Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

My eyes finally meet Evander's. He has yet to move. He continues to stare at me as my finger drags across my still-wet lips, feeling the proof of what I've done. His eyes are still burning with hate. Well, now we share that emotion. Self-loathing fills me.

"And here I thought that you were a noble witch of character, powerful enough to resist his charm," he growls.

"Excuse me?"

Evander stalks over, his muscles rippling with tension. Fists clenched. He looms over me. "You…"

"Me? What?" I gather myself and stand a little taller. The only judgment I will accept is my own, and Aurora's. I'm certainly not giving that power to this brutish lykin.

"Did you like the way his tongue in your mouth felt? Did it set you ablaze the way you'd hoped it would?"

"What does it matter to you?" I snap. I continue before he can get in another word, "I've spent my whole life with people looking at me sideways—for good or ill. With people judging me for all I did and did not do. And you know what? Their assessments of me have made no difference. So what makes you think I will expend any effort to care about yours?"

He folds his arms and cocks his head back, pulling away slightly. "What about Aurora? I thought you cared about her."

The words strike me straight through the chest, as sure and true as a hunter's arrow. "My relationship with Aurora is between her and me alone. Stay out of it."

"Fine. If you wish. Then I won't concern myself with bringing you to her." He shrugs. "She would probably be heartbroken, anyway, to find out what you really are."

I still have several choice words for Evander. But there's only one thing he said that I choose to focus on. "You can take me to her? She's still here?"

"Of course she is. Conri wouldn't allow her out of his sight for long. Lest she try to run away again…or someone tries to steal her."

"Take me to her."

"Why should I?" Evander turns and begins to shove some of Conri's things into the rucksack the wolf king had started packing earlier.

"Because you would be escorting me as a knight, and that's better than being a king's butler." I take the opportunity to snatch my cloak off the bed, throwing it over my shoulders. Evander doesn't stop me.

"Better a butler than a whore." He goes to put the pack by the entrance. I move in front of him and stop him. "Move."

"No."

He opens his mouth to speak.

I cut him off. "Apologize."

"For—" Evander stops himself before he can say "what." He continues to glare down at me.

I glare back, unmoving. Unflinching. I honestly expect him to push past me, to repeat his offensive words, or defend what he said. But Evander sinks back slightly, glancing away.

His pale silver eyes are drawn back when he finally says, "That was uncalled for. My apologies."

Shock has my lips parting slightly. He actually apologized. I hastily try and recover, as if I was expecting him to heed my demand all along.

"You're forgiven. I'm sure your king deciding to marry a human, without warning, is a bit upsetting to you. It's understandable that you'd still be processing this turn of events."

A deep, rasping noise emits from him. At first I think he's weeping. But then he shakes his head and I see the almost crazed grin spanning his cheeks.

Evander takes a step closer, voice dropping with his chin as he levels his eyes with mine, a dangerous glint flashing in their stormy depths. "He might be the wolf king. But he is not—and will never be—my king. Not after what I have seen him do. Not after what he has forced my hand to do on his behalf."

My lips part slightly. Then why was Evander so angry? And what does this mean if he's my sworn knight by a king he so clearly does not respect? This man is like a maze. Every time I think I'm on the right path to understanding him, I have to backtrack and start all over again.

"Now, let's get you to Aurora before the pack moves." He starts out of the tent. I let out a noise of frustration and hastily follow.

The lykin packing up their camp mirrors my own thoughts—disorganized and chaotic. I'm in a daze the entire way through to the far edge, where I see Bardulf taking Aurora from a tent similar to Conri's.

My feet move on their own at the sight of her, picking up speed until I rush past Evander in a sprint. Neither knight stops me. I throw my arms around Aurora's shoulders. "Thank goodness you're all right."

She squeezes me in return. "They wouldn't hurt me; they need me too much to do that."

"I was still worried."

"I know, I saw Folost," she whispers before releasing me. Aurora wears a warm expression and that only makes me feel more guilty for my actions.

"I need to speak with you." I glance over my shoulder. Evander continues to hover, making no effort to hide his wordless judgment. Fortunately, Bardulf seems to have gone off elsewhere. I've had enough of him for a lifetime.

