Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

" A re we really leaving so soon?" Rosalie complained as Violet dragged her across the dance floor.

"Yes," Violet snapped. "We need to leave at once."

"But…" Rosalie cast a longing glance back over her shoulder, to where Mr. Cain stood by the door to the terrace, looking shocked.

Violet didn't blame him. When she stormed off the terrace, she had run smack into the two of them, grabbed her sister by the hand, and pulled her away. It was very far from proper, and Violet knew she would pay for it tomorrow when the scandal sheets reported that she'd behaved like a mad woman and not at all with the refinement required of a duchess.

"Where's Mama?" she asked, ignoring her sister's sigh of disappointment.

"I don't know," Rosalie whined, "but I'm not ready to leave yet, Violet. Just because you had a fight with your husband doesn't mean the rest of us want to leave."

"A quick goodbye is more romantic anyway," Violet said, glancing to where Mr. Cain stared after them, looking love-lorn. "Leave Mr. Cain wanting more."

"I'm not about to take relationship advice from you," Rosalie snapped, and Violet rolled her eyes.

Lady Carfield emerged from the crowd at that moment, a concerned look on her face.

"Violet, is there a reason you are rushing out of this ball like the building's on fire?"

"We need to go," Violet snapped. "I'll explain later."

"You don't need to explain," her mother said, looking around nervously. "Everyone heard your fight. But if we leave now, it will cause a scandal. You and the Duke should dance together again, to put any rumors to bed right away."

"No," Violet huffed. "That's out of the question."

"Violet, you are being selfish. Your sister's marriage prospects are on the line. If you cause a scandal, it will only make it harder for her."

"I don't care about any of that right now," she snarled. She knew she was being unreasonable, but her anger was consuming and blinding. It made her not care about anything else but getting as far away from James as possible. "I'm leaving. You can stay if you want, but I'm going home. Right now ."

Violet turned and walked out of the room. When she glanced back, she saw that her mother and sister were reluctantly following her.

Outside, she called for their carriage, and their guards, who were always close by, stood with them until the carriage arrived. The carriage rolled up to them, and then they clambered inside.

Only once they were trundling away from the ball did Violet let out a breath. She rested her head against the carriage window and inhaled slowly through her nose.

"Violet?"

She opened her eyes to see her mother watching her. "Yes?"

"Is it true what you said to the Duke?" Her mother looked wary as she wrung her hands. "Does he not want children?"

"You heard that?" Violet felt her cheeks grow warm. "Did everyone hear it?"

"Just your sister and me… and Mr. Cain, perhaps. I came to check on you when you were out on the terrace, and I overheard you mention it."

Violet was so ashamed that her mother had overheard this, and to be discussing it now in front of Rosalie, that tears pricked her eyes.

"Yes, it's true," she whispered. "He does not wish for us to live together as husband and wife."

"What does that mean?" Rosalie asked swiftly.

As soon as Violet met their mother's eyes, Lady Carfield's mouth formed a small ‘O' shape, and realization dawned on her face.

"My darling, I am so sorry," Lady Carfield murmured. "I had no idea." She shook her head incredulously. "But how is that possible? He is clearly smitten with you."

Violet scoffed. "He is clearly not smitten with me. I am nothing more than a glorified servant, hired to manage his household, not a wife who properly shares his life and raises his children."

"But he is a man!" Lady Carfield spluttered.

"So?"

Lady Carfield sighed. "Nevermind…"

"Can someone please explain to me what is going on?" Rosalie cut in, looking between them.

Violet looked out the window, but Lady Carfield sighed and said, "I'll explain to you when you're older. Suffice it to say that the Duke is failing in his duty to his wife and his estate."

"He doesn't seem concerned about having an heir," Violet scoffed, looking back at them. "What kind of duke doesn't want an heir?"

"One who doesn't like himself much, or think he deserves to continue his line."

Violet bit her lip. "If he would just tell me that, then maybe I could help him."

