Chapter 25

Andywassobrave. So kind. My heart ached as I watched her stand there and work high magic without any formal training or guidance. I knew how difficult it could be just to harness the little innate magic that I had into a simple child"s spell. How Andy had managed to learn so much on her own was mind boggling. Sometimes I was afraid it wouldn"t be enough. I was afraid the brave, selfless witch who had rescued us all from the bestiary would run up against stronger magic. Something her clever stubbornness and the energy she drew from the earth couldn"t overcome.

I watched her struggle with the spells her ancestors had put in place to keep anyone from messing with the bestiary. My fingers curled inward, fists clenching so hard my claws bit into my currently soft flesh. My teeth ground together, fangs pricking my bottom lip. I wanted so badly to run in and grab her up, hold the plump witch in my arms and protect her.

But this wasn"t something I could protect her from. And Andy wouldn"t appreciate my interruption anyway. She didn"t like people helping her. Which was awful for me, because all I wanted was to be useful to her. I just wanted a purpose. The magic started to ebb, and I felt Andy"s pull on the earth magic around us slow, since I too was connected with the element. Andy was okay. She didn"t need me saving her. Didn"t really need me at all, actually.

It was a stupid thing, this need to serve. I hated how gargoyles were treated. And in another life, before the bestiary, I had risked everything to be free of those expectations. To be my own person with my own skills so I could provide for my mate. And now, when this amazing woman refused to take advantage of my vulnerability, when she marked me with my own name and did her best to teach me magic and give me the independence I had always thought I wanted….

Now I didn"t want any of that. All I wanted was to belong to Andy and feel like I was of use to her in some way. I knew she would never be a cruel master. And she would help me learn and grow, keep me from stagnating, from turning to stone inside and out like my kin who were abandoned in the human world by their faithless witch masters during the immigration back to the magic realm.

I forced myself to focus on the conversation at hand, to brace for danger. But nothing happened. The sky had grown darker—as if we needed to add a rainstorm to the mix. I scented the air, I reached out with my ability to feel magic and…I thought I felt something, for just a moment, like smoke in the night, but then it was gone.

The boogeyman had simply…left.

As capable as I am at handling a physical fight, I didn"t actually enjoy them. I felt myself gradually relaxing as we all looked around. Aahil frowned for a second before he spun on a heel and gracefully sauntered back toward the house. The water weaver"s smooth brow wrinkled for a moment, then smoothed out again as they stared up at the silvery-gray clouds. I watched them for a second, but the pretty, ethereal elemental seemed to be lost, in that way they got sometimes. Letting out a long sigh of relief, I left Hasumi to their contemplation and followed the others inside. The jinn and the water weaver were extremely strong elemental creatures. If they didn"t sense anything wrong, then we were probably fine.

I put a hand on Andy"s back for a moment as she headed across the main entryway. She leaned into the touch briefly, and I smiled, the last of my worry leaving me at the feel of her warmth under my hand. Everything had gone well. The trapped creature was free. Andy was safe. And the others as well.

"Someone check on me in about fifteen minutes or so and make sure I"m not dead," Andy called out as she headed for the stairs.

I huffed a laugh. She was so nonchalant about her illness, something that would have caused other witches—who took their immunity to such things for granted—to panic. My witch was strong. I just wish she realized she didn"t have to be strong all the time. That she could lean on me, and the others too.

Everyone went their own way when Andy headed upstairs, so I made my way up after her, giving her a wave before heading into the workroom she used for her spell prep. Andy smiled tiredly at me and returned my wave before continuing on down the hall to her bedroom.

I eased the ornate workroom door closed behind me and went to the bookshelf to fetch a little field guide on magical plants and their uses. I had been working on memorizing the information when I got a chance. Andy said it was still a good idea to look things up and double check properties and such before attempting a spell or potion. But she had also commented, with a wry tilt to her tempting lips, that sometimes you had to think fast out in the real world, and a reference book wasn"t always available.

When had she needed to do magic out there, alone and unprepared? Had someone tried to hurt her? Was this when she was just an orphaned child shunned by her peers? I wanted to ask, wanted to know all about her hurts so I could maybe do something to soothe them. But this was my Andy, fierce and strong, and she never talked about that kind of thing, if she could help it.

Maybe someday she"d trust me enough to let me fill that need for her. To be the one to help her carry her burdens. Maybe then I"d be of use to her. Until then, all I could do was be here. I sighed and took the little book over to a corner desk where Andy had put a comfy, oversized chair just for me. I sat down, settled my wings comfortably so the ends trailed over the armrests and the rest of them wasn"t too crushed. Then I opened the handbook and started reading.

I woke to the sound of my own snoring. My chin was on my chest and the book had slipped from my fingers to rest in my lap. Oops. I hadn"t even felt tired when I sat down. I had been sleeping better the last week or so, my old fears, and worries, and heartache fading as I spent more time with my new family. But apparently, I still wasn"t sleeping as well as I should be.

