Chapter 11

Aurelia had not intended to ride as she had done. Growing up, she had learned there was only one way to comport oneself on a horse, and that was side-saddle. But as with so much about Dawson, another way was his way, and Aurelia was beginning to realize he did not want him to change, nor was it right to expect him to do so.

She could teach him to be a gentleman as far as the use of cutlery and correct title – even riding a horse – was concerned, but Dawson was already a gentleman in his own way. He was kind and considerate, thoughtful and intelligent, taking his new duties seriously. Aurelia had enjoyed his company over the previous days – their lessons had been fun, and riding as he had instructed her had been daring …

"There's a letter for you, Aurelia. It's on the hallway table. Come into the orangery when you're ready. We'll take tea there," Aurelia's mother said, and Aurelia nodded, holding back until the others had gone and finding the letter in the place her mother had indicated.

She recognized the handwriting at once. It was from Silas, and the sight of it caused her heart to skip a beat. It had been two days since she had last received a letter from him, and now she tore it open, hoping it would contain good news.

"My darling Aurelia, how I long to see you … how I think of you every day … is there no word of what the future holds for us? I want to see you, I long to see you … meet me by the river – the banks by the weeping willows. Come alone …" Aurelia read, her eyes growing wide with astonishment.

It was a bold request, and one she surely could not grant. Did he really mean it? His tone was urgent, but Aurelia knew her parents would never allow such a thing. Dawson had made no attempt to speak with them about Silas as he had promised, and now she felt certain they would never agree to her marrying the viscount's son despite the love they professed for one another.

"It's so unfair," she thought, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Composing herself in a mirror in the hallway, Aurelia entered the orangery, finding her parents there with Dawson, Reuben, and Roxanna. The earl's cousin and Aurelia's brother were getting on well – very well – and it seemed Aurelia's parents had no qualms in accepting the haste with which their obvious affection for one another was progressing.

"But they'd say it's different for me, of course," Aurelia told herself, sitting at the tea table.

"Who was the letter from?" her mother asked.

"Oh, just … Henrietta," Aurelia said, plucking the name of an acquaintance from the air.

Her mother smiled.

"Lovely. For a moment I thought you were going to say Silas. You haven't heard from him lately, have you?" Aurelia's mother asked.

Aurelia blushed. She did not think it was appropriate for her mother to bring up the topic of Silas in front of Dawson. It embarrassed her, and now she shook her head, glaring at her mother, who raised her eyebrows.

"No," she lied, for she was certainly not about to mention the fact of the letter and its invitation.

She glanced at Dawson, who also looked embarrassed. She could not help wondering why he had not raised the matter with her mother and father – did he not care about her being happy? The two of them had become friends, and he had promised to help her if he could. But the fact of his having held back suggested a reticence on his part – did he, too, believe Silas was a poor match? And what right did he have for doing so? He did not know Silas – he had never even met him.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear it, Aurelia. What did we tell you? He's not right for you," her mother said, and Aurelia blushed.

It was one thing for her parents to speak their mind in private but quite another in front of a guest, for neither her mother nor her father knew she had confided in Dawson over the matter. Perhaps now he would speak up for her, and she glanced at him with an imploring look.

"I think he is," Aurelia replied.

"And you know well enough what we think, Aurelia – and that's what matters. We're your parents. We know what's best for you," her mother said.

Aurelia scowled, but she knew her own words would never convince her parents of Silas' suitability. They would not be swayed – even if she begged them to change their minds.

"Do you know Silas well?" Dawson asked, and a sudden glimmer of hope now struck Aurelia – was he now going to stand up for her?

Her parents would listen to the new earl – they respected him – but now her mother shook her head and tutted.

"That's the problem, My Lord. We don't know him at all. And neither does Aurelia. Not really. She's met him a few times – and their first introduction was only a month ago. It's simply not right, and we won't allow it, will we, Joseph?" she said, turning to Aurelia's father, who shook his head.

Dawson nodded, and Aurelia's heart skipped a beat, urging him now to speak up for her. But to her disappointment – her anger, even – he agreed with them …

"Yes, I'd say it's not long enough to know if you're truly serious about the prospect," he said.

Aurelia felt as though she had been stabbed in the back. He had promised to help her, and this felt like a betrayal …

"But … you don't even know him," she retorted.

"And neither do you, Aurelia. That's the problem. Sadly, there're men for whom a dowry proves an attraction, and in this case, I think it's very true," Aurelia's mother said.

But Aurelia refused to believe it – she could not believe it. Silas was a good man, and though it was true she did not know him well, she felt certain she knew him well enough to know her dowry was not his motivation. He loved her – he had told her that often enough.

"No, you're wrong," she said, glaring at all three of them, just as Roxanna let out a peel of laughter.

