Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Sela

Everything about this man's body is perfection. There's no doubt in my mind that he worked out while he was in prison, and I'm guessing he's found some way to do it here too. Somehow, with really no gym equipment here to speak of, just a couple of pieces, he's managed to stay fit and hard.

And speaking of hard… He had to be really unhappy earlier, because he's never had any trouble keeping it up before. Every time we've been together, he's been like stone. Is he big? Eh. Plenty big enough. I've had smaller. I've had bigger. But for a guy who hasn't been with any woman except me in a long time, he knows what he's doing, I'll give him that. As I stroll toward the bed, I toss the sheet on it, then climb up and sit down. Bear is right behind me, and he drops his briefs and crawls across the mattress toward me, his dick like a flagpole.

Instead of practically mauling me, he leans in and kisses me. Something about this kiss is different from before. It has a soothing quality that I really like, and when my hands wind into his hair, he wraps his arms around my waist and gently leans me back until I'm lying under him, his cock pressing into my belly. His lips are soft and a little salty, and when he exhales, his breath enters me like a whisper or a song. No one has ever kissed me this way, and when he tips his head to the side and crosses my mouth with his, a fire blazes deep in my belly. What is happening? This is something I don't understand, but I like it.

A trail of warmth is left behind as his hand slides from my waist up my ribs and stops to cradle my breast. It's almost like he's checking its weight, and then brushes the pad of his thumb across my nipple. Everything inside me lights up like a fire set by a flare gun, and it ignites something I don't completely understand. In that instant, I want this man inside me, not moving, just still, our bodies one, something linking us together like a mystery unfolding. "Bear, I―"

"Sela, please. Call me by my name. Be the one person who really knows me. Please?" It's not like a request. It's more like a prayer, and right now, I'd do anything his soul asks of mine.

"Miles, please. Please, just… be inside me. Please?" Begging is something I don't do, but I'm begging him. I need him. Everything inside me is screaming for his touch and his hardness.

There's pressure, and then a stretching sensation with just a touch of a burn. His forearms rest in the hollows of my shoulders as his hands stroke up the sides of my face. "So beautiful. You're so beautiful, banrigh ."

"BOWN-ree?"

" Banrigh . It's Scottish. It means queen. You're my queen, Sela. Never forget that." His body is resting on mine, no movement, no thrusting, just the two of us lying there connected in the most intimate of ways, the room quiet and still. I'd forgotten―his last name is McMillan, so somebody in his family must've been Scottish.

"Did somebody in your family teach you that?"

His lips brush against mine once more before he answers. "My grandpa. He called my grandma that every time I saw them together. He'd say, ‘Mac, if'n ye treat yer woman like a banrigh , you can never go wrong. Unnerstan, aye?' I never saw two happier people than my grandparents. I want that, Sela. And I want it with you."

I have questions, but this isn't the time to ask them. Instead, it's time to let all of these foreign feelings sweep over me and settle in. Can I trust this man? Is he really what he says he is? Does he really feel for me what he says he feels? And do I even know enough about love to know if I feel it for him? Before I realize what I'm doing, I blurt out, "Miles, what is love?"

That smile. It's incendiary, but it's also gentle. "Hell, I dunno, babe. Nobody's ever asked me that before. Ummm… So if something happened, if I died in the night, how would you feel?"

"I'd be sad."

"But what about tomorrow? Or the next day?"

I'm not good at these kinds of things. "I dunno. I'd be sad. But I'd miss you. A lot. What about you? How would you feel if I died in the night?"

"The truth?" I nod. "I wouldn't want to go on. I'd want my life to end. The idea of you not being in it is so painful that I can't imagine it. Knowing I'd never see your face again, never touch you again, never hear you call my name again, I don't think I could do it. I'd rather die myself than go on without you. But I'd be concerned about you if I died, because you'd have to go on without me." He stops and stares down at me. "And you don't feel the same way, I see."

"No! It's not that. It's just that… I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if you weren't here anymore. Like, if I woke up and you were gone, and nobody knew where you were, and you didn't come back, I'd be so fucking pissed. But I'd miss you. And I'd always be looking for you, watching crowds, searching roadways as I drove past. I'd always hope that you'd come back. But if you died?" My brain is trying to wrap around that idea. "I can't even think about it. I don't know how to imagine that."

Deep down, I'm lying and I know it. When I was a kid, my dad's mom died suddenly, and I remember every Christmas after that, thinking about how I didn't even really like the holiday anymore because Nanna Jo wasn't with us. It colored everything I felt about every holiday or celebration after that, and they've never been the same.

And in that moment, I understand. If something happened to Miles, that's how I'd feel. The world would be a colorless, gutted place, filled with nothingness and uselessness, no purpose and no meaning. Man up , I tell myself. Be honest with him. He's being honest with you. You owe him that. "I'm sorry. I just lied. I know exactly how I'd feel."

