Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

" D o ye mind if ye take the dogs for a stroll without me this evening?" Olivia asked, yawning. "I feel a wee bit tired and wish to turn in early."

"Of course," Hannah agreed. "To be honest, I could do the same, but I doubt the dogs would agree with that." Both girls chuckled. "Perhaps we ought to have done that earlier in the afternoon."

"Nay," Olivia shook her head. "It was far too hot and humid. A typical August day. Ye ken that the dogs enjoy it far more when it's fresh outside."

"Aye," Hannah nodded. Then, she considered the possibility of stumbling into Alistair on the way out, and she didn't like it one bit.

It had been almost four days of her having had little to no contact with Alistair. His excuse, the one that reached her through his mother, grandfather, or brother, was that he was busying himself with business, so he might enjoy some free time after the wedding. Something told her this was not really so, but she had no grounds on which to disagree with this statement.

"Ye ken? Perhaps, I ought to leave it for tomorrow," Hannah mused. "After all, they have been runnin' outside all afternoon."

"Aye, but not with ye," Olivia reminded her gently. "They need yer attention and affection as well. Daenae forget that."

"Ye are right, dear sister," Hannah agreed. "I'll go and play with them a little. In addition, a little stroll will calm me down. I still feel a little apprehensive about the whole weddin'."

"That is to be expected," Olivia echoed almost the same words as the ones Hannah heard from her future mother-in-law. Hearing them twice strengthened the message and provided a soothing sense of peace at a tumultuous time. "Allow yerself to feel whatever ye think ye should be feelin' right now. But at the same time, keep remindin' yerself that ye are marrying a good man, who will treat ye right."

Hannah sighed. She didn't know how he would treat her. She was certain that he would be respectful, but what did that entail? Did that mean that he would keep his distance from her, occasionally breaking this rule when desire took over and he had no control over himself? She didn't want that. She wanted to know where she stood at any given point. If they were to be nothing more than just partners who shared a name on a piece of paper, so be it. But she didn't want to allow him to play with her heart like that. That was unfair.

"Aye." That was all Hannah could say. It was late for deep, meaningful conversations. "I shall leave ye to rest then." She walked over to her sister and hugged her tightly, almost as if she wasn't going to see her again for a very long time. "Until the morn, dear sister."

"Until the morn," Olivia smiled back.

Hannah walked silently out of the chamber and decided against putting on her cloak. The night might be chilly, but she welcomed the drop in temperature. She headed towards the front door, then outside into the garden, which was illuminated by endless rows of colorful lamps, opening up the path.

Hannah usually went outside to play with the dogs during the daytime. But with Olivia here, she tried to spend every waking moment with her sister, as they joined Alistair's mother, and the three women oversaw all the preparations for the upcoming wedding.

As soon as Hannah stepped outside, Rosebud was the first one to run up to her, with the other two dogs following closely behind. She could see from the cheerful wagging of their tales how excited they were to see her. She could never get tired of that.

"Me sweethearts," she greeted them tenderly, caressing every muzzle. "Did ye miss me?" she asked, then chuckled curiously. "Of course, ye didn't. Ye saw me this mornin'."

Suddenly, Luna jumped into her arms and the two fell down to the ground.

"Och, Luna," Hannah couldn't help but keep on chuckling. The dogs were unable to control themselves around her right now, and she wondered if perhaps she had really been neglecting them with all the wedding preparations.

"I promise ye, me sweet little pups," she said solemnly. "After the weddin', I shall be all yers. Just right now, I have to focus on making sure that everythin' goes according to plan. Ye understand, daenae ye?"

Only… what is the plan?

The truth was that there was no plan. Hannah was to take each day as it came. There was no other option. However, she could talk to Alistair and tell him that they needed to create a certain agreement regarding their relationship. Once it was set up, neither side was to go over the line.

"Ye feel a wee bit lost here, daenae ye?" she whispered to Rosebud's little head, assured that there was no one around and that no one could hear her. "I ken that feelin'," she admitted, as crickets started to chirp somewhere in the distance. It was a soft, soothing sound that only seemed to add to the serenity of the moment. Hannah was now glad that she had come out.

She glanced up at the castle. Sometimes, it looked frightful, with those elongated windows almost like eyes, threatening to peer into one's very soul. At other times, it wasn't as scary. In fact, it was downright livable, if not even welcoming. It simply depended on where Hannah's heart was at that given moment and how she was feeling about it.

Rosebud barked suddenly, bringing her muzzle to Hannah's hand, urging her to pet her. Hannah smiled.

"Ye sweet, darlin' creatures," she gushed. "What would I do without ye by me side?"

At that moment, sensing something out of the ordinary, Haggis barked. Hannah immediately looked in the direction where his muzzle was pointing and heard some rustling. She immediately got up, and without thinking, straightened her dress. She had no idea why that was important. Only that it provided her with at least a false sense of control over the situation. Because in all honesty she did not feel indifferent being outside alone, surrounded by darkness.

"Who's there?" she called out, demanding to be told.

A few seconds later, Alistair appeared in the light.

