Chapter 18

IavoidedAahilfor the rest of the day and most of the next one. Something inside me just said I shouldn"t push my luck. He seemed to be perfectly fine with this arrangement, although I could feel the pulsing burn of his magic through the blood red stone at my throat. I trailed my fingers along the choker—his collar—a traitorous part of me wondering if the little terror was okay. Wondering what I would do if he commanded me to kneel before him again.

Goddess, I was a sick freak. Lusting after the unhinged jinn was going to get me killed.

So, I did my best to ignore it. Solid plan, right? It wasn"t like I didn"t have roughly a dozen other life-threatening issues to worry about. I unpacked all the crap I had dragged over here from the human dimension. Then I pulled out spell books and got to work trying to figure out the next puzzle so I could free the…um…. I flipped to the next section of the bestiary and frowned at the powers listed there. Fear. Terror. Stealth. Moving unseen in the shadows. Madness?

I looked up at Elijah, where he was currently hovering near my bookshelf, studying the spines of the old books I had moved from the main library to the little study I had cleaned up and claimed as my own. "What the fuck is this thing?" I said, tapping the bestiary page. "There"s no title. Just a bunch of powers that don"t add up to anything I can identify."

He drifted closer, pausing to trail one misty appendage along my aura above my arm, as if he was offering a comforting touch. I shivered slightly under the caress, not willing to examine the way I did actually find his little ghostly touches comforting. Maybe I really did have a death kink, between wanting to fuck a ghost and wanting the jinn to murder me during sex….

"There are many words to describe his kind," the ghost murmured thoughtfully. "But many cultures believe that naming the creature gives it power, makes it more tangible."

I arched a brow at him. "Superstition."

He halted before the desk where I was sitting, his bottom half merging with the furniture as if he didn"t notice that he was hovering in the desk. "Every superstition has a grain of truth," he said in his professor ghost tone of voice, all haughty and holier-than-thou. Which…ha, ha, that made a lot more sense now, since I knew he was a freaking angel.

"Well," I said tiredly. "I"m not afraid of a little hoodoo nonsense. What the fuck is this thing?"

He sighed his hollow sigh and puffed out of existence, reforming into a glowing misty ball that hovered over the text. "A nightmare," he said finally. "Darkness. A thing of shadows. A bogeyman."

I stared at the ghost hovering over the cursed grimoire. "A bogeyman."

He dematerialized and reformed in front of me, rearranging his see-through form to look like he was sitting on my lap, and I snorted at him. His ghost form was indistinct. But I got the impression of height. Maybe long-limbs. If he was a living person and he sat on my lap we"d probably end up in a tangled heap on the floor.

"I"m concerned," he said, ignoring my amusement. "The last two creatures in the bestiary are arguably the most dangerous. You"ve been working so hard at this. You"re tired, Andy. And I know there are things in your head you"d rather not voice. Emotional complications from this whole endeavor."

I looked into his glowing blue eye orbs. "Yeah. It"s no damned walk in the park. But we"re almost done, right? The way I see it, the sooner I get these people free, the sooner I can destroy the book for good and be done with the whole mess."

Elijah slowly faded from my sight, but his voice drifted to me from the other side. "Of course. Just…please be careful with this one, Andy."

Then he was gone. Even when I couldn"t see a ghost, I could sense their presence. And my connection to Elijah was stronger than most, either because of his lingering angelic aura or because of my own attachment to the spook. But this time he was well and truly gone, returned to the book where he wouldn"t hear me unless I called him.

His departure seemed abrupt, and I sat there frowning as I tried to figure out why he"d left so suddenly. The study door opened a bit and a pair of curling black horns appeared. "Andy?" Zhong asked softly. "Are you busy?"

I shook my head and gestured at the mess of open books on my desk. "It seems like I"m always busy these days." I smiled to soften my grousing so the sensitive gargoyle wouldn"t take it personally. "But I"ve always got time for you. What"s up?"

He eased the door open, then pushed it mostly closed behind him. Crossing the room, he pushed some of the books aside to set down a plate of angel food cake liberally covered in strawberries. "Niamh learned a new recipe. She used her magic to grow the berry plants and make them bear fruit. It was amazing to witness."