His eyes are sad, and that's surprisingly hurtful to me. "Yeah?"

I nod again. "My life would have no meaning. Nothing would ever be the same, and waking up wouldn't be worth the effort. I… This is all new to me, but please, don't give up on me? Can you just do that? Don't give up?"

That gentle smile stretches his lips wider again. "I'll tell you again. I'll never give up on you, banrigh . Never. You're mine and I'm yours."

I'm unprepared when his hips draw back and he slides back into me slowly. Never in my life have I felt as whole and complete, as wanted and cherished, and I know I let out a little groan because he chuckles under his breath. "Fuck, you feel so good, baby. Is that good?"

"Oh, yeah. Very."

Still buried deep inside me, he rises up on his knees and spreads my legs wider. I'm about to ask what he's doing when his fingers find my tenderest spot and start to circle it slowly. Everything inside my belly coils, and the room heats up by ten degrees. By bowing his back just slightly, his long arms can reach up until the fingers of his free hand pinch one of my nipples and I suck in a breath. "I want you to come for me, banrigh . I wanna feel you pulse around me." That tweak he just gave my nipple turns into a twist, and I feel my skin ignite. "Yeah, that's tuning you up. I can feel it. You clamped down on me."

The fingers circling my clit grow more insistent, until he's stroking it aggressively. "Oh, fuck. Miles, babe, oh… Damn, baby. Oh, damn." It's taking everything I have to hold off.

"Why are you fighting it, babe? Let go."

"No. I… I want it to be strong. Really strong. I want you to make me crazy with it."

"Baby, I'm gonna do that. You'll come but I won't let you stop. Hear me? Sela, let go. Do it." Every muscle in my belly is quivering, and I can feel it building, that pressure and heat. "Sela…"

The spasms hit, and my hips start to buck. I thrust, unable to stop myself, and I could swear I feel him grow harder and longer inside me. Before I realize what's happening, the hand that's been tweaking and twisting my nipple pulls it out sharply, twisting at the same time, and I cry out, but I can feel that building sensation again, his fingers stroking me faster. "Do it, Sela. Do it. Come again for me. It's gonna be crazy, babe. I want you screaming. Sela, turn loose…"

I have never in my life felt like this. My back bows and I shake all over, everything out of control and pulsing. There are sounds coming out of my mouth that I've never heard before, and it's as though I'm hearing them from someone else's perspective, like I've left my body, a body that's spasming unbearably. "Stop. Oh, god, please, Miles, stop. I can't take anymore. Please…" I'm just mumbling because I can't talk. His fingers are driving, driving, driving, leaving my limbs shaking and my body jerking.

And then he stops. The room is still and quiet, but I know what's coming. Without even thinking, I reach up with both hands and start twisting and pinching my nipples myself. "You need this as much as I do," he whispers before his lips land on mine and he draws back.

The thrust he gives me nearly sends me into the headboard, and he begins to hunch me, keeping his body close to mine, his chest almost flattening my hands against my breasts, but he's powering into me rhythmically with an intensity that terrifies and thrills me. His hands slide down my lower back and cup my ass, and we're moving together, this huge, mighty man using me like I'm just a wisp of a thing. Something about it really turns me on, makes me want him more, makes me want him to pound into me, to claim me and ruin me for other men. "Fuck, Sela, you're perfect. Everything about you is perfect, from those soft, sweet lips, to those round, perky tits, and this hot, wet pussy. Damn, babe, you make me glad to be a man."

When this man pulls out of me, I will cry. The way we're moving together in this moment feeds my soul like nothing else ever has. I belong with MilesMcMillan like he belongs with me, joined in the holiest of ways. "Oh, god, Miles, fuck me. Keep goin', babe. I need it so bad."

"I know. I can tell. Your body is amazing. This was meant to be, Sela. I know it was meant to be. Oh, damn, girl, I'm gonna come, and I really don't want to. I want to make this last. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, no-no-no-no, damn!" There's that heat and wetness I hoped I'd feel, a man who's filled me up in every way. And then reality sets in.

"Are you wearing a condom?"

He presses himself up, his eyes go round, and his mouth gapes for a second before he says, "Oh, shit. I thought you…"

"Yeah. I am. I just figured… Thought you'd want one."

"Why? I haven't been with anybody. You been with anybody?"

"No."

As soon as he drops on top of me, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, and his hands slide up to encircle my waist. I love the feeling of his weight on top of me and his essence dripping from me. "Then I think we're fine. You like me bare?"

"Yeah," I answer and nip his shoulder.

"We're good. This is our world, babe. We get to decide how things go in it. And right now, it's all good. Sela…" He presses himself up again, and one hand comes up, his knuckles brushing my cheek. "I'm so in love with you. No matter what. It can't get too dirty or complicated for me. I know you might not feel the―"

"I do, Miles. I do. Our world. We move forward together." My eyes take in his face, the tiny lines by his eyes, that shock of wild hair, his beard, those kiss-stained lips. "I'm in love with you too."

