34. Chapter 34

Andy groaned at the appearance of her ghostly angel. I scrambled to tuck myself back into my pants and find her clothes. Thank all that was unholy I hadn"t taken time to undress myself. I might be okay with Andy and Ambrose seeing me naked… sometimes. But I didn"t want to go around flaunting my scars and my emaciated corpse for everyone to see. Especially someone who was most likely accustomed to angelic beauty when he had been alive.

Andy sighed and sat up, taking the shirt I handed her, but not rushing to put it on. No, our earth witch wasn"t shy about her body. And she had no reason to be. Lush curves. Soft skin still flushed with exertion from moments before, and free from scars and the effects of black magic. Goddess, she was beautiful. And good. Too good for me. But, hell, I"d just proved how much that mattered to me now, hadn"t I?

Elijah, oddly enough, didn"t seem at all phased by finding us rolling around on the rug in the workroom. Though, given Andy"s relationships with everyone in this house, I wasn"t really surprised. The ghost had probably spied on us all in every embarrassing or private situation imaginable. And… now that I"d had that thought, I reminded myself to re-do the wards on the bathroom nearest my bedroom.

Mortals worry about such strange things, Sunny commented in my head.

I rubbed a hand over my face, trying to dispel my erratic, stupid thoughts. You would think I was a teenager again, rather than a fully grown necromancer who"d been around for a few hundred years.

"Dyre?" Andy said. She was looking at me, her brow furrowed, like she"d been waiting for me to respond for a while now. "You okay?"

I straightened, nodded, and squared my shoulders, still sitting cross-legged on the floor. "I"m fine. Sorry. What were you saying?"

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously for a second before pulling her shirt on and gesturing toward where the ghost was hovering. "Elijah said they found where the artifacts we"re looking for are located."

I got up and fetched her underwear and pants from the other side of the room where I"d flung them, and she shimmied into the rest of her clothes. I got distracted again. Sunshine was fixated on the way the woman bounced. I"d had no lovers and very few quick and dirty sexual encounters since being turned into a monster, and none of them had been with a woman so… well padded. To Sunny, this was just one more new and exciting sensory discovery. He wanted us to go over there right now and touch her again, just so he could feel the way her soft curves overflowed in our hands. "Stop it!"

I didn"t realize I"d said that out loud, rather than to the annoying wraith in my head, until Andy and Elijah turned to stare at me.

I squared my shoulders. This was getting out of hand. Focus, wraith, I demanded mentally. We have more important things to worry about right now. Like how to keep our witch alive while she raids the Supernatural Alliance.

Sunshine"s oppressive urging finally eased up. He didn"t agree that there was much of anything more important than having Andy under us again, but thankfully, the mention of her life being in danger got him to back down.

Goddess, I was losing my mind.

"Is everyone alright?" Ambrose drawled as he materialized out of the shadows. His strange black eyes with their red pupils should be unnerving, but I was used to being the subject of that speculative look. "Dyre, you look almost flushed. What have you been up to while we were off risking our lives for the cause?"

I glared at him but didn"t answer. Ambrose had been bugging me to patch things up with Andy for what seemed like forever now, so I knew he wouldn"t be angry or jealous. And for all I knew, he"d been watching from the shadows since before the ghost showed up. Goddess, I missed my privacy.

Andy gave Ambrose a look that quelled his amused smirk. "Leave him alone, Ambrose. I take it everything went well? Elijah says you found the artifacts. And you both seem fine."

Ambrose shrugged in that carelessly elegant way of his. "There were a few wards and traps set up, but while they might have caught or destroyed a normal ghost on his own, combining our powers and traveling through the other world worked well."

I tried not to wince as I glanced at Andy. We had all known there were risks involved. And the SA knew about Andy having a ghost of some sort with her. So of course they had set up anti-spook wards. And nasty ones, by the sound of it. I knew first-hand how much Elijah meant to her. I had been the one to help her anchor him here when the bestiary was destroyed, after all. The kind, pure, good witch before me hadn"t hesitated to dig up a corpse and remove a finger to anchor her ghost to this realm. I was pretty sure she"d rip down the SA building brick by brick with her bare hands if they had destroyed the specter.

