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Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

Den is colder than I remember on our return.

I am deafened by the oppressive silence on the long ride back. Evander has been forced to ride in his human form. I don't know enough about the ways of the lykin to be sure, but it feels like a slight against him. He is on the back of an alpha to my left. They bound his hands with heavy rope that simmers with magic that I can only assume is intended to keep him from changing shape. Aurora rides on another alpha to my right. And I am in the middle, on Conri.

None of us talk. I try to catch each of their attentions once or twice, but Evander and Aurora both stare forward with dead gazes. Our thoughts overwhelm our hearts, and our mouths. There's no planning or attempting to flee. Conri has us confidently in hand.

Every plan has come to an end. Every hope we'd carried has concluded. There's nothing more…

When we arrive in Den, they waste no time descending on Evander again, overwhelming him in an instant. Evander puts up no fight, manhandled to the ground like a rag doll.

"Co—" I can't even finish formulating his name before the wolf king looms at my side.

" What? " he whispers. "Think long and hard about any objections you intend to levy. You have embarrassed me enough for a lifetime. Every single word out of your mouth tries my patience."

"This isn't necessary," I hiss back anyway. "He's doing as you wish."

"For now. I want to ensure it remains that way." The clank of heavy shackles underscores his words.

I am left with nothing to do but watch in horror as they bind Evander, hands and feet. A heavy collar goes around his throat. The weight of all the chains would have a lesser man puddled on the floor. But Evander rises to stand tall as the alphas step away. His stare holds all the defiance and hate in the world, directed solely at Conri.

"Take him to whatever forgotten corner you can find and leave him there to rot," Conri seethes. "Distorting the mind of my future queen against me is crime enough; kidnapping her is inexcusable."

So that's how he's going to try and play off what's happened. I doubt it will work, given what I overheard on the road. But no one is going to question Conri. Even if there's skepticism in their eyes, they keep their mouths shut. Yet again, what the wolf king says is reality. It doesn't matter how apparent the truth is.

"He can't escape. Must you?—"

"Silence, bitch," Conri hisses at me. "You will go to the chambers and ready yourself for our union come moonrise. I'll entertain no other delays or objections. He's only alive because you are going to comply peacefully and quietly. If you fail to keep up your end of the bargain, I might fail to keep up mine."

I press my lips into a line and glare up at him. Then I force a smile as he slips his arm around my waist, guiding us back to his chambers. Aurora is behind, flanked by two knights.

"Ready yourselves," Conri says gruffly, practically throwing me into the room when we arrive. I stumble, but manage not to fall. "I'll return at twilight." With one more look of disgust, he leaves. To my surprise, the knights follow him. I wonder if he's trying to tempt us into fleeing. If the vicious side of him wants the opportunity to hunt us down once and for all.

My eyes swing from the entrance to Aurora. She stands at the edge of the divot before the hearth, staring into the flames, as still as a statue.

"Aurora…"

She moves rather than responding or even looking my way, stepping forward and down into the plush sitting area. Her attention remains fixed on the flames. Even as I slowly approach. Even as I sit next to her.

"Did you mean it?" I finally ask. The question is hard to word. Luckily, I don't have to elaborate, she knows what I'm referring to.

"I did." There's a lifelessness to the words. Never have I seen her look so heavy. So absent of any kind of spark. I want to take her hand, but I'm not sure if it would be welcome. "But, also, I didn't." She's the one to make a move for my fingers, grabbing them. "I couldn't hurt you, Faelyn. I wouldn't. You've done nothing wrong and have only tried to help me at every turn. But what I said about being ready to leave this form, one way or another…that was sincere."

"Aurora—"

She lifts her hand, stopping me with her open palm. "Don't try to placate me, or tell me it will be all right. I've walked several lifetimes. More than. I have seen this world and all its beauties; I have been subjected to its endless font of cruelties. Mortal life has become a sickness, one that I cannot free myself from, and can no longer bear…especially without hope of liberation. But I am not, and will not be, like the monsters that have kept me captive for centuries. I wouldn't hurt you just because it might benefit me."

I sigh and stare into the flames. The weight of her truth is crushing. And I don't wish to insult or minimize the trauma she's endured.