There's a funny, wistful quirk to his lips and his eyes are bright. "Are you telling me you just made love with a man for the first time?"

That makes me laugh. "Yeah, I guess I did!"

"So I popped your lovemaking cherry. Sweet!" He's laughing too, and I realize that above everything else, when I'm with Miles, I actually have fun. He's so many things. So many.

And he's everything to me.

Bear

We fall asleep still joined together. Yeah, I'll soften and slip out, but for a little while, it will be like we're frozen in time, and I like that. Along with feeling sexually sated and extremely emotionally connected, I'm exhausted too. I meant to wear her out. Wearing myself out was a byproduct, and I'm not unhappy about it. Not at all.

When I do wake up, I glance at the clock and find it's ten before two in the morning. Sela is sleeping peacefully beside me, her arm draped across my chest. My bladder is full, and I figure if I can get out of bed without waking her, I should run to the bathroom. That doesn't seem to be a problem―she doesn't even move when I lift her hand and lay it on the mattress beside me.

As soon as I'm finished, I clean myself up a little and head back out to the bedroom, but I hear something outside and I wonder about the coydog. Is it okay? The sounds are odd, so I drag on my briefs, tiptoe out of the bedroom, and head to the front door.

And when I round the corner of my cottage, I get a huge surprise that scares the living shit out of me. "Son, what are you doing out here?"

Martin looks up at me, his eyes wide and a little frightened. "Um, I just… I, um…"

"It's okay. I'm not mad. But what are you doing?" It's not like I can't see. I just can't believe my eyes. "Does your dad know you're out here?"

"No. I was worried about him. He's out here all alone and afraid." He's sitting on the ground, back leaned up against my cottage, and the coydog's head is across his lap. Holy hell, if I make one wrong move, that dog might snap his face off. As I watch in wonder, his hand comes up and strokes down the dog's head. The big animal seems to relax with every swipe of his small hand.

"Hon, we don't know anything about this dog. It might have a disease or something, and if it bites you, you could get really sick." How can I get Reboot out here without causing a commotion and setting the thing off?

"He's not going to bite me. He's been around people before. Can't you see? He came to us for help, Mr.Bear. He wants to be here with people."

"Martin, you don't have to call me mister. Bear is fine. And I know he came here for help, but he's really scared and skittish, and that can be dangerous."

"Well, he might be scared and skittish of you, but he's not scared and skittish of me. See?" With no way to stop him, I watch in horror as he leans down.

And the damn dog licks his face.

Well, son of a bitch. I don't believe it. "I think he likes you," I murmur. Hmmm. I should test this. "Let's see what he does." Ever so slowly, I reach out a hand, and the dog leans out and licks my fingertips before depositing his head back on Martin's lap with a plop. "Huh. Not the vicious wild animal we thought."

"He's not. I need to get this rope off his neck, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow. Maybe he'll trust me more then." Gotta give it to this kid, he's got a good head on his shoulders.

Sounds come from the other cottage and I hear a loud whisper call out, "Martin, what the hell are you doing?" Before Reboot can take two more steps, I throw my hand up, palm toward him, to stop him in his tracks. Thank god he gets it and freezes.

"It's okay, Reboot. Everything's fine. Just take it easy and go slow." Reboot's in his pajama pants, his feet bare, and he steps very carefully toward us. "I think Martin's got it under control."

"Yeah, Dad. Everything's fine. He was alone and afraid, so I came out to sit with him. He's okay." He's still stroking the big dog's head, and we watch the animal's eyes close. "See? He likes it."

"I see that. But you need to come back inside and go to bed."

"But Dad, can he come too? He'll be good and―"

"I think that's a little early, bud," I tell the boy before his dad can say anything. "He needs to stay outside for a couple more days until we really know more about him. And maybe until we can take him to the vet, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be best. Can he sleep on our porch?" he asks Reboot, his little eyes sad.

"Sure. See if you can get him to come and bring his towel with him. Maybe he'll bed down up there."

"Okay. Come on, Elmore," I hear the boy say as he scoots away from the dog and stands. Instantly, the canine rises and shakes himself hard.

"Elmore?" Reboot asks.

"Yeah. That's his name."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because he said that's his name, and I believe him." With that, Martin turns toward Reboot and Mavis' cottage. "Come on, Elmore. Let's go back to bed." I watch, slack-jawed, as the boy and the dog head across the space between the cottages, leaving Reboot standing there with me, just as shocked as I am.

"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch," he whispers.

"Yeah. Kids and dogs. Ya never know." There's something about watching that child and that dog stroll across the grass that makes my heart sing. Little things. Our lives are made up of the little things, the little moments, that make life worth living. "I gotta get back inside. Good luck. Looks like you're going to need it," I say and slap Reboot on the shoulder.

