14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"I can't look at my score." I shove my phone into Savannah's hand. "I have my test result pulled up, but I need you to tell me what it is. And don't sugarcoat it."

Savannah halts alongside me in the middle of the campus square. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I hide my hands in the pockets of my coat. It's November first, and the sunny, crisp part of fall has abruptly given way to the chill of late autumn. "I was a frazzled mess during the whole exam, Sav. I know I bombed it. I just need you to tell me exactly how bad my score really is."

I drop my eyes to the ground, waiting with dread. Today's biology test was one of the last scores that will go on my scholastic record before I start med school interviews next month. This test was profoundly important, yet over these past forty-eight hours since the fundraiser, I haven't been able to study. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything, for that matter. Instead, I find myself staring out windows and pondering how rapidly my life has returned to its predictable, structured routine—and how, instead of being happy, I'm miserable. I don't know if I'll ever be content as the person I used to be.

"Okay, here goes." Savannah looks at my phone. She frowns. "What score, exactly, were you expecting?"

I moan. "I don't even know."

"That's good." Savannah grins. "Because you got a ninety-nine percent."

I snap up my head. "What? Really?"

"Really." Savannah laughs and gives me back my phone. "You know, maybe being less absorbed in your studies worked in your favor."

I stay quiet. Strangely, I wonder if Savannah is right. Perhaps this is yet another example of something that I learned last month: being so one-dimensional and perpetually absorbed in my studies isn't necessarily always for the best.

Savannah grabs a pair of mittens from her bag. "Yikes, it's cold. I bet it's going to be a busy shift at the Coffee Loft this evening. Do you want to ride the bus over there with me before you head home? I'll make you an Autumn Cider Swirl."

"Thanks, but . . . no." I experience a painful squeeze in my chest. "I think I'll just head to the apartment."

Savannah's brow furrows. "I'm sorry. That drink probably reminds you of . . ."

"Joel?" I finish for her with a sigh. "Yes, it does. It always will."

Savannah's eyes drift around the campus square, which is dotted with the last of the leaves that have fallen from the trees. "You really haven't heard anything from him since the fundraiser?"

"I really haven't." I shrug. "There's no reason for me to hear from him, though. I'm sure he saw on the news, like I did, that University Hospital announced it will not only keep open the pediatric play area but fund some significant upgrades. Plus, Joel is in the throes of regular-season basketball now, and he's deciding whether he wants to go pro or become a college coach after graduation." I try to smile. "So there's definitely no reason he would interact with a meager tutor anymore."

Savannah hugs me. "I understand how badly it hurts to have your heart broken. I wish that I knew some way to make the ache go away. All I know is that you deserve nothing but total happiness, and I'm certain you'll have it one day."

I blink back tears. "Thanks, Sav."

Savannah steps back and checks the time on her phone. "I suppose I need to go to work. If you change your mind, stop by the Coffee Loft, all right? I'm there until eight."

"Okay."

Savannah walks away. I watch her go, and then I gaze around where I'm standing. I don't have another big exam for several days. I'm not scheduled to work at the tutoring center until tomorrow. The fundraiser is over. I don't even have a pre-med meeting to attend.

All at once, I feel very aimless and alone.

I wipe from my cheeks a few tears that I hadn't realized were falling. Yes, I still want to go to med school; I'm more excited than ever about the prospect of becoming a doctor. However, the whirlwind of Universe-toppling experiences that I went through last month made me realize that a medical education isn't all I want to have to sustain me over the next several years. While I used to believe that I would be content to keep my heart on the shelf until after residency, I now understand how wrong I was. This past month made me realize that if you truly love someone, you'll do whatever it takes to make that person the top priority in your life. It's not about perfect timing; it's about finding the person who's perfect with and for you. And such a person makes you want to bring changes into your life because you know it's completely and totally worth it.

I figured this out too late, though, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm only part of the equation. Joel doesn't want romance, and given the incredible future that's in store for him, and his noble reasons for staying single, I respect his choice with all my heart.

Lost in my thoughts, I wander to the bus stop and board the first bus that comes by. I barely pay attention to the route, and the next thing I know, I'm getting off at the fairgrounds. The fairgrounds where Joel and I spent a wonderful evening together at the Fall Festival. An evening that made me wish there might be a way . . .

There isn't a way, though.