"I cannot imagine what you must feel," I whisper. "But I still have hope that we can free you." She scoffs softly. But a small smile curls her lips, optimistic even so. Or perhaps just amused by my foolishness. "However, if there comes a time where we feel that all options have been exhausted…that all hope for both of us to escape Conri is gone…then…I will help you be free."

Her brows shoot up, attention swinging in my direction. "Faelyn?—"

"My turn to stop you." I grin slightly. "I don't say this lightly, nor would such a decision ever be. You might think my optimism and hope unyielding—and I want it to be—but I also live in the real world. There are things that I do not know if I can stomach, either." Things that I could face all too soon.

"Do you really think we'll get out of this, still?" She looks back to the fire, as if the answer lies somewhere within the flames.

"I'm going to try."

"How?"

"I don't know yet," I admit. "But I can do something none of them can: talk to spirits. And a great wolf spirit is going to be the one to perform the union. Perhaps I can barter with him?"

Aurora snorts. "He is a brute . As uncaring and vicious as any of the kings that rule on his behalf."

"Odd to see you speaking ill of a spirit."

"I do so rarely. But Ulfryk is a rare breed deserving of it."

"Could he have helped you?"

She sighs, shoulders sagging some. "Probably not…but I resent him anyway for not trying. He holds the lykin's magic in his hands. It is his doing that gives them their wolf shapes. Surely, he could've done something to coerce them."

The sentiment gives my thoughts surrounding the spirit new clarity. I'm going to have to be either as vicious as this wolf is or more cunning. But I cannot appeal to kindness.

"Would Evander know anything?" I ask.

"I don't know, we've never spoken of it together. Frankly, I never spoke much with him before he helped me. But he showed up that night of the first dark moon following the Blood Moon with the ring and told me to go… I never even knew he noticed my suffering." Her voice becomes soft, and sad. "It's clear you two are made of the same essence. Both of you are good to your cores."

I smile and nod. The mention of Evander has my chest squeezing my heart. I inhale slowly, trying to alleviate some of the pressure. It hardly works.

"Go to him," Aurora says.

I blink back to reality. "But…"

"Conri clearly doesn't care." She motions to the opening. "If he did, he wouldn't have left us without knights."

"I thought the same thing—wondered if he was almost daring us to leave again."

"To give him an excuse," Aurora adds bitterly.

"Just going to Evander won't be an excuse?"

"Does it matter if it is?" She shrugs. "How much further can we push him? How much do you care about what the cost might be?"

As long as Evander breathes, I care a little. And that's the only thought that keeps me from moving away. I don't want to be the cause of Conri deciding he's not worth being kept alive.

But…if we're all teetering at the edge of the abyss of death, does it really matter? What's one more risk? And it'd be worth it to see him again, one last time before Conri takes my hand…

"You truly don't mind?"

"I told you to." She grins slightly. "If Conri returns—which I doubt he will, but if he does—I'll make some kind of excuse. Or not."

"Don't bother. You're right, what does it matter now?" I stand and make my way out of the room, leaving Aurora to the fire and her thoughts.

In the passageway, I pause and start to the left. To the right is the grove; there are no other offshoots on the way there. I keep a slow pace, listening and looking. It's not quite sneaking, as I don't feel the need to stay perfectly hidden. But I also don't want to be unaware and caught off guard.

At least Bardulf is dead, this would be a nightmare if he were still around.

Farther down the passage, but not quite at the great hall, I come to a crossroads. Two other tunnels stretch in opposite directions. One has a sliver of pale light—sunlight. The other tunnel is lit dimly by some kind of flame I can't see, judging from the orange glow.

That's the direction I go in. Conri wouldn't leave Evander anywhere with sunlight, or fresh air. As the tunnel slopes down, I'm more and more sure of my decision until there's a fork in the path.

Right, or left? I fidget, debating. Left . I've never been surer of anything than that left is the right way. I'm so sure that I'm forced to pause and examine the instinct.

That's when I realize that I'm spinning the thread that Evander tied around my left ring finger. I rub the already familiar fibers. It's become so much a part of me in such a short time that I hardly notice it's there. I wonder if it's simply warm from my touch, or if by some kind of magic.

I bring my hand to my face, whispering into the back of my finger, my lips brushing over the threads, "Take me to him."