"Yeah. Lucky me. Night, brother," he says as he picks up the bowl of water, then turns to follow the child and the dog.

"Night, brother." I start back toward the door, but when I get to the porch deck, I stop to watch. Martin spreads the towel beside their front door and, as if he'd done it a hundred times, the dog―whose name is apparently Elmore―lies down and curls up there. Reboot places the bowl at the edge of the porch near the dog, and the boy gives the dog one more stroke before he steps inside the open door. Reboot doesn't attempt to pet it, just follows Martin inside and closes the door.

I've barely made it to the bedroom door before Sela's sleepy voice asks, "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you in the morning. Right now I need to wipe off my feet and then I'll be right there." That's when I realize I've been outside in nothing but my boxer briefs.

Oh, well. There was nobody to see me except Reboot, Martin, and a dog named Elmore. And I don't think any of them paid one bit of attention.

Sela

I wake to the sounds of the shower and realize Miles isn't in bed beside me. In a couple of minutes, the water turns off and he's standing in the bathroom doorway with a towel around his waist. "Hey, better get up and get moving if you want breakfast."

"But you're not working."

"I know, but I'm eating! I'm going over to see if there's anything anybody needs me to do today. I want to stay busy, you know? I hate just sitting around."

"There's definitely something you can do. I've got a doctor appointment. Can you take me?"

His eyebrows shoot up and he smiles. "Sure! Of course! I'd love to. When is it?"

"Eleven?"

"Want to get lunch or something?"

"Sure. That would be great. I need to go to the discount store too."

"We can do that. Just get showered and dressed and we'll set out after breakfast, okay?"

He doesn't have to tell me twice. I'm up like a rocket and headed to the bathroom. "You always that free about running around naked?" he asks as I clear the bathroom door.

"Why not? You've seen it all."

"I have. And I like seeing it again," he announces from behind me.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. I can think of some things I'd like to―"

"Keep that up and I'll miss my doctor appointment," I tell him, squirting toothpaste out onto my toothbrush.

"Yes, ma'am. Don't want that." That makes me smile and I turn to say something, but for the first time, I catch a look at his back.

It's covered in scars. All kinds of scars, all sizes and all shapes. I knew he had a couple on his ribs and one on his abdomen, but this… "Miles?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Your back."

His brow furrows like he's not sure what I'm talking about, but then I see the realization hit. "You hadn't seen them before, had you?"

"No. There are a lot."

"Yeah. I got into a lot of fights."

"No, babe. What I've got is a lot. That's… I've never seen anything like that."

"Yeah, well, you haven't been an agent for thirty years, but that's how long I was in prison. So I had a lot of time to collect these."

"I see." This is not really the time to talk about all of that stuff, so I brush my teeth and think about it the whole time. What has he seen? How badly has he been hurt? I'll get my answers, but they don't have to come now. I remember his words: This is our world, babe. We get to decide how things go in it. There will be time for all my questions, I'm sure.

We walk hand in hand to the kitchen, and it feels weird and middle schoolish to me, but still good. I'm in love with somebody, and he's in love with me. Hard to believe.

"Hey, good morning!" Audrey calls out from across the kitchen, and several of the other occupants of the kitchen turn and smile.

"Mornin'. Smells good in here!" Miles calls out.

"It is good. Nobody cooks as good as my woman," Hollywood answers him as he passes by Audrey and leans out to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"And nobody knows how to squeeze a buffalo nickel until it shits like my man," Audrey quips back, and everybody laughs.

Having people to eat breakfast with seems odd to me. After all, it's been years since I lived in a family unit. One of Paddy's boys looks up and smiles. "Need a seat, MissSela? You can sit beside me," he says and pats the chair.

"Oh! Don't mind if I do! Tegan, right?" He nods and his cheeks turn pink. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll get you something to drink. What do you want?"

"Just black coffee. Sure you won't get burned?"

"Nah. I'll be careful. Be right back."

Miles leans down, I assume to kiss my ear, but instead he whispers, "I think somebody's got a crush on you."

That makes me crank my head toward him and stare. "Me?"

He chuckles under his breath. "Why is that so hard to believe? You're beautiful." Then he's off and gone toward the food.

"Here you go, MissSela. Just like you like it. Plain." Tegan sets the coffee cup beside me. "Anything else I can get for you?"

"No, but thanks. I think Miles is getting it."

He stares at me. "Miles?"

"Oh. Bear. That's his real name."

"Cool." The boy plops down in his chair beside me and picks up his fork. "So do you like to read? Because I do. And I'm reading a really good book."

"What is it?"

"It's called The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian . Have you ever read that?"

"No, can't say that I have."

"You really should. It's about an Indian boy. You'd like it."

I nod and smile. "I'll have to look it up. Thanks!"

"You're welcome. Do you need more coffee?"

I haven't even touched my cup. "Nah. But thanks." I think Miles is right. This kid does have a crush on me. That's weird―adorable, but weird.

