Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

" G ood morning, my lady. Time to wake up."

Thalia groaned as the curtains were drawn back, flooding the room in daylight. She was far too exhausted to get up now. Surely it was too early yet. She felt as if she had only gone to sleep a few hours ago.

Then, with a start, Thalia realized that, indeed, she had. It had only been a few hours before dawn that she had crept back into the estate and up to her room.

With this realization, too, came the memories of the previous evening. Suddenly, Thalia felt ill.

She closed her eyes, heart racing as she remembered her fervent encounter with the duke in the maze. Her second encounter with him.

"Are you all right, my lady?" Eliza asked, her concern forcing Thalia to open her eyes and sit up.

Thalia did not know quite how to answer. She was not all right. Not at all. She had behaved despicably. She could hardly bear to think of what she had done, exposed as she was now by the cool, judgmental light of day.

But Eliza was waiting for an answer. "I am all right," Thalia sighed, putting a hand to her head. "I did not sleep well, that is all."

"I am sorry to hear that." Eliza gave her a kind smile. "I am sure you could always sneak back here for a nap this afternoon if need be."

Forcing herself to smile, Thalia thanked her maid. Eliza had always been kind and devoted to her. Something told her that Eliza saw past Thalia's lie, and believed that there was indeed something else amiss, but knew better than to push for more information.

After Eliza had helped Thalia dress and get ready for breakfast, Thalia made her way downstairs. Several other guests were filing into the dining room before her.

Suddenly, Thalia couldn't move. She couldn't go in there and face the man that she had given her innocence to last night. Not only because of how he had reacted after they had finished – ordering her to put on her clothes and running off without anything more than a ‘good night' – but also because of Selina.

The guilt that washed over Thalia had nearly doubled her. She was the worst sister in the world. She had slept with the man who was courting her sister. Not only that, but Thalia had wanted to. Last night, as he pulled her to him his touch excited something deep and primal within her, she had wanted him more than anything.

But now she could hardly face herself after what she had done. Her sister deserved so much better.

With no appetite, Thalia turned back around and hurried up to her room.

She knew she should be ashamed – running and hiding from what she had done – but Thalia could not think of what else to do. Nor did she want to see how Benedict would treat her today. Would he tease her, reminding her of the horrible thing she had done and just how much she had seemed to like it? Or would he avoid her completely, pretending that nothing at all had passed between them?

She did not know which would be worse.

Trying to regain a little of her dignity, Thalia paced about her bedroom while the others had their breakfast. Selina and their father would notice her absence, of course. Perhaps a few others as well. Benedict…

Thalia groaned and sank to the ground, head in her hands. Tears were falling from her eyes before she knew what was happening.

Her guilt and shame were like a great weight upon her chest. She could hardly breathe. She needed to do something, get rid of it somehow.

Poor Selina. Her younger sister trusted her to do what was best for her. But last night Thalia had acted out pure, villainous selfishness. She would never forgive Thalia if she knew what her elder sister had done.

Nor would she forgive Thalia for how much she had enjoyed her time with Benedict. He was a rogue and a scoundrel, but he had awoken something in her that no one had ever stirred up before. He had also given her a glimpse into the pleasures shared between a man and a woman who cared for one another.

Selina cares for Benedict, Thalia reminded herself.

What an utter mess she had made. It served her right if her feelings had been caught up in it. It was her fault if she had allowed herself to grow attached to the duke.

What mattered now was that Thalia made amends.

But how?

When a knock sounded at the door, followed closely by Selina's gentle call, "Thalia?", the eldest Fletcher sister suddenly had her answer. And, to her utter astonishment, Thalia's quick decision nearly broke her heart. But there was nothing else for it.

"Selina? Can you and Father spare a moment to talk?" Thalia called back in return.

The door opened and Selina poked her head in, her delicate brow knit in confusion. "Is everything all right?"

Why did everyone keep asking her that? Thalia wondered briefly if her face was beginning to give away too much of what she was feeling. She used to be better at hiding her emotions. What had changed?

"Perfectly," she responded, forcing a smile onto her face. "I have good news that I wish to share with you both."

Selina's eyes widened, but she nodded and hurried away.

Steeling herself, Thalia reminded herself that she was doing the right thing. There was only one way forward after such a mistake, and this was it.

Thalia did not have to wait long. Soon both Selina and Jerome stepped into the room, their matching looks of confusion confirming their paternal connection.

"Thalia, are you well? We missed you at breakfast." Jerome moved to her as if to examine her.

She shook her head, still trying to put on her best smile. "I am well. I simply did not feel like eating breakfast."

"You said you had something you wanted to say?" Selina pressed gently.

It was now or never. Thalia rallied whatever courage was left to her and began. "I have been thinking. I know that I have opposed much of your activity in the Season, Selina," she admitted, hardly daring to meet her sister's gaze. "I have been trying to protect you, but I fear that I have been too untrusting. You are a good judge of character. If you are willing to continue being courted by His Grace, then I will not stand in your way."

