Chapter 10

Out of nowhere, my phone rang to CJ's custom ringtone, interrupting Shadow mid-sentence just as he was about to explain my dream. I grimaced as we waited a painfully slow fifteen seconds for the ringtone to end, but then the phone rang again.

I closed my eyes in a silent cringe.

Oh, CJ. My wonderfully persistent best friend.

Shadow's lips parted as he prepared to say something, but I put a finger up. "Hold that thought," I said as if my shifter-crow hadn't been about to reveal some colossal piece of information and I hadn't literally put him on pause.

Shadow cocked his head and eyed me, his expression a mix of irritation and disbelief.

"Sorry," I crooned, scrambling to find my phone under the piles of clothes scattered on the floor. By the time I found it the call had already gone to voicemail. My shoulder muscles relaxed. I prayed CJ had taken the hint, granting me time to call her back later.

Then the voicemail notification went off. That couldn't be good; CJ never left voicemails. Angry texts when I took longer than a minute to reply? Sure. But a voicemail? I rubbed my eyebrows.

"What is it?" Shadow asked.

"My best-friend. She…" But as I unlocked my phone, I was blasted with a myriad of notifications. Twenty-something unread texts, all from CJ. My shoulders tensed and panic scurried over my skin like thousands of tiny spiders. "Fuck."

"Avery, what's going on?"

"It's nine-thirty on Saturday night."

"And?"

"I… ah …have to go," I stuttered, unable to focus on anything other than the fact I was about to let my best friend down on one of the most important nights of her life. I'd promised her I'd be there for her big break; I was the closest thing to family she had. If I missed this, she'd never forgive me.

I'd never forgive myself.

"I need to find my shoes," I said as I mined through the debris of all my stuff. I didn't bother to change. My black leggings and waist-length knit sweater were not club attire, but I had no time to find an outfit. There was no time to fuss over make-up, either. I just needed to find my black boots and coat.

Shadow approached, his face twisted in utter confusion. "Where are you going?"

"I have this thing. My best friend… she's deejaying at a club," I said as I found the boots and laced up.

"A club?"

I peered up at him. "You know, a nightclub where people dance and get drunk."

He didn't blink.

"Don't tell me you've never been to a club," I said, sniffing my pits. Thank heavens, I didn't stink at least. With no time to run to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I reached for a stick of mint gum inside my desk drawer, then ran my fingers through the nest of curls on my head as I looked for my apartment keys.

He trailed behind me. "I know what a nightclub is; I just don't know why that's what you're choosing to do right now when there are things at stake here that cannot be ignored. You need to prepare to receive your other guardians, and we need to find out why Erelldyl presented itself to you. We do not have time for you to go dancing and drinking."

Finding the keys on the kitchen counter, I spun toward him and stared him square in the face. "No one wants to know why the hell this dagger followed me through my dream more than me," I said, holding up Ere—whatever it was called—the mini sword. "Or why my parents were killed, or why vampires are after me. But CJ is the only person in my life who means anything to me right now. She's like family, a sister. I've waited fourteen years for answers; I can wait one more night."

He narrowed his eyes to inky slits, an ashen storm brewing. "Are you always this half-witted of a human?" he spat, his voice transformed, almost venomous.

Neck muscles stiffening, I speared him with my own gaze. Had he just called me…a stupid human?

I'd been called worse by my foster parents, not to mention my case managers, simply for refusing to bend to their will, but for some reason I couldn't understand, coming from him, the words paralyzed me. They'd stung, deep. And I hated how he'd made me feel.

He didn't know me; he had no right to form an opinion about me. I mean, who in this stinking shithole did he think he was? He was the one who'd shown up fourteen years too late.

I'd been the one who had to learn to navigate my crappy-ass childhood on my own, and up until now, I'd managed fine without him, regardless of the bumps in the road. The last thing I needed was for some new stranger to start dictating how I lived my life. That never ended well.

Ever since my parents died, I'd stopped living by other people's rules. And I wasn't about to start now, not even for some shape-shifting crow.

"You know what, Air Spirit," I spat, pronouncing the words like spoiled milk sat on my tongue. "If you don't agree with my decision, then you can go suck it. I'm leaving." I reached for my coat lying on the floor, the messenger bag still flopped near the door, and the Requiem card I found under all the crap on my kitchen table.

I grabbed the doorknob and went to leave but stole a last glance his way. He stood in the middle of the room, slack-jawed. A whipping tornado of confusion and despair circled the air around him.