"Here ya go. I remembered that you liked this." A plate appears in front of me with some kind of casserole on it, along with some fruit and a muffin.

"Oh. Yeah, I remember this from when I was staying here with Natalie. It's delicious." I can't wait to cut into it.

Natalie and Paddy sit down across from us, and we all sit and chat. It seems easier somehow with Miles sitting next to me. At first, the idea that I was going to be Natalie's equal felt odd, like I should still be telling her what to do, but now it feels a bit more natural. We're almost finished eating when her phone rings, and she looks down at it, then jumps up. "I've got to take this." I hear her feet as she jets across the kitchen and steps outside.

"Must be work," Paddy says, never looking up from his plate.

In a flash, a hand falls on my shoulder, and I hear her voice say, "I need to speak with you outside. Now."

I can't jump up fast enough, and I follow her outside. As soon as the door closes, she turns to me. "That was the FBI Kentucky field office."

"What did they want?"

"Something's going on with the cartel. They want to talk to me at the office today."

Every red flag in my arsenal starts to snap in the breeze. "Did they say what?"

"No, but they're making a trip to Pikeville, so it must be important."

"Did they say anything about me?"

"Wanted to know if I knew where you were. They want to talk to you too."

"When will they be there?"

"Close to eleven."

"Damn, Nat, I've got a doctor appointment."

"Don't worry about it. Go to the doctor. If it's important, they'll hang around."

"Okay. Um, okay. Yeah. Okay." I've already started to pace, a response from my years at the bureau. "Okay, I'll go to the doctor, but you call me if I need to come to Pikeville, okay?"

"I will. I promise. You getting better is your top priority now. I'll tell them that. They probably already know."

"Yeah. Probably. Okay. Thanks. And be careful."

She nods her understanding. "You too."

I return her nod and head back inside. By the time I'm sitting back down, she is too. "Everything okay, sweet pea?" Paddy asks her.

"Yeah. We'll talk later." And she goes back to eating. That's my cue to do the same. I can feel Miles' eyes on me, but I'm not saying anything in here at the table.

Just as I'm finishing, Patch wanders by the table. "Hey, you doin' okay?" he asks.

He must be practicing to be a server, because I have a mouthful of food. My hand comes up to cover it and I answer, "Yeah. Good."

"Great." His hand pats my shoulder. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I say as I swallow my last bite.

"Everybody," he calls out from right behind me. "Two things. One, I'm glad Sela's here, and if you haven't told her the same, please do. We need to do everything we can to get these two back to one hundred percent so they can go back to work. I know it's driving Bear crazy to be on the bench, but it won't be like that forever, buddy," Patch says and reaches over to squeeze Miles' shoulder. "Second, Tony and Steve will be here tomorrow. The farm down the road, the old Pettit place, is up for auction tomorrow, and Tony will be coming to bid on it. He wants to buy it and deed it to Iron Oak so our land mass will be larger. He says land is the number one best investment anybody can make, and that will make our acreage much larger."

"I've never been down there," Bulldog says. "Dwellings? Outbuildings?"

"If you remember, that was the property where the barn that we pulled Penny from is located." I've heard Miles talk about it, and apparently that was a really scary day. "There's also a small house, plus a springhouse up the creek, a nice summer kitchen, and a very nice garden patch. We've talked about it, and Tony wants to approach Eastern Kentucky University to see if they're interested in doing an interpretative farm there to show how former slaves and free Black people lived immediately following the Civil War. That would probably mean their archaeology department would come and do some excavating near the buildings, and their history and Black studies departments would probably have students work as guides and interpreters. In other words, a living history farm. That could bring in some tourism to the area, which―"

"Would definitely help us," Ghost interrupts.

"Bingo. I'm excited about the idea, but they have to win the auction first."

"Tony won't even break a sweat," Hollywood says.

"Don't say that. He's a sharp businessman, and he's not going to pay an enormous amount over what he knows it's worth. So fingers crossed. But what they'd be using for the exhibit would be just a tiny portion of the farm. The rest would all be wilds and fields and things we could use over the years, and if we ever found ourselves in dire straits, we could probably sell parcels and still have a lot of room. Plus by letting them do that with the university, we'll probably get a tax break."

Good. Tony and Steve will be here tomorrow. Maybe we can talk about a job for me. Under the table, I feel Miles' hand close around mine, and I know he's thinking the same thing.

Patch gazes around. "Anybody else have anything?" When no one says anything, Patch claps his hands together loudly. "Okay. Time to go to work. As usual, thanks for the delicious breakfast, Audrey, and everybody be safe!" Everybody in the room echoes the sentiment, and soon they're all scattering for the day.

"Guess I'd better get going. Gotta get to the office," Natalie says, leaning down to kiss Paddy. When she straightens, her gaze turns to me. "We'll talk." I just nod.