I yawned and put the book on the desk. Levering myself up out of the chair, I paused to stretch my arms above my head and twist my torso from side to side, extending and closing my wings. I felt heavy and stiff.

My stomach rumbled, and I realized it must be well past dinner time. I made my way downstairs to the big, surprisingly homey kitchen to make some food. It was comforting here, in this space that Andy had so clearly begun to take over as her own. I could hear the others moving about the big house, sense a hint of their magics. I was also becoming more connected to the house itself, like I would if the property belonged to my master. The bond was weak still, but it was enough for me to get a general sense that no one had broken in or crept onto the grounds with ill intent. The knowledge made me feel useful. It was my job to guard the premises.

I put together a massive tray of sandwiches, made up just how everyone liked them. Then I got out vegetables, and fruit, and drinks. I arranged everything nicely on the table and smiled to myself. Hopefully Andy would be happy. She might not let me serve her formally, but I could do these little things to make her smile. That would have to be enough, for now.

I left the kitchen to find the others and let them all know I"d made food. I found Aahil in one of the courtyards, patiently setting flowers on fire, for some reason. The jinn was unhinged. I knew Andy desperately wanted to save him from himself. But personally, I was pretty sure he was too far gone. Besides, a person had to want to be saved in the first place, didn"t they?

And…there was also the fact that I knew he liked to hurt Andy. And that she let him. It made all my protective instincts kick into overdrive. A gargoyle didn"t let someone lay hands on his master, didn"t let him collar her and leave bruises on her ripe, tender flesh.

I stifled the urge to strangle the smaller man. "Aahil?" I said evenly instead. "I made us dinner if you"re hungry. It"s in the kitchen."

Despite my feelings toward the jinn, it was nice when we all gathered together for meals and things like that. Almost…like a family.

"Oh, fuck off," the jinn bit out, his silky voice impatient. He snapped his fingers at me. "Go lie down somewhere you won"t be underfoot like a good doggie."

I took a deep breath and let it out. "Fine. Don"t eat."

His cruel, mocking laugher followed me as I left the courtyard. "Good doggies only come when called, Zhong! All your eager tail wagging is useless."

I forced my shoulders to stay down and not hunch up around my ears at his taunting. He wanted a reaction. I refused to give him the pleasure.

I found Niamh next, in the opposite courtyard, planting flowers and coaxing them to bloom, rather than destroying them. She had created a magical wonderland of greenery here, including a sheltered seat made from the living trunks and branches of a pair of interwoven trees she had grown and coaxed into place over the course of just a few days. It was one of Andy"s favorite places to go when she needed some quiet time with her earth element. The fae was sometimes blunt and stand-offish on the surface. But inside she had the heart of a true romantic, out here filling the courtyard with flowers for her lover.

"Niamh?" I said with a smile, just as she finished coaxing a blue rosebush to bloom. "I made dinner. It"s in the kitchen."

She didn"t even look at me, all her concentration on the flowers. "No one asked you to make dinner."

I blinked at her. "Um. Okay, but I just thought…"

Her sharp hunter"s eyes snapped up to focus on me, the leaf green gaze cutting. "Oh, you thought? Is that even possible with a hunk of stone for a brain? I don"t need you trying to worm your way into my relationship with Andy. No one wants you here. You"re worthless."

I backed away. What had I done to make Niamh mad? There must have been something. I was kind of slow and stupid—rock for brains, and all. My shoulders fell as I left the courtyard. My body still felt all heavy from my nap, and now it felt worse. As if I suddenly weighed more than I should, and every step took more effort than usual.

I found Hasumi next. The water weaver was in an enclosed atrium of sorts. I thought it must have once been an aviary, judging from the bars and fake branches that had been arranged in the now-dead foliage. I think they were meant to be perches. Hasumi was working at a tall, triple-tiered fountain. As I watched, they waved a graceful hand, directing a stream of water out of thin air and through the inner works of the fountain, blasting out years of dirt and debris. The fountain would be beautiful once it was working again, water pouring from the mouth of an elegantly carved stork with its wings spread then down over the ruffled lip of the fountain"s basins. The aviary would be another beautiful place for Andy to escape the world, once it was restored.

"Hi, Hasumi," I said quietly, not wanting to interrupt their work. The water weaver was new to us, but they were fascinating, and they seemed to need us as much as we needed them. We were all cast adrift, now that we were free. Like the rest of us, Hasumi had been in the book for so long that they didn"t seem to have any people left out here on the other side. When the water weaver dropped the water into the fountain and stopped blasting it, I continued. "I made us dinner. Sandwiches. In the kitchen. If you"re hungry?"

I squared my shoulders and gave myself a mental eye roll at how stupid I sounded. It happened every time I talked to the handsome elemental. I felt like a tongue-tied teenager all over again, my big, hulking self feeling bulky and awkward next to the slender, androgynous being.