Selina's eyes went wide, but she said nothing.

"Father," Thalia continued, "if you approve of the match, then I will happily congratulate my sister on her engagement."

"Well, this is tremendous," grinned Jerome, clapping his hands together. "I am delighted. As soon as the young man asks for my permission, he shall have it."

Despite her valiant efforts, Thalia's mask began to crumble. Her sister. Engaged to Benedict.

"I think I will get some fresh air," she informed them, already headed toward the door. "I will catch you up later."

"Thalia –" Selina began, but Thalia could not bear to stay and hear another word. Her mind was racing and the emotions that were warring within her could only be contained for so long.

Despite what she had told them, Thalia did not go outside. Instead, she hurried toward the library, intent on taking refuge in some small corner there. If Selina went looking for her, she would start outside, giving Thalia a little more time alone.

And that was what she wanted right now. She did not want to speak to another living soul.

She had done the right thing. The instant she had spoken, Thalia knew that it was the correct course of action. Her sister deserved to find the love that she so desired. And Thalia would not be the one to get in her way.

"I expect to see it taken care of as soon as possible."

A sharp, curt voice interrupted Thalia's somber musings. She did not know how long exactly she had been hiding in the library, but her stomach had begun to rumble. It must be nearing lunchtime at least.

Hearing the newcomers, Thalia glanced around for a better hiding spot. At the moment, she was in a little reading nook, curled up on a settee in front of a window. But as soon as someone turned the corner into the main part of the library, they would be able to spot her.

As she rose, intent on retreating to the other side of the room, a familiar figure swept into the library.

Thalia froze.

"Ah, Lady Thalia." Marina looked her up and down with cool appreciation. "I did not see you at lunch. Is everything all right?"

So, she had already missed the afternoon meal. It did not matter. Thalia did not have the heart to rejoin the party at the moment. "I am well, thank you for your concern. I must have gotten caught up in my reading," she lied.

Marina nodded somewhat detachedly. She glanced around the room. "Roberts," she called over her shoulder, "I think I should like to speak with Lady Thalia alone."

"Yes, Ma'am." Though Thalia did not see the butler, she registered the sound as he closed the doors to the library, trapping her inside with the proud dowager duchess.

More than a little concerned, Thalia waited in silence as Marina seemed to gather her thoughts. "Sit, would you?" the older woman said after a moment, gesturing to a table and two nearby chairs.

Thalia did as she was asked. She had no idea what this was about, but she could not help but feel nervous. Surely being singled out by a woman of Marina's status was not a good thing.

"Be at ease," Marina said, eyeing Thalia with a smirk. "I have not come to reprimand you. I only wished to play another hand of cards with you. Our previous match left a lasting impression."

Thalia did relax a little upon hearing this. "Oh. Of course."

"I should warn you," Marina added, drawing out a deck of cards. "You will not win this time."

It would probably be in Thalia's best interest to let her host win this next hand, but Thalia was yet undecided. If Marina appreciated how well Thalia had played last time, then she might as well continue to play her best without holding back.

With a pang of all too familiar guilt, Thalia realized that no matter what she did, she still needed Marina to approve of her. After all, wouldn't Marina be cautious as to what sort of people she was allowing into her family should the duke and Selina marry? For Selina's sake, Thalia needed to keep on the older woman's good side.

"Have you been enjoying yourself?" Marina asked, dealing the cards.

"Yes, very much. Thank you for hosting us so graciously."

"You have my son to thank for the invitation," Marina replied simply. "He was the one who insisted that Lady Selina and her family be invited."

Ah, so that is what she wants. With a heavy heart, Thalia picked up her cards. The dowager duchess wished to discuss Selina and Benedict. The one topic of conversation that Thalia was eager to avoid.

When Thalia did not reply, nodding only at Marina's words, the older woman smirked. "I see that I cannot hide my true intentions from you. Nor are you unaware of my son's plans. Good. I am glad to see that the women in your family are shrewd."

"My sister is a perceptive woman," Thalia replied carefully. "And skilled in many aspects."

"Indeed?"

Marina was now looking at Thalia with a mixture of astonishment and confusion.

Thalia replied without thinking. "Are you surprised to hear that?"

"No. But I am surprised to hear you say it."

Now it was Thalia's turn to be perplexed. "Why should I not? I truly believe my sister to be capable and intelligent."

"I am glad to hear it." Marina made her first move, still watching Thalia carefully. "Though I would wonder if you would say such things to my son."

Before Thalia could figure out a polite way to ask Marina what on earth she was talking about, the older woman continued.

"I am not the mother that Benedict deserved," she said softly, sighing as she leaned back a little in her chair. Thalia tried not to look as surprised as she felt. What was the woman talking about?