He moved around to lean his butt against the desk on the other side of me, where he wouldn"t be sitting in my snack. "I know you don"t take enough breaks. So I thought I"d bring you something."

I sighed. The man wanted to feel useful. I needed to remember that. "Well," I said, gesturing at the bestiary. "Elijah says this next being is some sort of bogeyman. Do you want to look through the reference books for any hint as to what kind of herbs and stones might be helpful for containment while I eat?"

He didn"t have the magical knowledge that I did, but he was smart, and he could read. That was pretty much all I was working with myself, if we were being honest. My formal magical education was severely lacking. Most of what I knew was stuff I"d taught myself using books and trial and error. And if nothing else, he knew his stones and crystals.

Zhong smiled at me, showing a slip of fang. "I"d be happy to help." I could almost hear the "master" he had just made himself not say out loud.

I smiled back. "You"re adorable."

He blinked his yellow eyes at me, caught off guard. Then he ran one big hand through his corkscrew curls and over a horn. "Me?"

I grinned, enjoying his discomfort. "Yes, you." Research could wait a little while longer, right? I did need a break. I"d been studying books for a couple hours now for a basic spell to cage "darkness." It was a ridiculously broad search.

Zhong scooted closer along the desk, his tail lashing behind him as he reached out to slide a big hand through my hair. "You"re beautiful. What you see in me, I have no idea. But I"m glad I please you."

I huffed. "Dude. I"m chubby, and awkward, and about the least girly girl you"ll ever meet. Beautiful? Probably not. But that"s in the eye of the beholder, right?" I stood and moved to stand between his knees. "Personally, I think you"re beautiful. Come here and kiss me again, gargoyle." I tilted my head up and waited.

Zhong did not disappoint. He cupped my face in his massive hands and bent to press his lips to mine in a sweet, gentle kiss that warmed me from the inside out. I sighed against his lips, carefully running my tongue along one of his fangs and earning a deep, rumbling chuckle.

I planted my hands on his heavily muscled thighs and slid my palms upward, enjoying the solid feel of him. His own hands slid over my back and down to grip my ass, pulling me in closer, pressing my hips against his groin so I could feel the rock-hard desire swelling between us. Oh, goddess, I"d so much rather lose myself in Zhong than do researchfor a spell that was probably going to kill me.

I pulled my lips from his with colossal effort. "Fuck me," I demanded.

His glowing yellow eyes met mine and his expression softened, one hand lifting to caress my cheek. "Are you sure? I"m…still not whole, Andy. I don"t want you to feel obligated. To think you have to…pity me."

I paused then, taking a deep breath and making myself really think about this. Zhong had ended up in the bestiary because he was betrayed by his lover. A lover he had emerged from the book still mourning. Who he had wanted to die for. He was clearly prone to unwise attachment, and he wanted me to be his master. Sex was probably a terrible idea.

But it wasn"t my decision to make. I wasn"t the one hurting. I wasn"t the one who had been trapped in a book for years.

"What do you want?" I asked him softly. "Whatever you want is fine. I mean it Zhong. If you don"t feel good about this, then it won"t happen. If you are clinging to me just because you think you have to, well…I won"t say no to comforting you. But I want to know that you are consciously choosing that. I don"t want to use you or take advantage of you, big guy." The rest of my words hovered in the air between us unspoken. I wasn"t his past love. I wasn"t my ancestor, to trick, and use, and manipulate without a single thought for anyone else"s needs or feelings.

He leaned in to press his forehead to mine, his dark lashes lowering, hiding his yellow gaze. "I…." He sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I know I asked you to end my suffering, Andy. I was…reeling. Wounded. I"m still wounded, even though intellectually I know my love was one-sided, my attachment illogical."

I huffed. "From what I understand, love is always illogical. Not that I"m an expert."

He opened his eyes again, smiling a shy, secret smile just for me. "Maybe we can learn about that together. Someday. But for now…I feel affection toward you, Oleander. And a need to not be alone. Can that be enough?"