"It is only me," he said.

Only?

Her mind raced. He was the last person she wanted to see, and yet he was here.

Who was he kidding? He was here not by accident, but because he saw her from his study window. He was here because he wanted to be here, it was as simple as that.

He saw her stand up, startled by the sound of his arrival. He made sure to stay at a safe distance from Haggis, while Luna and Rosebud rushed over to him, for some cuddles, which he gladly bestowed upon them.

"I like to come out here, when there's no one about," he suddenly heard himself say, gazing into the distance, which was nothing but a cloud of pitch black. That was not entirely untrue. "I like to listen to the sounds of silence." Another thing as close to the truth as it got.

He didn't expect her to say anything to that. It was nothing but him thinking aloud. Only, she was listening.

"Aye, this is a lovely place ye have," she told him. "It somehow fills yer soul with joy when ye need it."

He turned to her. "It will be yers as well."

This is as close to speaking of her being his wife soon as he wanted to come. What was his was hers. That was, at least, how it was supposed to be. When it came to marriages such as this one, he wasn't sure what to expect.

At that moment, a cool breeze started to blow. Alistair could feel it blowing right through his very bones. Hannah shivered, rubbing her upper arm. Alistair quickly slid off his jacket from his upper body, and without asking Hannah anything, he gently placed it over her shoulders, sheltering her from the chill of the night.

She eyed him suspiciously, then grabbed the collar with both hands, so it wouldn't slide down her back.

"Thank ye," she said softly. "I considered taking me cloak, but I thought that it would be a warm night."

"Most nights out here are like this," he explained. "It isnae a good idea to be caught outside at night in nothin' but a thin gown. Besides, we daenae want ye to catch a cold. Me maither would have an apoplexy, I reckon."

She looked up at him, and the moment she did so, she realized he was teasing. His grin revealed it.

"Come to think of it, me grandfaither might have one, too, if ye catch that cold," he added jokingly. "So, daenae risk it… for me sake, if not for yer own."

He had no idea what he was saying. They were just silly thoughts, but they made her smile. That was something he could not get enough of. He drank in the sight of her, until suddenly, her smile disappeared. It was substituted by something completely different. She seemed worried and apprehensive now. There was obviously something on her mind, some heavy burden she was forced to carry.

"Alistair?" she said his name pleadingly. He had never heard her address him in such a manner before. That made this conversation all the more interesting. He wanted to hear her out now more so than ever.

"Aye?" he nodded curiously, waiting eagerly.

Her subsequent question stung him to the very heart.

"Why do ye hate me?"

She said it so simply, so genuinely that he almost burst out laughing. Fortunately, he managed to resist the temptation to do so, because he knew how easily that could be misconstrued. She was bound to get offended, and they were already on shaky ground.

"Hate ye?" he repeated her words, stunned by how hurtful they were.

"Aye," she nodded.

"I daenae hate ye, Hannah," he said awkwardly, raking his fingers through his hair as he always did when he was feeling apprehensive about something.

Much to his surprise, this was the truth. He didn't hate her, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how hard he tried to pretend that she had no effect on him. The truth was far from it.

Another realization emerged, and that was the fact that was that Hannah wasn't her brother. She was not an extension of him. They did not share the same consciousness, and therefore, their actions were the actions of two separate people. Alistair had come to realize, through scrutinous inspection, that Hannah didn't have a clue regarding what her brother had done. That in turn, meant that he could not blame her for the current situation. She was a victim of it as much as he was.

"But ye daenae love me either," she pointed out.

"I daenae ken ye," he reminded her, hoping she would not delve more deeply into this explanation, because he tried very hard to keep himself from falling for her. Love was not something he planned on including into his life.

"I understand that there cannae be any love between us because we are solely doin' this out of duty to our families," she announced solemnly. "However, that doesnae mean that I will settle for a relationship without respect. We daenae need to love each other, but we must respect each other."

He heard her every word. He heard it and he understood it. She didn't want him to love her. She simply wanted him to respect her. It was such a sad state of affairs, that two people bound together by marriage could not find means to love each other.

"Aye," he finally agreed. "Of course, we can. Respect will make our life together… bearable."

Once again, he felt that he used the wrong word. He didn't want to say bearable. Then, why did he say it?

The melancholy in her eyes was palpable. Without any warning, she approached him, rested her hand on his shoulder and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. Then, she turned around on her heels and disappeared back inside the house. There was nothing left for him to say or do after that.

Here he was, a mountain of a man, threatened to come undone by one simple kiss on the cheek. His entire body felt weak at this gesture of warmth and intimacy, and he knew that no passionate kiss could ever substitute what Hannah did just now. Alistair knew right then and there that even if he didn't love her, he would always protect this woman, who had so much beauty in her soul. She would always be able to count on him for shelter and protection, as well as respect. He could promise her that much.

He turned to the dogs. Haggis was nowhere to be seen. He probably went back inside after his mistress. Rosebud and Luna were still outside with him, reminding him of the divide that was still omnipresent between him and his future wife.

He inhaled deeply, not feeling even a shred of relief as a result of this action.