From then on, I walk without thought. I feel the tug of a power not of my weaving, but a thread stronger than any I've ever known. A pull that's both undeniable and fearsome, but gentle and welcome. Well-known. Familiar.

Rounding a final corner, I reach a small, rough-hewn room. There are no guards. Only Evander. One arm is chained to one wall, the other to the opposite. He hasn't been given enough slack to even sit and is slumped against the tension of the chains. The shackles around his legs remain, also pinned to the wall behind him.

"Evander."

"Faelyn," he says nearly in unison.

Our names are relief given sound. Sorrow and joy encapsulated on the other's tongue. The fragile threads that strung together my composure snap. I run to him. My hands are on his face, holding it to mine. His skin is marred with cuts and bruises. Crusted blood flakes to the ground like autumn leaves.

"What have they done to you?" I whisper and press my brow against his.

"I've endured worse."

"That doesn't make me feel better." I exhale a somewhat bitter and incredulous laugh. How could he be reassuring me at a time like this? When he's the one bleeding and chained to a wall?

I release him and go for the chains. The shackles are locked tight. Getting into them will be a problem. Perhaps I could go and see if I could find the key? But, knowing Conri, he would be keeping it on his person at all times right now. Maybe I could rip the shackles from the wall with Brundil's help? If she has the strength to come…which I doubt, after all I asked. Perhaps Folost could call upon his fiery companion and we could melt through them? If I can still call on Folost… Conri didn't give me an opportunity to collect his brick. But if there's any spirit I could summon by instinct alone…

"Faelyn," Evander says calmly.

"What?" I cease my inspection of his wrist to return my attention to his face. His expression is calm. Resigned. It elicits one word from me: "No."

Evander chuckles. "Yes."

"No," I insist. "I'm not letting you give up."

"It's not ‘giving up,'" he says gently. "Even if you freed me, I wouldn't run."

"But…" I don't remember walking back to him, but I stand before him once more, my hands on his hips, stabilizing myself in this moment.

"I won't leave you ever again." Evander dips his head as best he can, chained as he is, to catch my gaze. "I swore it to you."

"What if I want you to go?"

"This might be one time that I dare to disregard that wish. Unless it's what you truly desire?"

My fingertips trail up his sides, palms pressing into his chest to glide up to his shoulders and grip them, massaging the thick muscle there. His eyes flutter closed with a sigh and I relish this small amount of comfort that I can offer him. It's not enough. Not nearly enough. But it's something, and all I want in this moment is to bring him comfort and assurance.

"It is what I desire. But also not what I desire," I admit to myself and him. "My heart is knotted."

"Then allow me to untie it." He opens his eyes again. "I do not wish to leave you. I will spend forever with you, whether forever is years, or one last night. If forever is free, or chained."

My hands return to cradling his cheeks and I draw his lips to my own quivering ones. I feel his mouth curl into a slight smile and I kiss him again. Frustration vines through me, tangling and rooting deep into desperation. It blooms into haste that manifests as ferocity, deepening the kiss.

"How can you be smiling?" I rasp against his lips, emotion making my voice thick and heavy.

"I am kissing you. How could I not smile?"

I choke out laughter. Smiling now myself. "You are ridiculous."

"Yet you love me all the same."

"And I always will." Another long, tender kiss. I would melt into this man if I could. Dissolve all space between us until we were one being—one soul, fused back as it should be.

"Stay with me a little bit longer?" It's the first time he's sounded desperate since I arrived. The first time I could feel the shroud of death moving through this room. Hello, old friend, I know you , my heart whispers as that specter looms over us.

"Of course." As if I could refuse.

"I wish I could hold you." His muscles flex as he strains against the chains. "Take you once more into my arms."

"Let me hold you, then." I wrap my arms around his waist, locking hands on elbows. He is so strong, yet, in this moment, feels as frail as a dove with a broken wing.

I press my cheek against his shoulder and he slumps into me as far as the chains allow. His face buries into the crook of my neck. Evander breathes deeply, exhaling warmth into my flesh.

"Tell me what you imagined all those years ago. If we were to have run away to marry, what it might have been like, looked like…"

I close my eyes and work to dredge up all those memories that I had drowned in the river of pain that had flowed through me following his loss and are now covered with the muck and haze of time. There is no reason for them to bring me agony anymore. All the fantasies I had lying up at night, heart fluttering after time spent with Evander, return in vivid detail. They come back to me like old friends, pleased to return after being shut out for so long.