"Oh, Reuben, you're too much – how funny. Did the maid really see everything?" she exclaimed.

Aurelia could not help feeling jealous of Roxanna and her brother. Why should they be allowed the freedom she was denied?

"We're not wrong, Aurelia. Enough of this. I've heard the name of Silas Emmons far too much lately. I don't want to hear it again," Aurelia's mother said, but Aurelia now rose to her feet.

She was angry with her parents and Dawson for not doing what he had promised. She trusted him with her feelings, and now she felt he did not care.

"Excuse me," she said, and without waiting for a reply or permission, Aurelia left the orangery, slamming the door behind her.

***

In the coming days, Aurelia shut herself away in her bedroom, not speaking to anyone. She did not know how to respond to Silas' letter, torn as she was between desire and the fear of scandal. Aurelia knew what her mother would say if she discovered she had met Silas alone and unchaperoned, but to continue her silence would only make him believe there was no hope in their romance. He was waiting for an answer, but Aurelia was yet to respond, not knowing what to say or how to say it.

"Aurelia? Are you in there? Why won't you come out?" Letitia called out, knocking on Aurelia's door.

Aurelia had been reading by the open window, and now she closed her book with a sigh, knowing her sister was right. She could not remain churlish forever, even as her heart remained torn about what to do for the best.

"I don't want to see anyone," she replied, going to the door and pondering whether to turn the key.

"There's a letter for you," Letitia called back.

Aurelia's heart skipped a beat – it would be from Silas. Would he tell her had waited too long? Was this to be the end of their romance?

"For me?" she replied.

"It's from the earl – from Dawson," Letitia replied.

Aurelia was surprised. She did not know why Dawson should be writing to her. She had last seen him in the orangery and felt certain she had offended him in storming out over his words. She had trusted him, and the fact of his having failed to do what he had promised had hurt her. But curiosity now got the better of her, and she turned the key in the lock, opening the door to find her sister standing outside, holding the letter.

"I don't know why he's writing to me," Aurelia said, and her sister rolled her eyes.

"Because you're always the one who gets all the attention, Aurelia – that's why," she said, and Aurelia blushed.

She knew her sister was jealous of her, although she had no reason to be. Letitia would grow up to be a pretty young lady who garnered the attention of the most eligible bachelors. But she wanted to be grown up before her time, which led to the frustrations she now displayed.

"Because I'm older, that's why. Now, let me see the letter," Aurelia said, and her sister held it out to her and pouted.

"Another person declaring their love for you, no doubt. You wouldn't marry him, though, would you? He's so … common," Letitia said, and Aurelia raised her eyebrows.

"He's not common. He's just … American," Aurelia replied, and now Letitia made a face.

"You always get the attention," she said, and now she hurried off along the corridor, still commenting about "common Americans."

Aurelia sighed. The past few days had given her time to think, and she had begun to realize asking Dawson to help her had been unfair. He knew nothing of English ways, and it must have embarrassed him to have such an expectation placed on him. It was not his place to make recommendations over her matrimonial prospects, and Aurelia could not help feeling her reaction to his failure had been somewhat unfair. Now, she opened the letter, unfolding it, and beginning to read.

"Dear Aurelia, I wanted to write to you and apologize for what happened the other day. I've missed seeing you – and our lessons together – and I hope we might be able to put this unfortunate episode behind us. I'm sorry I felt unable to speak to your parents about Silas. I feel it isn't my place to do so. If they've made their decision, so be it. I have to tell you that I agree with them, though I know this may upset you further. You and I have known one another only a short time, but I've come to care for you, as I do all your family, and I would not like to think of you being hurt by a man you barely know. I know only a little about Silas, but from what I do know, I urge you to be cautious. I do hope we can continue our lessons – they were such fun – but I will understand if my opinion precludes our continuing. Know that I have your best interests at heart. Sincerely yours, Dawson," she read.

Aurelia read the letter again. It was written in his familiar, gentle tones, and now she realized she could not be cross with him for speaking his mind or showing his obvious care for her. She felt guilty for having been angry at him. She had behaved churlishly and not as she should have done.

Sighing to herself, Aurelia folded the letter and put it in her pocket. It was a beautiful day, and she knew she could no longer remain inside, shutting herself away from the world as she had done over the previous days. Taking a shawl, she decided to walk in the garden, thinking how best to respond to Dawson's letter.

"Perhaps he's right. Perhaps they're all right. But I just … oh, I don't know. Do I love Silas? Do I really love him?" Aurelia asked herself.

She was glad of the sunshine and warmth on her face as she stepped out into the garden. A sweet fragrance was in the air – the roses in full bloom – and Aurelia now lingered on the terrace, looking out over the parkland towards Wimbourne Hall.