"What has he told you?" her mother asked.

"Not much, only that he's always known he doesn't want children and that he can't be with me as a real husband."

Lady Carfield shook her head. "And you agreed to marry him under those conditions? Darling, I would have stopped you if I'd known. We could have found another way to stay safe from your father."

"He didn't tell me until after the wedding!" Violet exclaimed. "I wouldn't have agreed to the marriage if I had known. Although at the time, I was so desperate that I don't know for certain what I would have done."

"He didn't tell you?" Lady Carfield gasped. "That is serious!"

"I know it is," Violet said vehemently. "That's why I threatened him with an annulment today."

Her mother looked very sad. "Yes, I heard that part, too."

Rosalie, however, was gaping at her, and when she spoke, she sounded horrified. "You didn't! But Violet, what about?—"

"Don't worry, I won't follow through until Father is back behind bars."

"That's not what I was going to say," Rosalie said, frowning. "I was going to say, what about your feelings for him?"

"What about my feelings?" Violet snapped. "They are irrelevant. If he cannot be a real husband to me, then I cannot pretend to be his wife. I deserve better."

"Well, can't you change his mind?" Rosalie asked reasonably.

"No," Violet uttered. "I have tried, but it is hopeless."

"I would not be so sure about that," Lady Carfield said, her expression thoughtful.

Violet and Rosalie looked at each other.

"What do you mean?" Violet asked.

Lady Carfield bit her lip, thinking. "I think the Duke has deep feelings for you, even if you don't believe it. And I believe that he can be convinced to act as a proper husband towards you. But first, you must discover what is really preventing him from opening up to you and showing you his true feelings."

"I'm done trying to figure him out," Violet declared stubbornly. "I've tried, but he won't let me in."

Lady Carfield shook her head. "Then you are condemning yourself to a loveless marriage! You have to try, darling. Marriages do not work unless you try. And they do not work if you threaten your husband with an annulment when things get hard."

"This isn't my fault!" Violet almost shrieked. "He is the one who refuses to tell me the real reason behind his impediment."

Lady Carfield was silent for a long time before she spoke again. "Well, you would be well within your rights to ask for an annulment. But I must warn you, it would cause a great scandal and hurt your sister's marriage prospects."

"Don't worry about me," Rosalie said, tossing her head. "I have enough charms to recommend me. I just want Violet to be happy."

Violet barely had time to smile gratefully at her sister before their mother spoke again.

"Your confidence does you credit, Rosalie. But you are already fighting an uphill battle, with a mother who abandoned you and a father who was imprisoned for murder."

"So I should blame you for my bad marriage prospects?" Rosalie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"My point is," Lady Carfield said doggedly, "is that this family has already been through enough scandal. But darling…" She looked at Violet. "That isn't even the main reason why I insist that you do not resort to an annulment. Before you act rashly, remember that you married a good and honorable man. They are rare."

Violet folded her arms. "How is he good and honorable if he lured me into a childless marriage?"

"I didn't say he was perfect," Lady Carfield said sharply. "And he has certainly made grave mistakes. But you saw what you did when that gangster was trampling over his people and then kidnapped you. You saw what a good man he is. And men like that are rare. Most women are not lucky enough to marry a man who would fight for what is right even when it threatens his life."

She paused for a moment, and tears welled in her eyes. "I was one of those women who was not lucky enough to marry a good man. I married young because my parents put pressure on me to marry a peer. And while it didn't take me long to realize your father's nefariousness, it took me far too long to realize I couldn't change him. He was beyond help. The Duke is not like your father, and I believe he can still be saved from his own foolishness."

Violet didn't speak much for the rest of the ride home. She was too lost in thought. Her mother's words had given her much to ponder, but the worst part was that they had given her hope.

By the time she walked into her bedroom, some of her anger had dissipated and was gradually replaced by shame.

As her lady's maid unbuttoned her dress and helped her out of her stays, she couldn't stop thinking about all the words she had said to her husband. Each sentence came back to her like a punch to the gut.