My words weave images of flowers strung between trees. Of candles lining moss-carpeted grounds. Of a redwood that stretches high above us, connecting us with old gods and new, with spirits of old and with magics modern. How, in that moment, the world comes into focus. We see it all with perfect clarity—the great spinner's wheel that is time and all the threads that bind us together. Our single knot in a great tapestry.

The heaviness of my body slips away and I give in to the fantasy. That long-forgotten dream. Evander is there with me, existing in this place constructed by our hearts and shared wish. He inhales sharply as, in my mind, we come to a stop before the redwood.

His lips move soundlessly against my skin as he recites simple and pure vows to me. And I do the same. We exist beyond our mortal shells. Are more than flesh and bone.

"I love you," he breathes.

"And I love you." I barely have time to utter the words when footsteps sound in the hall, echoing like ominous thunder. I straighten, looking behind my shoulder in fear and panic. My arms are still tight around Evander's waist.

The nightmare that is Conri shatters our perfect dream. He appears, flanked by two knights and an alpha I vaguely recognize as the leader of the first pack.

"I am not surprised." Nor does he sound even mildly upset. A wicked smile curls his lips, as sharp as a sickle. I am the harvest. "Take her."

Fear and misbegotten desire have me clinging even tighter to Evander. It's not time yet, it can't be. Surely it's too early. How long have I been down here?

"A little bit longer." I wish my words were stronger, and without a slight quiver to them.

Evander barely has a chance to say my name—to make a sound—before the knights are upon me. They each take my arms, as they did to Evander earlier, prying me off of him. I try to fight, but I have little strength compared to them.

A heavy sigh has a bloodcurdling quality to it. Conri rounds the knights, positioning himself between me and Evander like the moon to the sun. An unnatural obfuscation—a violation of the laws of nature.

Wordlessly, he raises a hand and brings its back against my cheek with a swift and sharp crack. My head whips to the side and I see stars, supported only by the help of the knights for a moment. I blink, trying to bring the world back into focus.

"You bastard!" Evander roars. "Lay another hand on her and I will flay you where you stand and savor every minute of it!"

Conri looks over his shoulder, nose scrunched in disgust. But his eyes are lifeless. Two hollows void of any emotion. Any sense of mortality or feeling.

"Is this the real you?" He almost purrs the words. "The ferocity hidden behind the bowed head and lowered eyes all those years? I should have killed you from the start."

"Don't…" I say groggily, pulling myself together. Reality is rushing back. "Don't hurt him!"

Conri's hand is like a viper. It whips out and closes around my throat. I croak weakly. His eyes have found emotion again—a singular one, rage. "His life depends on you. On your compliance. And you are trying my patience."

Evander roars behind us. But I can't make out the words. The world has narrowed to Conri and I. To the fist around my throat, quivering with temptation. It would be so easy for him to squeeze and snuff out my whole existence.

As long as I breathe, there is hope.

I might not be able to see it with the tunnel vision closing around my eyes. But I can feel it. I can let it fill my lungs and rush through my blood. Hope will be my defiance.

"What will it be?" Conri growls, pulling my face close.

"Take me to the grove," I say, though the words are ash in my mouth. "And take me as your wife."

"Good." Conri releases me and starts to leave, pausing at the entrance. A wicked glint flashes in his eyes as he looks back to the alpha still waiting. "Take him, too."

"What?" I can't tell if it's Evander or me who says it. The rattling of his chains stops as he ceases to strain against them.

"I want him to watch as I take his woman in soul." Conri slowly walks back, stopping at my side. I resist every urge to step away, even though my muscles scream at me to run. I'm afraid even flinching might give him even more sinister ideas. But my-self control does little good. Conri has skewered us, and now he twists the blade. "Then, I'll force him to watch with the rest as I fill her belly with my seed, her screams a chorus to the great wolf spirit."

Conri's arm slips around my waist but I hardly feel it; my whole body is numb. I am hardly aware of him pulling me from the room, passing the knights and brushing by the alphas who stay behind to tend to Evander. All I hear are the sounds of Evander's shouts and the rattling—endless rattling—of the chains that keep him from me.

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