She tensed, and I spoke before she could get wound up. "It would take one hell of a good anti-ghost ward to unravel a spook that was anchored by a necromancer. And besides, Elijah is an angel. He"s not so easily banished, even by people who know what they"re doing." I pushed my hair out of my face and twisted it into a knot at the nape of my neck as I spoke to Ambrose. "Did you feel anything else? Sense any other traps or wards lurking around unseen?"

He watched me for a moment without speaking. I had a sneaking suspicion the boogeyman was obsessed with my ridiculously red hair. Goddess knew it was the only pretty thing about me. But he snapped out of it, eventually. "There were a few weak attempts to ward against something ethereal—probably me or one of the elementals. But they clearly didn"t know enough about what I was or about how powerful Aahil and Hasumi are to be of any great concern. I left the traps where they were. Figured that way they wouldn"t know anyone had been there poking around."

I nodded. "Good."

Andy sighed. "I guess that means we"re going to need to finalize our plans and gather any last-minute spells and supplies we might need before we go to work at the SA, then."

Ambrose crossed the room and took Andy by the shoulders, drawing her in so he could press a kiss to her forehead. "Don"t worry. You can do this," he said firmly. "And you have an entire house full of monsters to come rescue you and destroy the Alliance if anything goes wrong."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks. Very comforting."

He grinned with his pointed gray teeth and turned to me. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised one brow at him. I just knew he was going to start some nonsense, but I didn"t have to play along. I had no sooner had the thought than the boogeyman was stepping into my space, pressing his chest against my crossed arms as he kissed me. I tried to remain immobile. But I couldn"t help responding. When Ambrose pulled away, he winked one weird boogeyman eye at me, looking so smug I wanted to hit him. "Good job," he whispered. "I"m proud of you."

"I will let Sunny eat you," I said flatly. "Go away."

Ambrose glided toward the door. "Come on, Elijah. We need to fill the others in on everything we saw. Let"s let the lovebirds have a moment to themselves."

I considered throwing a book at the jackass, but I refrained. Not only would it look childish on my part, but it would also be utterly pointless since he"d just turn to smoke and avoid the missile.

"You"re cute when you"re being all pouty. The whole broody emo thing suits you somehow," Andy said as she stepped closer, looking up at me with an impish smirk.

I huffed out a sigh and reached out to cup her cheek and draw her closer so I could bend and silence her lips with my own. I only meant it to be a simple, quick kiss. But nothing with Oleander Lovell was ever simple. She welcomed me in, and I lingered, exploring and tasting her, feeling like I"d never get enough.

I could blame the feeling on Sunny, but that would be a lie. The truth was, I craved this. This warmth and softness, this acceptance of everything I was, warped and twisted as I might be. Andy didn"t shy away from my abominable being. She didn"t care if I was a blood witch or a necromancer, or—as I suspected might be the case—that I was more than half dead. She simply saw right through to me, and for some reason decided that I was worth putting up with.

When we finally came up for air, I hovered close to her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her flushed cheeks and her lovely gray eyes gone soft with affection. I felt Sunny there too, peering out from inside me. We had done this. We had caused that dreamy look on her beautiful face. It was like some kind of miracle. I pulled back reluctantly, knowing that I was probably acting weird. But Andy took that in stride, too.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly, taking one of my icy hands in hers and giving it a squeeze.

I didn"t have to ask what she was referring to. It was the reanimated corpse in the room, the angry ghost of things we should probably feel guilty over. "No," I said, my voice nearly a whisper. "I don"t want to talk about it ever again." At her arched brow, I relented. "I know we will, eventually. But for now… can"t it just be enough to say I"m past giving a fuck?"

She huffed a laugh. "That"s kind of how I feel about it, too. It was so long ago, Dyre. So far removed. It has nothing to do with us here and now."

