3. Chapter 3

Shock was a piss-poor word for what I was feeling right now. But it was the best I could come up with. I was in shock. My body felt tense, but weak at the same time. I was colder than I"d ever been—and I"m always cold as death. I didn"t know if I wanted to shout or cry. Neither. I wanted to do neither. What I wanted was to rewind time and never set foot in that damned vault.

The locket lay on the workbench on the other side of the room. I wanted it as far away from me as possible. And yet, I couldn"t take my eyes off the damned thing.

And of course, we had a fucking audience. Because a man couldn"t have a damned mental breakdown or whatever this was without everyone in this house rushing over to get involved. As if they cared.

"Dyre," Ambrose said softly, his hand on my shoulder drawing me back from wherever I"d just been. "Sweetheart, breathe."

I glared at the boogeyman. Sweetheart? I was a fucking monster, and he insisted on calling me stupid pet names. It had been nearly two hundred years ago now, but suddenly the memories of that night were as clear as if it had just happened. The terror, the pain. The blood. The screams of my family and coven as the wraith inside me devoured them all.

All except for Maureen. We let her live. Somehow. Sunshine heard my desperation and let her get away, even then. Before we established our strange truce.

I couldn"t breathe. Suddenly there was no air in the room, and I couldn"t fill my lungs.

"Son of a bitch, Dyre, sit down before you pass out!" Andy. The earth magic inside her called to me through our cursed lifebond as she shoved me down into a chair, then pushed my head between my knees. "Breathe. Slow down."

Her tone was no-nonsense, but the hand that rubbed my back was full of comfort and tenderness. Oh, goddess, no. I had no right to enjoy her touch. I thought Sunshine taking over my body and making love to her while I was unaware was the worst thing I could ever do to this witch.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

A hysterical sob of broken laughter escaped me as I tried to get my breathing under control. I couldn"t. I couldn"t do this. Maureen. Had she… had she been pregnant when I turned into a monster and sent her away?

The pain and confusion finally became too much, and I felt my consciousness fade away, shoved to the back of my mind where I could observe, but not participate. Where the physical sensations of my panic were muted, and my mind could rest. I didn"t resist.

Sunshine sat up and took over.

My host was upset. More upset than I had ever known him to be. These mortal emotions were still confusing to me, and usually I tried to stay out of situations like these. But this time, I was afraid the weight of his pain might actually break him. It felt like razor blades inside our chest.

"Dyre is in pain," I said, casting my eyes around the room for Ambrose and Oleander. The others would look out for my host out of obligation, because he was one of them. But these two loved him. At least, I believed they did. What did a wraith know of love? It seemed like something that could destroy as easily as it could save.

"I know he"s freaking out," Oleander said, coming to crouch down by my knee. "But I don"t understand why, Sunny. I want to help, but I can"t get a coherent explanation out of him. Can you tell us what"s wrong?" She glanced at the locket, and there was a tightness in her expression, around her soft lips and the corners of her gray eyes. "It has to do with the locket. He knew the witch that owned it." She glanced at the others. "It"s a family heirloom. Supposedly owned by the first Lovell witch. But Dyre said… he said he gave it to her."

Those gray eyes met mine, and she did not look happy. "Tell me I"m wrong about what this means, Sunny."

I tilted my head, confused. Reaching out, I touched my witch"s jaw, soaking in her warmth as I studied her face, trying to make sense of the confusion and fear I could feel through the bond between us. "I will tell you about the locket. Dyre… doesn"t want to talk about it, but he seems to think you need to know."

An impulse passed through me, and I did what it told me to do. I wasn"t like Dyre. My host always second-guessed everything he did. I knew what I wanted, and I knew no one could stop me from taking it. I had spent far too long in the dark and cold, deprived of the pleasures of this mortal world. I would not deny myself now. So, I pulled the plump green-haired witch into our lap and wrapped my arms around her. Dyre wouldn"t let us touch her, wouldn"t let us kiss those warm lips or lose ourselves in her soft body the way we did before. The silly man denied us this happiness for no reason.

Oleander huffed in surprise, but didn"t struggle. She was tense in my arms, but I didn"t think it was because of me. It was because of this silly locket nonsense. Mortals were so strange. I let her warmth soak into me as I settled back in my chair. The others in the room watched us with varying expressions. Ambrose seemed amused. Hasumi and Niamh simply raised their brows. Aahil glared at us from where he was curled up in another chair in the corner of the workroom, making himself as small as possible. But Zhong stepped closer, his enormous body tensed as if he expected me to harm my pretty witch. Nonsense. I ignored the gargoyle, since he didn"t stand a chance of stopping me, regardless.

"Dyre"s terrible family forced us together," I said evenly, relaying facts to the best of my ability. "From what I have seen of his memories, they often beat him, starved him, and locked him in the dark. They wanted him to learn black magic. They wanted him to be the perfect vessel for someone like me—for an entity of pain and darkness. They thought they could control us both once they forced me from my slumber and into the body of this boy. But they were wrong. I am too strong to be controlled, even in a mortal vessel." I shrugged. "So, we killed them all and drank their spirits so we could recover our power and escape that place."

Everyone was staring at me, but I didn"t care. I was more focused on the way Oleander felt in my arms. I pressed a kiss to her temple, drawing in the scent that lingered in her green hair. She smelled like sunshine and growing things, earth magic and warmth, so much warmth.

"Sunny," she said in a strange voice. "Focus."

