Chapter Nineteen

They would be married by special license. Elaine had not seen or heard from Michael in four days except for a small note stating that he had obtained the license and they could be married in a couple of days. The remaining pieces of Elaine’s heart had broken at that. Lorna, however, took that as a reason to host a dinner with the two families.

Elaine had no desire to attend. She told Lorna as much but Lorna was insistent, saying that the families would have to get along sooner or later. So Elaine knew there was little choice left in the matter and that she would have to face Michael the day before her wedding.

She stared at herself in the mirror of her vanity table and sighed. She looked dreadful. Days of crying and moping around the house had done very little for her complexion and her hair was a lifeless mess that she had no choice but to wrap into a chignon at the nape of her neck. Her dress even hung a little looser than it had when she’d first purchased it. She wore her despondency quite poorly, and Michael was sure to notice it.

What did it matter, though? He did not want her. He was only going through this because he was being a gentleman. She might have gotten what she wanted in the end but this certainly was not what he wanted.

Elaine pulled herself to a stand and trudged out of her bedchamber. Everyone had already arrived she knew. She should have tried to be early and tuck herself into a corner, becoming that wallflower once more. Now, when she arrived, everyone would be looking at her.

She tried to gather her courage as she made her way to the drawing room. It was uncharacteristically quiet. Lorna’s dinner parties always began with hearty conversation and laughter in the drawing room before making their way to the dining room. But the silence was so profound that Elaine wondered if anyone was present at all.

She slipped into the room and indeed six pairs of eyes fell on her. Unable to help herself, her gaze went directly to Michael.

He was by the window, a deep frown gradually fading as their gazes locked. Elaine broke eye contact before he made it to his next expression, not wanting to see it. She lowered her head, stepping deeper into the room.

“Pardon my tardiness,” she apologised in a soft tone.

“It is quite all right, darling,” Lorna quickly chirped. “Shall we all make our way to the dining room then?”

Her energy was met with a decisive lack of it. Elaine felt a twinge of pity for her aunt, the sole source of positivity in the tense room. Even the Earl and Countess of Belington seemed not to know what to do with themselves.

Clarissa came to her side as they began filing out ofthe room, laying a gentle hand on Elaine’s arm. “Good evening, Elaine,” she greeted with a soft smile. “How are you faring?”

Elaine managed a smile but it fell just as quickly as it came. “I am well, Clarissa. It is nice to see you again.”

Clarissa’s smile slipped as worry set into her blue eyes. “Are you certain? You do not look well. Perhaps it would be best if you rest for this evening, I’m sure your aunt would not mind.”

“On the contrary, she would be quite upset with me if I did not attend this evening,” Elaine confessed. She’d hoped her words would be taken in jest but she couldn’t even manage a forced laugh.

Clarissa, bless her heart, laughed for the both of them. “I understand. My brother was quite adamant that I attend.”

The brother in question was an overbearing presence behind Elaine. It took every ounce of her strength to keep from turning and looking back at him.

“Would you not have wanted to attend without his coercion?” Elaine asked. “Perhaps for another reason?”

“What do you…” Clarissa trailed off, following Elaine’s eyes. Her cheeks turned pink the moment they landed on James, who was oblivious to their conversation. “Oh.”

This time, her smile came easily to her lips. “I wish you two the best.”

Clarissa only blushed further, clearly not knowing what to say. She was saved from having to think about it much longer as they arrived at the dining table. Elaine moved quickly, wanting to claim the seat next to James. But Lorna had other plans.

“Why don’t the future married couple sit together?” Lorna suggested loudly, with a broad grin.

Elaine gritted her teeth. Perhaps she should just take Clarissa’s suggestion and feign illness. She could manage a convincing fainting spell if necessary.

Then the smell of his cologne washed over her and all those thoughts fled her mind. Elaine froze as Michael brushed by her and pulled her chair out. He said nothing and simply waited for her to take the chair. He was so close she could almost feel his breath brush against her neck.

“Thank you,” she breathed, sinking into the chair, every nerve in her body sparking with life.

He didn’t respond. He simply claimed the seat between Elaine and James, a bold decision considering that James had been shooting daggers at him the entire time. The quiet and observing Lord and Lady Belington sat next to Clarissa.

“Well,” Lorna began in a cheerful tone. “Isn’t this lovely? I think this is the first time our families have gotten the chance to sit and have a meal together. And considering that the wedding is on the morrow, it is long overdue, wouldn’t you say, Your Grace?”

“Pardon me,” Michael responded, his voice polite. “I found myself rather busy during these past few days.”

“We understand, Your Grace. The duties of a duke must keep you rather occupied. Hopefully, some of that responsibility will be relieved once Elaine becomes the duchess.”

“Aunt Lorna,” Elaine murmured but her aunt wasn’t listening. It was as if Lorna would stop at nothing to stop the uncomfortable silence that would inevitably descend if she stopped talking.