A tendril of guilt wrapped around my heart.

A very tiny tendril.

He may not have meant to insult me, but he'd not earned my trust yet, and he'd crossed a line he shouldn't have touched—not even with a million-foot pole.

I slammed the door shut before he could see the remorse in my eyes.

Too many people had hurt me, and I was not about to let anyone else take a piece of me, not even him. I was prickly, and if he was meant to be my so-called guardian, then he'd have to learn soon enough there were ways to push me away. And once I left, there was no coming back.

According to the card,Requiem was in Bushwick, which was all the way across town. The exact address was provided once I texted the code KRMZN to the number on the card. On foot, it would take me almost an hour, but if I took the train, I'd cut the trip in half.

CJ was scheduled to do her set at ten-thirty p.m.. as a warmup to the main event at midnight. It wasn't the pre-game we'd planned, but at least I'd be there when she got on stage.

I shot CJ a couple of texts, letting her know I was on my way, but I received nothing back. I even tried to call, but her phone went straight to voicemail. From the angry progression of her earlier texts, I knew she was borderline ready to rip my head off.

But I understood her anger with me. Her fear of abandonment—of being rejected—fed her anxiety. Sometimes I took long to get back to her, but I would've never ghosted her today if I'd been awake, and the thought she believed I had abandoned her on her big night made my insides twist into a million knots.

Needing to pick up the pace, I was about to spark into a sprint when a gust of wind and a flutter of wings startled me. I squealed as Shadow landed on my shoulder in his crow form. Bastard nearly shot my heart out of my chest. Thankfully, the sidewalk was barren of any other pedestrians. "You do realize that in the Earth realm, walking around Brooklyn with a crow on your shoulder is not normal."

He squawked and fluttered his wings.

"Suit yourself," I said, wiggling my shoulders to whoosh him off. "But if the goal is to keep me inconspicuous so the vampires hunting me don't find me, this will accomplish the direct opposite. Like I said, normal people don't walk down Franklin with a crow on their shoulder."

He fluttered his wings again and snapped his beak at me. This time, the swift gust of wind was followed by that weird space distortion. In the blink of an eye, Shadow-the-man was walking beside me, his strides so wide, I had to mini-jog to keep up. "So, shapeshifting where everyone could see you is better?" I asked.

"No one saw," he said, his voice stern, his strides picking up speed.

"Where exactly are you headed with such urgency?" I said rather loudly since he was several paces in front of me by now.

"Wherever this best friend of yours has summoned you so boldly tonight," he replied over his shoulder. "Which you've foolishly decided is more important than finding out the truth of who you are. Or who might have killed your parents." The bitterness of his tone was sharper than a blade.

I stopped. And when he realized I was no longer trailing him, so did he. Turning around, his eyes widened as if shocked I wasn't following. I said nothing because if I uttered a single word, I would cry. Dammit, I would cry. Because as much as I hated to admit it, his words cut, and now he'd used my parents' death as a weapon.

And that was low. Too low.

So much had transpired since he'd crashed through my window that morning, collapsing my world all over again. His presence validated all my fears about my parents—that they'd been murdered and that there was another world out there with all the answers.

He had no clue how much pain was embedded in my heart and burrowed into my bones. What I'd had to do to survive, to stay sane, to not break. I'd had to seal myself in a mental box just so I wouldn't crack, so I wouldn't bend.

Him showing up opened that box. The death of my parents had been the end of my life. With them gone, there was no one left who loved me. No one gave a damn about who I was or what happened to me. I'd been alone until I met CJ, and for him to reduce those feelings to mere stupidity…

My lips trembled.

He was beyond clueless, but his ignorance was no excuse for his arrogance. I'd stashed so much sadness and anger into that mental box that tearing that lid open without warning threatened to tear me apart, fiber by fiber.

Sparks of electricity crackled at my fingertips and the wind picked up, swirling my curls around my head. The leafless branches of the trees lining the streets swayed, bending harshly against the gusts.

The promise of finally finding out the truth had reopened my wounds. And when he called me stupid for simply wanting to be there for the only goddamn person I'd been able to let in, the only person who'd shown me love?

Something in me splintered and an icy wind spread from my core like a cyclone. It was as if pure coldness flowed through my veins, carving paths through my body until it reached my hands, igniting my palms in blue flames.

"Avery…" Shadow uttered, dread blanketing his face as the wind whipped his hair with fury.

Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was foolish and downright asinine to choose to go to a nightclub to watch my friend at her turn tables instead of jumping at the opportunity to uncover the truth, to finally understand the purpose of my pain.

But I knew how much my absence tonight would cleave CJ in half. She needed me, and there was no fucking way I wouldn't be there for her.

"Avery, I'm sorry." Shadow's dark eyes shimmered under the silver light of the moon, his features softening as he approached.

Each step he took was slow, cautious. My entire body vibrated with rage, and I'd never felt so afraid. Whatever was happening to me was all-consuming, feeding off the emotional turmoil churning in my chest.

But as frightened as I was, another part of me was allowing this to happen. A part of me I didn't know how to control basked in the power.

The wind gusts blew harder, knocking down street signs and violently shaking the traffic lights. The parked cars on the street slowly lifted and one car slammed into the one in front of it, firing off a security alarm. Terror seized my spine in a vice grip, freezing every limb. Memories of the bus accident slammed through my mind.

"Shadow," I said, my voice trembling. "I don't know how to stop it." In less than a breath, he stood in front of me, placing his palms against mine.

"Avery…"

"I can't stop it…" The words were barely audible.

"Avery," he whispered again, holding my gaze and silencing my thoughts as he tunneled that penetrating look into my soul. The depths of his black eyes swallowed me whole. "I shouldn't have tried to stop you. I dishonored you with my words. It won't happen again. This I promise you."

A long exhale escaped from my lungs, and I felt the hammering in my chest subside. The crackling electricity circling my head died, too, and with it, the wind gusts. Shadow's breath—his words—swept through my insides, and I felt him, his true self, caress my spirit with his own icy flames. Euphoria and peace melded into one.

My hands still in his, he said, "I overstepped."

I couldn't break his gaze. Our hands remained clasped together as the intimacy of what we'd just shared shook my foundation.

He'd not only touched my spirit with his, but he'd looked at me like no one ever had. He had looked through me; he saw the little girl still trapped in that mental box. She'd looked back and not challenged him.

I shuddered. I'd kept that part of me protected from everyone for so long.

He took a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to reach that deep, but it was the only way to calm your power."

Wrapping my arms around myself, I offered him a short smile. "Thank you… for whatever it was you did to stop that."

"You draw your power over the wind through me. All I did was reach inside you and ground you."

He'd done more than that. He'd touched my spirit with his essence. I'd never felt anything so pure, so calming. It was like he'd tamed a raging ocean into a crystalline sea. Still, even though Shadow had managed to find my off button, I knew the reprieve was only temporary.

I lowered my chin, shying my eyes away. "I could have hurt someone."

"But you didn't."

My shoulders bunched as I peered over at him. "This time. What happens the next time I lose it again?"

His gaze grew stern. "You won't."

"How do you know?"

Stepping closer, he brushed a rogue curl from my brow. "Elemental magic is very reactive. It responds to your spirit, your emotions. I felt yours, Avery. Held it in my hands. As angry as you were, your desire wasn't to hurt me, or anyone else for that matter."

I turned away, thinking back to the first time the power manifested. "I didn't want to hurt anyone when that bus overturned, but people still got injured."

"Because I wasn't there to ground you." Shadow placed his large hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing it, perhaps wanting to reassure me that somehow, I could figure out how to control this.

"What if you aren't there the next time?" I asked. "What happens when my anger stokes and the rage inside me erupts again? I'm a ticking time bomb."

He slowly spun me back to him and tipped my chin up with his fingers, his skin emitting that cool, soothing balm. "You have the power to summon me, Avery. Anywhere. Anytime. I will always be by your side whenever you need me."

The blackness in his eyes swirled with a million tiny specks of light. It was as if all the galaxies in the universe existed inside his shimmery orbs. Finding it hard to hold his gaze, I pulled away. I wasn't ready to be seen again, not like he had.

"Well, at least now you know not to piss me off again or you might be responsible for the decimation of Brooklyn." I half smiled, hoping to deflect.

He smiled back, and two half-moon dimples formed at each corner of his lips. Seeing his shoulders relax set me at ease. Somehow it felt like we'd cleaned the slate.

He nodded toward the intersection where a few people gathered. "Mortals are getting curious about the commotion. So much for not wanting to attract attention with a crow on your shoulder." He shook his head in a playful reproach and tsk-tsked at me, his dark, silky hair falling over his brow. "You landed a mini tornado in the middle of the street with that temper of yours, daughter of the All Spirit. Perhaps we should go find this friend of yours before we draw any more unwanted eyes?" He extended his arm to me, gesturing his desire to escort me, his lips curling into a crooked grin.