"Boys, it's time to go," a female voice says, and I look up to find Aggie standing there.

"Awww, do we have to?" Tegan grouses, and I can see Borden grinning at him. Yeah, his older brother has figured it out too.

"Come on, butthead. Time to go," Borden orders and heads toward the door.

"Bye, MissSela. See ya later," the younger boy says and falls into step with Sarah and Martin as they head toward the parking area.

Everybody's clearing out, and pretty soon we're alone in the kitchen except for Audrey and Izzy, who are cleaning up. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" Miles asks, his voice low.

"Yeah. Something to do with the cartel. Feebs are going to see Natalie today in Pikeville."

"Sounds serious."

"Yeah, they wanted to see me, but I've got that doctor appointment. She's going to call me though."

"Okay. You keep me in the loop, you hear me?" His voice is stern in a way that I've never heard before.

"Of course. Wouldn't dream of not."

"Good. Come on. We need to head out." Just as we reach the door, Miles turns and calls out, "Hey, Audrey!"

"Yeah?"

"Did anybody take that dog something to eat?"

"Who, Elmore?" she answers with a laugh. "Yeah. We had some leftover stew, so I gave it to Martin to take to him."

"Thanks. I'll pick up some dog food while I'm in town."

"Oh, can you get some syrup? We're about out."

"Sure. Text me the kind and amount and I'll pick it up."

"Great. Hollywood will reimburse you."

"Nah. I eat it too. Have a good day, sweetheart," he tells her and waves.

"You too, both of you."

"We will," I call back, and we're out the door. "You got something to drive?"

"Yeah. Patch slipped me the keys. We're taking one of the SUVs. I need to just buy a car. Hell, I need to buy him a truck, since I wrecked his."

"That's what insurance is for, babe," I remind him.

An hour later, we're pulling into the parking lot of the big box store in Hazard, and I'm looking at the list of things I need to get. While I pore through the health and beauty stuff, Miles grabs a cart and heads out to get syrup and dog food. What a combination. I'm starting to get a little crazed with trying to hold everything when I look up and see him rounding the end of the aisle. "Thank god. I need to put this stuff down."

"At your service, m'lady," he says in a fake accent while I drop everything into the cart. "Hey, whaddya think? I like them." He holds up two items―a collar and a leash, both in camouflage print. "And they've got a reflective strip on them too."

"Good choice. It'll look good on the mutt."

"He's a sweet dog, Sela. You weren't out there with him."

"I'll take your word for it." They're going to have to prove it to me. Otherwise, I won't believe it.

We wander on through the store. I've still got two hours before I have to be at the doctor's office, so we've got time to kill. We're strolling down an aisle adjacent to the lingerie department, and I reach out and pick up a bra and panty set, a lacy thing in fuchsia and black. "Whaddya think?"

"I like it. It'll look great on the floor too," he says and winks. I lean over to put it in the cart when a voice stops me cold.

"Agent Sela Baldwin?"

That makes me spin toward the sound, and I find two men in dark suits, white shirts, and ties. There's not one doubt in my mind.

They're feebs.

"Yes?"

"I'm Supervisory Special Agent Morreau, and this is Supervisory Special Agent Landrum. We need a word. Now."

"I'm listening." For an agency that's treating me like they're never letting me come back, I'm a bit surprised that they're turning up here.

"Could we go somewhere a bit more private?" Morreau asks.

"You want to go into a dressing room?" I ask and point, feeling a little too sassy. Yeah, I'm flirting with disaster, but I'm sick and fucking tired of male agents playing god over me.

Before I realize what's happening, Landrum reaches over and grabs my upper arm. "Let's go."

As soon as I shake off his hand, he reaches again, and I sidestep and grab his arm, then wring it behind his back. "You put your hands on me again and I'll take out both of your kneecaps."

"AgentBaldwin?" I hear Morreau say.

"Save it, asshole. I've been dealing with you guys since Quantico. You're going to be polite or you're going to be flat on your faces, and if you've read up on me, you know I can take both of you at once."

"Not in the shape you're in right now," Morreau says. To his credit, Landrum has shut up.

"I wouldn't bank on that, sir," Miles says, pointing at me. "I'm twice her size, and I'm not fucking with her. She can definitely take you both down, but she won't have to, because I'll help her if you touch her again, and I'm not kidding."

There's a tense moment while I wait, until Landrum finally motions, palm down, that he's backing off, and I release his arm. Just as I do, I lean forward and whisper, "And do not think that I took no pleasure in doing that, because I did. It delighted me. I'm looking forward to doing it again if you can't keep your hands to yourself."

He nods. "My apologies. We're just concerned for your safety."

"I get that, but you can be concerned with it with your hands on the butts of your guns, not on my body."

"Agreed. Can we talk now? Somewhere more private?"

I nod at Landrum. "Sure, but I don't know where."