I sighed and returned to my story. "There was one mortal that Dyre wouldn"t let me devour. He stopped us. She called us monster and ran away. She had that locket around her neck," I said with a nod toward the workbench where the necklace rested. "I could feel the emotions in him, but I didn"t understand them then. Now, I know them to be… pain and sorrow. Loss."

I shifted uncomfortably as Dyre"s emotions rose up again inside us. He didn"t like this part of the story. But it was so long ago. And I was only relaying facts. "He was intimate with the girl before we were forced together. He has memories of her. Carnal memories, but soft… I think he cared for her. But she clearly wasn"t worth his pain, since she called us monster and fled. Horrible girl." How dare she hurt Dyre that way after he insisted on saving her! I should have eaten her.

Oleander tried to pull away, but I held her tighter. I never got to hold her. I wasn"t about to let her go now. "Sunshine," she said in a sad, exasperated tone of voice. "I need to get up. There"s a book I need to get."

Hasumi moved before we could argue. The water weaver"s ability to read emotions and feelings made them nearly telepathic. "Which one?" they asked as they moved to the bookshelf where Andy"s gaze was directed.

The witch slumped back against me as she directed the pretty water weaver to fetch an old tomb that turned out to be a record of all the witches born into the Lovell line. "Maura Lovell was the founder of our coven. I"m sure she changed her name. She brought together a bunch of other witches to establish the Lovell coven, but she was human." She ran her fingers over the first couple of entries in the book. "Her daughter was the first of the powerful ancestors who gave my family its reputation for greatness. A little girl with blood magic."

She shut the book with a thud and threw it aside, then she turned to me and stared into my eyes. "I need to talk to Dyre, Sunny."

I growled. If I let Dyre take over again, I couldn"t touch my witch. And my host would cry and be angry and sad, and it would hurt inside. "No."

She arched her brows at me. "Seriously, dude? Be stubborn later. I know Dyre"s an ass sometimes, but this is really a conversation he needs to take part in himself."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You are my witch. He can"t keep denying me what I want."

She almost smiled for a moment there, a little twitch of her lips that I was sure under any other circumstances would have been a laugh at my expense. The gall. No mortal laughed at my displeasure. They were supposed to cower. Her reaction made me want to kiss her. So I did. And she kissed me back, even if she was a bit distracted at the moment.

Pulling back, I leveled a warning look at her. "I will go. But he will be very upset."

She nodded. "I know. I think… I think we"re both about to be very… upset. But I need to talk to him so I can confirm what I think is going on here."

So I let myself merge with my host again, mourning the way I knew he was going to react.

Oh, goddess Sunny, what did you do?I leave for one little freakout, and suddenly Andy is in my lap, pressed up against my chest, all curves and earth magic, and warmth, and things I can"t have anymore because every bit of me is wrong. "Shit," I muttered, removing my hands from Andy"s body.

Instead of moving, she stayed perched on my knee as she stared into my eyes, searching for answers that I could tell from her expression she already knew she didn"t really want to hear. Without Sunny"s extra strength, my leg was going numb. But I didn"t shove her off me. Yet. She"d leave on her own soon enough. And, despite all my bluster about wanting to do the right thing with the lifebond and all… I just couldn"t bear the thought of losing her forever.

"Dyre," she said softly, and I was too aware of all the other people in the room. "Marua Lovell was a human. But she already had a witch child when she started my coven."

I forced the words out through the pain and confusion. "I didn"t know. I… she never told me. Maybe she didn"t know herself at the time. When I nearly killed her and let her run away." I looked down at my hands. "She was the only light in my world back then. The only good thing. But she was only a human servant. And my family threatened to hurt her if I didn"t go along with their plans."

My voice cracked, and I blinked rapidly to keep from fucking crying again. "I gave her that locket and told her to run away, to leave me behind. Because I knew that whatever my family was up to, it was going to be bad. I had no idea that…." I cleared my throat and looked up, finally meeting those sad gray eyes. "She was pregnant. Must have been. A witch child with a rare blood affinity, with enough strong magic to build generations of powerful magic users? That had to be my blood. I was a Blaisdell. We were some of the strongest witches in the world. And I…she…we"re…."

She finally stood, and I immediately missed her warmth, even as I fought the urge to vomit.

"Related," she said flatly. "We"re related. Your kid was the founding witch of my entire coven." She spun away with a short, hard laugh, running a hand through her green hair and giving it a tug in frustration. "Goddess fucking hell."

I stood too, unable to keep still, moving to the opposite side of the room to pace, far away from the distant relative I"d fucked. Shit, this was a new level of horror, even for me.

"Fuck everything!" The entire room watched as Oleander Lovell lost her temper. I thought I had seen her angry before. But that was nothing compared to the tidal wave of wild, uncontrolled power that burst from her core, hitting the workbench and blasting it into oblivion.

Bits of wood and paper rained down on the now-silent room. No one moved for a moment. Then the others all shared one big "time to go" glance and left. The elementals and the boogeyman simply dematerialized and transported elsewhere. Zhong and Niamh slunk out the door like their asses were on fire.

Which left me alone with an angry Lovell. Or an angry Blaisdell. Goddess, kill me now.

Of course, I find one good thing in my life, and it is too good to be true. Too good to keep. Too good for my sullied black soul. That seemed to be the pattern in my life. I had fallen in love exactly twice in my long, cursed existence. And both times were a fucking disaster.