Pretty turquoise eyes focused on me and the usually detached, floaty elemental frowned, their chiseled lips turning downward at the corners in disgust. "Are you still here? I thought you would have left by now, since you have your own mark now."

I twisted my hands together nervously as a wash of pure, sick-making contempt flowed from the soft-spoken water weaver, hitting me in the gut. "What good is a dim-witted gargoyle who can"t even be a proper servant?" They turned away, their shiny silver hair rippling with the movement, so beautiful. And they were so right.

I left the atrium as the weaver went back to filling the fountain with sparkling silver water. I was worthless. I couldn"t even make them lunch, for fuck"s sake.

Hasumi was right. What good was a gargoyle who was their own master?

Feeling heavier than ever, my feet dragging slightly along the marble floor, I went to find Andy.

The witch was in her room. I tapped softly at the door, then pushed it open when I heard her mutter a soft curse. "Andy?" I said softly. "I made you some sandwiches. I know you must have used up a bunch of energy unworking all that magic. Food"s in the kitchen. Or…I can bring you a plate, if you"re hungry?"

She sat up over the edge of the bed, her gray eyes studying me dispassionately. "Sandwiches? Couldn"t you come up with something better than that? Rosemary and mortars, you"re a useless thing."

I hunched my shoulders, my eyes on the floor. "I"m sorry, master—"

She hissed impatiently and I glanced up at her again. Andy was angry. Of course she was. I was a moron. "Don"t call me that!" she snapped, standing and moving to her vanity to brush her hair. Her eyes met mine in the mirror and she waved a hand. "Well? Don"t you have anything better to do than stand there staring at me?"

I licked my lips. "Sorry. You"re right. I"ll just…go…do the laundry?"

She tossed her hairbrush aside and turned to face me. "The laundry? I have spells for that sort of thing." She did? That was the first I"d heard of it. Maybe she had been keeping it from my pathetic feelings wouldn"t be hurt.

"Look," Andy said, her voice softening, "I know you want a place to belong, Zhong. But let"s be real. There isn"t anything you can do that me or the others can"t do a million times better. Maybe you should just leave. You"re a free gargoyle now, remember?"

I hunched farther into myself. It felt hard to breathe, like my lungs wouldn"t expand all the way. "What? No…mast—Andy, please…."

She turned her back on me. "Leave, Zhong. Go be free. We don"t need you here." Then she walked into the attached bathroom and slammed the door.

I shuffled out of Andy"s bedroom and down the stairs, nearly tripping over my own impossibly heavy feet. My knees didn"t want to bend right, and I stumbled off the bottom stair, going to my one knee in the middle of the open entryway with its marble floor and high ceiling, and paintings of old, dead Lovells.

My breath came in shallow pants. My heart wasn"t beating fast enough. I lifted a heavy hand to touch my own face, feeling the smooth, unforgiving sensation of stone. I was turning to stone. But even though I was heavier in my shifted gargoyle form, I was usually also stronger. Moving had never been difficult before this.

It"s because they don"t need me, I thought sadly. And that felt right. No one needed me. I was useless. Purposeless. And an unwanted gargoyle eventually turned to stone.

I couldn"t move my arm to return it to my side. It was frozen in place. I tried to turn my head, but my neck was solid rock. My heart was sluggish in my chest, no longer pumping the blood and oxygen I needed. I maintained full awareness and sight, even as my eyes froze in place, fixed on a wall hanging of some great battle that was probably just some Lovell massacre or other. I could feel the painted gazes of generations of dead witches staring down at me, judging me. They would have put me in my place long before now. It was only Andy"s un-Lovell kindness that had let me stay here for even this long.

"Oh, look," Aahil"s sensual voice said from somewhere to my left. "It"s turned into stone."

"Makes a good statue," Niamh commented dryly. "Much more useful as a decoration than it was when it was alive. Maybe we can put it in the garden to scare away the crows."

"It would make a lovely water feature, if we drilled a spout through its mouth," Hasumi chimed in.

"Too ugly for that," Elijah commented, drifting past with the faint hint of shimmering angelic wings at his back.

"Too much trouble anyway," Andy said in a bored tone as she walked by. "We can destroy it later and use the pieces for gravel in the back courtyard.

I tried to protest, to move, to scream. But I couldn"t move. Couldn"t even form tears.

"I heard there"s sandwiches in the kitchen," Andy said, her voice moving away as she headed toward the back of the house.

I tried to draw in one more small, labored breath, but even that was impossible now. The memory of my lungs screamed for oxygen. I could feel the burning, even if I had no real body anymore. I wouldn"t die from it, I didn"t think.

No. Death would be a relief. But this…this was punishment for ever thinking I could be more than I was born to be. I couldn"t even fulfill the basic role of servant that I was born to. How could I ever have dreamed of being more?

My mind screamed in terror, trapped in the immovable prison of my cold stone body.