It had been kind of Dawson to write to her. A lesser man would have dismissed her outright, refusing to speak to her again. But his letter had come with a heartfelt apology. It had meant something, even as he had nothing to apologize for. If anything, Aurelia now realized it was she who should be apologizing, and now she was resolved to write back to him and do so.

"He was only trying to do what was best," Aurelia told herself, shaking her head at the thought of how rude she must have seemed – especially as it was she who was supposed to be teaching Dawson how to be a gentleman …

Aurelia was about to go back inside, resolved to write to Dawson at once, and insisted on resuming their lessons. She would tell him she had been wrong to ask him to intervene in such a delicate matter and apologize. But as she turned, a noise to her right – a rustling in the shrubbery below the terrace – startled her.

"Aurelia …" a voice said, and Aurelia gasped – it was Silas.

He emerged now from the shrubbery, glancing around lest he should be seen. Aurelia was horrified, even though she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of the man she was willing to give her heart – her whole self to. She knew they could not be seen alone together. It would be a scandal, even as Silas now beckoned to her to join him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, and he beckoned her down to the shrubbery.

"Come here, Aurelia," he whispered, and Aurelia had no choice but to do as she was told.

She had not replied to his letter, fearing the impropriety of what he was suggesting. But here he was, and now Aurelia could do nothing but hope they were not seen by any of the servants or, worse, her family.

"You shouldn't be here," Aurelia whispered as he took her hand and pulled her into the shrubbery.

"I couldn't wait, Aurelia. I had to come – I had to see you," he exclaimed, and Aurelia shook her head in astonishment.

"But … it's not easy, Silas. I …" she began, knowing they were fighting a losing battle, but now he interrupted her.

"Have your parents agreed yet? Are we to be married?" he asked, and Aurelia shook her head.

"I'm trying my best, I promise. But it's not easy, Silas. They … they haven't agreed to it yet," she said, and Silas cursed under his breath.

"You've got to make them agree to it, Aurelia," he exclaimed, and a sudden look of anger came over his face, his voice changing as he gripped her wrist tightly in his hand.

It was the same look Aurelia had seen at the ball – the look of a man used to getting what he wanted and likely to grow angry when denied him.

"Please, Silas – you're hurting me," Aurelia said, and now Silas let go of her wrist, a smile coming over his face as his tone softened.

"Please, Aurelia – it's only because I love you. I'm finding it hard to wait, you see. I want to be with you so very much, and to be denied the chance … well, it's painful," he said, and Aurelia nodded.

She felt the same, but she feared what he would say if she were to tell him her fear – that her parents would always keep them apart.

"I know, and I'm sorry – it's the same for me, too," Aurelia said, and Silas nodded.

"You've got to persuade them, Aurelia. Make them understand the imperative of it – we've got to be together. Our hearts belong together. I feel as though I'll wither and die without you," he said.

Tears welled up in Aurelia's eyes – he had such a way with words – and she could see the hurt in his eyes at their being denied what they so longed for …

"I feel just the same. And I promise I'm doing everything I can to persuade them. I even asked Dawson to help me," Aurelia said.

But with the mention of the earl, a shadow came over Silas' face, and he narrowed his eyes and glared at her.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

Aurelia faltered. She had thought she was doing the right thing, though it seemed now Silas was angry with her for doing so.

"I … I thought he could help, that's all," Aurelia replied, but Silas shook his head.

"I don't like you spending time with him – he's … hardly a gentleman," he said.

Aurelia did not know what to say. Dawson might not know the difference between a soup spoon and a fruit spoon, but he had proved himself to be a good and honest man – a man she had come to value as a friend, all be it in an unconventional sense.

"He's a good man," she said, but Silas only shook his head.

"Enough, Aurelia. Please – I can't bear this any longer. I need to know … I need to know we can be together," he said, and Aurelia nodded.

"I'll persuade them, I promise," Aurelia said, though she could hardly speak with any real conviction.

He nodded, and leaning forward, he kissed her. Aurelia was taken by surprise – first the importunity of hiding in the shrubbery, and now a kiss …

"I'll be waiting," Silas said, and now he slipped out of the shrubbery and hurried across the lawn.

Aurelia's heart was beating fast – she did not know what to think – even as she realized the compromising situation she had found herself in. Taking a deep breath, she emerged from the shrubbery onto the lawn and glancing up at the terrace, she was horrified to find Letitia watching her from above. Her sister narrowed her eyes, a curious look coming over her face, but she said nothing. Instead, she turned and hurried back across the terrace and into the house. Aurelia sighed, wondering what her sister had seen.

"And what she'll do next," Aurelia thought.

It had been wrong of Silas to hide in the shrubbery that day and wait for her. He had told her he loved her, but there had been an urgency in his demands, one Aurelia did not understand. There was no rush to marry, and now the thought of her dowry returned – was that dowry the reason he was so eager to make the match?