Yes, she was angry. And some of the things he'd done to her deserved her ire. But the things she'd said weren't related to what she was really angry about. And threatening him with an annulment had been unnecessarily cruel.

Her lady's maid left, and Violet began to pace back and forth across the room.

At last, she sat down at her writing desk and pulled out a piece of paper, a quill, and a bottle of ink. Unscrewing the lid, she dipped the pen into the ink and then began to write.

Dearest James,

She crossed that out immediately.

Your Grace,

No, that wasn't right either. After thinking for several seconds, she began with:

James,

We haven't always seen eye-to-eye on what this marriage should look like, and I am still angry about the fact that you never gave me the chance to choose. But the things I said today were beyond the pale. No matter what you may have done, it is important to me that I keep my temper in check and always speak to those I respect with respect.

And I do respect you. After everything we went through with Farrell, I know that you are a good man. You put your life at risk to help the people who rely on you for their incomes and homes, to help those poor dogs, and to help me. Despite the frustration I feel over our current situation, it was wrong of me to strike so low and say such hurtful things to you.

I'm sorry, James. I don't want an annulment. I don't know what will happen in our marriage, but I do know that I am lucky to be married to a man as strong, brave, and morally clean as you are.

I hope that you can forgive me and that we can make our marriage work.

Sincerely,

Violet .

Violet re-read the letter several times, her tongue poking between her lips. The letter wasn't particularly eloquent, but she was writing it near midnight, and her nerves were frayed. It was better to be honest, even if it was less polished, and to apologize sincerely, rather than get muddled up trying to use fancy language.

It'll have to do.

She folded up the letter, sealed it with a small bit of wax, and then went to the door that separated her room from her husband's. Once there, she paused.

Is he still awake? Is it possible he is writing me a letter as well? Or has he already gone to his solicitor to annul our marriage before I can?

The last thought made her immediately sick to her stomach, even though she knew it was ridiculous. After all, it was after midnight.

No solicitor would be open now.

Mustering her courage, Violet bent down and slid the letter through the crack under the door.

For several seconds, nothing happened, then someone on the other side of the door grabbed the letter and pulled it away. Violet leaped back as if burned by an iron, and the door swung open. A little sheepishly, she looked up to see her husband standing over her, one hand on his hip, the other holding her letter.

"You have something to say to me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he lifted the letter and waved it in the air.

Blushing furiously, Violet straightened up and smoothed down her night shift. "I wrote it in that letter," she said, eyeing the letter. "If you're curious, you can read it."

Her husband narrowed his eyes at her. "Is there a reason you would rather have me read a letter than just tell me what you want to say? Is it because the letter is going to soften whatever bad news is in it?"

"No," Violet said, frowning in annoyance. "It's because it's easier to say certain things in writing than in person. Everyone knows that."

James raised an eyebrow. "I never knew you were the kind of person who liked to do things the easy way, versus the right way."

Now it was her turn to put her hands on her hips. "We had an awful fight tonight, in case you don't remember, and I wasn't sure you would want to speak to me. I thought it was better for both of us to put what I had to say in writing so that we didn't end up having another screaming match for the whole ton to hear."

"The whole ton isn't going to hear us now. We're in our bedroom."

"My point is that I didn't want things to devolve into hurtful words again," she said quietly.

James looked down at the letter in his hands. For a long moment, he examined it, turning it over in his hands. Then, to her surprise, he walked over to the fire that was still glowing in the grate and tossed the letter into it.

"What are you doing?" Violet shrieked, running forward.

But her husband caught her by the arm and held her back. When she looked up at him, there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Now you will have to tell me in person," he said.

They both watched as the edges of the paper began to glow red and then, all at once, it caught fire. Violet sucked in a breath but said nothing as the wax seal melted and the letter opened, revealing its contents, but they were too far away to make out the words.