Coolness swelled inside me, and I wasn't sure if it was Shadow or the frigid February air that made my skin prickle with goosebumps, but regardless, I welcomed it. Accepting his arm, I asked, "When was the last time you took a human form?"

"Honestly? I can't remember. Time passes differently for us."

"How?"

"We exist outside of time. It's hard to explain, but everything exists, and everything is happening at the same time forever."

The concept made my brain twist. He noted my confusion and shrugged. "Like I said, it's hard to explain."

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever wrap my mind around that one." Guiding him toward the subway station, I said, "And I'm meeting CJ at Requiem. I don't think she's ready to meet my spirit guardian, regardless if she knows about my visions."

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, Avery. The very fate of the world may rest in your hands. I can't risk anything happening to you."

I laughed. "What could possibly happen to me at a nightclub? I'm just going there to see her play music. I don't even like clubs. I don't plan to stay all night."

"I can blend well. She doesn't have to know I'm there with you."

Glancing over at him, I took note of his strange, black attire. It was a mix of some type of sleek, leathery combat clothes with zippers and buckles in odd places. If Requiem was as underground and eccentric as people claimed, he'd probably blend in better than me. "How do you choose your outfits, by the way?"

"What do you mean?"

"These clothes you're wearing."

He shrugged. "It's complicated magic."

"In other words, you have no clue."

He smiled again, his gaze focused ahead, and I couldn't help staring at the dimple that formed on his left cheek or the crinkle by his eye. I still couldn't believe this was the crow that had crashed through my window. That he'd turned into a man. That this man was so…

"Don't look at me that way," he said as if he'd read my thoughts. He hadn't even been looking my way.

A rush of heat filled my veins. I'd not meant to advertise those thoughts. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Shadow stopped and faced me, his brow pinched. "Listen to me. I'm not a man, Avery; I'm not even human. You can never look at me like that."

My saliva dried up, and I stumbled through my words. "I didn't…"

He grabbed me by the shoulders, his grip hard. "Avery, look at me. You must promise. You can never see me like that. Do you understand?"

I was still so stunned, I forgot to blink.

"Avery."

"Okay. Yes. Fine. I promise. Geez," I spurted out. "Can you let go of my shoulders now?"

Gently loosening his grip, he let go and walked on, forgetting to offer me his arm again.

Moody much?

"It would help if you…I don't know, maybe took a different human form?" I muttered under my breath. "Perhaps not shift into some hot, muscly, twenty-something with silky black hair and sultry eyes?"

"Avery…" The sound of my name rumbled from him like a growl.

"What? It's the truth," I shot back. "You could shift into a skeevy old man or perhaps a mouthy teenage girl."

He let out a low laugh. "One mouthier than you?"

I huffed. "I'm not a teenager."

"But you are mouthy."

Blowing out a grunting breath, I mentally gave him the middle finger. "Point is, what's the big deal, anyway? Just because I admired your human smile doesn't mean I'm going to fall for you. Get over yourself, Air Spirit."

He spun to face me, cocking an eyebrow. "Are you done?"

"Are you going to explain to me why it's such a problem to find you pleasing to look at?" What I wanted to say was hot, attractive, and sexy, but there was no chance in hell I'd ever tell him that. After all, he wasn't even human, never mind an actual man, so that would've been totally bizarre and mildly inappropriate.

He said nothing, but his neck muscles strained, veins roping up and down that long column. There was something he wasn't telling me. The tension vibrating off his shoulders was impossible to ignore. If I kept pushing, he could potentially snap. Not sure I cared to see that version of him right now. "Fine, we don't have to talk about it now, but?—"

"Where's this club located?" he interrupted, shooting me a sideways glance. "I wouldn't want you to miss your friend's rendezvous."

Message received.

We walked the rest of the way to the subway in silence with him a few strides ahead of me as if he already knew where we were going. Once on the train, he sat next to me, his face solemn, and barely a word was spoken.

"What troubles you so much?" I finally asked as the train came to a squealing halt at our stop.

He stood and said, "I don't want to fail you."

"That's ominous. What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

He ignored my question as we walked up the tunnel stairs and onto the street, where snow flurries had begun to coat everything in a soft white blanket. Above, the moon was completely covered by a grayish cloud that appeared to suffocate the city.

Snow had not been in the forecast tonight, and I had the slightest inkling this weather phenomena wasn't random.