"I figured as much. It's why I sent Evander to find a way to get you for me."

"You sent him?" I link arms with Aurora, guiding us a few steps away from Evander and the bustle of camp being torn down. The knight sets to working on her tent.

"I knew he'd find a way to get to you. Conri trusts him, the fool." Aurora ducks her head slightly as she speaks, keeping her voice down. Evander had adamantly said that Conri was not his king.

"And do you trust him?" I ask.

She takes another step away from him and the camp. I've no doubt we're reaching the end of our invisible leash.

"Evander is…complicated," she murmurs.

There are so many meanings that can be wrapped up in that word. "Do you care for him?"

"Old gods, no." She laughs lightly, gaining amusement from the mere notion. "I've never loved another since my Bewulf, and I never will. I am far too old now to seek romantic companionship, especially not with a mortal." Her eyes shine with bittersweet sorrow.

"Then, he's a friend?"

"He's not an enemy." Hardly an endorsement.

"Even though he was the one who came and forced you back?" I shake my head, trying to reconcile what she's saying with what I saw. "He tied you up. He?—"

"If not him, then it would've been Bardulf, who is far rougher. If not either of them, then someone else who's worse still." Aurora shakes her head. "The king has no shortage of knights on his retainer. But a grave shortage of halfway decent ones."

"But he?—"

"Evander is a dog on a leash attached to an unkind collar," Aurora interrupts me. "He is a harsh man, certainly. But that is because it is how he has been made. The world has been cruel to him and returning that cruelty is the only way he knows how to survive."

"That is not an excuse," I remind her.

"But it is an explanation," she says gently. "Which can help us understand him. Evander is the very last of an ancient pack, one that was among the few who stood against Conri's father."

"How is he alive, then?" If he is part of such a lineage, I would've thought Conri would've made an example of him.

"I do not know the story of his past earlier than when he was brought before Conri six years ago…but he came to the alpha's pack with an astounding knowledge of spirits. He was able to find and commune with them. His pack had taught him old knowledge previously thought lost to the lykin—knowledge gained through study with your ancestors, I might add." There's a note of pride at the end, one I allow myself to briefly indulge in.

"And that knowledge was how you became close to him," I realize.

She nods. "Conri assigned him as my knight. He was responsible for keeping me safe."

"Then, how did you escape?"

Aurora locks eyes with mine and repeats, "He was responsible for keeping me safe."

It dawns on me, what she's saying without outright explaining. Evander took his duty to the spirits—to her—to heart. He sought to keep her safe and that meant setting her free.

"But, because of that…I escaped on his watch. Had Evander not been successful in retrieving me and making good on his folly, he probably would've been put to death."

I look back over my shoulder to where Evander continues to help break down her tent. He glances our way from time to time with that glower that never seems to fade. A thin stubble shades his chin today, giving his whole face an even more severe expression.

He is brutish, that much is certain. Imposing and rude are other words that come to mind. But I trust Aurora—she knows this world more than I do. And if he is the best we have for an ally…

"Faelyn, were it not for him I would not have been able to escape at all." She touches my elbow, summoning my attention back to her. "He never explained it, or said so, but I am certain he intentionally created the opening I needed to flee."

"So he could claim you for his own."

"If that were his intent, he would've pursued me the moment I had the ring and left Conri's watchful eye." Aurora pauses, staring out over the plains. "The moon only witnesses half the day. There are things that are invisible to even my sight. I do not know what Evander's motivations are and they don't always make sense to me. But I do believe he is a decent man in his heart. I've seen enough bad ones to know the good. His exterior has merely been twisted by the circumstances he's been given."

I sigh heavily and run a hand through my hair. It snags on tangles and I realize it is still knotted in my braid. I pull at the ribbon that ties off the end and begin to rake my fingers through. As if, by untangling my hair, I could untangle my thoughts. I desperately need a bath.

"Conri is going to try to marry me."