I exhale hard. I don't know why I came here, but I also don't want to leave. So I pass through the unlocked gates and enter the fairgrounds. The Fall Festival is over, leaving this lovely place empty except for the few people who are currently strolling the manicured grounds, which act as a park for the community when the property isn't otherwise in use. I throw my scarf around my neck and begin walking the tree-lined paths, trying to clear my head.

My phone pings. I retrieve it from my bag and check my new text. The world tilts underneath me. It's a message from Joel:

Any chance you're available for a chemistry question?

My heart sparks and dances, but I sternly instruct myself to stop being ridiculous. Joel is reaching out for help with his schoolwork, that's all. Nonetheless, my hands are shaking as I text back in a professional, tutor-like way:

Certainly. When would be a good time to call?

Joel replies:

Actually, this particular chemistry question is better discussed in person. Is there a time when you might be available?

I hesitate, my fingers hovering over the screen. Frankly, I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle seeing Joel again. My emotions have already reached train-wreck status, so getting together with him and pretending like I'm not madly in love with him will be almost more than I can bear. Yet if Joel needs help, I'll assist him, no matter how tough it'll be for me. I text him back:

I'm available through the end of today, if there's a time that works for you.

I swear I don't even have a chance to breathe before he responds:

Where are you right now?

My cheeks get warm. He's going to think I'm an idiot, but I tell him the truth:

At the fairgrounds taking a walk. How about I catch a bus and meet you at the Coffee Loft?

Joel's response is immediate:

Stay there. I'll be at the fairgrounds in less than ten minutes.

I read his text a few times to make sure I understood it correctly. Joel wants to meet here? At the fairgrounds? To discuss chemistry? And if he's going to be here in less than ten minutes, that means he's already in this neck of the woods. Why would he be out here?

I sigh and return my phone to my bag. I can't get distracted with attempting to answer my own questions. I need to prepare for acting not-in-love with Joel when I see him.

Ignoring the way my heart is galloping, I hike my bag strap higher on my shoulder and resume walking as though I don't have a worry in the world. However, though I appear composed, I'm falling fast into the vortex of my swirling thoughts. I don't know how much time is passing, but the lamp posts are coming on, glowing cozily against the late-afternoon cloud cover. The breeze is stirring the trees. There's a hint of campfire aroma in the air, and I―

"Hello, Danielle."

I stop in my tracks when I hear him behind me. I pull in a stabilizing breath and then turn around to face the man I love.

Joel is coming toward me with steps that are strong and purposeful. The wind is tousling his hair. He's cleanly shaven. His jacket, blue shirt, and jeans are emphasizing his tall, muscular physique. And his gaze is fiery and locked on me.

"Hi, Joel." I'm becoming a bit weak in the knees. "How's your injured finger?"

"It's okay, I'm thankful to say." Joel stops in front of me. He raises his hand to reveal that his right index finger is in a small splint. "After the fundraiser, I went to the Lakewood Medical Center emergency department. X-rays showed the distal joint was dislocated, but there wasn't an obvious fracture. The ED doc, Ned Godfrey, relocated the joint and got me splinted up. I have an outpatient ortho appointment tomorrow with someone named Doctor Briggs, and I should get officially cleared to practice soon."

"I'm so glad."

"Thanks. I'm pretty relieved myself." Joel pauses. "So how have you been?"

"I've, um, been all right." I opt, of course, to leave out the hugely significant fact that I've been absolutely pining for him. "I had a biology exam today, and I'm glad it's over."

Joel grins. "Let me guess: you aced it?"

"No, I . . ." My face gets incriminatingly hot. "Okay, I got a ninety-nine percent. Trust me, though: I was shocked. The last couple of days, I've barely been able to focus on studying because . . ." I fall quiet and avert my gaze.

"I haven't been able to concentrate on much of anything, either," I hear Joel remark.

I dare to look at him once more. Joel is watching me closely. He takes a step nearer, lowers his voice, and goes on:

"I can't concentrate because I can't stop thinking about you, Danielle. I can't stop thinking about how much I want to be with you, if by some miracle you will give me the honor."

It takes a beat for his incredible words to soak in, and then it's like lightning strikes my soul. My senses come wildly alive. A blaze ignites in my core. Tears of joy brim in my eyes.

"Oh, Joel," I tell him softly, "I want nothing more than to be with you, too."