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I had been over this a million times in my head. Had anguished and worried and obsessed over the issue. I had worn myself ragged, felt strung out and ready to snap at everyone who came near me or dared to speak to me. I had denied my feelings. Denied my wants and needs. Tried so hard to shut out the part of me that kept insisting Andy was mine. I had tried to leave, but I couldn"t. Tried to distance myself, but failed miserably. First, I let her re-establish the weak version of a bond we currently shared. For her own safety, of course. And now I had finally ignored all common sense and made love to her again. There was no going back for me now. I knew I"d never be able to just walk away from her. It hadn"t worked before. It certainly would not work now, not after I had already given in.

And… I didn"t want to shut her out. Damn it all, everyone had insisted I was a monster for the last couple hundred years of my life, so I supposed it was time to embrace that and just be a happy fucking monster, rather than a depressed one.

"I don"t care anymore," I said, not thinking. Just letting my thoughts tumble out. "I"m sick of trying to be something I"m not."

She tilted her head at me. "And what is that?"

"Good," I said immediately. "Normal. Harmless. In control."

She shook her head at me. "But you are all of those things. You can be all of those things and be an evil, dangerous, immoral necromancer who lets loose once in a while." A smile curved her lips, and she shrugged. "Isn"t that what you were getting at before, in the courtyard, when you said you"d help me be a supervillain hero or whatever Bella has planned for us? I think if I can be a good person and be a wickedly powerful Lovell spawn, then you can be a kinky necromancer and an amazing man. People are complex."

I snorted. If only the rest of the world saw it that way. "You are such a strange woman."

She just nodded happily. "Yeah, I know. Isn"t it great?"

I kissed her again. I couldn"t help it.

"We"re probably both going to hell for this," I commented when I came up for air.

She just rolled her eyes. "No, we aren"t. Everyone knows hell is a concept made up by the angels to make humans worship them. Don"t be dumb."

I chuckled. And that was something new and wonderful that came from all of this weirdness. Laughing. Feeling genuine amusement and… lightheartedness. That was a novel experience. Sunny and I both enjoyed it immensely. What was a little distant incest compared to actually feeling something other than darkness and cold?

Don"t start overthinking this again or I will take control and never relinquish it to you again, Sunny threatened.

I shook my head. "Don"t worry," I told Andy. "I think the wraith is more of a threat to my immortal soul than any made-up hell. And if I keep him from you again, he won"t be so patient."

Andy planted her hand in the center of my chest, over my sluggishly beating heart. "Sunny won"t be the only one," she reminded me. "And I"m not all that patient to begin with. Never shut me out again, Dyre, please."

I covered her hand with my own, holding it there against my heart. "I"m sorry, Andy. I… I don"t know how to love someone the way you deserve to be loved. I"ve only ever cared for someone that way one other time and it kind of ended with my possession and her running away screaming with my unborn child inside her. I"m bound to fuck this up. Repeatedly. But I will try to not be so morally upstanding the next time I find any issue with how I want you like breathing."

She blinked rapidly, and it looked like she might be holding back tears. For me? Or because of me? Either way, it wasn"t what I wanted. "Don"t cry," I said stupidly, brushing a thumb under her eye to catch a single escaped tear. "I"m not worth crying over. You should be angry at me. Not sad."

One corner of her mouth quirked up in a wry half-smile. "How do you know I"m not angry? Maybe these are mad tears."

"I love you," I blurted, feeling all of seventeen and overcome with feelings again.

She just accepted that part of me like every other odd thing I did. "I love you too, idiot."

I nodded. I knew. I knew she loved me. Even if it sometimes seemed impossible. And what"s more, she cared about Sunny as well. To her, we were distinct and separate people, and she had the capacity to care for both of us, to appreciate us both as we were. Tell her, Sunny insisted. Tell her now. She won"t believe me if I tell her. She won"t do it unless you ask her.

