Chapter Seventeen

Elaine burst onto a thankfully empty terrace, the cool night air hitting her flushed face like a dozen stings. Her chest heaved with each breath and she pressed a trembling hand to her heart, striving to suppress the pain that threatened to erupt within her.

How could she have let her feelings for Michael slip out so easily? The weight of his stunned silence was all she could think about, a painful echo that left her feeling both embarrassed and utterly exposed. She hadn’t meant to say so much, hadn’t meant to let her heart speak before her mind could adjust. But the moment had seemed so perfect that she hadn’t thought twice about it.

Just when she thought the tears would finally overflow, she heard footsteps approaching from behind her.

“Elaine,” Michael’s voice broke through the stillness, soft yet urgent. She felt her heart leap in her chest, but the shame of her confession held her rooted to the spot. She turned away, hiding her face from him, unwilling to let him see how deeply his silence had cut into her.

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted,” he continued, stepping closer. “I should have said something.”

“Your silence was quite telling,” she murmured, turning away from him. They were alone once more and she knew it was wrong of them. Anyone could happen upon them and it may only illicit rumours that may ruin her chances with any other gentleman. And now that she knew she stood no chance with him, she couldn’t let her chances with others slip through her fingers.

“It did not,” Michael insisted, coming closer still. “It did not say nearly enough. At your confession, I was consumed with so much…such…”

“What are you trying to say, Michael?” she demanded to know, ignoring the pinch of penitence she felt at her sharp words.

Michael stalked away, raking his fingers through his hair. He was a bundle of agitated energy and she should have been unnerved by it, should have been bothered by his obvious frustration. Yet all she could think about was how handsome he was and how easily he could make her heart skip a beat the moment his beautiful—though troubled—eyes fell upon her.

“I do not know what I am saying,” he finally pushed out. “I do not even know why I am here. I just—”

“If you thought that would make this any better, Michael, you are terribly wrong.”

“I shouldn’t want to make this any better!”

Elaine reeled back, pressing herself against the small balustrade of the terrace. “You have no cause to be angry with me,” she snapped.

“I’m not—” Michael broke off, visibly calming himself. “I am not angry with you. It is my own actions that bring me such frustration.”

She crossed her arms, fighting back the tears biting the back of her eyes. She couldn’t believe she had let herself feel hope that he would tell her that he loved her back. He was only making things worse.

“Well, if you do not mind,” she pushed out, grateful that her voice did not crack. “I would much rather you feel such frustration elsewhere. I came out here to get away from you.”

Michael remained still, his gaze fixed upon her, eyes filled with torment. It tore at the rest of her restraint and she felt a tear escape her eye.

Elaine turned away before he could see it. “If you will not leave, then I shall—”

He caught her wrist, pulling her back to him. Elaine gasped when she hit his broad chest.

“I want nothing more than to walk away from you right now,” he murmured, his soft breath brushing against her lips. “I should not have followed you out here. I should have let you leave.”

“Then why did you not?” she whispered back.

His gaze dipped to her lips, then back to her eyes. “Because I have lost my way. Because no matter how many times I try to remind myself of my purpose, the moment I look in your eyes, I cannot think of anything else but you.”

She didn’t dare breathe, afraid that she might ruin this beautiful moment. But her heart made up for the lack of lung activity, beating a staccato against her ribcage. Or perhaps that was his? In this tender moment, she couldn’t make heads or tails of anything but him.

“Michael…” she murmured. She wanted to say so much more but the words would not pass her lips.

“Elaine, I…” He trailed off, eyes falling to her lips. And then his head began to descend.

Elaine thought she would have collapsed right then and there had he not been holding her. She let out a shuddering breath, her nerves set on fire as his lips came closer. But the moment they pressed against hers, everything disappeared.

It was like she had been a walking corpse all her life and this soft kiss was what brought her to life. Elaine leaned into it, her heart pounding so heart it threatened to beat right out of her chest. His hand came to rest on the small of her back and her hands, oh her hands were acting on their own accord. One was at the nape of his neck, fingers threading through the hair curled right there. The other was creeping up his chest, gripping the lapels of his shirt as if he could possibly be any closer to her. Their lips moved in perfect coordination as if they had danced this dance a hundred times before. As if everything in their life had been leading up to this union. As if she had been born to be his.

“What on earth is going on here?”

The sharp question pulled Elaine out of her beautiful fantasy and plunged her into the cold pit of reality. Michael jerked away from her first then turned towards the terrace doors where a crowd was quickly gathering. She tried not to focus on the fact that he was standing in front of her as if trying to shield her from the judgment of the other guests and instead paid attention to the fact that more and more people were coming to see what the commotion was about.

And among them was James.

Elaine caught his eyes and saw realization dawn in them the moment horror dawned in hers. This was it. This was the moment she lost everything.

James shoved his way to the front, his face a mask of cold fury. Elaine was only vaguely aware of the fact that Clarissa and Lorna were on his heels, bracing herself as she was for what was to come.

But James’ anger was aimed solely at Michael. “What in the world do you think you’re doing?” he hissed.

“James, please—” Elaine began but Michael took over.

“I was not thinking,” he said, oddly calm considering the fact that James seemed just about ready to unleash his anger upon him. “It was a slip of the moment.”

“A slip of the moment?” James growled. “You ruined my cousin’s honour because you could not contain yourself in the moment?”

“James.” Lorna appeared by his side, her voice low but hasty. “You are causing a scene.”

“I am not the one causing a scene, Mother.” James didn’t take his eyes off Michael, his fury rolling off him in waves. “He was the one who could not keep his hands and his lips to himself. I am only doing what any proper gentleman would do when faced with such dishonour.”

“Oh, good grief, do not tell me you intend to challenge him to a duel.”

Elaine flew forward, squeezing herself between Michael and James. She didn’t care that there were so many onlookers. “James, you cannot!”

James didn’t even glance at her. “I have no choice, Elaine.”

“Yes, you do,” Lorna chimed in, her voice firm. “And so do you, Your Grace.”

The implications behind her words were heavy. And Michael was silent. Elaine ignored the sharp stab of hurt at that fact, fighting back her tears as she faced her cousin again. “James, enough. It will only make matters worse.”

“Being here is what is making matters worse,” Lorna said as she gathered Elaine in her arms.

James didn’t move. He continued staring Michael down, his hands fisted at his sides.

“James, please,” Elaine pleaded again, her voice finally cracking.

That moved him. He tore his gaze away from Michael and finally took her in. Elaine let her guard down. She let him see how fragile she was at that moment, how broken she felt at the fact that she had ruined her reputation for a gentleman who seemed to prefer getting in a duel than asking for her hand in marriage. She’d let herself fall in love with a man who could not love her back. The only thing she wanted to do now was throw herself in bed and cry until there was nothing left in her.

But she couldn’t cry now. Not in front of so many people. Not in front of Michael. She needed to hold on to whatever semblance of pride she had left.

James nodded as if he understood, his jaw ticking. With one last scathing glance at Michael, he turned to leave. He shielded Elaine as much as he could as they took their leave but the damage was done. The Ton would be talking about this for weeks to come, perhaps for the rest of the Season. She was ruined. Her family’s reputation was ruined.

It was over.