Joel breaks into the most handsome smile I've ever seen. He takes my hands in his, and his touch causes the heat within me to spread through my whole body. His eyes are glinting in the light of the setting sun as he continues searching my face.

"For weeks I've known you were determined not to pursue romance, and I didn't want to do anything to cause confusion or get in the way of your education and career." Joel works down a swallow. "Yet my heart refused to let me rest; it kept insisting that I might still have a reason to hope. That's why I needed to find you. As I said, I have a particularly perplexing chemistry question that only you can answer." He smiles again. "And my question for you is this: do you really think it's possible that a gorgeous, brilliant, kind, determined, brave woman could ever be interested in a foolish college athlete who has fallen completely head-over-heels for her?"

I laugh quietly as my tears drift down my cheeks. "That's an interesting chemistry question, indeed. Not long ago, I would have said that such a chemical reaction is impossible. However, I've recently discovered that not only is such a reaction possible, it's the most powerful, wonderful, and perfect reaction I've ever known."

Joel keeps smiling as he holds my hands to his chest. "I'm glad to hear you say that because I've reworked the equation over and over again, in a thousand different ways, and every time I've come to the same conclusion: I am desperately and devotedly in love with you, and there's nothing I want more than to be with you, if you'll have me."

My breathing catches as my heart begins to soar. "Joel, you're the most wonderful, caring, humble, intelligent man I've ever known." My voice is trembling with emotion. "And I'm absolutely and forever in love with you."

Joel goes totally still for a second, and then his gaze sharpens in a way that makes my insides scorch even hotter. In one fast movement, he lets go of my hands, wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. I grab his shirt, my lips sizzling with desire. He puts his free hand on my cheek, dips down his head, and connects his mouth to mine.

Heavens.

I thought Joel's moves were suave, strong, and sexy on the basketball court, but they're nothing—absolutely nothing—compared to the way he kisses.

Our kiss deepens as we continue sharing all the feelings we've been secretly holding onto for so long. I've never felt such bliss. Of all the things in my life that I've been certain of, I know this is the most perfect and right thing of all.

When our kiss is done, Joel tenderly brushes his lips against my forehead and then tips back his head to rest his eyes on mine. With another dashing smile, he tells me:

"Did you know that I began falling in love with you the moment you spilled that drink on me?"

I blush as I laugh. "Looking back, I realize that was the day when I started falling in love with you, too. I never used to believe in love at first sight, and I didn't want to admit to myself that it was happening, yet I began falling for you all the same."

Joel cups my face between his hands and kisses me again, this time in a slow, lingering way that nearly makes me collapse completely into his arms. He then says:

"As the days went by, it grew exponentially harder to stop myself from telling you how I felt. I only managed to keep the truth concealed because you had said that you weren't interested in a relationship, and also because I didn't want to drag you into this media-crazy, travel-heavy, sports-centric life of mine. So although I was falling more in love with you every day, and it was tearing me apart not to tell you how I felt, I remained quiet. I even made myself walk away after the fundraiser; leaving you that day was the hardest thing I've ever done." He shakes his head. "Since then, I haven't been able to think of anything—of anyone—but you. As I replayed in my mind all the times we were together, and all the moments when I dared to think that you wanted me to kiss you as badly as I yearned to do it, I finally dared to let myself hope. As foolish as I knew it was, I hoped that perhaps your feelings about romance had changed as drastically as mine had. Today, I could no longer stay silent. I had to find you. I had to confess the truth." He takes my hands back in his, raises them to his lips, and kisses them. "Danielle, I'll move heaven and earth to be with you. I'll change my whole life, if you want me to. I'll do whatever it takes. I love you."

I sense more tears of ecstasy drifting down my cheeks. "My perspective on romance has completely changed, too. I've come to understand that love doesn't need to be delayed, and hearts don't need to be put on the shelf, if the right person is in your life. Because of you, Joel, I now believe that when you truly love someone, that's all that matters."

Joel draws me into his secure, wonderful embrace. "I know there are a lot of questions about our futures that we can't yet answer. I'm not worried, though. I know we'll make this work."

"I know it, too." I beam at him with pure, unrestrained love.

Joel begins kissing me once more, and I wrap my arms around him and kiss him in return.

"Danielle Gillespie, I love you," he says in my ear.

"I love you, too, Joel Lambert."

Our eyes meet . . . and then our lips meet again.

And the chemical reaction is absolutely perfect.