, really, except to make sure we harvested the flowers quickly before winter hit so we had time to make and preserve them.

Even as I thought about recipes and logistics, part of me was hyperaware of the bingo card burning a hole in my pocket. Let’s face it, one of the most common tropes for evil miasma covering a land was a demon lord somehow at the center of it. I’d put demon lord down as something of a joke, but right now? Faced with a wall of purple-black miasma I couldn’t see through?

Please don’t be a demon lord. Please oh please oh please.