For a minute, they both stood still, staring at the burning letter until it had been reduced to ashes. Only then did she turn to look at her husband with narrowed eyes. He released her, and she moved away from him.

"You never tire of vexing me, do you?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"No, I don't."

The fire glowed brighter, illuminating James's dark hair and the side of his face. It accentuated his jaw and wild, rugged handsomeness, and her heart skipped a beat. For a wild moment, she wished he would grab her and kiss her again, but of course, she knew he wouldn't.

Finally, she had to look away, to keep these fantasies from overtaking her mind.

"Come on, Violet," James said, at last, his tone surprisingly warm. She turned back to him, and the gentle look in his eyes made her knees tremble. "Tell me what the letter said. I promise it won't be nearly as painful as you think it will be."

He took a step closer, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Well…" She was finding it hard to think when he was walking closer and closer to her.

His hands curled around her wrists, and very slowly, he pried apart her folded arms. He stood in front of her, loosely holding her wrists, and looked deep into her eyes.

"Be brave," he murmured, and she felt as if she might collapse against him. Her whole body was vibrating with the desire to be held, to be kissed again.

"I apologized," she said hoarsely. She cleared her throat and tried again. "In the letter, I apologized to you for the cruel things I said about why you don't want to have children or live with me as my husband."

James released her wrists and let his hands fall to his sides.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked, and she was surprised to hear the huskiness in his voice.

"Of course," she said, her heart aching. "The things I said were completely unacceptable, and I am deeply ashamed of myself for saying them in anger like that."

"Your anger was understandable," he acknowledged. "I have let you down and betrayed your trust."

But she shook her head. "It does not excuse my saying things I did not mean just to hurt you. And that's what I did—I said hurtful things because of my pain. And I am deeply sorry, James. I don't know what will become of us and our marriage, but I do know that I want us to treat one another with respect."

She took a deep breath. It was difficult for her to say the more intimate things that she had written in the letter.

"Because I do respect you. And regardless of our differences, nothing will change that. You are a good man. And despite everything, I'm lucky to be married to you."

She surprised herself with how many of her mother's words she not only repeated but also truly meant.

Maybe Mother knows me, and my feelings, more than I give her credit for.

"I respect you as well, Violet," James said. "You are the smartest, bravest, and most capable woman I have ever met."

"Please, this isn't about me," Violet insisted quickly. "This is about me apologizing to you."

"Well, I accept your apology," he said. "And I understand why you said the things you did. I'm also sorry for my deception. I know I've said it before, but I will keep saying it for as long as you are mine."

There was a flicker of something in his eyes, and it took her a moment to realize that it was fear.

Immediately, she reached out and took his hand. "I don't want an annulment," she said as gently as she could. "I regret threatening you with it. It was another instance of me speaking rashly and with anger, and I'm sorry. As much as I want things to change in our marriage, I want to work on them with you." She looked deep into his eyes. "I don't want to give up."

A small smile spread across his face, and he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. The feel of his warm, soft lips on her skin sent a shiver down her spine. She knew he'd felt it because his eyes flashed, and she felt tingles erupt throughout her whole body.

"I will explain more," James murmured, looking at her with his fiery, dark eyes, "at a later date. For now, we are tired and should go to bed. But for now, suffice it to say that not having children was the only way I could do the opposite of what my father wanted. It isn't about you, Violet. You would be the best mother, just as you are already the best wife."

His thumb stroked where he had just kissed her hand. "We will discuss it more tomorrow, I promise. Until then, I want you to get some rest."

As much as Violet didn't want to wait to hear his explanation, she also knew that in her current state—with her heart pounding in her chest and her body buzzing where he offered the slightest touch—she wasn't in the best place to have a serious conversation about his relationship with his father.

"We'll talk tomorrow," she forced herself to say. "Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Violet."

He dropped her hand to move to the door, but she was sure she saw reluctance in his eyes—reluctance to go to bed, to let go of her hand, and to leave her for the night.