20. Chapter 20

Thankfully, it was Zhong who found me sobbing on the floor of the workroom like a weakling, clutching the fractured shards of my heart. The big gargoyle was a softie. He also understood getting overly attached and having your heart ripped out. After all, it was the woman he loved who had sold him out to a witch and stood by while he was imprisoned in the bestiary all those years ago.

And yet, he wasn"t bitter about it. Somehow, his soft, caring heart was still beating. He felt like a safe space. And that was what I needed right now. Somewhere to land when I fell.

The big gargoyle didn"t tell me it would be okay, or any of that nonsense. No trite words or empty promises about a future he couldn"t possibly predict. He simply scooped me up in his arms like I weighed nothing, plopped down into the old, overstuffed armchair in the corner, and held me until I was done crying. I always felt small when he held me. It wasn"t an experience I was used to, and I let myself soak it in for just a little while. I let myself lean against Zhong"s solid chest and feel his powerful arms around me, and pretended that nothing else existed outside the shelter he offered.

But I knew it couldn"t last forever.

Eventually, I stopped crying and get my sobs under control. I sat up with an undignified snort-snuffle and tried to remind myself that I was a fucking Lovell, and we didn"t do broken hearts and pathetic, tear-filled meltdowns over idiot men.

"What can I do for you, master?" Zhong asked finally, stroking my messy hair back from my damp face with a hand that could crush solid stone, but could also be heartbreakingly gentle. "How can I help?"

I looked into his yellow eyes and saw everything he felt in that gaze. All the love. All the concern. And I just… I couldn"t let myself get lost there, no matter how badly I wanted to. I had to be strong. I had to keep moving. Because I had things to do. Important things. Life-changing things. My hurt feelings and need for comfort weren"t really top priority right now. They couldn"t be, or I"d end up paralyzed.

Taking a deep breath, I slid off Zhong"s lap and swiped a hand under my eyes, drying the last of my tears, wiping away the last of the weakness that had momentarily swamped me. "You can go get Bis for me," I told the gargoyle evenly. "And Hasumi." Having Dyre and Sunny and their knowledge of weird magic would be helpful too, but I could do without if I had to. Between my crazy Lovell inventiveness and Hasumi"s ability to manipulate emotions and sense what people were feeling, it should be fine.

Zhong frowned at me for a moment before he pushed himself up out of the chair. Standing before me, he looked down at me, a towering gray-skinned, horned beast of a man who should have been intimidating. But somehow, he just looked sad and resigned instead. "Of course, master," he murmured. Then he went to do as I asked.

He was afraid I wasn"t okay. But he was too nice to push the matter. And for that, I was really fucking grateful. Because he was right. I wasn"t okay. But I would be, eventually. I had to be. Bis deserved a voice. But beyond that, it would also make it a lot easier to understand the issue with my pocket world spell and hopefully fix the damned leak if I could actually speak with my rodent friend, who was definitely not my familiar because that was illegal.

When Zhong opened the workroom door, Bis was already there, sitting in the hallway with an impatient look on his little skunk-hedgehog-rat face. He huffed and trundled into the room as if he was pissed that he had been barred from entry by the closed door.

As if he had known I was in pain and came running. As if he had some sort of bond with me he shouldn"t have.

Zhong stepped over Bis as the little guy marched straight into the center of the spell circle that was carved into the floor of the workroom. The gargoyle spared a fond smile for Bis and his chattering reprimands before continuing out the door to find Hasumi.

"Okay," I told Bis as I crouched down in front of him. "I know you have a lot to say to me, little guy. And I"m going to give you a voice so you can yell at me all you want. But I need to know that you"re okay with it. You know I"m not a well-trained witch. You know how impulsive and crazy my magic work can be. I could end up hurting you. I"m completely making this up, you know? So, I need to know if you really understand what I"m saying, and that you really want to proceed."

Bis sighed, looking less angry as he reached up and patted my knee. He chittered at me softly, then held his little front paws up impatiently. I recognized the gesture and obliged him, picking him up under the arms like a teeny-tiny toddler and lifting him up to eye level. He pressed his little nose to mine in what I had always thought of as a kiss. I chuckled. "Okay, yeah. I love you too, you little weirdo."

