Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Mr Rivers, call for the physician and tell him to meet us at Exeter House as soon as possible," Richard said, jumping up and taking control of the situation, though he didn't take his eyes off Celestina herself. "Miss Taylor, fetch whatever you and Celestina need for the evening. We're going to my house where you can both be properly looked after."

The maid nodded distantly, happy to obey if it meant she didn't have to think. Mr Rivers didn't even answer. He dashed out of the house without waiting for another second, searching for the physician.

Richard himself dashed over to Celestina and raised her head in his arms. "All right," he whispered. "It's going to be all right. You're coming to Exeter House immediately, where you can be given the very best care, do you understand?"

She opened her eyes slowly, but they quickly closed again. The panic in Richard's heart was like nothing he had ever experienced. He leant down and scooped her up in his arms, then carried her to his carriage.

"She fainted," the physician said a few hours later. Celestina was sleeping soundly in the guest bedroom while Richard spoke to the physician outside the door.

"Will she be all right?" he asked. "What caused it?"

The physician's shoulders rose as he inhaled. "It's hard to say until she wakes up, and I can question her, but it's quite clear she hasn't been eating or sleeping well. I'd wager she's under immense strain and her body has simply told her she has to stop."

Richard sighed. "You are probably right. Her husband died recently, and I know she has experienced some further problems since."

"All the more reason she needs bedrest and calm," the physician replied. "If you want her to fully recover, I'd suggest leaving her in there for at least a week."

"Thank you, Dr Rearchild," Richard said.

"A week!"

Richard spun around to find his mother in the hallway, her mouth open incredulously.

"Since when do we allow the staff an entire week off?" she demanded. "And in one of the guest rooms instead! You do know I prepared a bed in the servants' quarters for her?"

"And I prepared a room for her here," Richard replied sharply, refusing to accept his mother's protests this evening. There was simply no way he would expect Celestina to sleep with the servants, even if she hadn't fainted.

"I appreciate your concern, Your Grace," the physician said to Richard's mother. "But you do have to understand that she is a human being as well as you. Servant or not, she needs her rest—and she will not be a great servant if she cannot stand, will she?"

Richard pressed his lips together to stop himself from smirking. His mother's shocked expression brought him far more joy than it should have, though she probably deserved it.

"None of which really matters," he said, continuing from the physician. "Celestina is under my protection now. Is that understood?"

His mother turned her nose to the air and marched away without another word, knowing she had been beaten. Richard watched her go, expecting another fight and another reprisal, but for now, he was pleased to have peace.

"Thank you, Dr Rearchild," he said. The physician picked up his case from the floor, nodded his thanks, and then descended the stairs.

Richard didn't wait any longer. He made his way into the room. There was barely any light, the room dim and shadowing. The curtains had been drawn, and only a candle flickered on Celestina's bedside.

Richard watched her still face for a long time, taking a seat beside her. Her skin was almost translucent like the finest porcelain money could buy. Her eyelids fluttered with a dream, her fiery curls spread out on the pillow behind her head.

She opened her eyes. Richard held himself still, hoping she was waking up but not daring to question it. She blinked, staring at the ceiling. He saw her frown, her brow furrowing as she looked at the unfamiliar ceiling, no doubt trying to work out where she was.

"I …" Her voice cracked, her throat dry and unused.

"It's all right, Celestina," he said, leaning forward and taking her hand. Inappropriate though it may have been, it felt warm in his hand, and that warmth travelled across the length of him and down into his heart. "I'm here. You're all right."

She turned her head to look at him, her expression awash with confusion. "Where am I?" she asked in nothing more than a croak.

"You're at Exeter House. In the very best guest room we have."

At his words, Celestina's eyes widened. She stared at him, then at the ceiling, then she forced herself to sit up.

"Relax," he said, dashing forward as if he could forcibly make her lie down again. "You must rest. The physician has just been and—"

"You must take me back this instant," she said. Her voice was a low growl of annoyance and fear.

"Absolutely not," he said, refusing even to consider her words.

"But I want to go home, Richard," she said. "I don't want to be here."

She had struggled into a sitting position, the cushion beneath her lower back as she leaned against the silk-covered headboard. Richard took in a breath, trying to find the words he needed to explain the situation to her. There was no home to go to.

"Celestina," he said softly, his words melting into the room's darkness. Her eyes lit it up. "I am sorry, but you cannot return to your old life. It's no longer there."

Celestina remained silent for a long time. He watched as her chest slowly rose and fell, as her eyes took in her surroundings. As her mind took in the truth of all that was happening—had happened—to her.

"I ought to stay here," he continued, knowing this was the moment. "Where I can look after you."

She glared at him. "But I am not your responsibility, nor will I ever be."

Surprised by the venom and hurt in her voice, he sat back as if he had done something cruel rather than kind. He clenched his jaw, considering her before he replied.

"The oath we took may not have meant anything to you, Celestina, but it meant something to me. I will always be there for you. Always. Regardless of who you married or what has happened to you since. I made an oath, and you are my friend and here under my protection."

***

Celestina stared up at him, quite unsure how to take him. She had never seen Richard be so forceful, and yet she knew without doubt that anything he said came from a good place. He had a good, kind heart and only wanted to care for her.

