Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

E mma Spencer. Emma Spencer? Emma Spencer!

It took Harriet a moment to put the name to a story, but then was reminded of a time that now seemed long gone.

“Emma Spencer?” she repeatedly, barely able to conceal the shock in her voice.

“Is she one of your acquaintances?” Simon asked, his gaze darting between Harriet and the maid.

Harriet pressed her lips together. Was she an acquaintance? No. In fact, Harriet had never even met the woman. But she had certainly heard about her from the ton.

She remembered how the ton had gossiped about her sudden disappearance — she had not been seen for many months, and everyone seemed to have a theory about her whereabouts, each more salacious than the next.

“Let us go down and see what she has to say,” Harriet spoke with an urgency laced in her voice. She led the way downstairs, while Simon pursued her step.

“Did you know she was visiting?” Simon kept peppering her with questions, which did not help her already anxious state.

In earnest, her heart was now beating out of her chest as she grappled with the possibility that Emma might have information about Catherine that they had been seeking this entire time.

“Your Grace, she is awaiting you in the drawing room,” the maid informed them.

Right before Harriet walked through the doors, she paused momentarily and shared a worried glance with her husband.

“Simon,” she began, knotting her fingers into little twists, “Remember that we must keep an open mind about whatever Emma has to tell us.”

Simon let out a laborious sigh. “What I hope is that she has some genuine information — not that she has been hired by my brother to feed us even more lies.”

As soon as they entered the drawing room, Emma Spencer stood up to greet them, curtsying slightly.

“Your Grace,” she nodded. “And Your Grace.”

“Please sit down,” Harriet said. She had never met Emma before, but now seeing her in person for the first time, she could understand why she was victim to so much scandal over the years.

The woman was beautiful. She had perfect almond shaped eyes, and hair that went down well past her waist. It was no wonder that the ton envisioned her having sordid affairs with several men — she certainly had the looks to attract them.

Up close, however, Harriet could see the nervousness on her face. It was palpable.

Upon noticing how closely both the duke and duchess were observing her, she grew shy and trained her gaze on the floor.

“Your Grace…” she began. “Thank you for allowing me the chance to come and speak to you. I have… I have been meaning to do so for a while now, it has just taken a bit longer to gather up the courage.”

“Please, waste no time in formalities,” Harriet said, feeling the curiosity gnaw at her insides. “What is the reason for your visit?”

At the question, a profound sadness seemed to settle on Emma’s features. Suddenly, she appeared as she was made of glass. Fragile enough to break.

“It concerns Catherine,” Emma’s tone softened at the mention.

“What is she to you?” Simon stepped into the conversation for the first time. His voice was laced with the same protectiveness that Harriet had whenever she spoke of Catherine. “I apologize if my question appears blunt to you, but we must establish this at the outset.”

Emma nodded, gathering herself. She seemed like she had been expecting the question.

“Your Grace, Catherine is my daughter. I named her after my great grandmother. I was the one who left her at your doorstep three months ago.”

Harriet felt as though her knees would give out, and even Simon was startled by the confession.

All this time, they had been endlessly searching for the mother, and here she was, having come to their estate all by herself.

“And what is the reason that you decided to tell us now?” Harriet asked. “It is just as strange you leaving the child at our doorstep, if not more.”

Harriet did not mean to be harsh, but noticed how guilt dawned on Emma’s face at her words.

She clasped her hands tightly in her lap, her knuckles white as she gathered the courage to speak. “The last three months have been… unbearable,” she began, her voice trembling. “I’ve missed my baby every single day. Every night, I wondered if she was safe, if she was loved.”

My baby.

Harriet felt a flicker of something at the words. Suddenly, she began to feel very much like a place-holder. Yes, she had taken care of Catherine ever since she arrived. But now, her real mother had appeared.

Pushing her personal turmoil aside, Harriet leaned forward and decided to listen to Emma’s story first. Her emotional reaction could wait.

“Emma, I cannot imagine the circumstances which led you to make a decision such as this,” Harriet gulped. “So, please. Explain to us. We are out here in the dark — you left us nothing but a note.”

Emma gathered herself. It was as though she fell apart every time she spoke, and had to piece herself together.

“I know that you must think of me as a terrible mother,” she lamented. “What sort of mother leaves a baby who a few months short of a year old on someone’s doorstep? But you have to understand that I only did it because there was no other option for me.”

Harriet could hear the pain in her voice — she was a wounded mother, not a bad one. Despite Emma being nothing more than a stranger, Harriet found her heart softening towards her and she reached out to touch her shoulder softly.

“You do not need to speak about yourself with such shame,” Harriet’s tone was calming. “The duke and I are only trying to understand what your reasoning was.”