“She is quite dependable, you see,” Lorna went on, daintily poking the beans on her plate. “Ever since her mother’s death and the decline of her father’s health, she has shouldered the burden of the house. Of course, James and I do whatever we can to assist but she can be quite stubborn and she rarely ever asks for help.”

“That sounds oddly familiar,” Clarissa spoke up. “Wouldn’t you say, Michael?”

“Oh, His Grace is the same?” Lorna asked in surprise. At Clarissa’s nod, her eyes began to sparkle. “Well, that is wonderful to hear! That would mean they have something in common.”

“I do not think stubbornness is a good trait to share, Mother,” James spoke up. Or rather, grumbled, since he seemed to care more about glowering at Michael than eating his meal.

“I’m sure they will balance each other out,” Lorna answered with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Elaine held back her sigh. She glanced at Michael, noting the fact that he did not seem to be paying them any mind. Gathering her courage, she leaned slightly towards him and whispered, “It seems they are content to talk about us as if we are not in the room.”

Michael paused for a second so brief, she thought she might have been mistaken. He didn’t respond immediately and Elaine straightened, blinking back the tears of shame. But then she heard, “It would appear so.”

He resumed eating without sparing her a glance. Elaine’s heart sank. He might have answered her but he clearly did it to be polite.

“I hope she is not making you uncomfortable,” Elaine spoke again, bracing herself for the inevitable rejection.

Michael’s movements did not falter this time. But his response came far quicker. “I am used to this kind of banter. It does not bother me.”

“That’s good. My aunt—”

“You should eat, Elaine.”

He may as well tell her he wanted nothing more to do with her. A lump formed in her throat. She forced beans into her mouth and struggled to swallow, struggling to hold back the tears.

Stilted conversation hung over the dining table throughout all three courses, led mainly by Lorna. Clarissa tried her best not to make things too awkward but Michael’s obvious reluctance to take part in the conversation did not help things. Elaine couldn’t care less about the conversation. She put all her energy into keeping her tears at bay.

After a seemingly endless dinner, Lorna suggested that they retire to the drawing room, much to Elaine’s dismay. She wanted this night to be over. She wanted to get the wedding over with. She wanted to wallow without the man who caused her pain lingering around her.

But she dragged herself to the drawing room all the same, knowing that she had little choice in the matter. She began counting the seconds, hoping that it would make the time pass quicker. Lorna settled into the middle of the drawing room with Lord and Lady Belington, speaking quietly to each other, clearly about the wedding judging by their looks of concern and the furtive glances they sent Elaine’s way. Elaine was too focused on Michael, watching as he slipped out onto the balcony. After a few minutes, Clarissa followed behind him.

“You are oddly quiet.”

Elaine nearly jumped at James’ voice by her side. He watched her steadily.

“That is because I do not have anything to say,” she explained calmly. From the way James looked at her, she doubted her words would ring true.

“Is that why you have been looking at the duke so longingly?”

“I have not!” she protested heatedly, cheeks growing warm.

“I watched you two over dinner,” James continued. “And at first, what I saw infuriated me. To think he compromised you then had the gall to look put out by the fact that he has to marry you to make things right. I had half a mind to draw him across the table and give him a piece of my mind.”

“Thank goodness you thought better of it,” she mumbled.

“Only because I began to realise that perhaps the duke’s trouble does not lay in the fact that he has to marry you.”

Elaine frowned up at him. James wore an oddly thoughtful expression. “What do you mean?”

“You two seemed uncomfortable with each other during dinner, that is for certain. But I noticed something in the duke’s eyes when he looked at you.”

Elaine hadn’t realised Michael had looked at her at all. “What is that?”

“Yearning.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “For me?”

“I do not know what for. I hope that is the case. And I suppose you cannot find out until you ask.”

She couldn’t ask Michael that. She couldn’t run the risk of his standoffish coldness again. It would shatter what was left of her self-esteem.

But that persistent hope began to bloom once more. If James could see something between them, then perhaps all was not lost after all.

Elaine caught James’ eyes and felt a glimmer of surprise when he tilted his head towards the balcony doors as if telling her to go to speak with him. Her heart began to race at the thought but she willed herself to move all the same. If James didn’t think it a bad idea, then maybe there was some hope after all.

She stepped silently past Lorna and the others, quite aware of the fact that they were watching her go by. Her heart pounded in her ears as she stopped at the door and took a deep breath.

“You cannot go through with this wedding, Michael.”

Elaine sucked in a quiet breath. That was Clarissa. Had she been against this wedding this entire time?

“I thought this was what you wanted, Clarissa,” came Michael’s unmistakable voice of derision.

“ This was not what I wanted. I wanted you to put aside your foolish quest, not marry someone on nothing but lies and deceit. Especially not someone like Elaine.”

“Well as you can see, Clarissa, I am given no choice in the matter. I must right my wrongs and this is the only way to do so.”

“That is an excuse and you know it.” The sharpness in Clarissa’s voice surprised Elaine. “Perhaps that is the reason you must marry her but there is no reason for you to do so without first telling her the truth.”

Elaine inched closer to the door and realised that it was ajar. She could see a bit of Michael’s profile, his face contorted in frustration.