I licked my lips, tasting him there. "Absolutely." I pressed a brief peck to his smooth gray cheek, then leaned back to look him in the eyes, my hands still splayed on his thighs. "I feel really drawn to you," I admitted, feeling my cheeks heat up, but knowing I needed to be clear and honest with him because of his past. And because of who he was. "I"d like to explore this. I"d really like to get naked together. But you know there are the others…and I"m not really in a position to make some life-long commitment to anyone right now."

He nodded. "I understand."

I winked at him. "Good. Then do you want to fuck me senseless right here on the desk, or…?"

He laughed, low and rich, before pulling me into another kiss, deeper this time, full of longing and a passion that was real, and vulnerable, and unsettling to my jaded heart. "I go where you lead."

Again the word "master" was unspoken, but I felt it in my soul. And in my lady bits. He was giving me control. I was in charge. I was his master, even if I didn"t want to acknowledge the responsibility of owning a gargoyle.

I opened my mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the emergence of one see-through angel. "What…?" Elijah paused, then sighed. "Oh. I"m sorry. I felt some strong emotion from you and was afraid something had happened." He started to fade away. "Carry on."

I reached out, dragging a hand through his intangible, misty form as I remembered how abruptly he had disappeared before. "Wait!"

He solidified again—at least as much as ever. "Yes?"

I sighed. "Earlier. Did I say something to upset you?"

He wavered, his outline rippling as a ghostly sigh undulated through him. "No. It was…my own issue. I apologize."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You"re lying. Angels aren"t supposed to lie. Isn"t that like…illegal or something? Against angel-boy code?"

He made a sound that I interpreted as scoffing. "Haven"t we already established that most angels are, in fact, full of shit?"

I snorted. Zhong glanced between us, one big hand still resting on my hip. "Is everything okay, Elijah?" He stared the ghost down, a deep frown creasing his forehead before he turned to me. "The ghost thinks he isn"t as important as the rest of us," he said, a bit of anger lacing his deep voice. "He thinks since he is incorporeal, he isn"t a person."

I arched my brows at him, then turned toward the hovering spirit. "Elijah? What the hell upset you earlier? No bullshit. Tell me the truth."

He let out a gusty sigh. "It was nothing."

I looked at Zhong, hoping the observant giant would tattle some more. "I was talking about hurrying up and freeing the rest of the creatures so I could destroy the book and get this over with. He just…poofedoff."

"Oh." Zhong"s expression turned sad as he regarded me. "Probably for the same reason we all dread that day. Because…once your mission is accomplished and the book is destroyed, you"ll have no further reason to put up with us." He glanced at Elijah"s wavering, ghostly form. "And what will happen to you, Elijah? When the book is destroyed, won"t you lose your anchor to this world?"

I froze, ice sliding through my veins. "What?"

Of course that was it. Duh, Andy, you stupid, stupid witch. If I destroyed the focus object that Elijah was tied to, there was a good chance I would destroy the ghost as well.

"Fuck," I bit out.

Elijah drifted closer, one ghostly appendage lifting to stroke along my cheek, his cool aura brushing up against mine in a barely-there touch that made my heart ache. "It"s how things should be, Andy. I"ve lingered in this world far too long as it is. Perhaps when the book is destroyed, I will move on to where I belong."

I glared at him as tears filled my eyes, making his outline even wavier than usual. "You asshole. You can"t just…die. What if destroying the book doesn"t send you on over to the other side? What if it destroys what is left of your soul? And…what if I don"t fucking want to let you go?!"

I planted my hands on my hips to stop the sudden shaking in my limbs. What if all I ever knew of Elijah was a few ghostly touches and a sad smile as we worked to save everyone else and destroy him in the process?

"No," I said firmly. "Nope. Not happening. I won"t hurt you, Elijah. I"ll find a way to anchor you here. I won"t destroy the book until I know you"re safe."

He moved closer, his misty aura merging with mine along my front as his glowing blue eye orbs burned into my own gaze. "Andy, you can"t risk the others being trapped again because you"re worried about a man who is already dead. I won"t let you risk their lives."