"He cares deeply for you," Hasumi"s rich, beautiful voice informed me as the water weaver came into the room. "He feels excited and a little scared. But he yearns for what you"re offering."

I nodded as I set Bis back down on the floor in the center of the spell circle. "Okay, then. Will you help me?" I asked the water weaver, looking up at the ethereal being from where I was crouched on the floor.

Hasumi stepped closer, reaching out to stroke a graceful hand through my hair like an ethereal god touching my head in benediction. "I will assist in any way I can. It is a beautiful thing you wish to do for your friend."

My friend. That"s what Bis was. Not my pet, or my possession, but a person. One who had been there for me through a whole shit-ton of hard times, in the only way he could be, with his limited ability to interact with the world. And with the way I always felt like I had to hide him and keep him disguised as a normal pet in the human world.

I wasn"t the only one who was repressed by my past choices to remain magicless and anonymous out there in the Planus realm while I hid from my heritage and the scorn of other magic users.

Well, I was done fucking around. It was time I figured out who I really was and embraced at least a bit of my bloodline"s bad-ass reputation.

Standing, I went about placing and lighting candles, drawing additions to the spell circle, and placing herbs and crystals, all of it pulled from a strange, intuitive combination of the things I had read in the dozens of textbooks and grimoires I"d dug through, and my own inner knowing. That thing inside of me that let me invent spells that had never been done before. If I could move an entire mansion and its occupants into a freaking pocket world, I could definitely give a rodent a voice. Right?

When it was all set, I stepped out of the circle and glanced at Hasumi. "You"ll tell me if anything feels off? I want to know the second Bis feels any pain or discomfort, okay? I don"t want to hurt him."

Hasumi nodded, then reached out to take my hand as we both stood facing the circle. "I promise I will keep a close watch on both of you. Bis doesn"t want you to hurt yourself, either, as you are prone to doing when you throw yourself into your spellwork."

I noted the little wry half-smirk on that beautiful face, but I didn"t bother arguing. Hasumi was right. I was probably more likely to kill myself with my made-up spells than harm Bis.

"Okay, everybody ready?" I asked, forcing a smile through my nervousness.

I squared my shoulders, took in a deep breath, and connected with my element, drawing power from the earth, from the plants and soil, and the essence of the thing that gave us life. It was flavored differently here, lacking something that I felt more keenly back on Earth, either in the Magea or Planus realms. But I could still connect with this new earth energy, and I pulled it to me, letting it bolster me and fill me up before I started bending it to my will.

I could see the essence of the magic, visualize the spell I was working, far better than I had ever been able to before. I knew that was because of all the things Dyre and Sunny had taught me about magic, both in their lessons with me, and through our bond. A pang of loss wanted to sneak through my concentration, reminding me that the bond I had grown to depend on was gone. But I shoved the sadness aside and instead focused on all I had learned. On how easy it felt now, to mold the magic to my liking.

The magic in me called out to the magic in Hibiscus, it went easily to him. Almost like it was called there, greeting an old friend. And I knew in that moment that the little rodent was right. We were bound somehow. Connected. And it was going to make all the difference in this spell.

Bis had been created by Lovell magic. His very being was made of fused together parts of various animals… and probably some unfortunate human. So, from a purely mechanical standpoint, making changes to his physiology was far easier than it should be in any ordinary living creature. But with our connection, Bis could help me make those changes. It was like putting a key into a lock and twisting. Suddenly, something unlocked, and I felt the spell settle into place, subtly changing my best friend before it slowly ebbed away.

The room was quiet except for my loud breathing as I tried to catch my breath. I had just moved a shit-ton of magic through me, and it kind of took a lot out of a girl. Hasumi squeezed my hand, and I sensed the gentle nudge of their magic as they checked me and Bis over to make sure we were well.

My eyes darted between Bis and Hasumi, and the water weaver smiled. "He feels fine. Energized, even."

Releasing my grip on Hasumi, I crouched down in front of Bis once more and held out my hand. "Hey there, little guy."

Bis looked up at me with his sweet black eyes and hesitantly held out a hand. Then he did the weirdest shit I"ve ever seen. He made words come out of a rodent mouth, somehow speaking in a sweet, clear voice that was so very Bis.

"Hello, momma."

Then, at the sound of his own voice, my prickly little friend threw himself into my arms.