“The truth will not make this go away, Clarissa.”

Clarissa scoffed. Elaine could barely see her, only a hand flailing in exasperation. “You were the one who deliberately approached Elaine because you wanted to seek the truth. The truth is as important to her as it is to you. You simply do not want to admit it because you are beginning to realise how wrong you have been this entire time.”

“It is too late for any of that, Clarissa!” Michael hissed under his breath. “Tomorrow, Elaine and I will be married. That is the beginning and the end of it. She does not need to know that I only befriended her to learn more about her father’s involvement in the scandal, nor does she need to know that I intend to use it against her and her family. If you cared about her, you would know that she is better off without such knowledge.”

“And if you cared about her, Michael, you would see how wrong you are.”

Elaine didn’t hear his response. Blood roared in her ears, the world tilting around her. She staggered away from the door, desperate to get away yet unable to do anything on her suddenly leaden feet. She didn’t realise that tears had spilled over her cheeks until she felt them drip onto her chest.

Then the door opened fully. Michael’s eyes went wide with shock at the sight of her, then horror dawned. “Elaine, did you—”

“I cannot marry you.”

He started forward. “Elaine—”

“I cannot possibly marry you!” Her scream cut through the drawing room. Elaine flinched away from him, shaking. The despair in his eyes was unfair, she thought. He had no right to look at her like that.

“What is the meaning of this?” James was suddenly before her, shielding her from Michael. Sobs racked her chest and she turned in her desperation to get away. She collided into Lorna’s chest as her aunt’s arms went around her.

“What happened?” Lorna asked her. “What is the matter?”

“I cannot marry him,” Elaine repeated. She said it over and over again. She pulled herself out of her aunt’s arms, unable to stand there any longer. The only thing she felt was the pound of her heart and the sharp twisting knife lodged into the centre of her back. She couldn’t be near him right now.

Elaine hurried towards the door, ignoring her aunt’s calls. This morning, she’d thought that she couldn’t possibly feel any worse. Oh, how wrong she had been.

***

It had all been one big mistake.

That played over and over in his head like a dull roar as Michael watched Elaine race out of the drawing room in tears. The others moved around him like vague blurs in the background while his mind sunk further into the deep pit of despair and regret. He kept thinking about how she’d flinched away from him, how she’d looked at him with such betrayal, and it felt as if he was losing a piece of himself every time.

“Answer me!” Lord Abney seized him by the collar, jerking him out of his thoughts. “Or I shall make you regret that you were ever born.”

“Unhand him!” Clarissa lodged herself between them and successfully managed to push the viscount off him. Michael staggered back, dazed. “Violence is not going to solve anything. We should all sit down and talk about this like reasonable beings.”

“That would be a wonderful idea, Clarissa, if the duke was inclined to talk at all.” The sarcasm dripping from the viscount’s voice would have bothered Michael had it not been for the fact that he registered his words a few seconds too late.

“Right,” Michael murmured, running his fingers through his hair. “An explanation.”

“I believe we are owed one,” said Lady Abney. She stood by her son and crossed her arms, looking serious for once. Behind her, Beatrice hovered with a frown of worry and confusion while Henry simply looked sad.

“I had to,” he said at last.

Clarissa slowly turned to face him, her face crumpled in complete outrage. “You had to?” she repeated incredulously. “After everything that just happened, Michael, you still think you are justified in your actions?”

“Clarissa…”

“No, I do not want to hear anything more!” she cried. “It is clear to me that you are a lost cause. I begged and pleaded with you not to go down this path and you did not care to listen to me. Now, look where it has gotten you, Michael. Your selfishness and your unwillingness to see past your hatred has turned everyone you love against you.”

He felt the need to sit down; otherwise, he was certain the floor would come up to meet him.

“I warned her against speaking to you,” Lord Abney seethed. “I know of your scandalous past and I had a feeling your intentions were far from honourable. But I let myself believe that perhaps I was being overly cynical. I even began to think that you may actually harbour affections for her.”

Michael buried his head in his hands. He knew this was the time to explain himself, to set things right, but he couldn’t get Elaine’s horrified cry out of his head. “I had to do it,” he murmured, mostly to himself. “It was the only way to get the truth.”

“You approached her deliberately!” Lord Abney roared. “You toyed with her affections but to what end? What purpose did you have in breaking her heart? I never should have let her go near you!”

He broke her heart. He broke her heart.

“James, please.” It was Clarissa again, sounding markedly calmer this time. “Perhaps it is best if we leave.”

“Yes, please! Or else there is no telling what I may do if he is in my sight any longer.”

Clarissa touched Michael’s arm, a quiet request for him to stand. Michael pulled himself out of his head long enough to look Lord Abney in the eye and bow his head slightly. An apology was ripe on his lips but he knew there was nothing he could say to fix this situation right now. So he simply turned and left.

He was wrong about everything. The last four years, the last few weeks, the last few days. He’d made bad decision after bad decision and the only good one he managed now wanted nothing to do with him.