I took a deep breath and braced myself for rejection. "Andy, I want…" My voice cracked, and I had to clear my throat and start all over again while the most beautiful woman in the world looked up at me with those patient gray eyes. "Will you bond with me again?"

She blinked at me in surprise for a few seconds before she answered. "We are bonded," she reminded me. The small, temporary bond I had asked for so we could link our magic in an emergency. So I could offer her some protection.

"No," I said softly. "It"s not enough. I want… Andy, I want our lifebond back. I want to feel you inside me. Under my skin. In my aura. In my soul."

She didn"t laugh. Didn"t scoff at me or tell me that if I wanted that, I shouldn"t have demanded that we dissolve our previous bond in the first place. She didn"t remind me I had pulled away, that I had hurt her with my indecision. She simply said, "Okay."

It was my turn to stare at her in surprise. "Okay?" I repeated. "That"s it?"

She laughed. "Dyre, I know. I"m not saying that lightly. I"m not being patronizing. I know why you needed space. I know why you wanted the bond gone. I was mad at you. And hurt. And frustrated. But I know why you did it, and… if I"m being honest, it was the right thing to do. Otherwise, neither of us would ever really know if we chose this—if we really were okay with all we are to each other given all the new information—with a lifebond urging us to never have an independent thought." She took my hands again, her skin so warm against my own chilled touch. "I"m not mad anymore, Dyre. And I miss you. I miss our connection. So, yes, my answer is "okay." And if you decided the bond wasn"t what you wanted, my answer would be the same. Because I want you to know it"s okay to want things. It"s okay to be who you are, how you are. Whatever that is. I"ll still want you around. I"ll still love you, regardless."

I didn"t realize I was crying. The tears flowed down my cheeks without registering, until she wiped them away. "Oh, Dyre. Damn it. Did I break you? I didn"t think necromancers could cry."

I huffed a watery laugh. "I"m not crying, Lovell. That would utterly ruin my evil reputation."

When she had agreed to lifebond with me previously, it had only been to help her access my power so she could save her other lovers and friends. She had hated the idea. She only agreed to it because it was temporary. I had long ago learned to never hope for things. But… could I really have this? Could I want something for myself and not be bitterly disappointed? Could I actually have something good in my life?

She kissed me then, as if she was also overcome. She yearns for us too, Sunny observed, a bit smugly, but also a bit in awe.

I"m so sick of "yearning," I told him firmly. No more yearning. Goddess, we"ve become such sappy morons.

I followed like a puppy when Andy led us over to the spell circle that was carved into the workroom floor. "We"re doing this now," she commanded. "Before some fresh pain in the ass thing pops up to complicate our lives."

I didn"t argue. I just grabbed the spell components we needed and got to work. I could have this. It was real.

It was easier this time around, since we already had a small connection. And since our magical channels and synapses already knew what it was like to be linked. Magic flooded the room, swirling around us, between us, inside us, linking me, Andy, and Sunshine in every way magical beings could be linked. The moment I felt her there, it was like coming home. Her warmth and vitality, her determination and dogged hope filled my soul like a warm summer breeze.

I knew she would feel the chill of us in her own aura. My blood magic. Sunny"s ancient wraith blackness. But there was no transfer of memories this time. No getting lost in Sunshine"s pain and fear. This wasn"t something new. It was a homecoming. Familiar and right.

We sealed the spell with a kiss and the magic receded, but the threads connecting me to Andy remained, strong and alive, and humming with joy.

It wasn"t until a bit later that I realized the consequences of my actions.

When I joined everyone in the kitchen a while later to go over Elijah and Ambrose"s intel and help Andy plan our infiltration of the Supernatural Alliance, they could all sense it. Andy"s magic colored some small part of my aura. They knew Andy and I were once more lifebonded. And the connection I had with her was so much deeper than any of their bonds. The weight of six unhappy gazes bore into me the moment I entered the kitchen. No one spoke for a heartbeat.

Then the snotty little jinn was on his feet, prowling toward me with fire dripping from his hands.