"This store has a break room. We'll find it," Morreau says, and Miles and I trail them toward an employee. Morreau pulls out his badge, flashes it at the wide-eyed young man, and says, "You got a break room here?"

"Uh, yes, sir. We do. I'll take you."

"Thanks." He turns to make sure we're still following, and our whole little entourage heads for the back of the store. The young man ushers us into a room not much bigger than Miles' bedroom and as soon as the door closes, Morreau turns to me. "Does he need to be here?" he asks, motioning to Miles.

"Absolutely." He opens his mouth, but I add, "Because I said so, and that's the only reason you need."

"Fair enough." Morreau rests his ass on the top of a chair and folds his arms across his chest. "Two other agents went to talk to JudgeAnderson."

"I'm aware that they were planning to do that."

"You don't have your bureau phone turned on."

"Why would I? Your bosses won't let me come back to work, so I'm using my personal phone."

"Right, right. Look, we didn't come here to tear your world apart or remind you that things aren't the way you'd like."

"Things aren't right―period."

"Whatever."

That makes me furious. "Do not fucking whatever me. I was injured in the line of duty. I know it frosts you when you get a hangnail, but some of us have given a lot to be part of the bureau, and we're not happy when you treat us as second-class citizens because we have vaginas."

"Look, we got off to a rough start. Can I call you Sela?"

"No, you may not. I'm AgentBaldwin until I'm told I'm no longer AgentBaldwin." Someone touches my arm and I lash out, assuming it's Landrum.

"Hey, just me," a soft male voice says.

"Sorry. I thought it was asshat over there," I say and point at Landrum.

"Can I, um, speak to you privately for just a second?" Miles asks and points toward the door.

"Sure. Back in a second. Y'all check your underwear," I tell the two agents as I follow Miles out. When the door closes, I look up into his face. "Yeah?"

"Let them say whatever they've come to say so they can leave us the hell alone. Please. I hate having these guys around, and the sooner they're gone, the happier I'll be."

"Gee, didn't realize you had such an aversion to feebs," I say in a low growl.

"I don't. It's specifically the two of them."

"Why? What did they do to you?"

" Banrigh , whatever they do to you, they do to me, and I'm simmering under this calm fa?ade, okay?" That's when I notice it. His face is smooth and seems carefree, but there's a fire burning behind his eyes. I can see it in the glare he's fixed on me.

"Yeah, uh, okay. They're as good as gone." His presence is right behind me as I step back into the room. "Okay, talk fast. I don't have all day. I've got somewhere to be."

I watch as they glance at each other, and then Landrum locks his gaze on my face. "We got intelligence that the cartel leader has―"

"Don Julio Alphonso."

"Yes. Those two men who went over the cliff with―"

"Bluff," I correct.

"Yeah, okay, bluff. Those two men… The one Natalie took over the edge with her was DonJulio's nephew. But the one you took down with you? That was his son."

Shit. This is not good.

"Word is out that he's hired a pair of hitmen to hunt down you and Natalie for retribution," Morreau explains.

"That makes no sense. We didn't go after them. We were trying to get away from them. If they hadn't been chasing us, that never would've happened. How is that our fault?"

"You know as well as we do that things don't have to make sense to a cartel leader. He's just got a reputation to uphold, and the appearance that two women killed his nephew and his son… well, the optics aren't good."

"Okay, so now what are we supposed to do with that information?" Miles asks.

"You'll be assigned agents to watch you," Landrum explains.

Miles' frustration is palpable. "We live on a farm with over a dozen other people. Kids too. What are we supposed to do about that?"

Morreau shakes his head. "I don't know, but nobody is safe until we get these assholes handled. I know it's inconvenient, but…"

"Does anybody know where these clowns are now?" If I know where they are, I can avoid them.

"All we know is that they're here in the states somewhere. The field office chief wants us to bring you into custody and let us put you in a safe house so―"

"Oh, no. I'm not going to a safe house. First off, I'm not being separated from everybody. And second, I've seen that safe houses are anything but safe. So no. I'm safer where I am."

"With a bunch of ex-cons who can't own guns?" Landrum blurts out. That was a mistake on his part. He's just full of wit and wisdom.

"Let me just assure you that we can protect our own, and if we can't, we have help," Miles barks.

"Let me guess. You believe in the twenty-one foot rule," Landrum asks, his grin lopsided and cocky.

"No, what I believe in is that if I'm brave enough to let somebody get within arm's length of me, I can cut them faster than they can shoot me. And I'm not afraid to let them get that close." Miles' voice is like ice. "I'm not some pussy depending on a badge and a gun to protect me and mine."