Marina continued. "After my husband died, I fell apart." Her eyes drifted to the far set of windows, seeing something which Thalia could not. "I did not know how to go on without him. I pride myself on having had a truly happy and loving marriage. But with the late Duke gone, I was left only a half of a whole."

"And so, I retreated." Marina let out a sad chuckle. "Like a child. I ran away and holed myself up in one of the country estates, leaving my young son – who truly was little more than a child – to manage everything on his own."

"He was fourteen when he inherited the dukedom. Did you know that?" Marina's gaze was back on Thalia, searching her face.

Thalia shook her head hesitantly. "No, I did not."

"He was. Fourteen and drowning in responsibilities that I refused to see. I think he only survived because his cousin came to his aid."

"His cousin?"

Marina nodded. "Aaron Bolton. The Duke of Crawford. Aaron was not yet a duke himself, but he had already been trained in such responsibilities by his father. So, Aaron came to stay with Benedict. It is because of him, and him alone, that my son is the man he is today. The year that Aaron spent teaching him how to be a duke has done more for Benedict than I have done in a lifetime."

Thalia did not know what to say to that. But Marina, it would seem, was not seeking anything from her. The words were tumbling out of her as if she had held them back for many years. She probably had.

"But that is beside the point." Marina sighed and glanced down at the table. Neither of them had made a move since Marina had begun talking. She laughed - a soft, mirthless sound. "Listen to me, confessing my failures to you as if you were a priest. You must be wondering why I would tell you all this."

Hesitating, Thalia struggled to find the right words. "I am honored that you would confide in me. But I am indeed perplexed as to why you would share such things with a woman like me."

"We are not dissimilar, you and I." Marina watched Thalia with narrowed eyes. "Shrewd women whose trust can be difficult to win. Some may see us as cold, but we simply choose to keep our cards close to our chests," she added, gesturing to the game on the table between them. "And when we do love, we do so deeply and without restraint."

"So you will understand," she continued, leaning forward, "when I tell you that, despite my failings as a mother, I love my son deeply. Even though I hated him for looking so much like his father, blamed him, even, for being the constant reminder of the love that I had lost, I still wanted the best for him. While I may have no right to intervene in his life, I cannot help but wish to see him well off and cared for."

Stiffening, Thalia met Marina's gaze with defiance. "I think I do understand," she replied icily. "You disapprove of my sister and have come to ask me to keep her away from His Grace. You disapprove of her."

To her astonishment, Marina shook her head. "No. I believe your sister is the perfect woman for my son. Beautiful, accomplished, and sophisticated. She is everything I would want in the future Duchess of Ravenwood."

"But if you approve, then why –"

"Because my son tells me that you are the one to win over in this matter," Marina replied quickly. All her cards were on the table now, literally, and figuratively. "He says that it is your approval which must be given before your father will allow the match. So, whether I deserve to or not, I have come to ask about your intentions regarding my son and your sister. Do you plan to agree to the match?"

Thalia could not speak. Utterly astonished, she could only watch the woman across from her, her mind racing. Was it true? The dowager Duchess had come to her to ask her to approve of her son's marriage to Selina? Thalia did not think Marina was capable of asking anything from anyone. She was a woman who could live her life simply demanding such things.

And had Benedict really told his mother that Thalia was the woman to win over in such matters?

"My son thinks highly of your opinion, it would seem," Marina added after a moment. "I suppose, seeing as you and I are so alike, I should be pleased. He may never lose his disdain for me, but at least he can admire a woman with similar qualities to my own."

"I, I am honored," Thalia began, knowing she needed to say something, but still too stunned to make much of a reply. "In more ways than one. But you need not fear." Thalia straightened, using all her strength to once more confirm the decision that she had made only just this morning. "I do not plan to stand in the way of His Grace, should he wish to court my sister."

"If His Grace seems to value my opinion on the matter," she added ruefully, "I am sure it is only because I have been standing in his way. But neither you nor His Grace need fear. I will not intervene."

"I am glad to hear it."

Indeed, Marina did seem relieved. She picked up her hand of cards and cast Thalia a small smile. "Shall we continue?"

Thalia stood. "I am afraid that I must admit defeat and take my leave."

Marina stood as well, her brow furrowed. "Oh?"

"Thank you for the game and the conversation," Thalia added, giving the older woman a small nod. Even as Marina opened her mouth to say something, Thalia turned and all but ran for the door.

It was impolite, she knew, to leave like this without explanation, but what justification could Thalia give? She didn't quite know what propelled her from the room. All she knew was that she needed to leave. Not just the library, but this manor. This estate.

But such release would not yet be allowed her. Tonight was the last night of the house party, and Benedict had saved the best and biggest event for last: an evening garden party.

Even Thalia could not afford to be absent from such an event. No matter how much she wished to be.

This evening, she would be forced to face the duke again. And she was not looking forward to it.

One more night. Just one more night and everything will be over…