"What?" Aurora seems genuinely stunned. It's the first she's heard of it. I swallow thickly and nod. "If he can't possess the ring…he's going to try and own you." She grabs my shoulders, leaning forward to look me directly in the eyes. "You must leave. Get away, far, far from here."

"But you?—"

"Don't worry about me, Faelyn. This has been my fate for centuries. It can be my fate for centuries more. I know how to endure." She wears a weary smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Her hands feel heavy on me. There is so much pain within her, so much hurt. I'm amazed she's not crushed into dust where she stands.

"I can't leave you," I say softly. "I won't." Aurora opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off. "Where would I go? Evander clearly knows whatever magic is needed to break through the thin barriers I put at the edge of the woods in my world. Even if he's a ‘good man,' you said it yourself, he will hunt me down for Conri. He has no choice. He's not going to put either of us before himself."

I wait for Aurora to object, but she doesn't. How "good" can he be when he won't stand up for what's right?

"And it's not like I have anything to go back to…my family is all dead, save for me. My home is gone. And, clearly, I am not strong enough to keep the people of that world safe." I think of what Conri told me of his plans. Maybe he was sincere and has no genuine intention to bring his people to the Natural World, maybe it's just a ploy to keep me under his thumb and playing nicely. But the possibility of the lykin bringing violence to my home is enough to keep me here alongside everything else. "So no more of telling me to go. We leave together and I free you, or we stay. There are no separate futures for us now."

Her hands go limp, sliding down my arms until they fall to her sides, swaying slightly. "I should have never run."

I shh her. "I'm glad you did. Because, one way or another, I will find a way to help you."

"You are a good friend, Faelyn."

"I am not." My lips burn from where I kissed Conri. From what I still need to tell Aurora. "Conri… He… I…"

"What? What happened?" She knows something is amiss instantly and her concern makes it all so much worse.

"I kissed him," I admit, forcing the words.

Aurora's jaw drops, then she closes it quickly and purses her lips. I can't stand to look at her. The shame is so great that I nearly step away to be sick.

"I should have warned you," she whispers finally. "This is my fault."

"What?" My head snaps back up. "No. I?—"

"Conri is the wolf king," she says, low and fast. "He is the alpha of the pack, ruler of these lands, leader and protector of every creature that steps upon them…and one of his sole obligations is to see to the longevity of the pack." I think of him whispering how he will fill my belly with his heirs and my cheeks grow hot. "Part of the unique magic that comes with being the wolf king is ensuring his ability to do this."

"He has magic outside of your powers?" I ask, trying to keep my focus when the implication she's hinting at seems a bit outlandish.

"All the lykin have a unique power, just like all the other occupants of Midscape. They can commune with spirits and change into wolves, after all." Her mouth quirks into a slight smile as I give a slight nod of my head, acknowledging the obvious. "Their pact with the great wolf spirit of the old wood gave them some other abilities than just the gift of shape."

Grandmother always warned me of the lykins' keen senses, even in their human shapes.

"So his power is to…ensure the longevity of the pack?" I'm amazed I can ask the question when my mind is filled with words like mate, and filling my belly with— stop, Faelyn , I command myself.

"He is irresistible to mortal women because of a unique charm he possesses as the alpha." Aurora frowns, looking back at camp. Evander had mentioned Conri's "charm," too. I had thought it just a turn of phrase before. "I have seen proud women make fools of themselves in a desperate attempt for a moment in his bed."

"What can I do to protect myself from this ‘charm?'" I ask.

"Your cape should help, some." No wonder Conri refused to allow me to have it earlier. The moment I had it back on, my head was notably clearer. "There's good protection woven in that fabric." Perhaps if I can get my grandmother's threads and dyes back from Evander, I could figure out some kind of spell to weave into the cape specifically to guard me from Conri. "Otherwise, it is a matter of allowing your head to be as clear as possible around him. The more excitable you are, the harder it will be for you to resist him."

"When you say ‘excitable' you mean…" I can't possibly have the right assumption. There's no way she means what I think she does. But the way Aurora speaks leaves no room for doubt.

"Ensure you are satisfied, Faelyn, or you might give in and ask him to do it for you."