Zhong interrupted, reaching around me toward where Elijah hovered. "What if we refuse to risk you for our freedom. The choice isn"t yours to make, Elijah."

I gave the ghost a smug look. "Yeah. What if I"m not the only one who cares what happens to you, spook?"

He seemed stumped by that, hovering almost motionless before us. "I…." He sighed. "Fine. When the last creature is freed, put it to a vote. If every one of them agrees, we will not destroy the bestiary. But if even one person objects, you will rid the world of that abominable creation once and for all."

I narrowed my eyes at him. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that the others wouldn"t risk their freedom for a ghost. He was probably certain that Aahil would vote to destroy the book. The jinn was constantly insulting Elijah and pushing his buttons.

But Elijah didn"t seem to realize what I had realized—that the more the jinn lashed out at someone, the more he probably cared. I think that was just how broken he was. But I had time to convince him. Hell, if it came right down to it, I"d promise him my complete and utter subservience if it meant Elijah was safe.

The ghost had done nothing but look out for the others all this time, searching for someone to free them, helping to ensure the book found its way to me—and that I did my duty and unbound the others. He deserved the same.

"I"ll find a way," I promised. "And you"ll see. They will all agree."

He sighed. "Perhaps."

I knew he didn"t believe it for a second. But it didn"t matter. I believed in my abilities when no one else did. It was how I"d learned to live my life. I wouldn"t harm the ghost. I would find a solution, no matter what.

Elijah drifted closer, pressing into my aura in the ghostly imitation of a hug. I opened myself to him, like I had that time in my bedroom, letting him sink into me, feeling our essences combine.

It was a perfect way to end up possessed by an evil spirit. But this was Elijah. The exact opposite of evil. I sighed at the sensation of holding and being held. Like embracing a loved one who had just come in out of the cold—a bit chilly but comforting all the same.

Zhong"s hand rubbed circles on my back. "Elijah?"

I tilted my head, a bit dizzy with the sensation of seeing with two sets of awareness. "He"s here."

Zhong smiled softly and shook his head, as if he couldn"t believe my antics. "If that doesn"t show you how loved you are, ghost," he murmured, "I don"t know what will."

I felt Elijah"s emotions flitter through me, there and gone in a flash, but I thought I sensed a bit of embarrassment there, and a bit of hope. He wanted to be cared for. And I did care. I wasn"t sure it could be called love or anything silly like that. But I liked the ghost. I enjoyed being near him. I wanted him to continue to exist, for fuck"s sake.

Zhong pressed a kiss to my temple, then put a finger under my chin, turning my head to look at him. "Can…that is…if it"s okay…. Sky and stone!" He cleared his throat, his gray cheeks flushing pink. "Will the ghost be joining us?"

I laughed in surprise, feeling Elijah start to move away, preparing to separate himself from my aura. "Sure," I said happily, using my magic to cling onto him and will him to stay. "If you"re not weirded out by it?"

Zhong shrugged one massive shoulder, the pink shade on his cheeks spreading up to the tips of his pointed ears. "I don"t mind. I…like the idea of Elijah being there. Of him being included."

I grinned happily. "Goddess, I"m so glad you are all such freaks."

I could feel Elijah"s amused agreement. "Elijah agrees," I added. Then I turned and went up on tiptoes to kiss the gargoyle, reveling in the dual sensations, knowing Elijah was feeling everything I was feeling, through my body and my aura.

Zhong truly didn"t seemed bothered at all, simply accepting both of us like it was the most natural thing in the world. Goddess, if I could bottle that openness, care, and genuine acceptance and sell it, I"d be able to cure all the world"s ills in one fell swoop.

I opened to him and Zhong deepened the kiss, holding me close while he plundered my mouth, leaving his usual softness behind for the moment. I pushed into him hungrily, demanding more.

I yelped when he gripped my ass and lifted me. I instinctively wrapped my arms and legs around him like a monkey. The gargoyle chuckled his deep, warm chuckle and carried me out of the study and up the stairs to my room.