"Okay, okay, let's just dial it down, everybody. Okay? Shit. Y'all gonna give me a stroke," Morreau says, pinching the bridge of his nose. He's getting a headache. Good. "Look, Baldwin, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"If the hard way means forcing me to go, you can go fuck yourself." He lets out an irritated huff. That tells me I've won. "And let me guess. JudgeAnderson said pretty much the same thing." I watch as he and Landrum glance at each other. "Uh-huh. Just as I thought. Look, thank you for making us aware, and yes―we'll take all the intel you can drum up. But I'm not putting my life on hold to let the bureau solve my problems. They've caused me more than they've ever solved. So I'm going on about my business, being my usual cautious self, and we'll see what happens. Got it?" I glance down at my watch. "Shit. I've got a doctor's appointment to get to. Y'all can see yourselves out." Without another word, I head for the door, and I can hear Miles right behind me.

We don't speak as we make our way to the front of the store. Thankfully, they've got self-check stations, which I usually hate, but this time, it lets us check out and get the hell out of the store. Once we've gotten everything loaded up and we're in the locked SUV, I say without looking at Miles, "If you want out, now's the time to say something."

"Not a chance in hell, banrigh . I'm in this for the long haul. They shoot you, they will have shot me first, because as long as you're standing, I'm going to defend you."

Still not looking at him, I reach for his hand. "Thanks, babe."

"You're welcome. Thank you. Now, let's go to that doctor's appointment and when we get back and Natalie gets home, we'll all sit down and figure out what to do next."

"Sounds good." Having somebody I can rely on is a foreign concept to me, and yet I feel oddly comforted. Anyone with ears could tell that Miles means exactly what he's saying. I have no idea if he realizes what protecting me might entail, and we're going to have that conversation back at the farm.

My doctor's appointment goes okay, but not as well as I'd hoped. Based on what he saw in the x-rays they made down the hallway, things aren't going as smoothly as he wanted. Me? I guess you could say I'm devastated. When we get back into the SUV afterward, I don't know what to say. "Your brain is going ninety miles a minute, Sela. Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking I'm fucked."

"You may well and truly be, but let's not forget that you have options. We'll have a chance to explore those tomorrow."

I'd forgotten that Tony and Steve were coming to the farm. "Think they're going to spend the night?"

"I can't imagine that they won't."

"Is Tony's wife coming?"

"Nikki? Probably. He doesn't go very many places without her. Steve's wife? Probably not. They've got the little girl at home, so I don't know if she'll come or not, but Nikki probably will. The idea that he'd come and she wouldn't get to see all of her grandkids at the farm? Nope. She'll probably spend some time with Fiona and that horse of hers, and probably a little extra time with Martin, since he's new and doesn't know them that well. She's such a sweet person. I wish we could clone her and keep her clone with us when she's not around."

"She's always seemed really kind and friendly."

"She is. If you need somebody to talk to, she's the right person. Definitely. Now, ready for some lunch? I hear this place has really good sandwiches." He wheels the SUV into a parking lot and parks in front of a little place called Marley's. It's cute, with a light blue and white striped awning, lime green paint on the trim, and a pink door.

He holds the door for me and as soon as I step inside, a girl in a short white dress with a pink-and-white-striped apron yells, "Welcome to Marley's! I'll be right with y'all. Sit where ya like." I point to a table in the window, so Miles nods and we sit down. We've no more than gotten ourselves pulled up to the table when the same girl appears, pad in hand. "Hey, y'all! Welcome to Marley's. So today we've got cream of tomato bisque and chicken and noodle delight for our soups. Our special of the day is a brisket panini with white cheddar and smoky mustard. Comes with kettle chips and a dill spear. Otherwise, here's our menu." She points to a board on the table. "Do you know what you'd like to drink?"

"I'll have a diet cola," I tell her, and wait while Miles orders. "What sounds good to you?" I ask as soon as she's gone to fetch our drinks.

"I'm having that panini. What about you?"

"Panino."

"What?"

"It's a panino."

"Panini."

I shake my head. "No. It's a panino. I've been to Italy. Ask Tony. It's a panino. Panini is more than one."

"Yeah, okay. Panini, panino. I'm having that."

"Think I'm getting the turkey club wrap. It sounds good. It comes with kettle chips too."

"Yep." We sit there for a second until she comes back with the drinks, then give her our order, and she disappears again. "Sela, listen. I just want you to know that last night… It was like a dream come true for me. I've never felt this way about a woman, and you're it for me."

"Yeah. That's what I want, Miles. That kind of relationship. Nobody's ever been there for me, and I've never felt as close to anybody as I felt to you last night."

"So are we committed? I mean, is there anybody else you want to go out with, or somebody you'd already been seeing, or―"

"Nope. I'm happy right where I am. And I'm really happy about being out there at the farm with you. It's perfect. I love being there and I feel like I'm home in your cottage."

"Then let's start calling it our cottage, okay? Because I want it to be your home. But you've still got to decide what you're going to do about work and all that."

"Maybe tomorrow will make it clearer." I sure hope so.

It seems like my career with the bureau is likely over. All I can do is move forward. I don't know what I want to move forward into, but I know who I want to move forward with. That's not in doubt anymore. Not one bit.