Emma’s eyes widened with surprise. Perhaps she had not expected the duchess to react in this manner. Slowly, she gathered up the courage to speak again.

“I met the father of my child more than a year and a half ago at a ball in London,” she admitted, “Within days, we had grown fond of each other. He pursued me heavily, and I fell for his charms.”

Harriet noticed Simon’s expression shift from across the room, and she felt a similar knot forming at the base of her stomach.

Emma turned to face the duke. “It was a special bond for me. However, I should have perhaps known better. Your Grace, your brother managed to win my heart with ease.”

“You are certain that the father is my brother, my lady?”

Harriet knew that the question was rhetorical at best. A formality, if you will. There was little doubt about the baby belonging to Tobias. She had inherited the Atherton genes quite ostensibly.

Emma pressed her lips together. “Your Grace, I only have my word to give you.”

“We believe you,” Harriet rushed to her recuse immediately Even though she had only just met this woman, she felt a strange kind of camaraderie towards her.

Perhaps it was her own brush with unrequited love that made her sympathize with Emma so.

Emma took a deep breath, her gaze shifting between Simon and Harriet as she continued. “I know that you must have heard rumors about me — ones that question my character, and attach my name to men with whom I have no association. But I am not a rakess. My biggest sin has been to fall in love with Lord Tobias.”

Simon’s expression tightened once again at the mention of his brother, but he remained silent, allowing Emma to speak.

“I fell in love with him,” Emma repeated, her voice trembling slightly. “I thought he felt the same way. But one day, he simply… disappeared. He stopped visiting, stopped writing. It was as if I no longer existed to him.”

Harriet knew better than to interject. Emma deserved to tell her story without interruption.

“In the wake of his abandonment, I tended to the wounds inflicted to my heart in private. I did not badmouth him, nor did I seek to soil his reputation even more. I thought that our story had ended, but….”

“Go on, please,” Harriet found herself gripped by the narrative.

“A few months after our last meeting, I found out that I was with child,” Emma’s hand instinctively draped around her belly even though there was no longer a child there. “Once my family found out, they forcefully sent me to the countryside to protect my reputation. No one could find out about my secret — I was to disappear from the public eye until I had my baby.”

Harriet nodded, recalling how much of a story it had been when Emma had suddenly disappeared overnight. She felt a rising disgust inside of her, knowing how cruel the ton had been to her without knowing anything of the truth.

“To keep it a secret, I was completely alone in the countryside, save for one of my trusted maids. It was the two of us alone in a large estate,” Emma explained. “Then, I gave birth to Catherine. She was born on the first day of summer.”

A hint of a smile formed on Emma’s face as she recalled the memory, but it fell the very next moment.

“My parents tried to convince me to set her up for an adoption. They told me that it is no easy work, looking after a young one,” Emma steeled herself. “But I refused. I resisted every one of their attempts, shunned every one of their suggestions.”

Emma’s breathing was beginning to grow laborious again, and she looked to be on the verge of tears.

“I was naive, though. I thought I could handle it, that I could raise her on my own. But as the weeks passed, I realized how alone I was. My parents were ashamed of me, of the situation I had put us all in. Once again they pressured me to give Cathy away, to let them arrange a marriage for me. They said it was the only way I could salvage my future….”

Harriet felt anger flare inside of her. How unfair it was for someone to give up their child, to appease society. Only to meet a standard that was only there for show. To keep appearances.

“I refused again. I refused as much as I could,” Emma said, choked. “But there came a time when I could not fight them anymore. Their suggestions grew into threats — threats to disown me, and take Catherine away themselves. I had no choice… I had to protect her in the only way I could fathom.”

Emma bowed her head, and Harriet knew that she was crying from the little sniffles emanating from her. Simon and Harriet exchanged a worried look, but knew better than to intervene.

“In my moment of desperation,” Emma continued, “I left her on your doorstep. I had… I had hoped that…”

“Tobias would find her?” Simon completed the sentence for her.

“Yes,” Emma looked up, tears streaming down the side of her face. “Foolishly, I had thought that if he saw her, he would love her, as I did. And perhaps, he would love me too.”

“But he never did,” it was Harriet’s turn to speak, her voice dripping with disappointment.

How unfair it was, she thought to herself, that men got to avoid all the responsibility that entailed having a child. They could just have their fun, and never have to think of it again.

“He never wrote to me, nor did he try to visit. I… had to know if my daughter was safe. I had to come here and see for myself,” she started speaking faster now. “My parents have decided to marry me off again. They believe that I can just bury the hatchet and start anew with someone who does not know my past.”

Harriet frowned. It was another thing that she detested about society. The tendency to hide away one’s past, as though it was a discarded piece of furniture that no longer deserved to be displayed and only remain shut away in the storage.