She just wished she didn't need caring for.

She opened her mouth to speak, thinking to protest, but the words that came out were, "Thank you."

He hesitated as if she were going to take it back, but then he nodded. "You're welcome."

She stared up into his eyes. There was something there, some spark. Some connection. It frightened her, truth be told. The world frightened her now. Her position frightened her. But she knew she would find the strength to continue. No matter what.

Eventually, she let out a little laugh, and he looked at her in surprise.

"Do you remember how I used to follow you around whenever you returned from school?"

Richard laughed, too. "I used to pretend I hated it, but I didn't really."

"I know," she said. "You were a terrible liar. I'd wager you still are."

He shrugged. "I don't see why anyone should lie. There is no purpose."

They fell into a companionable silence, but Celestina felt there was so much she needed to say. So much she hadn't said.

"You know I didn't love him, don't you?"

"I know," he replied quietly, his eyes on the fingers he twisted around and around one another.

She stared at him, sensing his discomfort, but she'd needed to say it. She'd needed him to know.

"He was … perfectly decent," she said. She turned her head to look up at the ceiling, wanting to purge her soul of all her feelings but not knowing whether this was the right place to do so. "A good man. He treated me well."

"And I am glad of it," Richard said, his words dancing in the darkness.

"His love for me was overpowering. But I never loved him. Not truly. Not in the way he wanted me to."

Not in the way I loved you.

"It doesn't matter now," Richard said, and again, she could sense his discomfort. "It's over. You're here now."

She chuckled. "It's funny the path life has for us, isn't it? Fate. They say she's a cruel mistress, and maybe she is, but to me, it's like she doesn't care. She rolls the dice, throws the runes in the air, and follows whatever lands in whatever pattern. When we were children, I could never imagine a life without you in it, and yet fate had different plans."

"Or perhaps life just got in the way," Richard said.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. Celestina glanced at him, but she couldn't look at him for too long, or all the pain and hurt she'd felt all that time ago came rushing back.

There was a time when she was so hopelessly in love with him. She spent her days imagining their life together, and during the nights, she was lost in her dreams of love and romance. But life didn't turn out that way, and perhaps that was her fault, or perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps it was no one's fault, or maybe it was everyone's.

She had prayed Richard would stop the wedding and profess his love, but he never did. She knew then that their romance had all been in her head. He had never felt for her what she had felt for him, and so she could never have said anything. Their friendship was too precious to her to ruin it like that, though it ended up ruined all the same.

"He treated me like fine china, you know," she said, her eyes on the ceiling again. "Like I would crack at the smallest thing."

"Then he never truly knew you," Richard said. "Because you are the strongest person I have ever met."

His words made her smile, but more than that. They pierced the thick coating of insecurity that smothered her. They penetrated her doubt.

"He meant it only in love," she said, turning to look at him briefly.

"I have no doubt," Richard replied. "I am glad he kept you safe if nothing else."

She returned to her reflections. "I grew to love him in a way. More a sister than a wife. Than a lover." The word made something hitch in her chest, but she ignored it. "But he was controlling. I can see that now. He hated me talking to anyone and least of all men." She looked at him again, and he raised his eyes to meet hers. "That's why we fell out of touch, Richard, and I will always be sorry for that."

Richard closed his eyes as he breathed in. Celestina watched him, admiring how he had such close control of his emotions.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," he said, slowly opening his eyes. "You did what you needed to do to survive and live a happy life."

"You're right." She nodded. "By the time I realized what David was truly like, it was too late. Instead, I accustomed myself to my life and kept myself busy. You should see how much needlepoint there is in my house!"

Richard's laugh filled the room. "You always hated needlepoint. If I remember rightly, you said it was as boring as politics."

Celestina shrugged sheepishly. "There were times when I would have even taken politics."

Richard's laugh once more filled the air. Celestina watched him, seeing the look in his eyes.

Am I imagining it?

She bit her lip, considering him. Had she misunderstood him all these years?

"Knock knock!" came a voice from the door.

The mood in the room broke, snapping beneath the weight of an intruder. Celestina forced a smile and looked at the door.

"It sounds like we're having fun in here!"

"Lady Rebecca," Richard said, his voice laced with surprise; his jollity vanished.

"Lady Kingsley told me about the patient," she said, beaming at Celestina as if they were best friends. "I thought I ought to come and keep her company. You always tell me how precious your time is and how much you've got to do, Your Grace."

Richard glanced at Celestina but quickly looked away and cleared his throat. "How kind of you," he said, though it lacked the emotion Celestina had been hearing all day. "Good afternoon, both."

He got up from his chair and left. The pull Celestina felt was almost too much to bear. Had she lost him again?

"How are you feeling?" Lady Rebecca said with a bright voice, slipping easily into the chair Richard had just vacated.

As if she were his wife.

"Better," she said.

"Good. I thought perhaps if I came to keep you company for a while, we might just become friends. What do you say?"

Celestina's heart snapped again. It had been so long since she had anything even remotely close to a friend that she almost cried out.

"Yes," she said. "That would be lovely."