It felt spineless.

“I… I have tried to make it appear as though I am in agreement with their plans for me. But I am not,” she said, her voice strained. “I am not happy about this. I do not want to leave my child behind. I want to raise her.”

“My lady,” Simon spoke up. “My brother’s actions have been irreprehensible. But we have been searching for your identity for these past few weeks. Now that we know who you are, I will make sure that my brother takes responsibility for his actions.”

A glimmer of hope arose on Emma’s face. “Are you in contact with him?”

“On occasion,” Simon tightened his lips, “Certainly, an occasion like this.”

“We will do whatever we can to support you,” Harriet found herself reaching out.

Emma looked as though she was about to burst into tears again. “Oh, I expected the worst when I arrived here. I thought that you would not believe me, let alone offer support like this.”

Harriet shook her head, “We are not stone-hearted people, Lady Emma. It is clear to anyone that you had your hands tied in this situation.”

“But I cannot take Catherine now,” Emma said, “I wish to take her with me, but I cannot. My parents do not even know I came to see the both of you. For all they know, I am in town finalizing my wedding dress, for the ceremony which is set in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Simon got up from his chair, abruptly. “My lady, then you should have said sooner that we are this short on time. I will go and make the arrangements to contact my brother now.”

Without another word, Simon rushed out of the room, leaving the two ladies alone. Harriet observed Emma. She looked a little less frazzled now than she had when she came in. But her demeanor had a constant edge of worry attached to it.

It was then that Harriet realized that she was not the only one who had unfulfilled dreams. Here she was complaining about her marriage, but there were people like Emma — who had a baby but did not have a husband, nor could she take care of the baby without society shunning her.

In comparison, Harriet’s situation sounded idyllic.

“Lady Spencer,” Harriet cleared her throat, breaking the silence.

“Please,” Emma squeezed her hand, “Call me Emma. You have been so kind to me.”

“Very well. Emma, ” Harriet acknowledged. “Would you like to meet little Catherine?”

Emma lit up immediately, “Yes. Please! I yearn to.”

Harriet nodded, and led Emma out of the drawing room and upstairs to the nursery.

Once they entered the nursey, Catherine was sound asleep.

“This is her afternoon nap,” Harriet whispered to Emma, who stood watching her daughter from the side of the cot. She was transfixed.

Harriet could see the tortured longing in her eyes. Indeed, it was more than cruel to separate a mother and a daughter like this.

“Would you like for me to wake her?” Harriet suggested gently.

“Oh, no. No. Please,” Emma backed up immediately. “I do not wish to disturb her slumber. I fear that I have already disturbed her enough.”

Harriet nodded, “I shall wait for you outside the nursery then. You may come out whenever you feel ready.”

With that, Harriet left the two alone. She felt as though Emma deserved that much privacy, given the difficult year she had.

It was a few moments later when Emma finally re-emerged from the nursey, her eyes damp.

“Your Grace,” she said, sniffling.

“Harriet,” Harriet corrected her.

“Thank you for letting me see my daughter,” Emma’s voice was all choked up. “I am forever indebted to you, that you took her into your care.”

“She’s grown quite a bit, has she not?” Harriet smiled. “It is astounding the rate at which she is growing up.”

Emma nodded, “It brings me great anguish that I am not here to witness it.”

Then, Emma did something that Harriet was not expecting. She immediately grabbed Harriet’s hand, and looked at her with a pleading expression.

“Your Gr—Harriet, please listen to me. I beseech you now as a woman,” she started, “As a mother, as someone with a heart. I do not wish to marry someone else. I know that Lord Tobias has caused me great turmoil, but he is the man who still has my heart. I wish to make things right with him. You must speak sense into him. You must make him realize…”

Harriet felt herself pressured by the request. “His Grace has promised that he will see to it that his brother sees reason.”

Emma shook her head, “No. But you must speak to him, too. You understand a woman’s perspective. You will know the right thing to say. Please, Harriet. My marriage is scheduled in two weeks — if I am to go through with it, then I shall never get the chance to see Catherine again, let alone have the family that I dream of.”

Harriet nodded. “I shall do whatever I can, Emma.”

“Please.”

Without warning, the woman wrapped the duchess into her embrace. “Please. You have done me a favor already by taking care of my daughter, and now I ask of you an even bigger favor.”

Even though the physical pressure on her torso seized when Emma released Harriet from her embrace, she still felt a weight settle on top of her.

“I shall do whatever is in my ability.”

Emma nodded, “Thank you. I shall take my leave now, as I do not want my parents to grow any more suspicious than they are. But thank you — you are my only hope.”